THE 1643 HOUSE

Part 1

THE PROJECT...............by Coralynn

William sees Marty's car in the parking lot when he arrives at the restaurant for their meeting. He parks, gets out and walks to the door, then after entering sees Marty sitting in the last booth in the back, smiling and waving at him.
Hurrying back, he slides into the booth and asks, "What has you so happy, my friend?"
Marty leans forward and tells him in muted tones, "William, we have a chance to do something really great. Something with the quality of those PBS specials like Frontier House. I have an agreement with PBS that they'll even serve as advisors on this project, which is really generous of them. Have you seen the specials they've done, like to 1900 House?"
"I have. I've seen several of their specials and they're terrific. You want to do something like those?"
"Yes!" Marty keeps his voice low, but infuses it with energy, "We're going to produce 'The 1643 House'........in New Hampshire. There are a lot of wooded areas in that state, and we've been given clearance by the state to use 4 square miles of it for the show."
"Looks like you've done a lot of spadework already," William says with admiration, "But how can I help?"
"We are going to have five houses with four to six people in each one....so that means we need 25 people, maybe 30. You know a lot of people so I trust you to scout out the ones who'd fit in well. Rose and John would not be good choices because they're so well known that it would be distracting, but some of your friends, while not unknown, are not as high profile. You, for instance, would be a great addition."
"Me?" William chuckles, "Why?"
"We need a stablizing influence, because, believe me, these people are going to be put through some very rough challenges. The great part is that at the end of six months, the house that has done the best gets to divvy up a million dollars."
William laughs, "Then it would behoove me to get into a house with only four people, aye? Tell me about what challenges they'll have to meet."
"OK, first off, they can only bring things with them that existed in 1643, such as a small iron stove, a shovel, a hand saw or two, some blankets, some cast iron cooking utensils, that kind of thing."
"Things they would have brought over from England had they just emigrated, right?"
"Or, let's say they first settled in Massachusetts, then decided to go inland for larger tracts of farmland, or whatever reason people migrated into New Hampshire. They'd have to just bring the bare necessities with them."
"Are there houses already built on the set?"
"Only a doctor's office and a church. The dwellings have to be constructed by the contestants themselves. They also need to plant vegetable gardens the minute they get there. We'll give them the seeds, but that's all. They will get two cows per house, and one horse."
William whistles and shakes his head, "I see what you mean by challenging! So there'll already be a Doctor and a Minister there, right?"
"Right. The Doctor will dispense the medicines that existed in that era, too. However, if someone becomes seriously ill, he'll have a cell phone and be able to contact a medical helicopter. We want this program to be authentic, but we don't want anyone to die or be seriously injured...."
"And sue the pants off you!" William finishes the thought.
"Precisely."
"The Doctor is the only person with a way to communicate with the outside world?"
"Officially, yes, but I'm going to let you have one too if you promise to keep it a secret."
"Fine. Tell me, where do we purchase food or clothing?"
"There will be a General Store placed ten miles away, accessible through a path in the woods. It will just have what a store back then would have stocked. If no one knows how to spin thread or sew, you may end up wearing what you take with you for three months."
"I take it we only take clothing from that era."
"Our wardrobe department will make four outfits for each person that will be identical to the clothing worn in 1643. Since there were no washing machines, these will have to be hand washed on scubbing boards and hung out on the line to dry."
"To be fair, we should each do our own..."
"No, sorry. There was no women's movement back then, either. The women will do theirs and the men's."
"This will take an adjustment.."
"We'll hold classes for everyone the day before we go to the location, and pass out the old Rules and Regs in little booklets that everyone will have to follow. The people in the house who follow them to the letter have a better chance of winning."
"This does sound intriguing! You want me to round up the usual suspects?"
"Yes. I defer to your judgment. I'm also putting a small, a very small ad in the newspaper annoucing auditions. I don't want to be inundated with hundreds of people, so by making the ad small, hopefully we'll just get 80 or so."
"People actually want to put themselves through this do they?"
"For the novelty of it. For the chance to experience history themselves. Of course some of them have no idea just how rough the early settlers had it, so of course there'll be a few people who feel they've bitten off more than they can chew. Happens every time."
"What if one of the particpants leaves, just gets up and leaves?"
"Any house in which one or more of the people deserts the project gets demerits, which makes it very hard for them to win the money. So I can imagine the pressure on each person to stay will be intense."
"You can count me in!" William says enthusiastically.
"Good. I was hoping you'd say that. We start filming next week. So let me know how many people you know are signed on to the project, then we can fill in with others if needs be."
"There'll be a million questions!"
"Oh yes, and you can reach me day and night at this number," he gives William his card.
The waitress has passed by their booth several times, and now that there is a lull in their conversation, approaches and asks for their order.
"I want this super lunch special....." William points at the menu, then winks at Marty, "Gotta load up on calories now, because it looks like a long famine shall we say, is in the near future!"


