Track B in Track A 

Angel wanted Elizabeth. He wanted her when she was Buffy and now, he wanted her more. 

He loved the woman in his arms, loved her beyond caring, beyond the world. The vampire didn’t understand it, because the feelings he had for Buffy were true, deep, unbelievable. This was somehow more. No, Angel didn’t understand it, but he needed it. He’d needed Buffy – it was obvious from the disaster that was his life the past thirteen months – but Elizabeth…Elizabeth made him feel not so much young and giddy as strong, powerful. 

Both women made him feel whole, but with Elizabeth, there was that little bit extra that made him feel finished. Like he’d been searching for something, just a little something, even with Buffy, but now he had found it. Maybe if they’d stayed together, maybe if they hadn’t been separated for the past year – probably. Probably, definitely, if he hadn’t left her and stayed away for the past year – then this feeling would be the same with Buffy. But they were separated and they never got to finish their relationship. 

It was cut off midway through, amputated in such a shoddy manner that neither could truly move on and neither could go back. And yet…Angel wondered. He wondered what would have happened if they’d stayed together. And he knew. This. This would have happened. What he had with Elizabeth, this finished complete quality he felt deep, deep within him. This would have happened between he and Buffy. Only she wasn’t here. Elizabeth was. 

Angelus wasn’t so sure, and the soul understood what the demon meant. 

Angelus needed Elizabeth to be as Buffy was; strong, defiant, able to stand up to him while able to surrender to him all her darkest passions. It was a fine balance that the demon had craved from Buffy – and that had driven him insane when she hadn’t returned his affections. Angel knew why that was…now. Giles hadn’t told her of vampire courting rites, he hadn’t told her that Angelus loved her just as Angel had…because Angel had. It was also partly Angel’s fault for keeping that part of himself hidden from Buffy. 

No more…with Elizabeth, he couldn’t hide anything from her. 

Angel had forced himself to look at that, to consider the reasons for that. If Buffy was here, and if he had stayed with her, or they even got back together now, after a year’s separation and individual growth, would he feel this way about her instead of Elizabeth? Angel didn’t know that, didn’t know if maybe the demon was becoming stronger, or he was just seeing things differently because of Elizabeth’s arrival. He had to wonder if maybe this was the incarnation that he was meant to love. If maybe, Buffy was meant to be there with that Angelus, and Elizabeth was meant to be here, with him. 

Laying her gently down on their bed, Angel didn’t care. 

The room was dark, shadowed in the dead of night. Their bed, a grand monstrosity that Angelus had had made during his time in Sunnydale, occupied most of the wall. The walk-in closet the demon had specially designed for his Slayer was finally filled with a mixture of his and her clothes, and the antique highboy housed his own clothing. Breathing deeply, Angel could detect Elizabeth’s scent around the room, and it solidified his resolve to never let her go. 

Not again. 

The failure of the spell was a sign, he was sure of that. Sure that Elizabeth was mean for him, sure that it meant that she was to stay with him. So he was going to take that. He was going to accept it and stop fighting it. Fighting himself, his heart, his soul. His demon. 

Angel moved to the door, opening it just enough to see down the hallway. No one ventured up here, but he already knew that. No, this was so he could clearly hear the whispers of Cordelia and Wesley; working with him for so long they’d learned how to speak so he couldn’t hear them. Too bad, they still didn’t learn that no tone was low enough for the vampiric hearing of a Master. 

Dru and Spike were downstairs, guarding them from intrusive ‘friends’. Angel listened as Cordelia and Wesley joined them in the Great Room, trying to keep an eye on them, probably. He doubted his friends understood the hows and whys of Spike’s sudden turn in Angel-acceptance, doubted they realized that Dru was there because of Elizabeth and he, and didn’t care. His friends had their own lives, and he had his. He didn’t interfere in their private affairs, and they weren’t interfering in his. Not anymore. 

“Angel?” Elizabeth whispered from the shadows of the bed. 

“I’m here, my love.” He said, closing the door with a soft click and quickly crossing the room to kneel beside her. His hands grasped her reaching one, bringing the palm to his lips for a soft kiss. 

“What happened?” She wanted to know, her green eyes full of pain, questions…and relief. 

