The LORD is my Shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
He leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil, for you are with me;
Your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,
And I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.
~A psalm of David~
Computer Addict's Prayer
The Lord is my Programmer,
I shall not crash.
He installed His software on the hard disk of my heart;
all of His commands are user-friendly.
His directory guides me to the right choices
For His names sake
Even though I scroll through the problems of life,
I will fear no bugs, for he is my backup.
His password protects me.
He prepares a menu before me in the presence of my enemies.
His help is only a keystroke away.
Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life,
And my file will be merged with His and saved forever.
~ Rev. Ken Fox, Pastor of the Open Door Mission,
Rochester's "Democrat & Chronicle, February 15, 1999~
T.V. Addict's Prayer
The TV is my shepherd, I shall not want.
It makes me lie down on the sofa.
It leads me away from the faith. It destroys my soul.
It leads me in the path of sex and violence for the sponsor's sake.
Yea, though I walk in the shadow of Christian responsibilities,
There will be no interruption, for the TV is with me.
Its cable and remote control, they comfort me.
It prepares a commercial for me in the presence of my worldliness.
It anoints my head with humanism and consumerism.
My coveting runneth over.
Surely, laziness and ignorance
shall follow me all the days of my life,
And I shall dwell in the house watching TV forever.
Health Addict's Prayer
The Lord is my Pace-Setter, I shall not rush.
He makes me stop and rest for quiet intervals,
He provides me with images of stillness, which restore my serenity.
He leads me in ways of efficiency through calmness of mind,
And His guidance is peace.
Even though I have a great many things to accomplish each day,
I will not fret, for His presence is here.
His timelessness, His all-importance will keep me in balance,
He prepares refreshment and renewal in the midst of my activitiy.
By anointing my mind with His oils of tranquility,
My cup of joyous energy overflows.
Surely harmony and effectiveness shall be the fruit of my hours,
For I shall walk in the place of my Lord, and dwell in His house forever.
The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not flunk;
He keepth me from lying down when I should be studying.
He leadeth me beside the water cooler for a study break;
He restoreth my faith in study guides.
He leads me to better study habbits for my grade's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of borderline grades,
I will not have a nervous breakdown;
For though art with me.
My prayers and my friends, they comfort me.
Thou giveth me answers in moments of blackness;
Thou anointest my head with understanding.
My test paper runneth over with questions I recognise.
Surely passing grades and flying colours shall follow me
All the days of my examinations,
And I will not dwell in this school/university forever, Amen.
The Lord is my Teacher; I shall not sleep.
He makes me stay awake in my studies all night;
He leads me from page to page.
He restores my sanity;
He guides me in the path of consciousness,
For my grades sake.
Even though I grow weary in the shadow of books,
I fear no test, for Thou art with me.
Thy rod and Thy staff, they keep jabbing me.
Thou wilt prepare a test for me
In the presence of my classmates.
Thou hast crammed my mind
with so much knowledge; my eyelids droop.
Surely a good grade and a kind teacher
Will follow me after the test,
Or I will dwell in this class forever.
The Twenty-Third Pastrami
My Appetite is my Shepherd; I always want.
It maketh me sit down and stuff myself.
It leadeth me to my refrigerator repeatedly.
It leadeth me in the path of Burger King for a Whopper.
It destroyeth my shape.
Yea, though I knoweth I gaineth, I will not stop eating
For the food tasteth so good.
The ice cream and the cookies, they comfort me.
When the table is spread before me, it exciteth me
For I knoweth that I sooneth shall dig in.
As I filleth my plate continously,
My clothes runneth smaller.
Surely bulges and pudgies shall follow me all the days of my life
And I shall be "pleasing plump" forever.
The Dieter's 23rd Psalm
The Lord is my Shepherd I shall not want.
He maketh me lie down and do push-ups.
He giveth me sodium free bread,
He restoreth my waistline.
He leadeth me past the refrigerator for mine own sake.
He maketh me to partake of green beans instead of potatoes,
He leadeth me past the pizzeria.
Yea, though I walk through the bakery,
I shall not falter, for thou art with me;
Thy diet colas they comfort me.
Thou preparest a diet for me in the presence of mine enemies,
Thou anointest my lettuce with local oil.
My cup will not overflow
Surely Ry Krisp and D-Zerta shall follow me all the days of my life,
And I will live with pains of hunger forever. Amen
The Bellyologists Prayer
The Caffeine Addict's Prayer
The Twenty Third Psalm
My Appetite is my Shepherd
I shall always want.
It maketh me to sit down and stuff myself.
It leadeth me to my refrigerator.
It leadeth me to the Oven Grinder
For a 2 pounder.
It destroyeth my shape.
Yeah though I knoweth I gaineth weight
I will not stop eating for the food tastes good.
The ice cream and the cookies will comfort me.
When the table is spreadeth before me,
I get excited for I know soon I shall begin.
As I fillest my plate continuously
my clothes runneth smaller.
Surely bulges and excess fat shall
Follow me all the days of my life.
And I shall be fat forever........
Caffeine is my shepherd; I shall not doze.
It maketh me to wake in green pastures:
It leadeth me beyond the sleeping masses.
It restoreth my buzz:
It leadeth me in the paths of consciousness for its name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of addiction,
I will fear no Equal:
For thou art with me; thy cream and thy sugar they comfort me.
Thou preparest a carafe before me in the presence of The Starbucks:
Thou anointest my day with pep; my mug runneth over.
Surely richness and taste shall follow me all the days of my life:
and I will dwell in the House of Mocha's forever.
A Native-American Indian Version
The GREAT FATHER above a SHEPHERD CHIEF is.
I am His and with Him I want not.
He throws out to me a rope
and the name of the rope is love
and He draws me to where the grass is green
and the water is not dangerous,
and I eat and lie down and am satisfied.
Sometimes my heart is very weak and falls down
but He lifts me up again and draws me into a good road.
His name is WONDERFUL.
Sometime, it may be very soon, it may be a long long time,
He will draw me into a valley.
It is dark there, but I'll be afraid not,
for it is between those mountains
that the SHEPHERD CHIEF will meet me
and the hunger that I have in my heart all through life will be satisfied.
Sometimes he make the love rope into a whip,
but afterwards He gives a staff to lean upon.
He spreads a table before me with all kinds of foods.
He put His hand upon my head and all the "tired" is gone.
My cup he fills till it runs over.
What I tell is true.
I lie not.
These roads that are "away ahead" will stay with me
through this life and after;
and afterwards I will go to live in the Big Teepee
and sit down with the SHEPHERD CHIEF forever.
The Caffeine Addict's Prayer
The Twenty Third Psalm