FAMILY MEETING............by Coralynn

Everyone, including the 'family members' who live in other houses, gather around the long dining room table wondering why William called this meeting.
"My bet is that he's going to chew us out for something," Henry8 speculates.
"But what?" Bess wonders aloud.
"Who knows?" Luke answers, "I know that over at the Castle, we don't do anything to incite William's wrath. Even my playing the piano at all hours of the day and night doesn't seem to bother him. He told me that he keeps his bedroom window open to listen even in his sleep."
"William does enjoy your music," Eleanor adds, "So you're probably off the hook. Slim," he looks to their more recent 'family member,' "I know he doesn't hold you responsible for the awful things your sister does, so it can't be you he's ticked off with."
"No, that's true. WandaSue and I are far from chummy now," Slim nods his head.
"What about you, Rafe?" Hotspur asks, "Have you fallen back into your old highwayman ways and mugged any little olde ladies?"
Rafe takes it in the good humor in which it was meant, "Since I've straightened out my life, thanks to Dr. Phil, I've been a law abiding citizen. Must be something....."
He's cut off in mid-sentence as William enters the room, taking his place at the head of the table.
"Great news! great news!" he begins, "Marty Henshaw is producing a reality show....."
Groans are heard.
"Not that kind of reality show. No one has to eat bugs or brave the tropics, or try to win favor with a bachelor or any of that nonsense. No! This one is going to be like the PBS specials, you know, like Frontier House."
Everyone's expression changes to eager anticipation.
"Does he want US to be in it?" John asks.
"A lot of you, yes. Now, John, you and Rose have small children, and as we all just found out, Rose is pregnant, so the two of you would not be good on this show. Marty also pointed out that you're too high-profile."
Rose lets out a sigh of relief, "Good."
"This is a six month commitment, too, and it's going to be rough. We're going to live like they did back in 1643!"
"Where?" they all ask in concert.
"New Hamphire. The state has given him clearance to use 4 square miles for the village."
"There's a village there?" Marilyn asks excitedly.
"There's a Doctor's house and a Church........the participants have to build their own houses."
There's buzzing as the assembled 'family' tosses that around.
"Can Jerry come, too?" Eleanor asks, concerned.
"Yes. Definitely."
"How about Vinnie and Sheila?" Rose suddenly remembers them.
"We can certainly ask and see if they're interested," William replies, "Now, I got a fax from Marty just a few minutes ago, that's why I came in late, and I made copies of it. Take a look at the details and compose questions for Marty. I told him there'd be a million questions, and I doubt that's an understatement."
The papers are passed around the table and for a few minutes there's silence as the prospective participants read it over.
"So......" Eleanor finishes reading first, "This is also a contest to see which house is the most successful. I like that; brings out my competitive streak."
"Can we choose our house-mates?" Marthy asks, "I want to be with Jack."
"Of course."
"How about we single people?" Mike wants to know.
"Yeah," Moose interjects, "Do I get to live in the same house with my pal here....."
Marilyn laughs, "But no hanky-panky, right, William?"
"I'm not sure how Marty intends to handle that," William strokes his chin, "but I'm sure he'll come up with something. We're supposed to follow the rules of society that were in effect in 1643. 'Co-habitation' was a foreign concept to them. OK, now, write down your questions for Marty. Time is of the essence, because filming begins next week."
That last bit of information sends them all into high gear, writing their questions.
"OH, and I almost forgot to mention: if it didn't exist in 1643, you don't get to take it or use it. Plus, and this is very important, no time travel coins are to be taken on this venture."
Eleanor and Marilyn winks across the table at each other, then check to see if William caught it. He didn't. They grin and give each other a thumbs up.

MEANWHILE, OVER ON SYCAMORE STREET

"Aren't you done with that newspaper?" Penelope asks crossly.
"Almost. Hey, it pays to look at everything....look at this! Here's a small ad I almost missed. Says they're looking for, and I quote, "participants for a reality show, 'The 1643 House,' giving the address of the auditions. Want to try out for it?"
"Sure, why not? I've gotta get my career back. It tanked, thanks to Rose. This would get me on TV, right?"
"Right! Let's get our buns over there!" Sally rushes into her room to dress.

MEANWHLE, OVER IN PLEASANTVILLE

WandaSue is despondent. Nothing has turned out the way she planned.
The rich snobs over on Winding Willow are still riding high, winning every round, everything she's ever done to bring them down.
"I'm bored," she announces to her empty apartment, which is her stock remark.
Flipping through the newspaper, her eyes come across the word "Auditions"....she looks closer and reads the small print.
"Hmmm, babydoll, now this might just get you out of the doldrums. It would at least get you away from the rich snobs over on Winding Willow! Yes! This sounds like just what I need!" she cuts out the ad, puts it in her purse and reaches for the phone. Pushing in the numbers, she hears a man's voice answer.
"Travis! I have something for you, think you can get away from Chappaqua for the next six months?"
"The Chief suspended me from the force for the peeping-Tom incident, so I have nothing to do until I'm reinstated. What is it you have in mind?"

MEANWHILE

Daisy Moonbeam Freedom spreads the newspaper out on the floor and closes her eyes. Twirling her hand, then pointing with her index finger, she brings it down on the opened paper, then opens her eyes to see what Fate has decreed she read.
"Auditions?" she reads, then reads more avidly. "YES! This will be my ticket to becoming the most famous psychic in the country! What a great plan!" she cuts out the ad, stuffs it in her purse and goes into her room to find the loudest, most garish outfit she owns to wear to the audition.

MEANWHILE:

The phone rings several times before Vinnie is able to reach it. Snatching it up, he says breathlessly, "HI, Vinnie here!"
"Vinnie, it's Rose. Do you have time to come over some time this morning or are you working?"
"I have da morning off. What is it?"
"Pretty exciting stuff. I'll tell you when you get here. Bring Sheila, too."
"OK, we're on our way!" he hangs up and yells out, "SHEILA! We got a invite over to da big house on Winding Willow. Put on yer glad rags!"


THE AUDITIONS.............by Coralynn

Marty Henshaw gathers up his briefcase and tells his assistant, "Joan, I'll be back in a few hours. You can qualify these applicants as well as I can. We need about 8 more participants."
"How many people are in the waiting room right now?" she asks.
"When I looked out there a few minutes ago there must have been 70 or 80. See how fast you can weed them out, OK? Remember...."
"I know, we need all types! So as long as they don't look like homicidal maniacs, I'm to choose a few who have 'loser' written all over them."
"Right. See you in awhile!" Marty exists through the back of the office and is soon riding down in the elevator.
Joan has her secretary, Tom, go to the door to the waiting room and call in the first applicant.
An old man enters and sits in the chair opposite Joan. "So I get to go back in history?"
"Yes and no, first please show me the form you filled out in the waiting room." He hands her the form, which has unreadable scrawl after each qualifying question.
She finds it illegible and when she looks at the old man he appears to be drooling. Hmmmm, she thinks, 'loser' written all over him is this guy alright, but he's too extreme.
"Thank you for coming," she tells him. He leaves. She has Tom bring in the next person, which turns out to be two people; a married couple obviously.
Vinnie and Sheila hand in their form and sit on the chairs with eyes shining and bright smiles on their faces. They've just come from talking with William at the house on Winding Willow, who told them to get themselves over to the auditions right away.
"We need another married couple for our program," Joan begins, "Why do you want to be involved in the 1643 House?"
"It would be educational," Vinnie manages to say without his usual accent mangling the words.
"And I've always been fascinated by history," Sheila adds, "Especially the colonial period. I have a lot of home-making skills. I've always been curious to know if I could have done as well back in the 1600s as I do now."
"You realize that life was very tough back then," Joan points out.
"Oh yes I do. But I'm resourceful. I can make a jar of Ragu spaghetti sauce last through three whole days of meals," Sheila says proudly.
Joan writes on the bottom of their form, "Woman up for challenge."
"She's the best!" Vinnie brags.
Joan nods and puts their form in a folder with small letters printed on it saying, 'good prospects.'
"We'll be in touch," she tells them, standing, which is their clue to leave.
"You promise da phone?" Vinnie asks.
"I promise. You have an excellent chance, but I still have a roomfull of people to interview."
Vinnie and Sheila smile at each other as they exit the room.