“The spell didn’t work, Elizabeth,” Angel told her. His hand reached up to smooth her hair away from her forehead. “It started to, but somehow failed.” 

“I couldn’t leave you,” she confided, her free hand drawing his head down to hers, lips meeting in a soft press of lips. Real, solid, Angel. “I couldn’t do it. I love you too much to leave you.” 

“I know,” his voice was a cool breath across her cheek. “I know.” His lips touched hers again, desperate, needy. “I’m never letting you go, Elizabeth, you’re mine. Forever.” 

Elizabeth moaned his name in response, agreeing with that one sound, capitulating to what they both wanted. She was here, she couldn’t leave him, never; she was his. Just as he couldn’t have let her leave, not without him, and he was indelibly hers. 

Their lips met in a desperate mating, tasting, teasing each other with promises of the future, and pledges to erase the past. Elizabeth tasted something else in Angel’s kiss, something dark, loving, and accepting. She didn’t know what it was, not really, but suspected it was his demon testing her. That was fine Elizabeth didn’t care. No, she loved Angel. She knew him, wanted him, needed him. And if in doing so Angelus was part of the package, then that was perfect. Because she couldn’t help but feel all those things for the demon, too. 

And suddenly she wasn’t in the mood for conversation; she didn’t care about the whys, about the what happened nows. The future was one thing, but the now was theirs. Elizabeth knew what happened next, and she wanted Angel with an intensity that bordered on panic. As if they didn’t make the most of their time together right this instant, then they would wake up tomorrow and find it had all been a dream. That Willow had stormed in and finished the spell, making it work this time, and that Elizabeth really had been returned to her world, and she would never see her love again. 

Some of what she was feeling must have transferred itself to Angel, because he tilted her head up and kissed her. Softly at first, as if to calm her panic, as if to tell her that all was okay now, and that nothing could tear them apart. The kiss spiraled into wild passion, and filled with more intensity. Slipping his tongue between her lips, he met and retreated, met and retreated with hers. 

Her taste was so familiar, so coveted…so very his. 

Elizabeth shifted on the bed, moving so Angel could join her there. He did so, picking her up and settling her over his lap to straddle him. With a moan of his name, and grinding onto his erection, Elizabeth gave herself over to the feeling of finally being one with him. Running her hands down his chest, she felt the cool muscles beneath the shirt, popping buttons as her hands explored him, she opened the material to expose him to her. 

She quickly pulled the silk off his body and moved her lips over his skin, tasting the smooth muscles, flicking her tongue over his nipples. Running her tongue along the planes of his body, Elizabeth couldn’t help but gravitate to the side of his neck, tongue darting out to touch the skin directly above his dead artery right before her blunt teeth clamped down. 

He growled her name, hands on her hips to pull her more firmly against him. His face shifted into that of his demon’s, and Elizabeth kissed him again, running her tongue along his pointed teeth, uncaring that his fangs cut at her tongue and lips. She was desperate to feel him within her and that touch of his demon only spurred her on. 

She felt his hand, so large, so cool, and so very familiar, move to her waist, and he lifted the shirt she wore over her head, mouth attacking the heated skin of her chest. Closing over the base of her neck with another growl, he sucked on the smooth skin, fangs bringing just a small drop of blood to the surface. Elizabeth’s breath stopped, and she tilted her head further to the side, her hands clutching him closer, her body begging what her voice echoed. 

“Please,” she chanted in a soft breathy voice. “Please, please, please, Angel, please.” 

Angel’s lips were trailing over her now, moving from the temptation of her pounding and alive artery, to tease the hollow of her neck, and trace the tops of her breasts, before finally closing over one straining nipple. He pulled it into his mouth, teeth lightly scrapping over it before his tongue soothed the small hurt away. 

Elizabeth wanted more. She wanted it all. And she wanted it now. 

He lay her on their bed, long golden hair spread out around her as he’d envisioned so many times before. His lips caressed hers in hard domination as he quickly divested her of her remaining clothing. Releasing her lips, Angel undressed as well before settling atop her waiting body. For an all too brief moment in time, they stared. Their eyes locked and everything they ever wanted to say to each other was conveyed in those ultimately too short moments. 

