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Bass Player Infractions


BASS PLAYER
Infractions



(Forwarded in an email to
R. STEVIE MOORE,
the World's GREATEST Bassist)









NAME OF OFFENDER (Bass Player)

_______________________


INFRACTION DATE

_______________________



MUSICAL OFFENSES

[ ] Playing loudly during warm up             $10
[ ] Sound-checking amp with funk slapping     $25
[ ] Loud cursing after mistake               $10
[ ] Playing high and fast after mistake       $20
[ ] Practicing 2-handed tapping between tunes $20
[ ] Asking for "E" tuning note               $25
[ ] Playing E anyway when horns tune to Bb   $50
[ ] Playing written-out walking line         $50
[ ] Failure to play written walking line     $75
[ ] Writing note names over ledger-line notes $50
[ ] Writing beat numbers under dotted figures $50
[ ] Playing eighth notes                     $5 each
[ ] Playing sixteenth notes                   $10 each
[ ] Playing above 1st octave           immediate dismissal
[ ] Dragging fast tempo                       $75
[ ] Dragging ballad tempo                     $100
[ ] Blacking out during ballad               $200
[ ] Ignoring drummer's tempo                 $100
[ ] Following drummer's tempo                 $250
[ ] Asking to borrow Real Book for All Of Me $1000


UPRIGHT PLAYERS

[ ] Showing up before first downbeat         $25
[ ] Playing audibly                           $25
[ ] Faking changes                           $25
[ ] Slapping                                 $150
[ ] Missing tutti lick, then mentioning vintage of bass $25
[ ] Excessive sweating                       $25
[ ] Pedal point double-stops during horn solo $50
[ ] Asking leader for a solo                 $30
[ ] Accepting solo when offerred             $50
[ ] Taking second chorus                     $100
[ ] Playing solo arco                         $400
[ ] Pretending to check tuning after playing out of tune       $100
[ ] Playing "A Train" ending on every tune   $200
[ ] Playing extended "A Train" ending on every tune             $500



ELECTRIC PLAYERS

[ ] Checking hair between tunes                 $15
[ ] Experimenting with odd meters               $25
[ ] Missing root at end of blistering fill       $25
[ ] Playing with a pick                         $50
[ ] Tuning during ballad                         $30
[ ] Playing Jaco groove on samba                 $75
[ ] Playing Jaco samba groove on ballad         $150
[ ] Attempting last word on final chord         $50
[ ] Achieving last word on final chord           $100
[ ] Long gliss down to final note               $200



EQUIPMENT VIOLATIONS - ELECTRIC

[ ] Forgetting strap                       $10
[ ] Changing strings after every set       $15
[ ] Using electric tuner                   $15
[ ] Setting up mic "just in case"         $75
[ ] Forgetting to turn amp on             $40
[ ] Bringing amp larger than 1 person can carry in 1 trip       $50
[ ] Asking horn player for help moving amp $25
[ ] Bringing custom-made bass     $100 per string above 4
[ ] Bringing more than 1 bass     $100 per extra bass
[ ] Skull decals on bass                   $150
[ ] Bringing fretless bass                 $500



CRIMINAL BAD TASTE

[ ] Telling bone player about all the gigs you get       $10
[ ] Asking bone player about their day gig $10
[ ] Sitting behind drums on break           $10
[ ] Quoting "Birdland"                     $25
[ ] Practicing scales during break         $25
[ ] Practicing scales during drum solo     $50
[ ] Practicing                             $150
[ ] Beginning a sentence with "When I was a guitar player..."       $50
[ ] Casually mentioning to Musical Director of cheap theater that you are "into sequencing" $100



BASIC STUPIDITY

[ ] Wearing old Buddy Rich tour shirt         $10
[ ] Wearing new Whitesnake tour shirt         $20
[ ] Asking when the rock set starts           $20
[ ] Continually asking "where are we?"       $25
[ ] Continually shouting "Yeah!"             $25
[ ] Asking bone player where "1" is           $50
[ ] Taking cell phone call during 4's $100








Give the DRUMMER some!!





MY DAD, BOB
"World's SECOND greatest
BASSIST"








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