The next applicant is also two people, both women.
Sally and Penelope hand their filled out forms across the deck to Joan and await her decision.
She glances over the information and wonders just how to phrase her question.
"You are applying as a unit?"
"Yeah."
"I see. Are you a.......a couple?" Joan hopes they are so they can have some 'different' people in the show; people who would probably run afoul of the strict societal rules.
"What da ya mean a couple?" Penelope is suspicious.
"Alright, I'll just come right out and ask you......are you lesbians?"
Penelope gets a shocked look on her face and replies hautily, "I'M not! I don't know about Sal here. She hates men, but then who in her right mind doesn't? Does that make her a......"
"No, no, not at all. I just had to ask. Now, moving on.....do you think you could survive in a setting where you have no domestic comforts?"
"Like what?"
"Like a refrigerator, a microwave...."
"I could do just fine!" Sally chimes, "Hey, I used to live....."
Penelope doesn't want Sally spilling the beans about her original timeframe, and breaks in with "Sal here is a tough cookie. Sal can survive anything."
Joan speculates that she may have indeed found a couple loose cannons who have the potential to be real pains in the neck, so she put their forms in the same pile with Vinnie and Sheila's.
"Thank you for coming. We'll be in touch," she tells them as Tom motions them out and brings in the next applicant.
This person sashays into the room in a blaze of reds and oranges, a garish scarf tied around her forehead.
Joan looks at her form, "I see you're Daisy Moonbeam Freedom. Interesting name."
"Yes, I am Daisy Moonbeam Freedon, the world's preeminent psychic!" Daisy brags, smoothing her volunimous skirt.
"Why do you want to participate in the 1643 House?"
"Because millions of people will find out about me and I will be even more famous."
"More famous? Are you famous now?"
"Of course."
"What skills would you bring with you to the project? You have to realize that life was very difficult back in 1643."
"I can make things appear," Daisy whispers intensely, "I can make a can of stew muliply into ten cans of stew!"
"Really?" Joan thinks this could be interesting. They may need someone on the program who could be accused of being a witch. How dramatic would that be?!
"We'll be in touch," she tells Daisy as she puts her form on top of Sally and Penelope's.
Daisy, however, is not ready to leave as Tom tries to escort her out. "Well?!" she glares at Joan, "Do I get to be on the show or not?"
"We'll be in touch," Joan repeats.
Daisy continues to sit on the chair. Tom gently nudges her elbow to raise her to a standing position. She shoots daggers at him. Finally he throws subtlety to the wind and says, "She said she'd be in touch. I'll escort you out now."
Daisy sniffs audibly and follows him, tossing the ends of the long silk scarf around her neck over her shoulder and, finds it caught in the door as it closes.
Joan laughs and runs over to the door, opening it just far enough to release Daisy's scarf, but not far enough for the woman to re-enter.
"Now there's a character!" she chuckles as she sits down to await the next applicant.

The next applicant is wearing a tattered leather jacket with a coonskin cap on his head. Joan raises one eyebrow, but tries to maintain an open attitude.
"I see by your application form that your name is Reckless Jones. Is that the name on your birth certificate?"
"You bet your sweet a......" the man stops himself just in time.
"Well, then, Mr. Jones, why do you want to participate in the 1643 House?"
"HA! Them greenhorns need a rugged mountain man to pertek them.....and I is he. I can kill a barr by hugging him. His innerds shoot out all over the ground when I'm done with 'em! I ken shoot the wings off a knat flying by, too. Not that a knat is goin' to hurt anione, but if anione gets out-a line, I ken shoot the varmint b'fore ya can say..."
"I get the idea, Mr. Jones, but our show is not about mountain men and guns and bears. You surely have valuable skills, and if we ever do a show about early mountain men, we'll contact you. Thank you for coming."
Reckless stands and glowers, "Ya mean, woman that yeer passin' up the toughest man in the west?"
"Yes, that's about the size of it," Joan tells him, hoping he'll leave peacefully.
He stomps toward the door, adjusting his coonskin cap and leaving behind a mighty stench which Joan sprays with Oust the minute the door closes behind him.

Joan is relieved when the next applicant enters in regular clothing instead of a costume like the last person.
WandaSue sits in the chair and smiles as sweetly as her face is capable of smiling. "Hello, I am WandaSue Montgomery. I very much would like to participate in the 1643 House. If you choose me I will work very hard to make it a success." WandaSue is proud that she got through the speech she'd been rehearsing all the way over to the audition room. That 4-syllable word was tough, but she managed it.
"Why do you want to take part?" Joan asks.
"I think American history is soooooo interesting and I have always thought I would have made a terrific early settler."
"Why? What skills do you bring to the project?"
"I am strong.....here......see this muscle?" she pulls back her sleeve and pops a very impressive arm muscle. Not very feminine, but impressive nonetheless.
"Ahhhh yes, do you work out?"
"When I get the chance. Now, listen, another reason is that the rich snobs on Winding Willow give me a hard time about being low-class, ya know? And I haveta show 'em I'M somebody, too. A TV star. Yes! WandaSue the celebrated TV star. Know what I mean?"
Joan remembers seeing the papers Marty collected from the good-sized representation he got from some people he already knew, and the name 'Winding Willow' strikes a chord.
"Ahhhhh, so you want to compete and be a champion, is that it?"
"Exactly, sister! You get it! I gotta get me some respect!"
Joan writes on the bottom of the form WSue turned in, 'Rodney Dangerfield type,' and places it in the same folder as the others who will probably be cast.
"We'll be in touch, Miss Montgomery."
"That's Mrs. Montgomery! Of course me and the Mister are estranged. But if ya wanna call me anything with a 'Miss' on it, it's Skaggs. A good old Texas name with a proud history of gittin' chased outta town by angry mobs, bein' tarred and feathered, dragged from bed kickin' and a-screamin'......."
"Excellent!" Joan rises and hopes Wandasue gets the 'it's time to leave' message. Fortunately she does and is soon back out in the waiting room.
Well, well, Joan muses, My guess is that this one has some sort of war going on with the people Marty signed up. Perfect! This will make the competition more intense and dramatic.
A few more to go, then I give my results to Marty and we get this puppy off the ground!

