THE DARLING BUDS OF MAY

"I need something to do!" WandaSue announces to the empty apartment, "Maybe I need a job. I sure don't need the money, not after blackmailing BB to the tune of a million plus, which of course I did not declare on my income tax, so it's all mine free and clear! No, I need a job so I have someplace to go every day. A reason to get up!
She fetches the newspaper from the table and flips back to the help wanted ads. "A computer tech? Nooo. A fork-lift operator? Hardly. A nurse's aid? Yuck. Ohhhh, just a minute, here's one I could do.....work at McDonalds! Yeah! I'm familiar with their menu, God knows; I've eaten everything in that joint. OK, I'm going over and get me a job!"

In less than an hour WandaSue arrives for her interview with Mr. Thomas. A teenaged boy comes out and gestures her into a room, then sits behind the desk. "So....ahhhh....Wandasue Skaggs Montgomery......why do you want a carrer at McDonalds?"
"A career? This is a career?" she almost laughs.
"We at McDonald's think of our jobs as professional, as humanitarian, as a great service to the people...."
WandaSue plays along, "Oh yes, McDonalds is the American way!"
"Exactly!" he responds. "When can you start? We're short on the afternoon shift."
"I can do that!" she volunteers, "Just get me one of those get-ups to wear and I'm there!"
"You mean a uniform. We never refer to our McDonalds clothing as anything other than a uniform."
"Oh yeah, like the Navy. Those guys have those real cool white uniforms......"
"Right. I'm sure we have a uniform that will fit you. Joyce over there will help you. HEY JOYCE!"
Joyce walks over snapping her gum, and stands insolently, one hip out, "Yeah?!"
"Get Miss Montgomery a uniform. She begins this afternoon."
"Shurrrr," Joyce slurs as she walks back to a room that obviously must contain these uniforms, WandaSue following.
WandaSue paws through them looking for a pantsuit with pants wide enough for her hips. Lots of size 3s. Even more size 5s. The size 7s are a big pile, and the 9s flow out of several large boxes. "Got any size 14s?" WandaSue snaps.
"14?!" Joyce is in shock.
"Right, you teeny-bopper. Don't look so smug.....your fat days lie before you like a never-ending stream of years...."
"We usually don't hire anyone who's let herself go like that!" Joyce ignores WSue's dire prediction for her future.
WandaSue finally finds one outfit that looks large enough and proceeds to put it on. Joyce can't bear to look, so she turns her back while WandaSue sticks out her tongue at the little jerk.
When Joyce turns back and sees WSue bulging out of the uniform, she smiles sweetly and remarks, "My now, don't you look profesional?"
"Show me my work station!" WandaSue says nastily.
When "Mr. Thomas" sees her enter the main part of the place, he winces, but being as desperate as they are for people to work the afternoon shift, the one that comes before the high school kids arrive after school to work a few hours, tries to look pleased and says, "Behind that counter. You're in charge of making shakes. We only have chocolate, strawberry and vanilla. Joyce will show you how."

Joyce has not missed her calling by not going into education, therefore WandaSue still isn't sure how to make these shakes when her first customer asks for one.
She pours some of this, puts in ice cream, is that one scoop or three? she wings it, then puts it on the machine that whips it all up. It spins and whips and overflows all over the floor. The 'customer' makes those gutteral impatient noises people make when confronted with ineptitude of this magnitude. WandaSue wipes off the outside of the cardboard cup the shake is in and shoves it across the counter. The 'customer' finds it's so thick with ice cream that no way is he going to be able to draw it through a straw. He grabs a spoon and sits at a table, eating away. Some of his friends come in and ask if that's something new McDonalds is selling. He shrugs. The friends go to the counter and say, "I'll have what he's having," and soon there are 8 more guys eating this incredibly thick yummy new concoction.
WandaSue thinks, "This is a cinch!", gets out some marachino cherries and nut toppings and asks the gang if they want some, which of course they do. She sprinkles all kinds of goodies into their 'shakes.' They down them quickly and ask for more. She makes more. By now Joyce is also behind the counter, and frowns when she sees the amount of ice cream and flavorings WandaSue is putting into these shakes. She moves closer and says, "One scoop, not three."
"Three is better!" WandaSue insists, as she carries the new 'shakes' to the group at the tables. More people come in and are told that Mcdonald's has a new shake, much better but at the same price. They all order them from WandaSue as well.
"Mr. Thomas" hears more voices than usual out in the restaurant, so he leaves his little office and goes to take a look. There are about 30 people sitting at tables eating something or other out of milk-shake containers. "These are great!" one of the regular customers tells him.
He takes a closer look and shakes his head. What has that new employee been up to? He strides over to where she's busily making up more of the shakes and yells at her, "You're fired!" just like Donald Trump does on that asinine TV show.
It's at this point in time that Travis McGee enters McDonalds and sits at a table. WandaSue thinks she recognizes him, so goes over and sits at the same table, "Why so glum, chum?"
"I'm a Police Officer!" he tells her bitterly, "See? I'm even wearing the right uniform. But the Chief has me on crossing guard and highway patrol duty! All because of that gang on Winding Willow!"
WandaSue is intrigued, "Which gang on Winding Willow? The one Rosebud is in?"
"Rosebud?" Travis is unsure to whom WSue is referring.
"Yeah, you know, Rose and John, and Eleanor the Amazon and William who has a cooking show on TV...."
"Right!"
WandaSue is on a roll, "Rosebud was up for murder but got off. I'm still bummed about that. So this other dame confessed. I still think Rosebud did it, though. She hides behind this demure innocent thing she has going for herself. What a joke! And her husband! Give me a break!"
"He deals drugs out of that house, too," Travis joins the conversational flow, "I just haven't been able to prove it yet."
WandaSue is dubious about Travis' idea, but can't jinx her opportunity to gain a new alliance. "That is very possible! There's something shifty about him, ever notice?"
"You've noticed that too?" Travis is getting excited because at last someone is taking him seriously.
"I think you and me could bust that place wide open if we try!" WandaSue says, eyes gleaming.
"YES!" Travis is so excited he forgets why he went into McDonalds in the first place.



