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My favorite quotes

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I started collecting quotes about two years ago. I started writing them down in a journal. (the one my nephew is holding in that picture)I have since filled that journal and started a new one. I have therefore, spent countless hours searching the web for quotes. (I know I have no life, so keep your comments to yourselves) Also I find quotes from (but not limited to) books I read, T.V. shows, movies and from people I actually know. This page has all the quotes that don't fit in the song, movie TV or people I know quote sections. I will update this page whenever I feel like it. Enjoy. Or don't. I don't care either way. -Amber "The Quote Mistress" "The Quote Whore" "The Weirdo"-But I digress.

***WARNING!!!! These quotes may contain naughty words***

The newest quotes are at the top of the page

"This above all; to thine ownself be true"
---William Shakespeare

"How will you know I am hurting
If you can't not see my pain?
To wear it on my body
Tells what words cannot explain."
---C. Blount

"Pain of the mind is worse than pain of the body"

"You shall know the truth and the truth shall make you mad"---Aldous Huxley

"Courage doesn't always roar.
Sometimes courage is the quiet voice
at the end of the day saying
'I will try again tomorrow."
---Mary Anne Radmacker-Huskey

"This too shall pass...."
---(thanks to Shannon for reminding me of this quote)

"Be good or be good at it"

"But I shall stay the way I am
because I do not give a damn"
-Dorothy Parker

"Razors pain you
Rivers are damp
Acids stain you
Drugs cause cramp
Guns aren't lawful
Nooses give
Gas smells awful...
You might as well live."
---Dorothy Parker

"I wish they would only take me as I am."
-Vincent Van Gogh

"A friend will help you move, a real friend will help you move a body."

"I'm as pure as driven slush."
---Tallulah Bankhead

"And will you succeed?
Yes! You will indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percent guaranted)"

"I'm sorry to say
so but, sadly it's true
that bang-ups and hang-ups
can happen to you"

"And when you're in a slump
you're not in for much fun
unslumping yourself
is not easily done"

"I'm afraid sometimes
you'llplay lonely games too,
games you can't win
because you'll play against you"

"All alone!
Whether you like it or not,
alone is something you'll
be quite a lot"

"Your mountain is waiting so......get on your way!"
---All from "Oh the places you'll go!" By Dr Seuss

"That I'm not quite tall enough to peer over the fences of distraction"-Aaron Thomson

"If you're going through hell, keep going."
---Winston Churchill

"The concerts you enjoy together/ Neighbors you annoy together/ Children you destroy together, / that keep marriage in tact." -Stephen Sondheim

If you refuse to talk to me because of what I'm wearing, it was worth it.

It's such a straightforward sort of colour. I never squint at a black tee shirt, wondering if it goes with my black jeans. I never have to get up in the morning, thinking "I wonder what colour I'll wear today." And black goes with anything. As long as the anything is black. - Neil Gaiman (on black clothing)

Love is a word that is constantly heard,
Hate is a word that is not.
Love, I am told, is more precious than gold.
Love, I have read, is hot.
But hate is the verb that to me is superb,
And Love but a drug on the mart.
Any kiddie in school can love like a fool,
But Hating, my boy, is an Art.
-- Ogden Nash

Cogita tute - think for yourself.

"A minority of one"... the definition of insanity. George Orwell 1984

Human beings never think for themselves... For the most part, members of our species simply repeat what they are told--and become upset if they are exposed to any different view. The characteristic human trait is not awareness but conformity... We are stubborn, self-destructive conformists. Any other view of our species is just a self-congratulatory delusion. Michael Crichton The Lost World

When he shall die, take him and cut him out in little stars, and he will make the face of heaven so fine that all the world will be in love with night... - Romeo and Juliet – Shakespeare

"People told her she hadn't changed much, in a tone which hinted they were surprised and a little disappointed she hadn't." - L.M. Montgomery, Anne of the Island

The whole point of fashion is wearing ridiculous clothing and not be taken for and idiot, because it's Designated Ridiculous Clothing.- Sabina Tang

A chicken and an egg are laying down in bed. The egg is angrily muttering to itself, while the chicken is contentedly smoking a cigarette. The chicken leans over and says to the egg, "Well, I guess that answers THAT question..."

