Points to Ponder

  • A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have a work station…

  • I must always remember that I'm unique, just like everyone else.

  • Can atheists get insurance acts of God?

  • Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's race, he gets mad at you? But when you take him out in the car, he sticks his head out the window!

  • If FEDEX and UPS were to merge, would the call it FED UP?

  • Does fuzzy logic tickle

  • If they arrested the Energizer Bunny, would they charge it with a battery?

  • I think that everyone has a photographic memory; it's just that some of us don't have film.

  • I believe that five out of four people have trouble with fractions.

  • How come you never hear about gruntled employees?

  • I don't have a solution, but I admire your problem.

  • How much deeper would oceans be without sponges?

  • If a tin whistle is made out of tin (and it is), then what exactly is a fog horn made of?

  • If vegetable oil comes from vegetables, where does baby oil come from?

  • Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?

  • Is the hardness of the butter proportional to the softness of the bread?

  • I believe the only time the world beats a path to my door is when I'm in the bathroom.

  • What do they call a coffee break at the Lipton Tea Company?

  • What hair color do they put on driver's license of a bald man?

  • What was the best thing before sliced bread?

  • When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?

  • When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?

  • Why is the word abbreviation so long.

  • Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

  • Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?

  • Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

  • How do I set my laser printer on stun?

  • How is it possible to have a civil war?

  • If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

  • If God dropped acid, would he see people?

  • If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

  • If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

  • If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

  • If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?

  • If you're born again, do you have two bellybuttons?

  • If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?

  • If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

  • Is a castrated pig disgruntled?

  • Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"?

  • Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

  • Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

  • What happens when none of your bees wax?

  • Where are we going? And what's with this handbasket?

  • If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of the stuff?

  • Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

  • If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesn't everyone just move 10 miles away?

  • If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

  • If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

  • Is there another word for synonym?

  • Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"

  • When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be removed?

  • Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"

  • What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

  • If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

  • Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

  • Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

  • If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

  • Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

  • Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

  • If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

  • Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

  • How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

  • Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?

  • Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

  • Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

  • What was the best thing before sliced bread?

  • I grew a bird out of bird seed, what do I feed it?

  • If 7-11 is open 24 hours a-day, 365 days a-year, why are there locks on the doors?

  • Why are they called "apartments" if they're all stuck together?

  • Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

  • If someone says "I'm lying" are they really?

  • If a company ships by sea, it's called "cargo." If they ship by car or truck, it's called "shipment."

  • How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?

  • How is it that a building burns up as it burns down?

  • If "con" is the opposite of "pro," then what is the opposite of progress?

  • If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?

  • If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?

  • If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter?

  • Sooner or later, doesn't EVERYONE stop smoking?

  • What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

  • What is a "free" gift ? Aren't all gifts free?

  • Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?

  • Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?

  • Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

  • Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!"

  • If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

  • If it's 0 degrees today, and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow...how cold will it be?

  • If quitters never win, and winners never cheat, who's the idiot that said "Quit while you're ahead"?

  • If knees were backward, what would chairs look like?

  • In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?

  • Does a person ever get sick without being tired?

  • How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

  • If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?

  • Why is Greenland icy, and Iceland green?

  • How come there aren't "B" batteries?

  • Why do black olives come in cans and green olives come in jars?

  • If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

  • How come wrong numbers are never busy?

  • How do you know if honesty is the best policy unless you've tried some of the others?

  • How do you throw away a garbage can?

  • If a picture is worth a thousand words, what is a picture of a thousand words worth?

  • If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

  • If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?

  • If Superman is so smart why does he wear his underpants over his trousers?

  • If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?

  • What happens to an 18 hour bra after 18 hours?

  • In court, why do they ask if you swear to tell the truth? If you're planning on lying, do they really think you'll tell them so?

  • When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

  • Where are the germs that cause 'good' breath?

  • Where did Webster look up the definitions when he wrote the dictionary?

  • Why can't you make another word using all the letters in "anagram"?

  • Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?

  • Why do we kill people for killing people to show that killing is wrong?

  • Why is it you must wait until night to call it a day?

  • Why is the word dictionary in the dictionary?

  • Why is your index finger the same size as your nostrils?

  • How do you remove a club soda stain?

  • Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?

  • When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?

  • What does God have against musicians in airplanes?

  • Why did we put a man on the moon before we thought up squeeze bottle ketchup?

  • When you hear a comercial say "Four out of Five dentists recommend sugar-less gum" what does the Fifth one say? Rot your teeth, what the hell do I care?

  • Why do people think pushing the button on the elevator again will make it show up faster?

  • And then there's coffee? Who came up with the idea? "Okay we'll take these beans and grind them up, pour water over them and drink it but it'll taste like crap so we'll add milk and sugar and then wait for it to cool before we drink it...." See what I mean?

    Email me more random points to ponder.

    Back to Druken Ramblings
    Back to The Little Blue Notebook
    Back to the Domain