THE WEDDING PLANNER......by Coralynn

"Hold it up higher!" Bess yells at Marthy, who is tryng to line up her end of the flower garland. She's already on the top step of the ladder, and teetering precariously.
"I'm not as tall as you are, Bess!" she moans as she reaches as high as she can.
"That's good, right there!" Bess tells her happily as they both slip their ends of the garland over the hooks.
They get off the ladders and stand back...."Ah now, that's pretty!" Bess smiles, "This is going to be a lovely wedding."
"It seems a bit strange, though," Marthy frowns, "I mean, do those two really really know each other? I heard that they had clandestine meetings back over 350 years ago, which must have been very exciting. Kind of like you and Rafe had....."
"The danger was half of the attraction," Bess agrees.
"But marriage? I can tell you, marriage is a day by day thing. You have to do your ordinary stuff which is not exciting and, unless you do something stupid like putting silverware in the microwave, not dangerous either."
"But you and Jack are still in love aren't you?" Bess is worried.
"Oh yes! More than ever! But our relationship wasn't based on danger and excitement in the first place."
"Your point is well taken, well taken indeed, Marthy. Think that's why I've been involved with so many rotters?"
"There might be just a touch of that, sure. How are you and Slim getting on?"
"Great. We have a lot of fun, but my pulse doesn't race the minute I see him walk into a room. Is that bad?"
"No. If your pulse raced every time, you'd be in the emergency ward!" Marthy laughs, "The important thing is.....do you like each other? Liking is the key, I think."
"Oh yeah, what's not to like?"
"Well, take it a day at a time. OH, Marilyn's here with some more decorations....HEY Marilyn!"
Marilyn puts down several bags overflowing with flowery decorations for the wedding, and look appreciatively at what the gals have done so far.
"Considering this is a last-minute affair, I think we have a handle on this!" she smiles, "And.......good news......Luke and his combo are going to play for the reception. I asked him what kind of music, and he said, 'in good taste'.....so chances are we won't be treated to a full-blown orchestra playing a symphony at the top of its volume. Now, let's see........I'd better phone the caterer to make sure they have the right order and the right address. I hear tell they've delivered the goods to the wrong house in the past. Gotta stay on top of things..." she goes off to place the call.
"Marilyn sure knows how to run a wedding!" Bess marvels, "I wonder if we'll ever get to go to her wedding."
"Eleanor told me not to mention marriage to Marilyn. She said that Marilyn had three marriages back in her old life, and turns green at the thought of any more."
"Then how about Eleanor? She dates that hunky guy, Jerry."
Marthy laughs, "She had two marriages, and the last one was such a mess that people are still writing books about it! Seems she was this famous heiress who owned a whole lot of land in Aquitaine...." Marthy launches into one of her favorite stories as Bess sits and listens avidly, thinking that she is fortunate indeed to be living with some of the most notable people in history.

CHECKING IT OUT.............by Coralynn

Travis McGee knows it's against procedure to have a friend ride with him in his patrol car, but he's too pumped to care.
Wandasue hops into the passenger seat and slams the door as Travis gets behind the wheel. "Where to, mon capitaine?" she asks cheefully.
"I think we need to scope out the house on Winding Willow now. The Chief didn't say I couldn't drive down that street, well not exactly anyway, not in those exact words...."
"Then off we go!" WandaSue is feeling optimistic now that she has a partner in crime again.
As they begin to drive slowly down W.W., Travis and WandaSue peer at the house at 224. "Looks like they're planning another party," WSue says as she sees more cars than usual and some vans with words on the side. "That one.....let's see......it says it's a rental for tables........now, why would they be renting tables?"
"You know they're up to no good. Maybe they're going to display all the drugs they have for sale on those tables....and the criminals are going to attend and haul off huge bags of illegal pills and needles..."
WandaSue knows Travis is off-base on that one, but can't afford to alientate him, so she replies, "OR.....maybe one of their swingers' parties.....they have no morals at all. It's disgusting!"
"So what do we do about it?" Travis gets down to the bottom line.
"Prowling usually works. We'll wait till it's dark, then creep around the house and look in the windows. Got a digital camera on ya?"
"No. Should I have?"
"Yes! All spies have digital cameras. Hey, drive me to Pleasantviille and I'll go up to my place and get mine. We havta have one."
"I'm not supposed to leave town......"
"Who's gonna know?"
Travis doesn't want to appear intimidated by all the arbitrary rules laid on him, so he replies with bravado, "Yeah! Who?"
It's not a long drive to Pleasantville, and when they arrive, WandaSue suggests, "Come on up and see my digs!"
No one has ever asked him to come in and see their place, so he eagerly follows her into her apartment. He's impressed with how nice it is. OK, so it's messy, but you can tell it's a quality apartment by the marble windowsills and thick carpeting.
"Kick off yer shoes and have a beer with me!" she tells him, doing so herself and plopping down on the couch.
He removes his shoes, and is immediately stabbed in the toes when his feet hit the carpet. "OWW!" he looks down to see what 'bit' him and sees small shards of toenail. Not wanting to alientate his only friend, he covers and says, "I must do something about the corns on my feet, they hurt like crazy...."
"Yeah, mine do, too, but I've learned how to shave them off with a straight razor."
He shuuders. As WandaSue is drinking her beer at lightning speed, Travis tries to keep up with her, but chugging beer is a learned skill which he has never acquired, being that he was never in a frat .....hell, he was never in college.
He chokes a bit, then makes an "aaaaahhhhhh" sound like a seasoned veteran drinker and places his moist bottle on the coffee table. There are no coasters, and she puts hers there as well, so..... what the heck, there are water rings all over the table. Must be the way real drinkers behave!
WandaSue has her digital camera in tow and is headed for the door, "Let's go!"
Travis follows her out to the patrol car and finds that she is now behind the wheel. He hesitates to tell her that only cops are allowed to drive patrol cars, but being careful not to alienate his new friend, says nothing and slides into the passenger seat.
Heading back to Chappaqua, WandaSue floor it, and as the road twists and turns the car tires squeal ominously. Travis clings on to the arm rest, hoping they aren't noticed by anyone, but, as usual, with his luck, he hears a siren behind them. A very familiar siren which is getting louder as it becomes closer and closer.
"Uhhhhhh, WandaSue, we are being stopped by another cop car," he says in as pleasant a voice as he can.
"Oh we are, are we?" she laughs and accelerates even more. Travis is now becoming alarmed. The other patrol car is on their bumper, and he can see who is driving it........ohhhh no, not that nit-picky, rule-following Jeremy Pennypacker!
The other car comes up alongside and motions them over in such a clear way that even WandaSue has to acknowledge it and drive to the side, jam on the brakes, and stop.