I have bursts of being a lady, but it doesn't last long. (Shelley Winters)

'Be yourself' is the worst advice you can give to some people. (Tom Masson)

You couldn't get a clue during the clue mating season in a field full of horny clues if you smeared your body with clue musk and did the clue mating dance! (Edward Flaherty)

Profanity is the crutch of inarticulate motherfuckers.

Tell him I've been too fucking busy...or vice versa. (Dorothy Parker)

"Just because I'm evil doesn't mean I'm not nice." --Charlie Fulton

"I'm not OK, you're not OK, and that's OK." - William Sloane Coffin

The cynics are right 9 times out of 10." - H. L. Mencken

"Suicide is not chosen---it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain" - Author Unknown

"I discovered that I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a Great White or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot." - Kevin James

"Damaged people are dangerous, they know they can survive." - Author Unknown

" I'm the face you hoped you'd never see
But always knew you would
I'm the one thing you knew you shouldn't do
But did because you could.”

Never a lip is curved with pain, That can't be kissed into smiles again. --Bret Harte

"The internet is evil. I love the internet."

"I slept with a woman once... and I thought, 'Am I gay? Am I straight?' Then I realized... I'm just slutty! Where's *my* parade?" - Margaret Cho

If you're crazy, there's two things you can do to make yourself feel better: one is to get yourself cured. The other is to make everyone you have to deal with crazy." -- Alan Dean Foster

I want to be like all the other nonconformists...

I live like I type - fast and with a lot of mistakes

Do you know where your towel is?

You're so cute when you're cynical

Oh there's my heterosexuality, it was under the couch cushions this whole time

When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and say, "Why do you want to know?"-H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

You non-conformists are all alike.

I myself get nauseous when confronted with the state of Ohio

Don't give me that kinkier-than-thou attitude

I'm going crazy. Want to come along?

Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics.

You know that place between asleep and awake? The place where you still remember dreaming? That's where I will always love you. ~ Tinkerbell

First I gave up recreational drugs. Then I gave up smoking. Then I gave up drinking. Then it was *sex*. Now I just sit in the corner and eat crackers and giggle.-Sarah Barlow

you should wear with pride the scars on your skin. They're a map of the adventures, and the places you've been

Some people have a genuine gift of poetry, a way with words that surpasses beauty and touches the deepest parts of one's soul... and some people, um, thingy.

If two past lovers remain friends, they are still in love or they never were

`What's so unpleasent about being drunk?' `You ask a glass of water.'"-HGTTG

"Is it ignorance or apathy? Hey, I don't know and I don't care."- Jimmy Buffett

"Hug O' War
I will not play at tug o' war.
I'd rather play at hug o' war,
Where everyone hugs
Instead of tugs,
Where everyone giggles
And rolls on the rug,
Where everyone kisses,
And everyone grins,
And everyone cuddles,
And everyone wins."
- Shel Silverstein

I'd hate to have a kid like me.-Calvin

Reality continues to ruin my life.-Calvin

I try to make everyone's day a little more surreal-Calvin

A day can really slip by when you're deliberately avoiding what you're supposed to do.-Calvin

You know you love someone when you want them to be happy even if their happiness means that you're not a part of it.

Your life would be very empty if you had nothing to regret.

Whoever thinks of going to bed before twelve o'clock is a scoundrel. - Samuel Johnson

To me, there is no greater act of courage than being the one who kisses first. - Janeane Garafolo

Sleep is something that always seems more important the morning after than the night before.

No matter how much a woman loved a man, it would still give her a glow to see him commit suicide for her. -- Henry Louis Mencken

Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal. -- Albert Camus

Hell is when there is no reason to live and no courage to die. - William Markiewicz

"Look," said Arthur, "would it save you a lot of time if I just gave up and went mad now?" HGTTG

"People like you are the reason people like me take pills!" --Neva Faith Linn

Forget about the mind. The clitoris is a terrible thing to waste.- Lisa Kogan

There's nothing stupider than an unpaid whore.- Laura Schlessinger

Gods are fragile things; they may be killed by a whiff of science or a dose of common sense. ~Chapman Cohen