Elizabeth made the first move, drawing him down closer, his head against her breast, his fangs now scraping the sensitive skin of her areola. Burying her hands in his short hair, and bringing her leg up to his waist, Elizabeth wrapped around him, straining to become one with him. Angel gasped at the intimate contact; so long desired, so long coveted. This was what he wanted…this was everything he wanted. 

Moving her leg from around his hips, spreading her wide before him, Angel proceeded to feast. His lips tasted her belly, her hip, her inner thigh before his tongue darted out to taste her feminine core. A gasp of his name, her hands holding him there just as his hands held her straining thighs open to him. Angel tasted her, discovering everything there was to learn about her, but nothing at all. They’d have the rest of forever to discover that, this was only their beginning. 

Moving back up her responsive body, her breaths heaving, her eyes pleading for more, her body already curving into his, Angel entered her in one swift thrust. There’d be time enough for other things, to taste and tease, and teach. Now was about completion, about joining, about becoming one. 

Each sensation, once separate, now melded together, forming a swirling mass of emotion and feeling that congealed into one blinding fire that consumed them both. Elizabeth arched her back in time to meet Angel’s thrusts, anchoring her legs high on his waist, drawing him deeper into her. 

Linked together as they were, the couple raced towards that once elusive peak, trying to out-race something that neither understood, but that drove them both to go faster, harder, deeper. That bound them together as they always wanted, and that told the world that this was only the beginning. And right before they reached that peak, Angel’s golden eyes snapped open. 

“Elizabeth, love,” his husky voice floated over her, “Look at me.” 

Her eyes opened, bright green locked onto his golden. Burying his face against her shoulder, Angel sank his fangs into the soft and smooth skin that hid her artery from him. He felt Elizabeth tighten around him, her muscles drawing something from him that was deeper than an orgasm, drawing everything from him. They fell off the peak together, their cries echoing around the room. 

For long moments, he tasted her blood – love, lust, need – and felt her body shudder under his in release. His own orgasm left him drained, depleted, sated. Licking the puncture marks that now scared Elizabeth’s neck, Angel purred in contentment.

His face had shifted back to his human guise, but was still buried against the side of her throat, Elizabeth’s hands holding him tightly to her body. Angel rolled them together, settling onto his back and tugging the sheet up to cover their still joined bodies. Automatically, Elizabeth sprawled onto his chest, as if she’d done so a million times before, her breath nowhere near evening out, her body still hot against his coolness. 

Neither said anything for a long while, for really there was nothing to say. Finally, as sleep was claiming them, Elizabeth said the only thing that mattered, “I love you, my Angel.” 

Angel kissed the crown of her head, his hands still holding her tight to him, “I love you, too, beloved.” 