"Tom, bring in the next person," she tells him as she reviews the stack of 'possibles' and sees she's only short 2 of 3 people. Good; almost home.
The man who enters sits ramrod straight on the chair, looking nervous.
"I see your name is Travis McGee. Tell me, Mr. McGee, why are you interested in being in the 1643 House?"
"I lost my job," he says mournfully, "so I need to win some money. There is money involved here, right?"
"Yes, the house that does the best splits a million dollars among its members."
"Then sign me up."
"Mr. McGee, you have to give me some reason to do so. What skills do you have that would help you in a 1643 setting? It was very primitive, you understand."
"I do understand. I can do a lot of stuff, like.......uhhhhh.....I can build houses!" he lies, "I can cut down trees and farm. Yeah, I was raised on a farm. You have barnyard animals on this TV show, I'm your man!"
"How about riding a horse?"
Fear shoots across Travis' eyes, but he musters up "I was practically born in the saddle!"
"Where was your farm?"
"Oh, let's see, we lived in Missouri, Iowa, Nebraska, Michigan........we moved around a lot. Took our farm with us."
Joan laughs aloud, "You took your farm with you?"
"In a manner of speaking, yes. We took our seeds and our farm equipment and our animals........driving those cows from one state to the other was like something out of an old western movie."
Joan doubts his story, but puts his filled out form on top of the 'possibles' pile because the guy is such a loser, for sure he'd furnish comic relief.
"We'll in be touch," she tells him. He realizes the interview is over, so he stands and heads for the door, tripping over the wastebasket on his way.
After the door closes behind him Joan puts her head down on her arms and laughs, "Ohhhhh man, is this crew ever going to be wild!"

MEANWHILE:

Moose runs into the fitness center full of even more energy than usual. Daniel looks up and wonders why. "Hey, Moose!"
"Oh, Daniel! William just signed some of us up to go on a 6 month project for a television program called The 1643 House. It's going to be in New Hampshire.."
"Whoa! Whoa! Slow down...you got to be in it because William signed you up for it?"
"Yes! Marty Henshaw asked him to find some good participants.....we're going to live like it's 1643!"
"Hell, I could do that with half my brain tied behind me...say, what do you think my chances are, I mean, think William would let me sign on too?"
"Let's find out!" Moose reaches for the phone, dials it up and when luckily William answers, tries to hand the phone to Daniel, but D. whispers, 'you ask.'
Moose nods, "William! Great idea! How about Daniel going on the 1643 House project with us?"
"Daniel?!" William bellows.
"Yes."
"Daniel on the 1643 House?"
"Yes."
Rose hears William and rushes into the room, grabbing up a piece of paper and writing on it, 'Yes. Get him out of my hair for 6 months! Please!'
William gets the message and replies in a much nicer tone of voice, "Why of course I'll sign him up! Be glad to! I'll let him know when the orientation meeting is. Filming begins in a week."
"Great! Thanks!" Moose hangs up and tells Daniel, "You're IN, how about that?"
Daniel wonders how that happened, but just repeats, "Yeah, how about that?"

ORIENTATION.........by Coralynn

Marty Henshaw, Joan, and a Historian they've hired, James Edwards, look out over the assembled 1643 House participants. "I think they're all here," Joan counts noses.
"OK, then, let us begin," Marty says loudly and steps to the podium upon which he has voluminous notes.
"Welcome!" he starts, "This meeting is meant to orient you to life in 1643 so that you'll have a better idea what to expect. I have the questions you wrote down in front of me, and if I don't know the answer, Jim here can furnish the historically correct answers. We will also be distributing pamphlets full of historical information which is must reading. BE SURE to read the Rules of Colonial Society. William has been appointed Governor, and will mete out punishment to anyone breaking these rules, so don't take them lightly.
So........let me begin. Our first question is: 'Can I take birth control pills with me?' No, you may not. If it didn't exist in 1643, you don't take it or use it. I would suggest abstinance in its stead, sorry about that. Next: 'will there be a place to plug in my television?' People, people, people! Do you think there was tv back in 1643? I mean, really?! No electical outlets, no electricity, nothing. You used candles to see after the sun went down.."
Marty answers several more inane questions, then turns the podium over to James Edwards, who smiles and announces, "About living arrangements: I noticed some of you requested your housemates. If you're married of course you and your spouse will live together in the same house. If you are single, however, you must live with other single people of the same gender...." groans are heard......."so this is the tentative list of the inhabitants of each house. House #1: Celeste, Eleanor, Marilyn and Bess. House #2: Penelope Patterson (gasps are heard from the people of the big house), Sally Jennings, (more gasps), Daisy Freedom, and WandaSue Skaggs..(more gasps and protests, even from PP and Sally this time). House #3: Vinnie and Shiela Papponetti, and Jack and Marthy Stewart. House #4: Daniel Gwinett, William Conqueror, Rafe something I can't read, Jerry Palmer and Hotspur Percy. (cheers come from Hots and Rafe)......House #5: Henry Tudor, Luke something or other, people, you must learn to write more legibly, Mike, Moose, Slim Skaggs, and finally, Travis McGee."
Everyone turns in their chairs to locate Travis, and buzzing is heard. "How did that idiot get on the program?" one yells out. "Oh no, not him!" is heard. Travis sits there and grins at them all. Just you wait, he thinks, I'm going to be part of the million dollar prize, and then you'll eat crow!

Marilyn whispers to Eleanor, "I didn't see those trouble-makers when we came in!"
"We were early, remember? It never occurred to me they'd show up!" Eleanor whispers back.
Hotspur raises his hand, and is recognized. "If we have to eat what we kill or grow in the garden, we're gonna starve! What do we eat till the gardens mature?"
"Excellent question!" James Edwards tells everyone, "We will send each of you with the same amount of salted meat and canned fruits and vegetables, plus beer. The early settlers didn't drink much milk or water....didn't trust them."
"Beer?!" Slim yells out, "They drank beer? The Puritans?"
"Yes, even the children. But it was against church laws to drink to excess and become inebriated, so you'll be walking a fine line."
"How about bread?" Eleanor asks.
"They ate a lot of bread, that's true. Since you'll be growing your own wheat and making it into flour, you'll be sent with a supply of flour and a few loaves of baked bread to get you through till the wheat is ready to thresh."
"Thresh?!" Travis yells out, "How we gonna do that?!"
"The details are in the manuals we will be distributing to you on your way out."
Marthy, sitting beside Celeste, whispers, "Do you know how to make bread from flour?"
"I can try!" Celeste grins.