After coming in contact with a religious man, I always feel that I must wash my hands. ~Nietzsche, The Antichrist, 1888

To hear many religious people talk, one would think God created the torso, head, legs and arms, but the devil slapped on the genitals. ~Don Schrader

There are two things in the world that can never get together - religion and common sense. ~George W. Foote

sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love. ~Butch Hancock

Believing is easier than thinking. Hence so many more believers than thinkers. ~Bruce Calvert

If God doesn't like the way I live, let him tell me, not you. ~As seen on a button

Is man one of God's blunders, or is God one of man's blunders? ~Friedrich Nietzsche

Life. Loathe it or ignore it, you can't like it." - Douglas Adams

"Indecision may, or may not, be my problem"-Jimmy Buffett

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but whips and chains excite me

"Nobody really cares if you're miserable, so you might as well be happy." - Cynthia Nelms

"If you can't convince them, confuse them." - Harry S. Truman

"Never go to bed angry. Stay up and fight." - Phyllis Diller

"All life is an experiment." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Why get married and make one man miserable when I can stay single and make thousands miserable?" - Carrie Snow

"Don't cry over anyone who won't cry over you." – Anonymous

"The world is a comedy to those who think, a tragedy to those who feel." - Horace Walpole

“Women rule the world. They just haven’t figured it out yet. When they do, and they will, we’re all in big, big trouble.”

“God gave us a penis and a brain, but only enough blood to run one at a time.” – Robin Williams

“Some mornings it just doesn’t pay to wake up and chew through the straps.”– Emo Phillips

It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one’s doubts.”– G. B. Burgin

"Damn, Jesus was one sexy Jew, I'd nail him."

The scars will take me far, they always do.-Henry Rollins

"FRIEND: A member of the opposite sex in your acquaintance who has some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally unappealing."

"Why is it that all non-conformists look the same?" -Billy Corgan

"'Beep beep beep.'
'What's that supposed to mean?'
'Oh, I'm sorry, that was my bullshit alarm going off.'"
-David Mitchell, Ghostwritten

"The best thing a man can do for his children," he said, "is to love their mother."

"I want to meet a woman that will make me stop and listen to what she has to say. I want a woman who will make my jaw drop in awe. A woman that has little time for me. One who does not throw herself at me. One who respects herself who has a sense of herself. Where is she?" - From Black Coffee Blues by Henry Rollins

Isn't it pathetic that we can fuck but we can't look each other in the eyes?-Henry Rollins

To hate is to show you still care, who needs that, focus on what's really important. -Henry Rollins

Hating someone is giving them too much, just leave them alone. -Henry Rollins

"Somewhere, someone isn't impressed by your looks. Not all men jump through the hoops of your fire. You're unbelievably boring to more people than you'll ever know." - From Solipsist by Henry Rollins

"What Beatrice had done with her face, actually, was what any plain girl could do. She had overlaid it with dignity, suffering, intelligence, and a piquant dash of bitchiness." - From the Sirens of Titan by Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

"After awhile an animal - a deer perhaps - would appear from out of the trees and watch him cautiously. Ford would continue to smile at it, his eyes would soften and shine, and he would seem to radiate a deep and universal love, a love which reached out to embrace all of creation. A wonderful quietness would descend on the surrounding countryside, peaceful and serene, emanating from this transfigured man. Slowly the deer would approach, step by step, until it was almost nuzzling him, whereupon Ford Prefect would reach out to it and break its neck." - From the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

"Fuck that bullshit that they told you in school, "YOU'RE SPECIAL!" Bullshit. You're not. I don't think I'm special, superior or smarter than anyone else. We all may be unique, but that doesn't mean special. This whole social structure of status, class, and wealth is a crock of shit. It's all just based on luck and who you blow and/or know." – Stile

Nothing Brings People together more, then mutual hatred - Henry Rollins

It is hard to be alone, but it is harder to be with you.- Henry Rollins

Everyone in the world is retarded, Except for me of course. Henry Rollins

"To understand a man, you must know his memories." --Old Chinese saying

People told me I'd never make it to Normal, well they were wrong. --Bob Dylan to the crowd in Normal, Illinois

"There is something demoralizing about watching two people get more and more crazy about each other, especially when you are the only extra person in the room.-the bell jar

F. Scott Fitzgerald This Side of Paradise "I don’t want to repeat my innocence. I want the pleasure of losing it again."

"I waited but you never came."-Words on a Gravestone

Depression is so much more interesting than medicated happiness.