And they slept, wrapped around each other as though nothing could separate them. Secure in the knowledge that everything was right and true. And it was, and this time, nothing could change that.
~~~~~~~~~~
Track B in Track A 

And they say perfect happiness only came along once in a lifetime. 

Good thing ‘they’ had no idea what ‘they’ were talking about. 

Good thing for Angelus that it didn’t. 

Angel loved the Slayer, Elizabeth, just as much as Buffy, perhaps even more so now that he’d had the chance to get to know her on such a different level. Elizabeth was Buffy, sort of, and when Angel realized that she was staying, had disregarded everything else and taken her as his. He hadn’t wanted her to leave, hadn’t wanted Buffy to return, and while it was confusing on a grand scale, on a primal one, it was simplicity at its best. 

The chains were already breaking free from around Angelus, loosening as he shrugged his metaphorical shoulders free from the restrains. 

Now to see if Elizabeth was worthy of him, worthy of living, worthy of turning, worthy of being his Mate. She wasn’t his Buffy, so was she really worthy of all that? And yet she’d proven herself worthy of consideration; Elizabeth was a wonderful mix of what Angelus wanted from Buffy and of something slightly…more. So many questions, so little time. Humans had such a short lifespan after all. 

With a gasp, Angel woke and knew.

He realized what he did, what it meant…and wasn’t sure he cared. But he wasn’t about to let Angelus have Elizabeth. Oh, no, she was Angel’s, and he wasn’t going to give her up just because a gypsy curse said so. He wanted Elizabeth, and he loved her more than anything on this planet, more than redemption, more than his soul, more than his mission for the Powers. Elizabeth was his redemption. She accepted him as he was, demon, human, soul, flaws and all. She fought for him, and showed him all that he could be and that he was more than everyone – her friends and his, even himself – thought. 

Angelus wanted to grab the chance turn her, and then use the time afterwards to ensure she was worthy. Elizabeth had a lot to learn, about the demon, the soul, their world. She knew a lot, more than Buffy had, but was it enough? Was it enough to make her his Queen? 

Angel saw this as his chance to return to a time where Elizabeth didn’t know what Angelus was truly like. She didn’t understand the demon’s mad obsession for her, driven that way because of denial of her love. Didn’t know any of the things he was capable of doing when denied that love, only what Angel had told her. 

Angel wanted her – eternally – and just because he had the soul, didn’t mean that he wasn’t going to take that chance. 

In this, both demon and soul agreed. Elizabeth was his. His to Turn, to Sire, his to teach and make. 

Elizabeth held Angelus in awe; she had no real clue just how bad Angelus could be when driven mad with denial of the woman he wanted, from years of imprisonment under a soul wallowing in self-disgust and remorse. But she hadn’t cared, either, when Angel told her of the things Angelus had done – pre-souling and after his release in Sunnydale. She loved them both, realized something that Angel himself hadn’t wanted to admit. Angel was nothing without Angelus, and Angelus without the soul to guide him these last hundred years never would have met Buffy/Elizabeth in the first place. 

She wanted the whole package. Was she ready for that? Could she handle that? 

Elizabeth was what Buffy would have been without the disillusionment of her life; dying at the hands of the Master, of losing her lover to an Angelus who denied what they had, what they could have had, and Angel withdrawing his love and support to leave her behind with a bunch of idiotic friends who claimed to support her. 

Elizabeth had her own problems; she was the single being in charge of a massive Army who defended not just one town, but the world from destruction. She had few friends, little support outside of them, and had never known the love Buffy had. And yet she was strong, in some ways stronger than Buffy. Both soul and demon agreed on that, but would she last forever? Would her mind be strong enough to survive Angelus, would she be strong enough to be his Queen, to rule beside him? 

Physically, yes, she proved that time and again, but mentally? Emotionally? Was she strong enough? Buffy knew both Angel’s and Angelus’ strengths and weaknesses. Elizabeth did not. She still held that awe-struck, starry-eyed respect for Angelus, the Angelus of her world. And her love for Angel hadn’t been tested through a series of strange events that could’ve only happened in Sunnydale; she hadn’t had to kill her lover to save the world, hadn’t had to give up her lover to save the world. 

Love, their love, hadn’t been pitted against the world, only themselves. 

No, that wasn’t entirely true. Weeks ago, Elizabeth had thought that of Angelus, had held him upon a kind of pedestal that she grouped Angel onto as well. It had changed. She knew who they were now. Angel. Angelus. She knew the differences, the similarities. And she loved them both. 

Did Buffy feel the same way? Was it soul or demon that she wanted? 

