(From Joe Bob's Ultimate B Movie Guide)
Siskel the Simp and Ebert the Wimp have been mouthin off again about "senseless violence" and dumpin on a flick called "The Hitcher." I was gonna pass it up, cause I thought it was an art flick like Poltergeist, but ever since they made I Spit On Your Grave famous by declaring it the scummiest movie ever made, I've depended on their recommendations. And once again, they've sniffed out a drive-in classic.© 2000 Joe Bob Briggs. All Rights Reserved. Not an AOL Time-Warner Company in this lifetime. "The Hitcher" availability on video and on DVD
This is the finest movie ever made about why it's definitely not a good idea to pick up a hitchhiking Dutch actor on a Texas highway at night in the middle of a rainstorm, specially if he carries a switchblade, smells bad, and says stuff like, "First I cut off his legs. And his arms. And his head." But this kid DOES pick up Rutger Hauer, and pretty soon the hitcher is following him everywhere, rammin him with a pickup, blowin up gas stations, icing every cop in sight and framing the kid for it. Then, after they've wasted every cop vehicle in three Texas counties and had some really disgusting cheeseburgers, Hauer decides to tie the legs of the kid's girlfriend to a pole, tie her hands to the bumper of a sem-eye, and make a wish. At this point the kid gets p.o.ed and we have one of the all-time great Heinz-Ketchup-on-the-windshield shootout finales.
We're talking zero breasts, but:
Twenty dead bodies.
Seven motor vehicle chases, with five crash-and-burns.
Six quarts blood.
Jennifer Jason Leigh taffy pull.
Gratuitous vomit, but a 62 on the Vomit Meter.
Exploding gas station.
Finger disguised as a French fry.
Exploding attack copter.
Texas State Trooper Fu.
Range Rover Fu.
Drive-In Academy Award nominations for Rutger Hauer, as the hitcher, for stickin pennies on the kid's eyes and saying, "I want you to stop me";
C. Thomas Howell, as the kid, for killing Rutger Hauer five or six times; and Robert Harmon, the director, for making Ebert & Siskel so durn mad. Three and a half stars . Joe Bob says check it out.
JOE BOB'S ADVICE TO THE HOPELESSI just wanna Sit down And shut up Have nobody bother me I just wanna Sit down And shut up Then maybe I'll see What life is all about What life is all about Somebody tell me What is the meaning of lifeGeorge Paez
Rhyming. Rhyming is the meaning of life, George.
Dear Joe Bob:
My wife says your last concert drew a "definately yuppy crowd."
Please, JB, say it isn't so.
Yeah, but then we threw your wife out and it was fine.
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Trivia (courtesy of the Internet Movie Database)