She is beautiful.
I am drawn to her.
She is kind.
She never tells me "there is no time".
She never says "No!"
And I think about her
Every time
I fuck you.- Henry Rollins

"I have plenty of common sense; I just choose to ignore it." - Calvin, from Calvin & Hobbes

"If you couldn't find any weirdness, maybe we'll just have to make some!" - Calvin, from Calvin & Hobbes

*Greetings, Sir.
You may know me already
I'm there at every party, always willing to join you for dinner or a movie.
You may remember something I once said,
but I doubt you could spell my name correctly.
I could discuss any topic with you,
but I'm not an expert in anything.
In your favorite photograph, I'm the passer-by in the background.
I'm the one who pulls up at the same time as you at the stop sign.
I'm the one you share an elevator with.
I'm the one you tip. I'm the one you call Sir.
I am usually the runner-up in a contest, sometimes on purpose.
I'm everyone's companion, but nobody's friend.
I probably had a crush on you at one point, but now I value our friendship.
You may have complemented me once, but I changed the subject.
I don't seek the Truth, and you probably laughed when I said: "Fuck the Ideal."
I probably won't contribute anything great to this world; but then again, who really can?
I love each and every one of you, and
I couldn't imagine life without you.
In a world with billions of people, I am alive. Don't you ever tell me otherwise.*?*?*?*

If you were in the street on fire, I'd put you out with gasoline --Henry Rollins

People are never too busy to tell you all that they have to do.

Here's to the perfect girl,
I couldn't ask for more.
She's deaf 'n dumb, oversexed,
And owns a liquor store.
---Irish Drinking Toast

The worst thing about censorship is [deleted by censorship Bureau].

I couldn't help myself. They were so big and round and beautiful, I just had to touch them! Then she started screaming "My eyes! My eyes!" and ruined the mood.

Quid quid latine dictums sit altum viditur.
(Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound.)

Come on! We're all friends here. Not to each other, but to someone.

Dave Attell: Have you ever made fun of someone so much you want to thank them for all the good times you had at their expense?

"Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first woman she meets and then teams up with three complete stangers to kill again." ~ TV listing for the "Wizard of Oz"

Some people are against porno movies, and I say hey, Ohio, Kentucky, and Iran: I say, hey - whatever a man, and a woman, and another woman with a penis and a midget do to a donkey, that's their garsh-darn bidness.-Dave Attell

If you're lonely, but only because you killed all your friends, then maybe you deserve to be lonely. --Jacquelyn Benson

There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

I don't care what they say. If you haven't been stalked, you haven't been loved.--Troy Roberson

Ladies and gentleman, hoboes and tramps, cross-eyed mosquitoes, and bowlegged ants. I stand here before you, not behind you, to tell you something I know nothing about. Last night about 6:00 this morning, an empty truck loaded with bricks almost killed my dead cat. We rushed him to the hospital, slow as we could, only to find King Arthur, sitting at the fourth corners of the round table eating vinegar with a fork

"Nice shoes, wanna fuck?"

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. --Rodney Dangerfield

Here's to hell - may the stay there be as much fun as the way there.—unknown

How many legs does a dog have, if you call his tail a leg? The answer is four, because calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg.-Abraham Lincoln

By "Christmas" we mean Hanukkah, kwanza, eat-yellow-snow-day, get-atheist-gifts-day, hit-yourself-over-the-head-while-trying-to-bring-home-a-big-ass-tree-which-for-some-reason-you-want-to-put-in-your-living-room-instead-of-in-the-outdoors-where-it-belongs-day, and all other winter related holidays, festivals, and occasions-where-you-try-to-be-nice-to-family-members-you'd-rather-were-sleeping-with-the-fishies. So, no flames about how your [insert feelings/religion/other-beef] is being compromised, hurt, or in other ways belittled. Thank

"We've found Jesus; he was behind the sofa the whole time."

