One day about seven years ago I awoke from a restless night sleep and realized that I needed someone in my life. I couldn't shake the feeling. I had no idea that I was about to change my whole life. I had been in a relationship that no longer held its companionship as I had grown up and inevitably apart. I had been working in the same job for many years. Like most of us, at times, I had given up on the idea that I could change and was willing to accept that what I had was all that was on offer in this life. I was thankful for my home, children, partner, job and friends. I was thankful because it seemed to be the right thing to say and do. I had responsibilities and this was my lot this time around. Don't get the wrong idea I loved everybody. What happened was that the one person I really needed to love was myself and that in appreciating my life I really needed to feel loved, I needed to feel the love I had inside me for life.

To add to my restlessness I had recently been diagnosed with a chronic illness, I didn't understand that at all. My father had just had a heart attack and was very ill requiring surgery, my favourite uncle had just passed on. I hadn't realized it before but I was lost. I was in a world that was confronting me with emotional issues that I really hadn't stopped to think about. I grew up knowing about life and death, three of my siblings had passed away from cystic fibrosis. Although I had prayed and hoped that somewhere in the universe it all made sense I never really felt it in my heart. I had never really looked at myself deeply.

Well that all changed. I started investigating myself, my motives and how I had come to this point in my life. Foremost on my mind was my siblings. If I knew where they were then the anxieties I felt about my current situation would be alleviated and many questions I had asked would be answered. I started praying! I asked over and over again for some sign. For an Answer! I started exploring the world of metaphysics. I read everything I could get my hands on. In theory it all seemed quite logical. Theory was not enough for me. I realised that really the only way I ever truly learn is by experience.

This posed the challenge I needed. If all that I read made sense then why couldn’t I hear the words of the Angels? Why couldn’t I contact my siblings. I started meditating, focusing all the time I could in my busy life on looking deep at myself. I wanted to talk about it, I wanted to live it. The harder I tried, the further I distanced myself from the goal. Where were they? I called out to the Angels and begged that they show me the way.

The Angels must have giggled at first, the stubborn streak that often can be my undoing was going to see me through this one.

I started to feel, extraordinary moments of complete bliss. I had started work to release years of anger and sadness. I didn’t realise then that I was on the right path but I had found the key. Energy was all that I required. Focus my energy on myself and watch the world within reveal its true nature.

Two big hurdles lay ahead. Trust and forgiveness. Trusting and forgiving others came easy. Why would I condemn everyone for doing their best and revealing their lessons and more importantly their humanness?

What I hadn’t done for the longest time was trust myself. What I really needed was to forgive myself.

I set myself a quest. Start the day trusting in my own instincts, trust that I would lead myself to the answers. Surely enough the magical world started unveiling itself to me. I trusted that what I heard was right, I trusted that what I felt was true. Suddenly life became easier. When I looked for something there it was. I still prayed, I still talked to my angels for guidance and asked for their help. I wanted CONFIRMATION.

I am reassured by my angels now that the crash course I undertook to grow was a hoot for them. I found myself slipping into the flow of synchronicity. Angels were by my side I believed. I was going to catch up with them before they caught up with me. The game was afoot.

The next big leap was forgiveness. This one took me by surprise. I did the visualisations. I meditated happily away. As usual, true growth came from being tested in the outside world. Sure enough I hit it head on. I was not only being asked to forgive myself but I was also being asked to embrace myself completely. To be complete we should look at the shadow of ourselves. We do not have to live the darker side but yes it exists in all of us. My task was to accept, embrace and forgive this part of me. Well, needless to say I took up the challenge and what a merry chase, I spun myself in circles. I didn’t know which way to turn when I played the game of hide and seek with my shadow. Oh boy! now Peter Pan had my sympathy, the fine art of empathy comes from wrestling with yourself.

What happened? My Angels came.

The morning that changed my direction in life, I woke and realised I couldn’t work. I needed time out. A blanket of snow had fallen during the night. I had no urge to soldier on. I wanted to walk in the Park and play with my children. Although some people might think that is irresponsible in the normal course of their life. I chose to give myself space. I needed time to assimilate.

We all put on our coats, I decided to dig deep into my wardrobe and put on my sisters coat that I had kept. Reaching into the pockets I felt something, an ancient tissue? No a handful of seeds and a letter.

The letter was written by my sister, I assume many years ago. The amazing thing was that it had answered the questions I had been posing. Where ? Why? The simple words of love brought me to tears, re-opened my heart and let the anxiety fade from my life. As she stated “ All was well”.

I dried my tears and headed out to play in the snow with my sons. I had promised a friend that I would make a snow Angel and photograph it for her when next it snowed. So with camera in hand I played all morning with my children, the weight of my world taken from my shoulders.

After spending the morning making snowmen and photographing the fun in the snow, we made our way home. As I reached the front door I realised that I hadn’t made the snow Angel. I decided that I would send her a photo of the children playing as they were my Angels.

I had the photos developed a few days later, at first I was disappointed that on first glance the images weren’t as good as I had liked. Then I saw it. A picture of my three sons in the snow throwing snow balls. One of the snow balls had split apart and the image of an Angel was in the centre.

I laughed and I cried. Thankyou Angels. I received my confirmation. My friend also got her snow Angel.

Since I took that photo I have received many messages, love and signs from angels helping me direct my life and my energy. They have listened to my worries, dried my tears, held me close and smiled down on me. More importantly they have walked the distance with me. I have never woken up feeling alone. I have slipped at times and they have been there to hold me true.

What have I received from my Angels? The courage to look deep within, the courage to change my life, guidance and comfort. Now I know I am lucky, now I know I am always loved.

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