SERIES 4
EPISODE 1 - THE BIG PARADE
There is a big parade on Sunday, to mark the start of the Spitfire Week, and Mainwaring is cross because Hodges has arranged it so that the ARP will be at the front, and the Home Guard at the back. He insists on being at the front, particularly after deciding the platoon should have a mascot. Private Sponge says he'll donate a ram, if the platoon can catch one. The chase at his farm is unsuccessful, and ends up with Pike falling in a bog, and the platoon having to remove their trousers and tunics, to use as a path on the bog. As Pike is rescued, a forage cap is noticed sitting on the bog, and Jones is missing. When Frazer can't find anything below the cap, they all mourn for Jones, until he reappears, claiming he went to look for a rope. At Meanwhile, concerning the parade, Walker promises he'll get a mascot, but all he can get is a goat. Mainwaring is furious, and the parade goes ahead without a mascot, with the Home Guard and the ARP fighting to be at the front.
EPISODE 2 - DON'T FORGET THE DIVER
As part of the war effort, the Walmington platoon have to plant a bomb in the windmill, which is being guarded by the Eastgate platoon. As a friend of Captain Square, the verger spies on the plans, and tells him that they plan to dress up as bushes. Fortunately, the plans are revised, and Jones, wearing a pantomime log, is pushed across the stream by Frazer, wearing a diving suit. As he crosses open ground, Captain Square is distracted by various diversions, such as sheep wearing tin hats. Jones manages to plant the bomb, but Captain Square throws it back, and Jones ends up on one of the sails. When Captain Mainwaring tries to accept Square's surrender, he insist that by throwing the bomb back, he won. Meanwhile, the sails start moving, and in spite of Mainwaring's attempts to jam the machinerey, Jones falls into the water with a dive.
EPISODE 3 - BOOTS, BOOTS, BOOTS
After giving a lecture on the three Fs with feet (fast, functional and fit), he inspects the feet, including Pike and Frazers, who've drawn humorous faces on theirs. After having to take part in many long marches, and with a 20-mile march coming up, Pike comes up with an idea. He tells it to Wilson, whilst Jones tells the rest of the platoon the same idea. Jones' lot fibnd out that Mainwaring is size 7, and buy from a shop some officer boots, claiming that he's going to be an officer. While Godfrey pretends he's feeling faint, and the shopkeeper gets him a glass of water, Walker tries to swap them for a size 6, that is after Godfrey's had to drink a few glasses, with the help of the others. He even pretends he thought he saw a mouse. As they leave, Godfrey asks to be excused. Wilson and Pike then come into the shop, and do the same thing, with the shopkeeper asking Wilson if one glass of water is sufficient, and bringing his cat in case he sees a mouse. Mainwaring's boots are swapped, and come the march, the platoon expect Mainwaring will soon give up, but just before the march, the shopkeeper returns another pair of boots from repair, which Mainwaring puts on, and the platoon is totally unaware, as the march goes on.
EPISODE 4 - SGT. - SAVE MY BOY!
The platoon take over the Harris Orphans' Holiday Home Hut, on the beach, where Pike gets caught in some barbed wire. He is in a mine field, and, not only can the Engineer come for about 3 hours, but the tide's coming in fast, and Pike can't swim. Taking matters into their own hands, the platoon prod the ground with Jones' bayonet, and mark a clear path. With the help of Walker's clippers, Pike is released. Meanwhile, Godfrey is missing, and Frazer accuses him of being too scared to stay. He actiually reaches Pike from another angle, and, after seeing how brave that was, Frazer calls him "A man of steel! Just like I always say". As Pike is dragged across the sand, the Engineer Officer arrives, claiming there are no mines laid in that area, but Jones suddenly finds one, to which he asks to borrow his bayonet.
EPISODE 5 - DON'T FENCE ME IN
The platoon are left guarding an Italian POW camp, which Mainwaring discovers lacks discipline, and the General knows Walker. He contacts Captain Bailey from GHQ, and counts up the prisoners - 60, just as there should be. That night, while Godfrey is excused, he overhears Walker and the General talking about their plans to get the prisoners out. When he tells Mainwaringhe accuses Walker of being a fifth columnist, but when he is caught red-handed loading some of the prisoners into the platoon van, he tells Mainwaring that he's employing them on night shift, assembling radio parts. Suddenly, captain Bailey arrives, wishing to count the prisoners. Jones sends them through the hut, in three lots of 20, although it is the same 20 each time. After counting 60, some more prisoners suddenly burst out of the secret escape tunnel, and all Jones can do is count onwards from 61.