Jeremy walks up to the driver's side of the patrol car and gestures for her to roll down her window, "Ma'am," he begins very politely, "Do you realize you're in violation driving a Police car?"
"You're kidding!" she puts on an innocent act.
"No, I am not kidding. Is that Travis McGee sitting in the passenger seat?"
"Who, him?!" WandaSue has no idea how she's going to talk her way out of this one.
Jeremy walks to the other side of the car and yanks it open. Travis is not prepared for this. He has no excuse planned for why someone other than himself is driving.
"I suggest you get back in the driver's seat and follow me to the station. I have to write up a report on this violation of procedure."
WandaSue and Travis switch seats; Jeremy gets back into his own car and gestures for them to follow, which they do until Travis spies a side road and not bothering to put on his signal indicators, turns right on to the road, his tires kicking up a shower of dirt and pebbles as the car careens down the road as fast as Travis' foot on the acclerator can make it go.
"Hey, Travis!" WandaSue is re-thinking her new alliance, "I think you shoulda followed that other cop back into town. This could get us killed! This could put the both of us in jail!"
But Travis is drunk with power and continues at the mad pace, checking the rear view mirror and side mirrors to see if Jeremy is on their tail. He isn't.
Travis takes another road off to the left, and slows and stops. "Looks like we shook him off!" he laughs.
"Ya know, this is not a lot of fun anymore. You're a nutcase, ya know that, Travis?" she gets out of the car and begins to walk down the road. He runs after her.
"But don't ya see? Don't ya see? We can be like Bonny and Clyde!" he almost begs.
She stops, puts her hands on her hips and says acidly, "If ya saw that movie, ya haveta have seen the ending. Not my idea of a good ending," and continues walking.
"You have to stick with me........you're.......you're an accomplice!" he's glad he's found a reason for her not to ditch him.
"No, I am a kidnap victim," she turns on him, eyes blazing, "You abducted me from the street, forced me into your patrol car, made me drive it out of town to Pleasantville, where you ......I can't say it, it's too awful..."
"NO! You're not going to accuse me of that!"
"Wanna bet?"
Travis backs down, "Alright then. It's Jeremy's word against mine. I never saw you, you were never in my patrol car. I never drove it to Pleasantville. Pennypacker's eyes are playing tricks on him. How's that?"
"Better. Now, I'm going to be prowling around the house on Winding Willow at 9pm sharp. BE THERE!" she yells as she trudges along the road.
Travis gets in his car and is soon back in town, hoping he can discredit Jeremy's story. "I never picked up anyone, Chief!" he practices, "I never left town. I am the victim of a vicious smear campaign........"

WEDDING REHEARSAL DINNER..........by Coralynn

The tables have been set up under the large tent, the linen tableclothes spead, the place-settings arranged and the names placed by each setting. Marilyn is pleased with the quality of the company she hired to do this, and, as they drive away, reajusts one of the flower arrangements, stands back and looks at the effect approvingly.
"Too bad Magaera has no family who can be here, but that's what happens when one is whisked over 350 years into the future..." Marilyn thinks, "At least she has Rhys, and of course her two sons and her grandchildren. Daniel will be meeting her for the first time tonight.......I hope I can keep myself from decking him! He usually drives me to violence!"
"Muttering again, are you?" William enters the room and smiles, "Great job, Marilyn, I must commend you."
"It looks perfect," she agrees, "and I know this is a rehearsal dinner, but really, William, there's nothing much to rehearse. This wedding was thrown together in such a hurry that the attendants aren't going to have matching dresses, and the wedding rings arrived just an hour ago."
"How about the cake?" he queries.
"Oh yes, the cake. I told the bakery that they are to have it here by noon tomorrow, no later, or they don't get paid."
They walk back into the house. Meg is asking Marthy about how her wedding was done, listening closely to every word. "I hope I don't trip and fall!" she laughs.
"You won't," Marthy assures her, "You just take it slow and easy, and don't let any of the others talk you into wearing 4 inch heels. Just wear these..." she holds out her own wedding shoes that are sparkling like diamonds but with lower heels.
Meg's eyes light up as she slips them on, "They fit! Oh Marthy, thank you, thank you. I still have to try on my wedding dress, though........Eleanor said she drove into town today and picked it up. What if it doesn't fit?"
Marthy squeezes her hand, "Please relax. Everything will go just fine. Keep your mind on the important thing.....Rhys. He's what matters."
Meg sighs, "I know. Look at him over there. Is he not the most dashing....."
"The most!" Marthy says happily, but wonders inside herself if the 'dashing' Pirate is what makes him so appealing. Look what happened when Bess and Rafe were brought to this century.......Rafe couldn't be "The Highwayman" any longer, which made Bess less enamored of him.

THE BAD SEED......by Terri

Rosamond and John were in their room dressing for the party. John was dragging his feet. Rose said, "John, you'd better start getting dressed. The guests will be arriving in less than an hour."
John looked through his dresser drawer. "I am just relieved that for once you all decided to keep it casual. I am so tired of the formal parties you all throw. The last one did me in."
Rose pulled the tags off her new jeans. "I think it was super of Bethia to put Megaera over at her house. Do you think she felt uncomfortable with you?"
John shrugged and pulled his pullover out of the drawer. "I don't know. Rose, do you think this is happening too fast?"
"What 'too fast'?"
"Rhys and Mom. Megaaera...oh, hell! I don't know WHAT to call her."
Rose said, "Well, I'll just call her 'Meg'. I can't call her 'Mom' now, can I?"
John fumed, "Your mom is barely out of her teens, isn't she?"
Rose put her arms around John's neck and said, "If we hadn't dragged out feet and acted on our feelings right away, we may have saved ourselves alot of aggravation, John. It was...wonderful! Right from the start!"
John gently disengaged her and said, "What, and miss all that tension and angst?"