Sally Jennings whispers to Penelope, "This is going to be impossible!"
Penelope answers, "Hey, Sal, you still have that time travel coin?"
"Yeah."
"Be sure to bring it. We get hungry enough we can always pop back to town and get us some Crispy Cremes!"
Sally grins, "Yeaaaahhhhh."


FAREWELL, COLONISTS!.......by Terri

Rose was fuming in their room as she and John were getting dressed.
"Why? WHY? Why is Daniel invited? Is my entire life going to be me looking over my shoulder wondering where or when he will show up? What he will do to make my like miserable?"
John sat on the bed, tying his shoe. "I'm just glad I don't have to dress up. What a relief! Daniel is here because, well, he is sharing accomodations with William, Slim, Hots and Rafe. Besides, I need to talk over a few things with him." John looked under the bed for his other shoe, turned it upside down to get the dog's chewbone out of it. "Like where he put my stapler."
Rose flopped down on the bed, still in her underwear. She covered her face with her hands and moaned, "I DO NOT WANT TO GO! William invited everyone..and I mean EVERYONE!--who is going to be on that project!"
John grabbed her hands and yanked her up to a sitting position. "Honey, it is just for one night. I know, he invited Wanda Sue and that motley crew and even Travis McGee. I think he wanted to get the feel of what they will be like so he can plan his strategy. He doesn't want any surprises later on."
Rose said, "Why don't I just go down to our new house and paint? Or rearrange furniture?"
"What, and miss all the fun? I know you are going to miss Celeste." Rose said, "I know. I was talking to Billy Bob..."--and here John's eyebrows raised---
"Oh, it's not what you think! I was talking about him letting me have Juanita for the summer. The baby loved her. He agreed. He just wants her to come in twice a week and clean.I know he depends on her and he is making the sacrifice for me..."
John said, "I hope it's not an excuse to keep you manacled to him."
"Of course not!"
"Well, it sure smacks of a divorced couple sharing custody of the housekeeper."
"John, Planet is still going on. I am having to work this summer. You know Marty turned the series over to George for the summer while he is involved in the 1643 house. George and Marty knew you would be involved with the fitness center with half your staff gone. That's why they shoved Brad on a deserted island with amnesia."
"I am? You mean, they did? You mean, I have amnesia?"
Rose said, "Of course, that is why you are off the show for the summer."
John frowned, "When the 'plane' went down with Brad on it, I just thought I was on a deserted island with a couple native girls. I didn't know I am not supposed to remember it!"
"Well, you know 'Daisy' thinks 'Brad' is dead. That is why she is returning to her 'old life'. To drown out the memory."
"Rose, this idn't involving you in some seamy storylines with..underwear scenes, is it?"
Rose blushed and hem-hawed around.
"Rose? Answer me!"

She turned to face him. "Marty and I discussed it. He was furious about my pregnancy but decided to work it to his advantage. 'Daisy' turns back to what she was, but then finds herself 'with child'. Now the big question is, 'Is it Brad's or a Saturday night special?' That is the cliffhanger during sweeps week which co-incides with the Daytime Drama Awards in November. Which is also the time I am due. So Marty figures if we are up for the award, and the cliffhanger is 'whose baby is it?' and I show up pregnant and huge, it will win over the audience. Because some of them are so wrapped up in the story and believe it is real, they will think 'Daisy' really is a tramp and with child. And believe it all the more."
John said doubtfully, "Uh, huh.Right."
Rose pulled her jeans on, then safety pinned them across the top. "In about a month, I will have a little chain of safety pins across here. I can't believe how much faster I am going to have to wear maternity clothes." She slipped on a long blouse.
John gave her a kiss. "I think you are beautiful just this way! Lady Madonna! You have that Mona Lisa look about you. Now--shall we see what transpires tonight?"
Rose brushed her hair and said, "Yes! Getting rid of Daniel for six months is a dream come true! Maybe he will like it so much he'll want to go back in time!"
John shook his head. "Doubt it. He likes the Doobie Brothers too much!"

Wanda Sue pulled the invitation out of her huge purse. "Finally! An invite from the snobs at Winding Willow! Now I get to go inside--actually INSIDE!--without sneaking around and peeking in windows. I'll get to see how Rosetramp really lives!"
She pulled up to the house, slammed on the brakes and slammed her car into the driveway. "And now to hobnob with the rich and famous!"
She stepped out of her car, hitching up and adjusting her sequined skirt and pulled down her sparkly top. She stuck her gum on the steering wheel and then put her shoes on. What a deal, she thought. Little lights on the heels that don't even need a battery--I think!
She checked to make sure each of her earrings were on. Huge glass bulbs with a plastic goldfish in each one. Yeah, I look real spiffy! she thought as she looked in her side mirror. She put the invitation in her bra just in case they gave her some flak. 'Invitation To A Farewell Party'. Real classy. Gold embossed. That William is real big-time. I'll have him right where I want him. Governor--ha!

Sally Jennings held back. "Penelope, they hate me in there. I can't go in!"
Penelope tugged on Sally's reluctant form. "Would you stop being such a baby? What are you afraid of----men? You'd better get used to it. Because we may be depending on them for things. And wipe that look off your face. I don't mean that. I mean, maybe we can't figure out how to work something. So we turn on the charm and get them to do it for us. Acting like helpless females."
Sally said, "I BEG YOUR PARDON! I have never needed a man! The only thing they are good for is breeding. If that is what you want. A passel of mealy-mouthed little brats! Look what happened to Rose-tramp! She's already 'with child' for the third time! And I happen to know she's hardly twenty-three! TOLD you that John Gwinnett is just like my brother in law! Couldn't keep his breeches on. And my sister was having a baby every ten months! Just like animals, they are."
Penelope rolled her eyes. "You just don't get it, do you, Sally? Did one of them frighten you? You just don't see the fun in it!"
Sally said, "Fun? FUN???? Yeah. Right. I am just relieved that any monkey business and they get thrown in the stocks!"
Penelope muttered to herself, 'and you will be the last one in there, Sally!'