EPISODE 6 - ABSENT FRIENDS
Mainwaring is supposed to be in London, but after a meeting is cancelled, he turns up at the church hall, to find Wilson has allowed the men (except Pike and Jones), to play darts at the pub against the ARP Wardens, and that Pike has no uniform, because his Mum's put it in the wash. In spite of Mainwaring's demands, the platoon won't return to parade, as there's two pints for the victors of the match. Meanwhile, Mrs. Mainwaring pesters for some Oxtail, and Jones thinks she's pregnant. Also, an IRA suspect is reported at Ivy Crescent, and as the police are short of help, they want the Home Guard to help. Meanwhile, Godfrey decides to go back to the hall, but falls asleep as he gets in, and the Wardens win the match, only to find thee's no beer left. Mainwaring, Wilson, Jones and Pike meanwhile, arrest the suspect, and take hi to the church hall office, only to be followed by three Irishmen, whom they lock in the hall. Walker and Frazer make their way back, and the platoon attempt to assault the Irishmen, but they just get beaten, apart from Wilson, who surprises everyone. The next morning on parade, the platoon are wearing bandages in various places, as Mainwaring addresses them about their bravery. He also sorts out the misunderstanding with Jones about his wife's condition, and makes the platoon promise they'll not go AWOL again, to which Frazer tells him he was against it from the start. The phone rings in the office, and Mainwaring tells Wilson that he'll answer it, as it's probably for him.
EPISODE 7 - PUT THAT LIGHT OUT
The platoon guard an observation post from a lighthouse, where Jones accidentally switches on the generator, illuminating the entire coast of Walmington. He finds he is unable to turn it off, just as the air raid siren goes off. Jones tries to black it out with Godfrey's blanket attached to bayonets, whilst Mainwaring, Wilson and Walker have a go at a transformer. When the lighthouse keeper arrives, he says the light can't be turned off from the land because it has its own generator. After Walker manages to get the phone reconnected, Mainwaring is able to instruct Jones as to how to turn off the light, and, just when Mainwaring thinks he'll have to shoot it out, the light goes off. Mainwaring tells Wilson there's not a trace of evidence to connect him with it, but the keeper isn't too sure, neither is Wilson, who chuckles.
EPISODE 8 - THE TWO AND A HALF FEATHERS
As Mainwaring and Wilson have dinner, Wilson gets into a bit of an argument with one of the staff, about things like taking his dirty plates back. Jone presents himself in his Sudan uniform, abbout to go to a reunion, and his mothballs fall into Walkers pickles, which Mainwaring ends up eating. When Wilson goes after him, he gets stopped about his dirty plates, and the woman claims "Capless Lacky!". Meanwhile, George Clarke, a former colleague of jones' in the Sudan, arrives in town, and joins the platoon. He gives Jones a bad reputation, claiming he left him in the desert to die. This causes Jones to receive some feathers, along with some stark messages, in the morning post, claiming there's no room in Walmington for a coward! After Clarke recalls his version of events, Jones presents his side of the story, stating that he and Clarke were both captured, but he managed to escape, and fought two Whirling Dervices, by holding a firing branch at one of them, who, in his language, cried out "Put that light out! Put that light out!". He claims to have rescued Clarke, who'd been pegged down in the blazing heat to die. Jones' good reputation is restored, whilst Clarke, disgraced, scuttles off to the station. The platoon try to go after him, and on the way they meet Hodges. They decide not to bother, and Jones burns some old photographs he secretly possessed, to which, Hodges, concerned that an enemy planbe can see it for miles, after having it shoved in his face, cries out the familiar cry of "Put that light out! Put that light out!".
EPISODE 9 - MUM'S ARMY
Mainwaring decides to bring women into the platoon to help with the war effort. These recruits include Jones' friend Mrs. Fox, Pike friend Ivy Samways, Walker's ladyfriend Edith Parish, Miss Ironside, whom Frazer claims to have big strong thighs, Mrs. Pike, and last but not least, Fiona Gray, who recently moved from London with her mother, to whom Mainwaring takes a shine. They start having lunch together, which one morning gets constantly interrupted by platoon members. Wilson tries to talk sense into Mainwaring but has no luck. Then, at one parade, Mrs. Gray doesn't turn up, and Ivy says she saw her heading for the station. Mainwaring immediately goes down there, to learn she's going back to London. Mainwaring pleads with her to stay, but she goes, leaving Mainwaring with a broken heart.