"I write down everything I want to remember. That way, instead of spending a lot of time trying to remember what it is I wrote down, I spend the time looking for the paper I wrote it down on." -Beryl Pfizer

"Every man has one thing he can do better than anyone else -- and usually it's reading his own handwriting." -G. Norman Collie

"I'm still living by the 3 M's: money, music, and mmmmmpussy." -Steven Tyler

"I got nailed; now it's your turn."-jesus'pickup lines

"Remember that time you were quiet? Can you do that again?"

"Drink your school. Stay in drugs. Don't do milk." ~Mr. T

"I believe that how much fun someone is to hang out with is directly proportional to the amount of time they spend singing in their car."

"What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say." ~~Ralph Waldo Emerson

"I'd rather taste blood, yours or mine, flowing from a sudden slash, then cut all day with blunt scissors on the dotted lines like the teacher told."

"I am sofa king we Todd did."(say it outloud)

“Ass, gas, or grass. No one rides for free.”Thanks to GREG again for correcting me)

I guess we were all guilty. We all shot him, We all skinned him, and we all got a complimentary Bumper sticker that said, "I killed Bob"

Richard Jeni "The Web brings people together because no matter what kind of a twisted sexual mutant you happen to be, you've got millions of pals out there. Type in 'Find people that have sex with goats that are on fire' and the computer will say, 'Specify type of goat.'"

"I'm not weird, odd, or strange... I'm normality impaired"--J.C. Cohen

"A relationship is a good way to kill a good friendship" -J.C. Cohen

We're all a little weird. And life's a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible With ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually Satisfying weirdness - and call it love.-Robert Fulgham

Everson's Constant: For every subject X, there are 3 Geocities Pages saying 'X is Cool,' 2 saying 'X suX,' and at least 1 'X ate my balls.' -RJ Bertsche

Love is like pork rinds. At first, it seems disgusting. Then, you try it, and it seems okay. Then you find out What goes into it, and you realize that you were right The first time. Except love isn't crunchy.-Johanna Bobrow

You should wear with pride the scars on your skin. They're a map of the adventures, and the places You’ve been.-"U Li La Lu" by Poi Dog Pondering

And now, if anyone wants to talk, I'll be over There in the corner trying to restuff this crap Back in the matching three piece luggage set I Drag my emotional baggage around in.

I'm a patriot. I love my decadent, cosmopolitan, Self-indulgent, racially-mixed, godless, Intellectually dilettante, drug-abusing, promiscuous, Queer-loving country. And its flag is the Stars and Stripes.-Patrick Nielsen Hayden

Adventure can be a puffy sticker out of a vending machine, if people are looking at it the right way.

Don't dare to be different, dare to be yourself - If that doesn't make you different then something is Wrong. -Laura Baker

Save the apartheid boycott of the lesbian Nazi lettuce Growers for Jesus of the nuclear whale! -slogan on a T-shirt from Bangkok

"Is that seat saved?"
"No, but we're praying for it."

This isn't hell. This is where you get sent when You’ve been bad in hell. I'll never understand why someone might pay To wear a corporate logo. To me, all such shirts Read ALL MY OTHER CLOTHES ARE DIRTY or UNTIL WHICH TIME, IF EVER, I DEVELOP A PERSONALITY OF MY OWN, THIS T-SHIRT HAS OFFERED TO SPEAK ON MY BEHALF.-David Sedaris, New York Magazine

Don't sweat the petty things, and don't Pet the sweaty things.

A hundred thousand lemmings can't be wrong.

I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people.

We're Virgin Destroyers - We won't go down In history, but we will go down on your Little sister

Apathetics of the world ... ah, forget it.

Candy is dandy, but sex won't rot your teeth. But on second thought, M&M's won't give you herpes.

"I admit, I have a bit of penis envy. They're ridiculous, but they’re cool."- k.d.lang

"No Gods, No Masters...well, okay, maybe a Master or two, but that's it..."

"Familiar acts are beautiful through love."-- Percy Bysshe Shelley

"A small town is a vast hell." -- Argentinean proverb

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
- The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people who pissed me off.

Non sum qualis eram.(I am not what I used to be)

The stars get their brightness from the surrounding dark. -Dante

I'm already dead; I just have to wait for my body to realize this.