Rosamond went into the study and dialed the hospital.
"Hello?"
"Hi there, new mommy! How are you feeling?"
Beth's voice reflected pleasure. " Sore and tired but fulfilled!"
"And how is little Adam and Bridget?"
Bethia said, "Adam is a howler and Bridget is dainty and quiet but I have heard her let out a lusty cry! She will give her brother a run for his money."
Rosamond laughed. "It is amazing how Adam looks like you and Bridget resembles Roger! It should be great fun to see how they will look when they get a little age on them."
Bethia asked, "How is it going over there?"
Rosamond covered the mouthpiece. "It's just getting underway. I swear, I can't believe that William invited everyone connected with that 1643 project! I saw a glimpse of Wanda Sue as I passed the living room. She's looks like a Christmas tree."
Bethia laughed. "Would you expect any less?"
Rosamond took the walk-about phone and peeked out the doorway.
"I see Sally Jennings and Pastrami Patterson hanging back. Uh oh, Sally is giving John the evil eye. She always looks at him like he's some lech. I'll call you tomorrow and let you know how this turns out."
Bethia said, "I wish I could be there."
"I wish you could, too. We always used to laugh at the end results of William's wild parties. Is Roger planning on breaking away to join us?" "He wishes he could. But Mrs.Connelly went into labor and he's just staying here. It's convenient, actually."
Rose laughed. "Like taking you to work! You take care, sweetie! I'll stop over tomorrow morning. Bye!"
"Goodnight, Auntie Rose!" CLICK!

Vinnie and Sheila Paponetti pulled up in their car. Sheila gave Vinnie's arm a squeeze. "OK, Vinnie, be on your best behavior!"
He said, "Hey, doll, I always am. You know dat!"
"THAT! It's THAT! Not 'dat'"
Vinnie sighed. "Yeah. Everyone conce and a while the old Vinnie slips out. Something I never told you, Sheila."
"What's that, honeybun?"
"That Eleanor, she's a sugar-pie. Jerry used to say, 'Dat El is a real peach!' But she didn't like it so he stopped. Anyhow, Ive been meeting Miss Eleanor secretly."
Sheila's eyebrows shot up to the roots of her black hair. "What??" Vinnie grinned. "Miss El has been meeting me once a week. She's been learning---'scuse me----teaching me the English language and polishing up my manners. Haven't you noticed, Sheila?"
Sheila gave his arm a squeeze. "Oh, Vinnie! How wonderful!"
Vinnie smiled proudly. "Yep! She's getting me enrolled in something called...trade school--Sheila, honey, I am going to be a cabinetmaker! She's getting me a job with Murph, the guy who built Rose and John's house. She says I got talent. And she didn't want anyone to know she's been doing this good thing for me. This project will be a godsend, she says. On account of I can make the furniture and I will get recognition. I can make furniture on the side and work for Murph during the day. Can ya imagine it? Stickney..Chippendale....people will be clamoring to buy a Paponnetti!!"
Sheila's face shone. "I always knew you weren't a bum, like my daddy thought!"
Vinnie laughed. "And are you ready to launch off this expedition?"
Sheila's voice reflected her pride for Vinnie. "Oh, Vinnie! What a big word for you! Expedition! Even if you can't spell it!"
And with that, they joined the others.

Daniel walked over to the cooler filled with bottles of beer and ice. He picked one up and twisted off the cap. He walked outside into the cool night air. Hotspur and Rafe were sitting in the lawn chairs out by the patio.
Daniel heard Rafe say, "...and with the million we share I can finally buy a condo. A place to call me own."
Hotspur said, "They are building those new condos out on Rt. 141. It would be perfect for you. Jerry is turning the real estate office over to Connie Ramsey while we are gone. It will be slower after July."
Daniel sat down and put his feet up. "Stick with me, guys. The money is as good as in the bank!"
Hots said, "How so, Daniel? You know something we don't?"
Daniel took a long swallow on his beer bottle. "May I remind you who came out of the 1640's a mere two years ago?"
Rafe and Hots exchanged looks. "You?"
" 'YOU?' 'YOU'? Better damn well believe 'you'! I can do this with my hands tied behind my back!"
Rafe said, "HA! Bet you end up in the stocks in the first week!"
Daniel grinned. "Never got there in the 1640's, what makes you think I will this time?"
Hot said, "Because you have William as Governor and a whole flock of females that are not going to swoon to your every move, that's why!"
Daniel sighed, "Yeah. The babes are really slim pickin's. Kinda wish.."
"Wish what?"
"Nothing."
"No, go ahead, Daniel."
"Wish John was going. I'd enjoy beating the pants off him."
"But, Daniel, from what I hear, John is the one who made that homestead work. Weren't you kind of a...wastrel?"
Daniel said hotly, "Was not!"
"Were too! Heard all you did was wench and make spirits and sell it to the Indians. Which was illegal, by the way."
Daniel said, "Well...yes. I did get fined a few shillings here and there. But there won't be any Indians this time. John couldn't last a month out there now."
"How do you figure that, Daniel?" Rafe said.
Daniel grinned, took his beer bottle and headed for the cooler again. "You know what they say...'How ya gonna keep 'em down on the farm?'..."
Hots said, "..After they've seen Gay Paree?'"
Daniel said over his shoulder, "No. After you've seen Rose in a bikini!" And he headed into the kitchen, singing, "A Kiss From a Rose."

Daisy Moonbeam Freedom put on her turban and matching caftan. She slipped her feet into sandals. She slipped the gigantic hoops in her ears and put on her neon blue eyeshadow and deep rose blush. She surveyed herself in the mirror.
I may as well advertise! Psychic to the stars! Jeanne Dixon, move over! Ha! Celeste! What a hack she is! A dog and pony show! At Woodstock she couldn't even hold a candle to me!
She threw her humongous purse into the seat of the VW Bug.
"RRRRR...RRRRRR...RRRRR!"
Daisy got out of her car and folded her arms like I Dream of Jeannie and intoned, "If you keep up this crap, I swear you will be scrap!"
She got back into her car and turned the ignition over. It started like a charm.
Daisy smiled in satisfaction and hit the steering wheel. "HA! Just got to threaten to kick the..."
CLUNK!
She shifted into second gear and lurched down the street. When I win that million, I see a new Bug in my future. Yep, think I will buy a '79!