Downstairs, Marilyn was directing the caterers where to put the food. Jerry came over early and offered to make his famous frozen daquiris. Eleanor came downstairs in a green pantsuit that set her hair off. Jerry let out with a wolf whistle. "El, you still take me by surprise!" She smiled beatifically at him. "And you are the most devastatingly handsome man here!"
Bethia and Roger came through the door. Eleanor looked at her and said, "You look like a tick about to pop, Bethie!" She lowered herself in a chair. "And I feel like it, too."
Jerry clapped Roger on the back. "How are you handling it, buddy?" Roger said, "I've delivered countless babies. But when it's your own, you freak out! Everyone moan and groan in the night, every whimper and sneeze, I find myself watching her and wondering, 'is this it?'"
Bethia rubbed her stomach. "And I am due in three days. I can't wait to see my feet again!"
Rose and John came downstairs. Rose said, "Marilyn did such a terrific job! Moose was telling us how she wanted it to be perfect for Rhys."
"Where are they?" John asked.
Bethia said, "Rhys came to pick Megaera up just as we were leaving. She's such a dear."

Rhys and Megaera were sitting down enjoying the peace and quiet. They had not had much time to themselves. Megaera said quietly, "I don't think John likes me."
Rhys was shocked. "Why do you say that, love?" "Because he doesn't say much. Rhys, are you SURE these are my children?"
Rhys laughed. "I found it really hard to believe myself. But those two have my face stamped on them. John gave me his date of birth. They are ours alright."
Megaera said, "You all have been quiet about the other one. Daniel. He IS normal, isn't he? He's not a dwarf, is he? Or deformed?"
Rhys said, "Quite the contrary. Meggie, I guess I need to fill you in on what he is like. Do you remember that guy who worked at your stables? Giles, was it?"
Megaera laughed, "Yes. Giles. He was quite the ladies' man."
Rhys raised an eyebrow. Megaera's hands flew to her face. "Oh no! NO! He's a...a..."
Rhys said, "Ladies' man? Yes. That is the polite name for him. Meggie, I think there is a situation you should know about. After all, they are your children."
Rhys proceeded to tell Megaera all that he knew of the eternal raging triangle. "...and it culminated in Rosamond being accused of murder and standing trial. The real murderer confessed and she got off. But Daniel is still a thorn in their marriage and will continue to be."
Megaera shook her head. "How can twins be so different?"
Rhys grabbed her hand, pulled her up and said, "Avast, milady! Ye shall soon find out!"
And with that, they headed over to the big house.

Megaera and Rhys walked into the house. "Hello, everyone! Doesn't it look lovely!" Megaera said, her dark eyes shining.
There was a knock on the door. Rose got up to answer it. Daniel was there. Rose sighed. "I guess you really WERE invited!"
Daniel laughed, "Aw, come on, Rosie! Don't..."
"NEVER CALL ME 'ROSIE'! NEVER! Do you understand? I am not a horse! It sounds like a big fat woman with a bad dye job of red hair and dirty feet standing in line at a 7-11 for beer and cigarettes! She'd have mustard stains on her t-shirt where she dripped them out of a weiner bun! She'd drink milk out of the carton. She'd eat tuna noodle casserole made with generic cream of mushroom soup.."
Daniel raised his hands and said, "OK, OK!I get the picture, unappetizing as it is."
She turned on her heel and walked into the living room. To Megaera, she said, "Your bad seed is here." And with that she left the room. John went after her. Rhys took Daniel over to where Megaera was sitting. "Daniel, this is uh, your mother."
Daniel looked at Megaera and then to Rhys then to Megaera again. "No, that's not Mother."
Rhys said, "Yes, it is. Meggie, this is the other half of the twin set."
From the kitchen, Rose yelled out, "Yes. Cain."
Dead silence in the living room and then a voice from the kitchen said, "Ro', darling, let's make the best of it."
Rose's voice carried out, "If your mother ever finds out what really happened, she'll hate me..."
Everyone in the living room looked uncomfortably at each other. Daniel grinned. "Ah, well...a well-built ship that crossed my wake, eh?"
Rose came out of the kitchen, her face flaming red. John was hot on her heels. "I heard that, Daniel!"
John grabbed her arm and led her back into the kitchen. More hushed voices emitted from there.
Daniel said, "Well, well....a mother who is younger than her sons! How do you like this century, Mom?"
Megaera couldn't help smiling at him. "It is something else!"
Daniel asked her, "Have you ever made porridge...?"

THE SNOOPS............by Coralynn

WandaSue parks her car several blocks away from the house at 224 Winding Willow and waits till 9pm, checking her watch every few minutes and hoping it gets dark by the appointed meeting time with Travis McGee.
"Damn daylight savings time!" she grouses, "If we were on standard time it would be pitch dark out. But nooooooo!"
When her watch shows 9pm, it's dusky, quickly turning to dark. She gets out of her car and walks the several blocks of 224. By the time she arrives, she can see lights blazing all over the house. "Good," she mutters, "I should be able to see them. I just hope they can't see me! And where is that cop Travis McGee anyway? Don't see him anywhere!"
She walks to a side window and peers in. A woman she's never seen before seems to be the center of attention. "Rats, not another one of those loverly rich snobs! That's all we need around here," she thinks as she brings her digital camera up to her face and aims it through the window. She clicks away, hoping the light in the room is enough to make the picture visible when she downloads it on her computer. Then it hits her: "I can't get near a computer.......that witch Celeste must have put a curse on me. I've gotta find someone else to do that part. Where is that cop Travis when I need him?!