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up these defenses; you build this whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life. You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They do something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own any more. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. not just in the mind. It's a soul hurt, a body hurt, a real gets inside you and rips you apart pain. I hate love--Neil Gaiman

Mad; adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence; not conforming to standards of thought, speech, and action derived by the conformants from study of themselves; at odds with the majority; in short, unusual. It is noteworthy that persons are pronounced mad by officials destitute of evidence that they themselves are sane.-Ambrose Bierce

Hobbes, do you think human nature is good or evil? I mean, do you think people are basically good, with a few bad tendencies, or basically bad, with a few good tendencies? Or, as a third possibility, do you think people are just crazy and who knows why they do anything?--Calvin

Freaks make life interesting for all you 'normals.' --Craig Miller

Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know.--Ernest Hemmingway

What I want is to be needed. What I need is to be indispensable to somebody. Who I need is somebody that will eat up all my free time, my ego, my attention. Somebody addicted to me. A mutual addiction. Chuck Palahniuk-Choke

"Ford, you're turning into a penguin. Stop it." -- Arthur HHGTTG

"There was a point to this story, but it has temporarily escaped the chronicler's mind."HHGTTG

He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife. Douglas Adams

It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes. -Douglas Adams

Life... is like a grapefruit. It's orange and squishy, and has a few pips in it, and some folks have half a one for breakfast. -Douglas Adams

The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't. -Douglas Adams

Nothing is illegal until you get caught.

The ultimate reason is "because."

Tomorrow will be canceled due to lack of interest.

I will never understand why they cook on TV. I can't smell it. Can't eat it. Can't taste it. The end of the show they hold it up to the camera, "Well, here it is. You can't have any. Thanks for watching. Goodbye.-Jerry Seinfeld

There's a stereotype that black people are lazy. I don't know if that's true, but I know white people went all the way to Africa to get out of doing work--Lance Crouther

If you want an interesting party sometime, combine cocktails and a fresh box of crayons for everyone. --Robert Fulghum

"My body's like--'Damn! Where'd the sex go?'" --Francesca, "Obfuscation"

I am a living soap opera. --Virginia Graham

I'm a nice girl. I hate it on the first date when I accidentally have sex.-Emmy Gay

You know how to tell if the teacher is hung over? Movie day.-Jay Mohr

You sleep with a guy once and next thing you know he wants to take you to dinner.-Yori Meyers

Don't worry, it only seems kinky the first time. Unfortunately, some people don't hear you until you scream.-Stefanie Powers

I dated a girl who liked the whole goth thing. Eventually she dumped me for making her happy. --Ryan, "Conspirare"

If that's what she needs, that's what I'll be for her. -Jim Profit

You may engage in a specific perversion once, and it can be chalked up to curiousity. But if you do it again, it must be presumed that you are a pervert. -Oscar Wilde

As repellant as something is to some people it can be downright adorable to others.

Love doesn't have a point. Love is the point.-Alan Moore

You can never be too high or too thin.-Maureen Slatery

Maybe I should have wrapped my panties in bacon?-Maureen Slatery

If I were a teacher, I would commit suicide every day of my life.-Ryan Malloy

It is better to have loved and lost than to have loved and caught something.-Too Much Coffee Man

I don't understand why Christians wear crosses. Do you think if Jesus comes back he ever wants to see a fucking cross again?-Bill Hicks

"You can't have someone who's never had sex or drugs telling you it's wrong."-Marilyn Manson

It aint the size, it's.... no, it's the size.

If there is anything the non-conformist hates worse than a conformist it's another non-conformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standards of non-conformity.