She parked in the driveway and stomped up to the door, her cape flapping in the spring breeze. Celeste opened the door even before Daisy could knock.
Daisy said reluctantly, "I see you haven't lost ALL your powers, Celeste!" Celeste said, "No, I haven't. Help yourself to some.."
"Punch?"
"Yes."
Daisy went inside and headed straight to the punchbowl.
Marilyn took Celeste aside. "You knew she was at the door, didn't you?"
Celeste smiled slightly, "No. I was just going outside to pick up Will's sweater. Let her think what she wants."

Daisy stood before the punchbowl, dipping the punch ladle in and filling her glass.
Rosamond came over to get a glass. Daisy stiffened, turned around to Rose and put her hands on Rose's abdomen. She said in an imperious voice, "You are upset, my dear, because you are barren. Alas, I see no children in your future. Blocked Fallopian tubes. You ate too much cheese and now they are all clogged up. You must get used to a life of infertility."
Rose stood there, astonished. She was too shocked to say anything. To Hotspur, she said, "I am sorry your wife is unfruitful. Maybe because you come from a family of dwarfs."
Hotspur said, "Dwarfs? My father is 6'5"! And that is not.."
Rose grabbed Hotspur by the arm and said, "Let's go, dear. We will have to adopt, I guess."
Hotspur said, "Huh? But Rose..."
Daisy walked over to the buffet table. Don't need to be a psychic to tell me that Celeste put this together. Figures. Fancy food but not filling. HA! She was always such a hypocrite. I don't see any granola or whole wheat here. No tofu. No alfalfa sprouts. She didn't learn a thing at our Rainbow Connection Commune!

Celeste whispered to Marilyn, "Watch Daisy work a room! She's going to have wacky predictions for everyone here!"

Daisy loaded up her plate with celery and carrots, topped with bleu cheese dressing.
She bumped into John. "Ah! You are upset and depressed because you feel you will never find a woman to love you. Never fear! You are right. You never will. You are doomed to a life of loneliness and despair. And die alone and unloved."
John said, "Wh..what are you talking about?"
But Daisy moved on. She saw Rafe and Slim talking, "Gentlemen! Having a good time?"
They didn't know what to say so they just nodded. She nodded wisely and said, "Never fear. The two of you can always get married in San Francisco."
They looked at each other and shrugged. Rafe said, "Yeah, San Francisco would be good for a honeymoon."
Slim said, "Personally I prefer Telluride."
Daisy said, "Oh, well. You will work it out between you. Congratulations!"
Rafe said, "HEY! It's not what you think...."
But by then Daisy had moved over to the dessert table.

She cut a big slice of cheesecake and topped it with cherries. Then she moved on to a big sheetcake that was bakery-decorated.
FAREWELL CIVILIZATION, HELLO WILDERNESS
Ah! Chocolate! Probably the last chocolate we will have for a long time! Daisy took a big forkful and delighted in the essence of it. Daniel came up next to her and took a slice for himself. He also had a beer.
He turned to Daisy and said, "Chocolate cake and beer! Nothing like it in the world!"
Daisy laid her hand on Daniel's and intoned, "I see you are in love with a woman. This woman has been reluctant to show her true feelings. But never fear! The woman will come to you of her own free will! She has already given you a wonderful gift! Yet she will deny it. Persevere, young man!"
Daisy turned and walked away.
Daniel looked after her in wonder. Reluctant to show her true feelings? A gift? That could only mean...JULIE!! And when I win that million, or a portion of it, I'll win fair lady's heart!

William tapped on the side of his glass with his fork. Everyone ignored him. He tapped louder. No response. He glanced at Hotspur. Hots bellowed out, "HEY!! SHUT UP! WILLIAM WANTS TO SPEAK!"
William nodded a thanks to Hots and said, "Colonists? We are about to embark on a journey that will be unprecedented. I trust you all have read the manual that Marty Henshaw has given us. The rules and regulations are clearly outlined. Any deviation from it and you will find yourselves fined or in the stocks. If you feel you are not up for it, now is the time to bow out. Anyone?"
No one raised their hands.
William said, "Then let us celebrate this last night of civilization. As an esteemed couple, Bill and Ted once said, 'Party on, dudes!' " Everyone clapped. The food and the drink kept everyone fueled into the night.


CIVILIZATION IN A DUFFEL BAG.......by Terri

The party wound down. William clapped his hands and said, "I think we should all get a good night's sleep. And we each have our duffel bags. Please be sure to pack your manuals. I am putting everyone on the honor system as to what goes in them. I think we are all adult and can trust each other not to bring anything superfluous or modern."
He headed up the stairs, confident that the group would obey his rules. Yeah. Right. He forgot who he was dealing with here.

Eleanor reached under her mattress. Trusty old stun gun! I probably will need it to keep Daniel in line. It doesn't hurt to pack a dagger or two. And a nail file.

Marilyn emptied her cosmetic bag. Moisturizer...there is no way I am leaving without that! And some 40 volume peroxide...and a dozen tubes of 'ultra pale ash blonde'. I wonder how it reacts with cistern water?

Bess looked around her room. Teddy! I can't possibly leave YOU behind! Now that Marthy is married, I would have no one to listen to me! She took him carefully off her bed and wrapped him in her plaid blanket. Surely they had teddy bears in the 17th century....

Marthy and Jack snuggled in the warmth of their bed. She whispered, "Jack? It is going to be a long six months. I can't see abstinence as an alternative. After all, we have only been married five months. Don't let on...but I DID refill my prescription and we are all set for the duration."
Jack laughed. "Good thinking, Marthy! But one thing---if we DID have a little one, would he be a time traveler? Conceived in a 17th century surrounding, to 13th century parents and born in the 21st century." Marthy kissed him and said, "I thought there wasn't going to be any math...."

Slim looked in his dresser drawer. "Advance Macking Manual..." Should pack it. I may need it for some suave lines I can use on Bess. After all, no more movie dates, no more car races...we just may have to spend the entire evenings TALKING!!
Nothing to do..no restaurants. Just walks in the woods...hmmmm...no, we'd end up in the stocks and everyone would know why...
Guess I have to rely on the gift of gab!

