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Articles copyright - the legislation, the options, how and when to register rhyme schemes - list of the names and types of rhyme song check list - A list of questions to ask yourself to help you decide whether you have written a classic song. Chord Map in the key of C - Copied, with permission from Steve Mugglin's wonderful site "Music Theory for Songwriters." 10 song writing blunders - a comparison between classic songs & indie/demo recordings - kindly supplied by Roedy Black. 36 rules for bands - a light-hearted look at things to avoid. Publishing basics - kindly supplied by Irene Jackson How good your demo should be? - including tips on marketing A songwriters collaboration agreement - for those that think they need one. How to make a $million from your music - the secret information they don't want you to know. How to make a $million from your music Part II - A list of some of the more dubious ways to part a musician and songwriter from their hard-earned cash. How to make a $million from your music Part III (UK-version) - a light-hearted look at some of the advice available (for a price) on the net. Links including for wordsmiths, music makers, general song writing groups, songwriter web rings and fellow song writers with helpful tips/links including for singing, piano, guitar, drums, harp, ear training and on line music stores. including software, home recording advice, singer/song writer services, preparing for the studio, recording studios. including loops, sf2, royalty free Including critique boards, promotion and critique boards including band registration sites, lyric sites, further link sites, genre specific sites, humour, and miscellaneous links Online facilities- radio & magazines internet radio, magazines. Copyright and royalty collection agencies, song writer and musician organisations, legal advice sites, including a separate UK listing for the same Chat rooms and message boards :- Where a copyright is claimed be sure to ask the copyright holder, other than that, you are welcome to use any other page for your own site, please let me know so I can add a link to you.
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Richhoncho's Songwriters Links Advice for the UK music scene Having spent sometime listening and studying the UK market (a lifetime, since
you ask) I have decided I should make a list of dos and don'ts for 21st
Century: -
Firstly, never call them "HIT CHOONS" - the hitting of CHOONS has been illegal
for many years in the UK and quite rightly so in my opinion.
The average age of everybody involved should never be more than 25 (including
manager and recording engineer), but tell the press you're all under 21.
Never work with anybody aged over 30 (unless it's Pete Waterman).
Never slag off non-hit song-type artists like Dylan, Stones - you have never
heard of them.
You may say The Beatles are good but only admit to hearing songs off their
greatest hits albums (that's the red and white albums only) when you were young
and visiting your grandmother's.
Any record/artist who has not been in the charts in the past 3 months is
rubbish - if you bought/acquired a copy throw it away, NOW.
Only listen to top 40 format radio stations. We like to call this "listening to the Bible"
because you cannot be successful without listening to what is going on NOW.
No more than 29 words in the lyrics and NEVER use a word with 3 or more
syllables. However, you may repeat verses, bridges and choruses as often as you
like - nobody will notice.
There are only two subject matters suitable the lyrics of a hit single - sex and more sex.
Never use augmented chords - it's a waste of time - you could write another HIT
TOON in the time that it takes to fit an augmented chord into your song.
Never write a song at less than 105 bpm (unless it's for the third release
after 2 HIT TOONS), then tell everybody you wanted to stretch yourself
artistically, but still keep with 29 words and no augmented chords.
Your song should not only be radio friendly, but also club friendly, so at
least 2 mixes, and logical places for the DJ's to put a fade in a) at 2
minutes, b) 3.30 minutes and an intro for the DJ to whinge over, and for the
clubs, 5 minutes. Also put a place for a fade anywhere else a DJ might want a
fade.
Do not use any guitars - use synthetic sounds that are original.
A real drummer will never provide you with the authentic sound you can get
with drum loops.
The important part is you need at least 100 tracks of individually recorded vocal
tracks - no matter that the pros can get the same effect with electronics.
Don't worry if your pitch is less than perfect - any worthwhile producer knows
how to use "autotune" which will get your motor up and running.
If you have less than a perfect body either don't bother or try plastic surgery
(this applies to both sexes).
Wear skimpy tops and let your audience see you pecs (this applies to male and
female too).
Practice is important : Stand in front of the mirror every morning for at least one
hour saying "I am wonderful, I am honest, I am God's gift to the world".
You can also practice your miming technique at the same time.
Be prepared to make statements like "I really care about poverty" but make
certain anybody on your payroll is living below the poverty level.
Drive the flashiest car you can steal/borrow/buy, the most expensive, wear most
up-to-date fashions. It is absolutely no good being 20 minutes out-of-date.
Be prepared to spend at least £100,000 ($183,000) on each of the 2 videos for
the first single, and correspondingly more for the follow-up.
Your main squeeze should have had a hit record in the past 6 months or be a
television presenter - if they don't - get rid of them.
Do not surround yourself with failures, only the best self-promoters.
A good dance instructor is important, if not learn all the dance steps from
current hits. If anybody mentions Fred Astaire, say, "that's in Tunisia, in'it?"
Pay no attention to any advice given to you from amateurs - i.e. internet talkers
and whiners, your mother, your doctor, your financial adviser, old has-beens who
tell you they were big, winners of "Stars In Their Own Eyes" etc.
The image is all, so you will have to decide whether you want to be good/bad.
For instance, being "bad" is more fun. So HINT to the press and anybody else
who will listen all about your drug /sex /black magic/sheep addictions (but no
details re: aspirin, 5 minute fumbles, horoscopes and woolly jumpers), you can
still wear your favourite carpet slippers - just don't let anybody see you do
it.
Never over expose yourself artistically, never do gigs like Earls Court,
Millwall, etc until you are over the top (that means past it).
Never go too big on "truth" - it has a habit of having occurred, whereas lies
are much more helpful to your cause.
Never admit to have been advised, voice trained, musically trained - it's just
not cool.
To use this free information you must send me a signed photograph of yourself
(preferably holding an obscure 60's album - preferably a vocal trio) saying "thank you
for your help and advice". If I am quick enough I will be able to practice blackmail,
bribery and deceit and earn lots of money at your expense.
FINALLY, if you follow the above instructions and PROVIDING nobody does it
better than you - you will have a HIT TOON and possibly THREE (that slow
artistic number will probably be the kiss of death).
THIS IS IMPORTANT: - Because the UK market is so small and the money expended
to have those HIT TOONS is so much you will now be bankrupt. So call me, I know
a very good "Insolvency Practitioner" who will be able to make more money out
of you than you ever can.
Dic@The Frivolous Writers Guide
(I was big before your mother was born)
www.makeacompletetitofyourself.co.uk
PS. If you think this necessary regime is not for you, please ignore it, write
songs for the fun and enjoyment of it and ignore anybody (including me) who
tells you what to do - tell them to "go fifth and do NOT multiply". Unlike some
who tell you they are "serious" we appreciate music for music's sake, not the
potential financial reward attached to them.
PPS We also appreciate that not everybody in the UK has had to use all the
techniques stated in here to be successful ;)
PPPS I've had great fun writing this load of codswollop :) but I feel sorry for
you if you are reading this far down the post
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