She had a pretty gift for quotation, which is a serviceable substitute for wit.- W. Somerset Maugham

I will always love the false image I had of you.- Ashleigh Brilliant

If you have something to do, and you put it off long enough, chances are someone else will do it for you. - Clyde F. Adams

That young girl is one of the least benightedly unintelligent organic life forms it has been my profound lack of pleasure not to be able to avoid meeting.-Marvin, "Life, the Universe, and Everything" by Douglas Adams

There are three terrible ages of childhood - 1 to 10, 10 to 20, and 20 to 30. - Cleveland Amory

Where is human nature so weak as in the bookstore? - Henry Ward Beecher (1813-1887)

There is only one sin in this world, and you have definately committed it: It is the Sin of Not Understanding Humor When It Slaps You Upside The Head. - Pete Berger

Strange as it may seem, my life is based on a true story.-Ashleigh Brilliant

Beauty’s tears are lovelier than her smile.-Campbell

I do not take drugs. I am drugs.-Salvador Dali

Nessun maggior dolore, Che ricordarsi del tempo felice Nella miseria; (There is no greater sorrow than to recall, in misery, the time when we were happy.) - Dante

Saturday night in Toledo Ohio, Is like being nowhere at all, All through the day how the hours rush by, You sit in the park and you watch the grass die. - John Denver, Saturday Night in Toledo Ohio

Quem metuunt, oderunt. (They hate whom they fear.) - Ennius (239-169 BC)

Todd, drugs. Drugs, Todd ... oh, I see you’ve already met. - Will Fran

A chic type, a rough type, an odd type -- but never a stereotype-Jean-Michel Jarre

When a student actually does a homework problem, the instructor will not ask for it.-M. M. Johnston

I once complained to my father that I didn’t seem to be able to do things the same way other people did. Dad’s advice? ’Margo, don’t be a sheep. People hate sheep. They eat sheep.’-Margo Kaufman

The only unnatural sexual act is that which you cannot perform.-Alfred Kinsey

I’ve found thats it’s not good to talk about your troubles. Eighty percent of the people who hear them don’t care and the other twenty percent are glad your having trouble.-Tommy LaSorda

Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, "What! You, too? I thought I was the only one." -C. S. Lewis

I happened to see you passing through my life, so I thought I’d love you.

"The emotional, sexual, and psychological stereotyping of females begins when the doctor says: 'It's a girl.'" -Shirley Chisholm

you smiled at me in the dark.

And I died a new type of death.

I actually did care. I didn't want anybody else to hurt you. Only me.

I laugh, I smile, and I take Prozac -Anonymous

We ignore the ones who adore us, and adore the ones who ignore us.-Anonymous

"Just a little case of mood poisoning... Must be something I hate."-David Warner, Wild Palms

"I have said nothing because there is nothing I can say that would describe how I feel as perfectly as you deserve it." -Kyle Schmidt

When the sun comes up, I have morals again. --Elayne Boosler

Two tears in a bucket, mother fuck it. [colloquialism] Rough translation, "Shit happens, but we carry on.”

"If it wasn't for my horse I wouldn't have spent that year in college... if you think about that for more than 3 minutes blood will squirt out your nose!"- Lewis Black

From childhood's hour
I have not been
As others were -- I have not seen
As others saw.
(Edgar Allan Poe)

But whats real? You cant find the truth. You just pick the lie you like best. As long as you know everythings a lie, you can't hurt yourself--Marilyn Manson

I think you're the opposite of a paranoid. I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you. (Woody Allen)

You have to remember that one person's porn site is another person's social life. (Duke, Gary Trudeau character)

I decided my life would be a success if I could make just one person happy. I picked me.(Frank and Ernest)

From now on, I'll connect the dots my own way. (Calvin and Hobbes)

As a math atheist, I should be excused from this. (Calvin and Hobbes)

It's better to have a morning after, than to have never had a night before. (Andy Capp)

"Pot is a plant that grows in the ground.
If god didn't want it
It wouldn't be around
So all of you fuckers that don't get high
shut the fuck up and give it a try."
--Dennis Leary

"Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? Maybe I was just crazy. Maybe it was the 60's. Or maybe I was just a girl... interrupted." - Susanna Kaysen, Girl Interrupted

I will be right back. keep your pants off.

