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Unlike some deities we could name, The Potato God does not mind when His worshippers, or even infidels, ask questions about Him. But He gets irritated when they ask the same stupid questions time after time. So we here at The Potato God Worship Center have created this FAQ to guide the questioning soul. Be warned: the All-Seeing Vegetable knows what is on this page. If you ask Him something that is dealt with here, He will come break your toilet and put pineapples under the seat of your car.
- The Potato God? Yeah right, give me a break. Where do you guys think up this crap?
We are college students. For more detail, check out the History Page.
- So why would I want to worship a potato?
You are not asked to worship a potato. The Potato God is not the physical object sold in grocery stores with PLUs of 4072, 4726, 4091 and 4073, among others. The Potato God is a transcendental being who chooses to represent Himself as a 4073.
- So those French fries I just ate were made out of His symbol, not His actual body?
Exactly. The starchy goodness of potatoes is here for us to enjoy with His blessing.
- Why a potato? Why not something that inspires a bit more fear, like the Jaguar God or the Twenty-Page Research Paper God or the Excessive Media Coverage Of Y2K Which Is Not Even Really The Start Of The New Millennium God?
Potatoes embody everything that The Potato is. Consider:
- He is benevolent: Potatoes are the ultimate health food -- no fat, no cholesterol, and lots of carbohydrates for energy. And potatoes can be a vehicle for many yummy toppings, like sour cream, butter, gravy, and cheese.
- He is ubiquitous and infinitely plastic: In His golden age in pre-Colombian Peru, over 300 types of potatoes were grown. And today potatoes are availible baked, roasted, mashed, French fried (curly, waffle, steak, zigzag, homefries, McDonald's style, or wedge), or as hash browns, potato bread, pierogies, and chips of all flavors and textures.
- He is conveniently portable: It's no big hassle to carry a potato around. And The Potato God is always there for you, not just when you're logged on to The Potato God Worship Center (though that's no reason not to visit The Potato God Worship Center as often as possible).
- He cannot be easily killed: Other plants rely on their seeds to reproduce. But if even a single scrap of tuber remains, chances are it will include an eye, from which the potato may regrow itself.
- You're weird.
That's not a question.
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