She hears beeping, loud beeping and turns around quickly to see where it's coming from. Sure enough, that cop Travis is walking up to the house, but the front, not the side. She tries to get his attention, but he's oblivious. In desperation she walks over to where he's crouched on the front porch looking in. She claps him on the shoulder, which makes him start. "You trying to scare me to death?!" he says rather loudly.
"You're making too much noise. Get back here with me. And what's that beeping sound I hear?"
"Chief Carson has me under house arrest. That beeping is from the position monitor he has strapped on my arm."
"It wasn't beeping when I saw you this afternoon," WandaSue comments as they reach the window on the side that shows a clear view of the assembled party goers.
"The beeping is a new wrinkle," Travis complains, "the Chief was pretty upset when that ratfink Pennypacker told him he'd seen me with you, and you were driving my patrol car. So now I have this new, high-powered monitor that beeps."
"Well, make it stop!" she gives him an angry look, "Those rich snobs in there'll hear it."
"How?!"
"Here." she takes out the wad of gum she's been chewing and pushes it onto the monitor, making sure it gets in every crevice. The beeping stops.
"Wow, thanks!" he whispers.
Getting down to the business at hand she whispers, "Who's that new woman in there?"
"Beats me!"
"Hey, buster, you're a cop. You're supposed to know these things."
Travis is embarrased that he's so out of the loop, so to cover, he makes up the info, "Oh yeah, she's the rich heiress visiting from Cape Cod. Yes, she's a niece of William, you know, the chef guy."
"What's her name?"
"Uhhhhhh, Caroline Page."
"What's she doing here?"
"She's divorcing her husband, who's wealthy as.....as Trump. Yeah, and she's taking him for 50 million dollars."
"But what's she doing here?"
"Welllll........she's uhhhhhh.......probably asking William to testify in her divorce proceedings. Yeah, that must be it."
"Just a minute, just a minute!" WandaSue puts the camera in front of her face again and snaps several pictures in rapid succession. "Look!" she whispers, "There are three of John Gwinett. I know he has a twin brother, but look, see that one over to the left? Another dead ringer."
"John is a triplet," Travis tells her smugly as if he really knows.
"I see that bully, Marilyn, is there, too. Now there's a woman I would gladly blow to smithereens."
"She sure looks like Marilyn Mon..."
WandaSue cuts him off, "Because she is, dummy!" then realizes that Travis probably doesn't know about time travel. Oooooops!
"Nawww, she died back in 1964!" Travis is proud of his grasp of dates and details.
"It was 1962!" WandaSue corrects him.
"Wrong. 1964," he holds out.
"1962!"
"1964!"
"1962!" WandaSue's voice is beginning to get louder. Before either of them gets a chance to argue it out further, they see a police car silently come down the street toward the house at 224.
They duck down as Travis whispers, "Damn! That must be either Carson or Pennypacker. How did they know I was here?"
"How about your lousy tracking device, numbskull?"
"But you jammed it with that chewing gum....."
"Not soon enough...."
They fall quiet as Alan Carson gets out of the police car and walks around the outside of the house. Travis closes his eyes, which of course is futile as Alan grabs him by the back of his shirt and yanks him to a standing position.
"You're under arrest, both of you!" he announces loud and clear.
Faces appear on the other side of the window and they can hear someone come out the front door and walk around to the side.
"What have we here?" William asks Alan, "Some peeping toms?"
"Yes, and they're the usual suspects, William. Sorry to interrupt your gathering. I'll run them down to the station and book them."
"Very good. Thanks!" William hurries back to the front of the house again.
"Book?" Travis whimpers.
"Yes, it's a misdemeanor to look in other people's windows, surely you know that, even you Travis," Alan snarls as he herds them to where his car is parked. WandaSue turns her face away, humiliated, and thinks, "I coulda pulled it off, but I had to team up with this doofus. When will I learn?"
Alan sees her face clearly as both she and Travis are put into the back seat and the interior lights show her features, "Well, well, our own WandaSue! Welcome back to the Chappaqua jail."
Alan starts the car, then turns to the two in the back, "I say, Travis, jamming the location device was not your brightest decision. The minute I saw that it had stopped transmitting I knew you were up to something. Of course before it went dead I could see where you were plain as day. Surprise! Surprise! Travis is over at 224 Winding Willow. Your home away from home."
Travis sits there mute.
"So now your jail cell awaits. This time you don't get out until I'm good and ready to let you out!"
"But you said it was just a misdem....."
Alan turns up the volume on the two-way radio so that Travis' voice in the back seat cannot be heard and heads for the station.

MEETINGS & MAYONNAISE........by Terri

John and Rose came out of the kitchen, John dragging Rose firmly by the elbow. He said in a stage whisper, "This is my parents' wedding, let's not make a scene, Rose. Now behave!"
Rose jerked her arm away from John and hissed, "I'll behave! I'll be a perfect little angel. And you will be so proud of me that later on you will wonder what I am up to!"
Everyone looked up. Rose picked up the hors d'oeuvre tray and offered everyone a tidbit, starting with Megaera.
"I don't know what to call you. Julia or Megaera? Which do you prefer?" Rose said.
Megaera said, "Well, when I was twenty, I was known as Megaera. I must have become Julia when I moved to Somersetshire with James Gwinnett, or so I've been told. So I guess I am Megaera now."
Rose said, "Well, then, I don't know if we named Julie after her gran or not."
Rhys took the cocktail weiner in a wrap and Rose offered the tray to Daniel. "Daniel, would you like to try one? They are delicious."
Daniel looked at Rose and said, "Are you going to poison me, Rosie...Rose! Rose! Excuse me!"
Rosamond smiled sweetly, "Not at all, Daniel! After all, you are a member of this family. We are all just one big happy family."
John took her by the arm into the kitchen again.
From within, her voice rang out, "I am NOT being sarcastic!"
More hushed tones from John. From the kitchen came "That's not true!"
They came out again, Rose's face flushed and John scowling. Rose sat on a chair and mumbled, "I give up! I just can't win!"

The house phone rang and William answered it. "Hello, William here.....yes, hello, Marty. I'll get John unless it is Rosamond you wish to speak to...who, me?....yes, I can meet you tomorrow for lunch but I am not interested in doing a soap..a new project?....cutting edge?...well, yes, I am always open to new avenues of creativity....yes, we can talk then."
William mused, this had better not be another Time and Chance! Best not to say anything to anyone until I find out what Marty has planned.