Rafe went to his bookshelf. How am I gonna survive without your advice, Dr. Phil? No one to rhetorically ask me, 'How's that working for ya?'
He packed Dr. Phil's book, "Self Matters." And no highwayman stuff either. Even if I were still into that, no one has anything I would be tempted to steal!

Rosamond hung the receiver up. John said sleepily, "Who was on the phone, hon?"
Rose rolled over, taking her share of the blankets. "Wrong number, John. Go back to sleep."
"Oh....OK."
Rosamond punched her pillow in frustration. Yeah, I know who called. I heard Alan Jackson in the background. Daniel. Crying in his beer. She drifted back to sleep, dreams of being chased through the woods by a half-man, half horse. What was it? A centaur. The centaur had the face of Daniel.
She woke up with a stifled scream, realized it was a dream and laughed to herself shakily. I always knew Daniel was a horse's ass.


Celeste was downstairs, cooking breakfast. All the 1643 Colonists were crowded in the kitchen. Plates of bacon, eggs, sausage, ham and biscuits floated by.
Even the Wanda Sue brigade was there. Of course, people were divided into camps.
Rosamond and John came downstairs.
"It's a farewell breakfast," William explained.
Daniel was there, grinning at Rose. She ignored him and got a plate. John poured coffee. "By the time you get back, William, we will be out of the house."
William clapped him on the back. "A favor, if I may ask, John."
"Sure, Dad."
"Meg and Rhys are staying in the house while we are gone. Keep an eye on them, would you? Make sure they know about appliances? I would hate for Megaera to wash the dishes in the washing machine."
"Never fear, I will have Rose show her how everything works."
William groaned. "Now we ARE in trouble. Keep an eye on Bethia, too. I know she has Roger, but the more the merrier. Keep watch over each other."
John glanced at Daniel who was going back for thirds. "I think half my problems are going with you."
William said, "Right you are. There is a general store that we will have mail delivered. Please keep us informed of how the children are, yours and Bethie's. I am saddened to leave you at such a time. But it is an opportunity I can't pass up."
"Understood, William. Be careful. Look out for Celeste."
William said, "I am sorry to take Celeste away from the children. But she is indispensable to the Colony project. She's so...level-headed. We need that."
John thought to himself, 'yeah, right, William. You can't fool us. YOU need her.' But he didn't say it. Instead, he said, "We have the use of Juanita from Montgomery. Wonder what he wants out of me for it?"
William clapped John on the back and said, "Probably your jacket!"

Rosamond walked out in the bright sunshine to the patio. She took her morning coffee and sat in the lounge chair, leaning back, closing her eyes and letting the sun kiss her face.
"You'll miss me."
Rose didn't even have to open her eyes to answer. "Not a chance."
Scraping of a chair pulling up next to her. She ignored it. Soft fingers trailing up and down her arm. She jerked her arm away. "I'll miss you." he said huskily.
"That's your misfortune."
Rose got up to leave. Daniel followed her. He grabbed her arms. "I've always wanted to act out that scene from 'Gone With the Wind'". he said.
Rose retorted, "I'll just bet you do. The scene with her in the red velvet robe and Rhett carrying her up the staircase, right?"
Daniel grinned evily. "Well, no, but now that you mention it.."
"Go to hell, Daniel."
Daniel said, "No, that one with them on the bridge on the road to Tara, when Rhett leaves her to join the army."
Daniel put his arms around her. Rosamond unconsciously repeated Scarlett's lines. "Don't hold me like that!"
Daniel said, "Rosamond, look at me. I love you more than I've ever loved any woman. And I've waited longer for you than I've ever waited for any woman."
Daniel pressed his lips to Rosamond's. Rosamond pushed him. "Let me alone!"
Daniel said, "Here's a soldier of the South--or New York, if you please---that loves you, Rosamond. Wants to feel your arms around him, wants to carry the memory of your kisses into battle--or the wilderness, I guess--with him. Never mind about loving me. Your'e a woman who's sending a soldier--ora Colonist--to his death--or six months, whatever comes first!---with a beautiful memory. 'Scarlett' --or Rosamond---kiss me, kiss me once."
Rosamond pushed Daniel away. "You're a low-down, cowardly, nasty thing, you! They were right. Everyone was right, you--you aren't a gentleman." Daniel grinned. "A minor point at such a moment."

Rosamond turned on her heel and walked away. Daniel laughed. She repeated every line, word for word, of that scene on the bridge! Consciously or unconsciously, she's going to miss me!

Rose ran into the house, her face flaming. She felt a slight cramp. Oh, no! Not like it was with Julie, please, God! She bent over and the pain subsided.
John came over to her, alarmed. "Rose? You allright?"
"Yes, John. Six months of rest and relaxation. I can't wait!"
William looked out the window. "Bus is here, fellow Colonists!"
Everyone looked. It was a beautiful bus-coach, the kind used for tourists.
Rafe said, "At least we don't have to ride in wagons!"
Hotspur said, "Shhh! Don't give them any ideas!"
Dufflebags were loaded. William mused, things see quite dense and heavy in these. Especially that Wanda Sue's. Man could get a hernia just hauling her stuff around!

William clapped his hands. "Head count!"
He counted by twos and came up with the correct number. Goodbyes were said all around with plenty of tears shed.
William took little Will aside and said, "I want you to be a man and take care of your parents, Will. Look after them."
Will grinned, "I will. You don't have to say it, Poppy William. Mommy is a ditz!"
William's mouth dropped open as the brilliant child scampered off. Celeste hugged and kissed Rose and John and pinched Julie's cheek. Julie cried and tried to put her arms out for Celeste to take her. Celeste said, "Oh, dear! That breaks my heart!" She tried to wipe a tear from her own eyes.

William boomed out, "These goodbyes have gone on long enought. Let's all get in the bus!"
People filed on, shouting out their goodbyes.
Daniel hung back. As he walked towards the bus, he grabbed Rose and laid one on her. "Just taking a beautiful memory into battle with me!"
He boarded the bus. He was the last one. No one but Daniel heard the sound of a galvanized steel bucket as it hit the bus doors.

And the bus, filled with the Colonists, headed for the wilds of New Hampshire. Right. New Hampshire--the final frontier. These will be the experiences of the New York Colonists. To explore new life and new civilizations. To boldly go where no man had gone before...
Except colonists 400 years ago.
No softies need apply!

on to next part of STORY
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