If she was with Angelus now, then was it always he she wanted, or was it the same as with Elizabeth? Buffy saw them as the same, as Angel – soul, love – and Angelus – demon, love – and together as a being who was hers. 

Had Buffy held back because Angel held back? Angelus had taunted Buffy as he did because he knew she could be stronger than she and her loser friends gave her credit for. And that she would accept and love him regardless if she had the truth, the facts. Whereas Angel needed her to stay somewhat naive and innocent about his past, his demon, and up on a pedestal where nothing like that touched her, despite the Slayer in her. 

Angel needed that distance between soul and demon, needed her to continue to see him as her Dark Knight, her Lancelot; flawed for sure, but still the Greatest Knight of all and hers. Only hers. 

Angelus loathed the illusions, knew Buffy could handle the truth. Could Elizabeth? Could she handle the truth? She only knew one side of it, only knew the soul and the soul’s stories of their past. 

Elizabeth wanted Angel, didn’t know the full Angelus, but wanted him, wanted the soul, thought she could handle the demon. She thought that it would all be okay, and nothing would change. Would it change? What would change, really? What would change between them? 

Turn her, Angelus, not so deep anymore within Angel anymore, said. Turn her; fuck her, drink her, turn her, fuck her. If she’s turned, she’ll be with us forever, and isn’t that what you want? 

It was what the demon wanted, too, but he still held doubts as to her worthiness as his Mate and Queen. Elizabeth wasn’t Buffy; she wasn’t the one who fought him at every turn, not the same one who willingly gave her blood to him. But by the Darkness, he wanted her because she was Buffy, Elizabeth was Buffy to an extent but not totally. Elizabeth was harder, different. Stronger, but was she strong enough? 

The demon wanted a crack at her, wanted to find out what she was really made of and what kind of demon she’d make. He wanted to spend time testing her, molding her. Fucking and tasting her. 

The soul wanted her. He wanted to find out what she would be like as a demon, beside him forever. He didn’t care about saving souls, didn’t care about Shanshu or redemption or the Powers’ little mission. He cared about Elizabeth. He wanted her, he loved her, he had her. 

Angel’s face shifted, his fangs lengthening and his eyes flashing golden in the dark room. Within him, Angelus roared. Within him, the soul roared. No, the being that housed both demon and soul wasn’t letting Elizabeth Summers out of their bed, their lives, their world. The being that housed both demon and soul was finally going to take what he wanted. Elizabeth. 

“Angel, baby,” Elizabeth’s soft voice floated across the expanse of his peaceful mind to him. No longer was he conflicted, no longer was he tormented. Finally, he was whole. “Are you alright?” 

Angel stared at her for long silent moments. The rest of the house was silent, the others obviously having already gone to bed. Sunrise was still a couple of hours away, but Angel could feel it creeping closer. Should he tell her? Should he tell her of his conflict, of the nearly overwhelming feelings within him? 

Should he tell her, do for her what he hadn’t done for Buffy? Tell her where he screwed up with Buffy and that he wasn’t going to with her? Yes. 

“Elizabeth, you know I love you,” he began, pulling her to him and settling her on his lap to face him. “I love you more than…anything. But you need to know some things.” 

Angel – soul and demon – prepared to confess. “There are reasons why Buffy and I didn’t work out, why I left, and why we weren’t together. Things that both my soul and my demon did that pitted too many obstacles between us. I was overprotective of her, unwilling to let her see me for my true self, unwilling to let her know all that I was and am capable of. I was insecure about what I thought happened, about what I wanted her to know, and I wanted to shield her from those things.” 

Pausing, he scowled, a deep grumble rolling from him. Elizabeth shivered at the sound, pinpricks of pleasure erupting over her body. “That,” he said as he smirked down at her response, “Along with entirely too many people interfering in our lives, fucked up whatever we could’ve had. Buffy’s friends, her watcher, her mother.” Elizabeth frowned at the mention of her, and Angel chuckled, a hollow sound that warned the absent parent what he thought of her. “Joyce barely remembered she had a daughter, and yet suddenly, when it suited her, knew what was best for Buffy more than anyone else.” 

Angel frowned as if listening to something Elizabeth couldn’t hear. A cold fear gripped her at Angel’s words. He still loved Buffy, loved her enough to think about her now. Loved her enough to have lost his soul with her…as he obviously hadn’t with Elizabeth. Which was fine, Elizabeth loved his soul and knew the consequences for losing it; though he seemed to know those as well, better than she, and had still made love to her. But did that mean that he hadn’t had perfect happiness? Did that mean that she was…second? 

“That’s where I fucked up, love,” he said, and Elizabeth wondered why he cursed so much. She didn’t mind, so used to it from her Army, but it was very un-Angel like. “And whether I liked it or not, it always overshadowed what Buffy and I had. Contrary to popular belief,” he said ruefully, “I am capable of learning from my mistakes.” He paused again, his hands running over her bare back, eyes looking deep into her soul. She shivered at the intensity of the gaze, at the feelings his cool hands caused. 