Rose sat quietly on the couch, John acting as a buffer between her and Daniel. Not that he cared if Daniel got shredded by her. But he didn't want anything to ruin Rhys's evening. Dinner was served and everyone made small talk. Rosamond sat as far away from Daniel as she could. During dessert, Julie started to cry. Rosamond said, "I guess she wants to see her daddy."
Both John and Daniel stood up, both out of reflex. John shot Daniel a piercing look and he sat down. John threw his napkin down and left the room to tend to his daughter. Daniel said to Megaera and Rhys, "I guess I should know by now that Rose means John. You see it's possible that she is my......"
But that was as far as he got.
Because Rose walked over and dumped the bowl of potato salad on his head.

At this point the dinner was declared a semi-success, semi-disaster. Daniel sat there covered in potato salad as Rose flounced out of the room. He started to laugh--uncontrollably.
"Aw, hell! That's one on me!" William tried not to laugh too as he handed Daniel a towel.
Megaera and Rhys sat there, totally shocked. Marilyn leaned over and said, "This is bush league compared to what has gone on before!"
Megaera whispered to Rhys, "Can you believe what she did?" Rhys said, "Yes, from what I know of Rose, yes. I believe it."

John came downstairs with Julie. He took one look at Daniel and said, "What happened to you? No, don't answer. I guess I know who did it. Where is she?"
Eleanor pointed to the kitchen. John sighed, handed Julie to Rhys, and went into the kitchen.
Rose was busying herself putting things away in the kitchen. He said, "What was the point of that, Rose?"
She burst out with, "I am SO tired of it! Daniel almost got me put away for 20 years in the slammer and he's still insinuating that Julie is his! Your mother did not need to know about the sordid past."
Then she started to cry. John said, "I'm sorry, hon. Come on, we can go up the back way and you can go to bed. I'll take care of Julie and say you have a headache."
"Yeah. A headache named Daniel."

After John escorted Rose upstairs, he went back to the party. It was winding down.
Daniel was still scooping potatoes and eggs out of his hair. John silently handed him a clean sweatshirt to wear. "Hey, thanks, John." William gave him a towel and Daniel went into the guest bathroom and took a shower.
While he was in there, John said, "I'm sorry for Rosamond's actions. She's been under alot of strain lately. You know, the trial, being pregnant..."
Megaera's ears perked up. "She's expecting? I'm going to be a grandmother again?"
John grinned. "Guess so! A surprise to us."
Daniel came out, rubbing his hair dry with a towel. "Ah, that was wild! I tell ya, that woman has alot of spunk! Guess she knew I liked potato salad. I remember once..."
John shot Daniel a dirty look and then said, "It's time I got MY daughter to bed."
Rhys had been bouncing Julie on his knee. She reached up to his face and said, "Da-da?"
John said, "She's a little confused." Then he looked at Daniel and said, "She knows WHO her daddy is though."
Daniel muttered, "How could she when even her mother isn't.."
John glared. "Keep it up, Daniel. There is a whole bowl of cole slaw in there with your name on it!"
Daniel picked up his jacket. "I get the point. Mom? Dad? I'll see you tomorrow." And he left, singing "Who's Your Daddy?"



BELLS WILL BE RINGING......by Terri

The day shone with a gentle breeze. The spring flowers were at their zenith. William came into the kitchen, jovial. "Ah! What a glorious day for a wedding!"
Rose sat there bleary-eyed in her robe. She said crossly, "Yeah, yeah." William poured his coffee and added a generous dollop of cream. "And what, pray tell, young missy, is your problem?"
Eleanor drew her finger in a slashing motion across her throat and then put her finger up to her mouth in a 'shush' motion.
William raised his eyebrow but said nothing. Celeste looked at the clock. "It's eight o'clock. Six hours till the wedding."
Rosamond stood up. "Excuse me. I'm going upstairs to throw up and then I am checking on the new house."
She left the room. William said, "Did I miss something?"
Eleanor said, "I think she and John had words. Daniel will be here. And Rosamond isn't feeling well. First trimester, you know. Remember how sick she was with Julie?"
Bethia came in--or rather waddled in. "Everyone ready for the wedding?"
Celeste said, "The caterer is coming at 1:00, the cake is due at noon, flowers are here."
Bethia asked, "Who are the attendants?"
"Moose is best man. John declined. Marilyn is maid of honor."
"Why did John decline?"
"He felt funny about it. You know--his own parents. I don't think he's entirely accepting of the situation. Don't forget, he thought of James Gwinnett as his father for thirty years. He was a good father. I think he feels disloyal."
Bethia nodded. "When we were in Southold in the old days, he always spoke affectionately of his father--James Gwinnett. He once said he wished his father could see his land. He thinks he would have been proud of him."
Bethia stood up. "Whoa! I have a feeling, ladies, that these two will make their debut in less than a week! Roger is beside himself! I just hope he survives it! And boy, I sure wish Caleb could see me now! What a loser!"
Everyone laughed and William walked Bethia back home.

John was tying his tie in the mirror and was having trouble with it. He swore and tried again. Rose was still in her casual clothes. He turned to her. "Rosamond, you'd better get dressed. Wedding is in less than an hour."
Rosamond said, "I have the children to get dressed, too. I have my makeup on and I just have to slip into a dress. Damn! Why does Daniel have to be invited?"
"Because he is their son, too."
Rosamond looked out the window. "I see Rhys and Moose just pulled up. My, don't they look handsome! Rhys reminds me of you on our wedding day."
John looked out the window. "It's amazing. I never even questioned my paternity. Guess I should have, as I don't look like either one of my parents."
Rosamond said, "How were you to know? Oh, *&*^! Daniel just pulled up!" John was shocked. "Rosamond Gwinnett, I've never heard you talk like that!"
Rose said, "I've never been in a situation to have to use it before. Daniel had better stay on the other side of the room or he will be wearing lobster bisque."
John warned, "Rose, I forbid--FORBID!--any attempt to food fight. I mean it! Do not wreck this day for Rhys and Megaera."
Rose stuck her tongue out at John's back. He said, "I saw that!"
Their eyes met in the mirror and they both smiled. "Touche, darling!" Rose said.
John said, "I'll get Will ready, you work on Julie and I will see you downstairs."
Rose said to herself, "I just keep repeating, 'in a few hours, this too shall pass'..."