EPISODE 10 - THE TEST
Hodges challenges the platoon to a cricket match. Mainwaring after deciding he'll be captain, gives the men advice on batting stances. Ernie Egan, a cricket pro, signs on as a warden to cover Hodges for playing. The vicar and the verger are umpires. After Hodges' team bat first, clocking up a total of 152 for 4 declared, with 24 being taken off one ball (partly because Hodges' team continue running while Mainwaring looks for a lost ball), Mainwaring looks set to lose. After Egan strains is shoulder bowling, Mainwaring gradually catches up with Hodges. By the time they need to score a six to win, it's Godfrey's turn to bat, and Frazer tells the platoon how he'll be out first time. He manages to hit it, and the team win, with Frazer telling Godfrey how he knew he could do it.
EPISODE 11 - A. WILSON (MANAGER)?
While Mainwaring and Pike are at the bank, waiting for Wilson, Mainwaring gets phone messages telling him that Wilson has been made manager of the Eastgate branch, and 2nd leiutenant of the Eastgate platoon. When Wilson arrives, Mainwaring cold shoulders him, and promotes Pike to Chief Clark and Jones as sergeant of the platoon. He writes Jones a certificate of promotion, and when he asks Pike to send each member of the platoon a duplicate of a memo saying the parade is cancelledd, he duplicates the wrong one, and everyone ends up thinking they're sergeant. Meanwhile, at Eastgate, after 5 minutes of Wilson being manager, there is an air raid, and the bank is blown up. Wilson returns to his previous roles at Walmington, where Mainwaring apologises for giving him the cold shoulder, whilst Wilson looks sadly at the sign on the office door, reading 'G. Mainwaring, Manager'.
EPISODE 12 - UNINVITED GUESTS
While Captain Mainwaring is using cocoa tins and string to practise sending messages, Hodges is given permission to use the church hall and office, after his HQ is bombed. Mainwaring refuses to co-operate, and Jones temporarily evicts Hodges by threatening him with his bayonet. When the vicar comes on scene, he points out to Mainwaring that it is his office, and asks him to move his strings so he can get to his office. He refuses, but the verger cuts through all the strings. While Mainwaring complains to Area HQ, the Civil Defence people, and the secretary of the Council (a fellow Rotarian), asking the ARP to leave, Walker sells one of the wardens a fire lighter to light the fire. The chimney is set on fire, and Hodges complains that an enemy bomber can see it for miles. Feeling too humiliated to call the fire brigade, the platoon attempt to extinguish the fire themselves, and Mainwaring is not interested in Wilsons tale that when there was a fire in the nursery his Nanny put some salt on it. After passing buckets across, Jones' life is saved several times, and Pike, Jones and Hodges get soaked, the fire finally goes out, after Wilson puts some salt on it. The platoon end up getting stuck on the roof, so Mainwaring sends Wilson to the builders yard to get a ladder, while Hodges, who is soaking wet insists on getting the fire brigade for speed sake, but Mainwaring refuses, and persists that he still wouldn't, even if he was soaking wet like Hodges. But when it starts to rain, he soon changes his mind.
EPISODE 13 - FALLEN IDOL
The platoon attend a weekend course. The privates get a free allocation of two pints, whilst, to the platoons disgust, Captain Square persuades Mainwaring to drink in the officers' mess. He ends up getting drunk, and when he goes back to his tent, he spins round the tent pole. The following morning, while nursing his hangover, he is in desperate need of restoring his reputation with his men. He achieves this, when he has to save Jones' life.
CHRISTMAS SPECIAL 1971
BATTLE OF THE GIANTS
At the ceremonial church parade on Sunday, the platoon are allowed to wear their medals. Mainwaring, who doesn't have any, hides the notice in his drawer, but Wilson finds it, and reads it out himself. When the platoon turn up, all wearing their medals (even Pike in his boy scout badge), Mainwaring deliberately leaves his uniform at the dry-cleaners, but Pike picks it up for him. In the pub afterwards, Captain Square gives him Mainwaring stick about not having any medals, whereupon he responds that medals won't defeat Hitler. He agrees to challenge the Eastgate branch in initiation tests, which are judged by the vicar, the verger and Mr. Hodges. The winning team will be the first team who's flag is flown, the flags which Walker supplies. On driving to the place, Jones gets an attack of malaria, but after a full bottle of wine, recovers, even though he is now drunk! The tests include bursting balloons with bayonets (although the platoon use other objects), rowing across a stream (where Hodges pulls the plug out of Square's boat instead of Mainwarings), filling barrels with feathers (in which Pike uses his initiative of taking the barrels to the feathers), and to end, they have to climb the tower and fly their flag. The Walmington platoon get up the tower first, but have difficulty putting their flag up, and Square gets his up first. They then realise that it has the Walmington platoon on it, which Walker reveals that he, using his initiative, supplied the Walmington flag to both platoons. Mainwaring boasts that his platoon have thereby won.