“Buffy is the strongest person I know,” he continued and Elizabeth felt her heart break. “I love her; but I also love you, my heart, for yourself. For your strength, your passion, your past and future, and what we, you and I, Elizabeth, have together.” He didn’t want it to sound like he loved Elizabeth as a stand in; he most certainly did not. He loved her totally and completely and for who she was, not for who she looked like. 

“I want you, Elizabeth; I want you in my life and in my bed. Angelus,” he admitted, “Wants you as well. He wants you by his side forever, wants you as his Queen, as his Mate. He wants to see what you’re made of, if you’re worthy of that, but he wants to Turn you first.” 

His eyes grew hard as if Elizabeth had protested, when all she done so far was listen. “He doesn’t want you getting away, either, love. If you and I continue on as we are now, there will be a moment…” he stopped, made sure he still had her complete attention – and he did – before admitting, “There’ll be a moment when I falter, despite my best efforts to the contrary.  A moment when what the soul wants and what the demon wants, will merge.” He was hard beneath her, as if the thought excited him, his voice was husky with need, “Very likely, I’ll turn you.” 

He expected her to pull away then, to stake him and run, and his hands convulsed on her naked waist at the thought. He couldn’t let her go. But no, she stayed there, looking at him calmly, with only the beginnings of panic setting in. But Elizabeth listened, she waited him out. And she wanted him, Angel could tell, wanted him even after he’d just admitted that he was going to kill her only to Turn her, so he could have her by his side…forever. 

“This is why I left Buffy,” he told her honestly, Angelus within him cursing that move, though the demon waited anxiously for Elizabeth’s reaction. He, too noticed her beginning fear and her unmistakable arousal. “I left her to prevent my losing control; I knew it’d happen one day, and on that day, I’d turn her. But maybe it was;” he mused, listening to Elizabeth’s accelerating heart beat and wondering if it was in arousal or fear – both scents were coming off her strongly now. 

“It was inevitable that sooner or later the soul and the demon would be of the same mind, and you, Buffy or Elizabeth whatever the incarnation, became mine. You have to understand, beloved” he insisted, “That I love Buffy…but I’m desperately in love with you. Don’t ever, not for one moment, think that you’re some kind of replacement. You’re not. You’re mine, lover, only mine. And I love you beyond thought, beyond reason, beyond hope.” 

He kissed her then, hard enough to bruise her tender lips, and didn’t care that he did. He wanted to show both her and the world that she was his. “I fought the demon for you tonight; I fought the gypsy curse laid on my soul, so I wouldn’t leave you.” Her heart shuddered in her chest at the admission and Angel smirked. “I told you,” he whispered, mouth now moving over the newly Marked flesh, “That I wasn’t leaving you, Elizabeth.” 

Shaking his head and pulling away from the tempting flesh, the hot blood under the pounding skin, Angel finished, “I tried doing it the right way with Buffy; staying away, leaving, ignoring the tug between us. And we were both miserable apart; I just can’t…I won’t do it without you any longer, not with you, my sweet Elizabeth…I can’t live without you, baby, and I refuse to any longer.” 

For a long moment, Elizabeth stared at him, wondering. Her body hummed for him, a desperate call for its Mate, her blood pumped in eager response for him, for his promise. God, she wanted it. She wanted all he offered. 

Rising from their bed, she turned her back on him. Could she handle that? The knowledge weighed heavily on her shoulders. She wanted Angel with a desperate passion that wasn’t ever leaving her. Yet she swore to protect the planet from the forces of darkness, and she knew, for a fact, that she couldn’t do that and remain with a being who wanted to Turn her into his Mate and Queen. 

It was funny, she mused as she blindly began searching for clothing, how her life was paralleling Buffy’s. If she was truly the Queen of the Angelus from her world, then he’d Turned her and…this was just too weird. 

Elizabeth was tempted, oh how she was tempted. She wanted that forever with Angel, she wanted to be his Mate and Queen, hell, she plain just wanted him. But she didn’t understand those thoughts and feelings, so at odds with what she knew she should feel. And what she knew her duty to be. 

Completely dressed, she looked at Angel, sitting on the bed. She had no words to describe the sensation of her heart rending in two. A tear fell free as she looked at him. “I love you,” she whispered, “And I want you and all you offer, but I’m not sure I can.” She looked at him once more before leaving the room and disappearing from the mansion. 

“I love you,” her words followed him as she raced into the night.

Part 20        Part 22

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