Rosamond pulled the pink flowered dress over Julie's head. She tried to kick her little white MaryJane shoes off.
Rose buckled them quickly. "No no no, princess, you have to wear shoes!" She tried to put ribbons in Julie's hair but she was having none of it.
John came in. "I see things are going splendidly!" Rose gave him a look. "And how is our son doing?"
John said, "Spiffy. He's all done. Here, you get dressed, I'll try to put the ribbon in Julie's hair."
Rose handed her over to him. "Yeah, right. You couldn't even tie your tie!"
She got her rose-colored silk dress out, slipped off her robe and slid the dress down her body. She pulled her matching shoes out and put them on.
"John? Can you finish up? If the ribbons don't work, then just brush her hair. I'm going to check on Megaera and see if they need anything. Marilyn was going to smuggle her in the back way and they are gettting dressed in Celeste's room."
Rose wend downstairs and knocked on Celeste's door.
"Come in!"
Marilyn was adjusting the veil on Megaera. Rose shook her head. "It's not fair to have a mother-in-law that looks as young as you do!"
Megaera gave her a hug. "I like you, Rose! You are the daughter I never had! Or at least I don't think I had. Did I?"
Marilyn hurriedly said, "We'd better get you out there and get you married."
Rose said, "Are you sure, Megaera? This is what you want?"
Meg's eyes shone. "More than anything!"
Rose gave her a quick hug. "OK, Mama-in-law! Let's get you married!"

Luke was at the grand piano, playing a Celtic tune from long ago. Meg came out on William's arm and took her place next to Rhys in the garden. Rhys had such a look of contentment and happiness on his face that brought a tear to just about anyone's eye who had read Moose's book. The ceremony was short and sweet and within twenty minutes, John and Daniel's biological parents were married.

Soft music played in the background as Rhys and Megaera mingled. Will, looking like a little gentleman in his new suit, tugged on Rhys' jacket. "Excuse me, Mr. Rice..."
Rhys bent down. "Will, it's Rhys. Like----"
Will supplied, "Reese's Pieces!"
Rhys was puzzled but he said, "Well....yes!"
Will's brow knitted. "But I heard you were my daddy's daddy. He's not my real daddy. I've had three of them, you know! I heard Poppy William say that Mommy liked anything in pants!" Rhys looked at Megeara and could barely contain his laughter. "Anyways, would that make you my grandpa? Like Poppy William? Would you be Poppy Rhys?"
Rhys said, "Yes, I guess I am! Poppy Rhys! Sounds so old-fashioned! We'll have to talk about it later. Allright, Sport?"
Will said, "Sounds good to me, Mr. Rice!"

The catered food was a success. And the champagne flowed freely. Daniel headed over towards Rose. She turned her back and walked off.
Slim said, "Hey, Daniel, I think you should leave her alone. She's had a rough few months."
Daniel said, "And who made YOU Rosamond's keeper, Slim?"
Slim grabbed Daniel by the scruff of the neck and squeezed. He said between clenched teeth, "Rose is one of the sweetest women I have known. She's been super to me and helped me out in ways you never would have thought possible."
Daniel sneered, "Yeah, I can think of a few ways.."
Slim shoved him against the wall and got in Daniel's face. "I'm only going to say this in three words so you can understand, Daniel. BACK OFF, DUDE!"
Daniel dusted off his suit coat. "OK, OK, I get it. You are the new watchdog."
Slim walked off and Daniel said under his breath, 'don't think this is gonna win you any brownie points with John, Slim, old boy!'

Rosamond came out of the kitchen, frantically searching for Roger. He was standing by the daffodils and talking to Jerry. She rushed over. "Roger! Come quick! It's Bethie! She's---well, she's in labor!"
Roger shoved his champagne glass in Jerry's hand. "Where--where is she?"
Rose grabbed his hand. "She's in the kitchen with Celeste! Oh, Roger, honey! THIS IS IT!!"

Roger ran into the kitchen with Jerry hot on his heels. Bethia was sitting down, trying to smile through the contractions. Roger took her hand.
"How far apart are they?"
Beth said, "Five minutes."
"FIVE MINUTES AND YOU ARE JUST NOW TELLING ME?"
Bethia tried to concentrate on her breathing. "I didn't want to miss the wedding."
Roger rubbed her neck. "You silly girl! Five minutes apart and you should be in the hospital. Come on, let's get going."
Rose said, "Take her now, Roger. She's all packed and I know where the suitcase is so I will get it and meet you there."
Roger said, "Thanks, Rose. Bethia, let's get this show on the road!"
Roger's hands were shaking. Jerry took the car keys out of his hand and said, "I'll drive you. You are in no shape to drive. Nerves, you know."
Roger said, "OK, I guess you're right."

The wedding was winding down, Rhys and Megaera were bidding their guests goodbye. They were spending their honeymoon in Vermont, at the condo of Marty Henshaw. Marty had very graciously lent it to what he thought was John's long-lost 'older' brother. He could not get over the family resemblance. He asked, "John, what did your mother look like?"
Daniel and John exchanged glances and grinned at each other. Daniel said, "Oh, she's almost a dead ringer for Megaera. Ah, yes...Julia was her name!"
Marty said, "OH! I guess you named Julie after your mother then."
Daniel and John both said, "Yes."
John glared, Daniel shrugged with a 'what's with you?' look on his face.
Rose came in. Daniel said, "Rose! Darling!"
She stomped on his foot with the heel of her shoe. Daniel howled. "What was that for?"
Rosamond said sweetly and apologetically, "Oh, Daniel! Please forgive me! You must have been standing too close to me!"
John possessively put his arm around her so Daniel would get the message. They were one step above 'marking their territory' which was a good thing for William's persian rug.
John hugged her and smiled smugly over her shoulder at Daniel. Daniel idly shot him a bird.
Rose said, "Bethia is in labor! We are going to be aunts and uncles! All of us!"
Celeste came up. "Dears, I will stay home with the children if the two of you want to go down there." Eleanor chimed in, "You aren't going without us! No way, no how!"
Marilyn and Bess, Slim and Moose, Rafe and Hotspur, Marthy and Jack all started in. "Yeah, us too!" "We want to go!"
"Hey, I'm not staying here!"
Even Daniel said, "Beth's been a decent sort to me...for years. Might as well go too."
Rose and John glanced at each other with a 'can you stop him?' look. Rose sighed. "Ok-everybody!"
To John, she whispered, "I would give anything to have Daniel go on an extended vacation so I can enjoy the rest of MY pregnancy in peace and quiet."
John whispered back, "Yeah. And I don't see that happening. Short of a miracle."

