More Crohn's Humor from Alan
Single man, 31, seeks female companion for recreational surgery. Twice
denied for life insurance--you must be financially secure. Enjoy reading
(pathology reports), sleeping-in (hospital beds) and experimenting with
drugs. No salad eaters, please.
Alan's Top 10 Mis-Diagnoses of Crohn's Disease
Number 10: Giardia, with a side of Psoriasis
Number 09: Recurrent Appendicitis
Number 08: Mesenteric Adenitis
Number 07: Tape worm
Number 06: Sympathetic Male Menstrual Cramps
Number 05: Rolling Stones (from the Gall Bladder to the Kidney and
Number 04: Suppressed Memory of Abusive Toilet Training
Number 03: Pinched Vagus Nerve
Number 02: Victim of Alien Abduction
Number 01: "Young man, it appears that you are pregnant."
I was in a meeting with a good twenty or so office executives (I
have an ileostomy) and my ostomy has a tendency to be noisy in the
a.m. hour. Anyway, it was my turn to introduce myself and give my
history when all of a sudden pass gas!!! I must let you know their
faces were astonished. I couldn't help but to chuckle because
nobody knew what it was. The sound is odd because it is all
happening in a plastic bag.
I was thinking about the humor portion of your page and I began
remembering things that, at the time, weren't funny that now kind of make
me laugh. The incident that I'd like to relate was my very first
colonoscopy. The doctor wasn't as nice as later doctors, who covered up
the camera lens until it was actually in my body. Therefore, imagine my
horror as I looked up at the television screen only to see my large white
posterior being displayed for all the world to see. Fortunately for my
pride, the only female present in the room was a lady in her fifties or
sixties...not too attractive.
The only remotely funny thing I can think of relating to my Crohn's is that
sometimes when I am babysitting and playing hide and seek with the kids, I
get discovered because my belly gurgles very noisily!!!
From Luisa Zumpetta
I'm now 23, but when I was in the hospital for my initial testing for
crohn's, I was 14. Never having had the experience of "talking the
talk", I had to sort of guess and assume what the nurses were trying to
tell me about samples and procedures.
One night I had a bowel movement, so I saved it in the all-too-famous
HAT. Assuming that the nurses wanted it, I covered it with a sheet of
paper towel, and walked it ever so slowly to the nurse's station. Oh
well, I learn something new everyday.
- How can you tell a Crohn's patientbwhen they are sleeping?
- I don't know
- The one lying on the left side with the right knee up!!
I was recently on vacation visiting my sister in Pennsilvannia, and while watching
TV with my brother-in-law and my 6 year old niece I quietly passed some gas. I
soon got a horrified look from my little niece and she said, "Uncle Seanyboy,
you stink!" My brother-in-law turn to my niece Claire and said, "That is not a
nice thing to say, now you should apologize." My niece turned to me and said,
"I'm sorry Seanyboy...but something really smells and it's coming from you!"
Little kids are so honest and funny! Best wishes to all!!
Once when I was eight my mom would have to remind me to take my daily
medicine. Well she had it all ready and then popped the pills in my mouth!
I was only on prednizone.The funny thing is a week or so later
she got stung by a bee and got put on it! We still laugh over that.
If you have any funny stories you want to share, please mail me !
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