Rose went into the house and got Bethia's things. John waited in the car. She bent down and stroked Missy, Beth's Golden Retriever and her own dog Belle's mother. "Good dog! Before two long, you'll have a couple of new playmates, Missy!"
Missy wagged her tail. Rose gave her a fresh dog biscuit, turned down the light and locked the door.

"Rosamond! What are you doing here?"
Rose looked up. Billy Bob was sitting in the emergency room. "Hi! I might ask you the same thing!"
Billy Bob said, "Bobby Joe cut his hand on a bottle at the Dew Drop Inn. Only needed a few stitches. But I drove him down here."
Rose said, "Beth is in labor. Twins, you know!" John stood there silently while Rose finished up her conversation with Billy Bob.
"Tell Bobby Joe I said hi and to use a bottle opener next time!" They said goodbye and Rose and John headed toward the elevators.

They entered the waiting room. It was packed with all of Beth and Roger's friends. Pepsis, Cokes, Dr. Peppers and Sprites were passed around and someone sent out for pizza.
"Looks like a long night," Rafe said.Eleanor said, "And looks like any excuse for a party. Only problem, Roger and Beth aren't here."
Hots said, "Yes, but they are the raison d'etre, aren't they?"
The head nurse came in and said, "I don't mind the party, just keep it a little under control."
They bought her off with a slice of pizza.

The waiting room door opened and Bobby Joe and Billy Bob stuck their heads in. "Has she had the baby yet?"
"Not yet!"
Billy Bob said, "Well, we just wanted to check before we went home."
Daniel said, "Hell, how about sticking around for pizza?"
Bobby Joe and Billy Bob looked questioningly at each other. "I don't know..."
Slim said, "Hell, it's a celebration. The more the merrier. Beth would want it that way!" They both grinned and said, "Why not?!" Two more were added to the 'wait list.'

The nurse came out with periodic reports. Her name was Marcia Brady to which she said, "Yeah, yeah, I know...Marcia, Marcia, MARCIA!"
They all laughed.
The hours wore on and then more pizza was ordered. It was now 4:00 in the morning.
Marcia came into the waiting room and said, "I would like to see a Rose and an Eleanor."
They both jumped up. Marcia took them aside. "Dr. Bidwell is busy with Mrs. Bidwell. She's about ready to deliver. But they both wanted me to get the two of you."
She led them down the hall and opened the door. It was an empty hospital room.
Nurse Brady nodded to a closed door. "They are in there. Now, they want this to be a special, private moment for just the two of them. BUT they said the two of you are Mrs. Bidwell's closest friends and they want you to be close by so you can be the first to welcome the little ones into the world. Aunt Eleanor and Aunt Rose, I believe they called you?"
El and Rose gave each other a hug. "Oooh, this is so exciting!" Eleanor said.
Rose said, "John and I had to do this by ourselves during a storm. No electricity! I felt like Miss Mellie giving birth during the burning of Atlanta!" El said, "And you and John didn't even have a manual!"
Rose said, "I thought I was going to die! But you know, I think that made John and me all the closer."
She looked at the closed door and nodded. "I wouldn't interrupt them for anything in the world!"
Fifteen minutes later, they jumped up. They heard a lusty cry. Eleanor and Rose highfived each other. Then they heard a small delicate cry. Rose whispered, "I hope they are all right!" Her eyes filled with tears. She hastily wiped them away, lest Eleanor see her. But it didn't matter. Because Eleanor stood there with tears coursing down her face. They both looked at each other and laughed.
"El, you old softie!' She said, "I got something in my eyes!" Rose hugged her. "Yeah. Right!"

The nurse came in. "Mother and babies are both fine! Daddy is a bit of a basket case! I tell you, it is a real hoot to see Dr. Bidwell lose it! We call him 'Dr. Cool' behind his back because nothing bothers him. I mean, Dr. Bidwell is the best..the BEST! But he came totally unglued during his own wife's labor and delivery. Good thing Dr. Kast was there!"
Rose and Eleanor looked at the nurse. She said, "OH! What did she have? They requested this--go in the room and find out for yourselves, ladies!"
El and Rose pushed their way through the door, trying to get out at the same time.
Rose deferred. Eleanor said, "Don't you dare say, 'age before beauty!' " Rose said, "Later!" She grabbed El's hand and they knocked tentatively at the door.
Roger opened it, looking as if he were about to burst. Bethia laid there exhausted but happy. In her arms she held a bundle of baby. One in a pink blanket and one in a blue blanket.
Rose gasped. "You--you had one of each flavor?"
Bethia nodded. Roger said, "May I present to you two aunties---Adam Roger at 7 lbs 1 oz and Bridget Rose, weighing in at 6 lbs. 12 oz."
Rose stumbled, "Ro-Rose? You named her middle name 'Rose'?"
Roger nodded. "If it wasn't for Aunt Rose's penchant for predicaments, we may never be here to share this moment!"
Rose said, "And I dread the day you tell Bridget about Auntie Rose!"
Eleanor leaned over and brushed Beth's hair from her face. "Darling, how are you?"
Bethia smiled broadly. "Well, I don't feel like jogging! It was like pushing a piano through a transom!"
Eleanor said, "What was it Bill Cosy said? 'Take your lower lip and pull it over your head'. And....where's Roger?"
A mighty whoop and clapping was heard down the hall. The women laughed. "I guess the rest of the gang know it now, too!"
Bethia reached over and dialed the phone. A shout of jubilation was heard on Winding Willow that rang through the night.
Two more little ones were added to the lives of those who traveled so far in time to get to this place. And everyone was happy that Bethia had what she always wanted. A husband who loved her and now children. And Caleb Adams be damned.

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