A 'friend' is the sort of person you could safely entrust the proofreading of your suicide note to. There are depressingly few of them out there." - Mats Andtbacka

"When suicide becomes the answer, what the hell was the question?" – Unknown

"People tend to associate anyone who looks and behaves differently with illegal or immoral activity." - Marilyn Manson

"People are sheep. They should be called sheople." - Seth Christenson

So You hate Your job. Theres a support group for that; Its called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar!" (Drew Carey)

"You were born an original, don't die a copy"

"Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months." (Oscar Wilde)

It used to be that being crazy meant something... now everybody's crazy.— Charles Manson

"Yes, I am a criminal. My crime is that of curiosity. My crime is that of judging people by what they say and think, not what they look like. My crime is that of outsmarting you, something that you will never forgive me for."— The Mentor, The Hacker's Manifesto

'Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules, and they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can't do... is ignore them - because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world...are the ones who do.' — Apple Computers advert

"Feminism encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians." — PAT ROBERTSON, failing to realize the positive side to all of the above points...

Suicide was against the law. Johnny had wondered why. It meant that if you missed, or the gas ran out, or the rope broke, you could get locked up in prison to show you that life was really very jolly and thoroughly worth living. — (Terry Pratchett, Johnny and the Dead)

"He looks like a girl." --Marlon Brando, on Leonardo DiCaprio

"Computer games don't affect kids, I mean if Pac Man affected us as kids, we'd all run around in a darkened room munching pills and listening to repetitive music..." — Kristian Wilson, CEO, Nintendo Gaming Corporation, Inc, 1989

ERICA (extract from Scars and Bruises girl-zine): The sorrys, the supposed warmth. None of it means anything. And I'm still afraid of losing you even Though I'm not sure I want you anymore because this hurts like fuck, it hurts too much. So I'll come back and I won't say shit because I can release my pain. I can release my pain. I can release my pain another way. And I'm hurting myself and I'm laughing and my body is yours.

"This Be The Verse"
They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
they may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.
— Philip Larkin

"An English professor wrote the words, "Woman without her man is nothing," on the blackboard and directed the students to punctuate it correctly. The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing." The women wrote: "Woman! Without her, man is nothing."

"I was very involved with the very early punk scene. I remember meeting Johnny Rotten when he was known as Jack Overripe." -Kermit the Frog

Rules of Success:
1) Strength needs no excuse
2) The past is pointless
3) Just because it happened to you does not make it interesting
4) The things you apologize for are the things you really want

"When the first baby laughed for the first time, his laugh broke into a million pieces, and they all went skipping about. That was the beginning of fairies." - Sir James M. Barrie in Peter Pan

"I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, But, I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not really what I meant."

"When I get down on my knees it is not to pray." - Madonna

I believe in a Goddess named Destiny, but she can never make up her mind.-Unknown

jesus is coming, open your mouth

Evil is in the face of every frat guy that ever raised a beer cup and went "whoooooo!"-Janeane Garofalo

i'm gonna draw a picture, a picture on my wrist. i'll draw it with a razor, i'll do it just like this. and when i draw this picture, a fountain will appear, and all my fuckin problems will slowly disappear ----kidtwist

"To smile is to lie, for your bloody hands give you away." --Eric Helfrich Famous last words to a High school yearbook.

"Music I heard with you was more than music,
And bread I broke with you was more than bread.
Now that I am without you, all is so desolate;
And all that once was so beautiful is dead."
-- Conrad Aiken "Bread and Music"

"It's too bad that stupidity isn't painful." --Anton LaVey

In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.-Douglas Adams

If you can't annoy somebody, there's little point in writing.-Kingsley Amis I married beneath me. All women do.-Lady Nancy Astor, attributed

These childhood memories - I have them often, but can usually keep them under control with the use of drugs. -- Dave Barry

The Internet is so big, so powerful and pointless that for some people it is a complete substitute for life. -Andrew Brown

The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true. -James Branch Cabell, The Silver Stallion

The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.-G. K. Chesterton

The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children. -Clarence Darrow

It is with true love as it is with ghosts; everyone talks about it, but few have seen it. -- François de La Rouchefoucauld

Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly.- Rose Franken

Choose a wife by your ear than your eye.-Thomas Fuller, 1732

You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do.-Olin Miller

The trouble with a kitten is
Eventually it becomes a
-Ogden Nash

The weirder you're going to behave, the more normal you should look. It works in reverse, too. When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, I know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person.-P. J. O'Rourke

The course of true love never did run smooth. --William Shakespeare

Where am I going? And why am I in this HANDBASKET? --Anonymous

Byron Elbows' two rules of human nature:
* No one is as weird as they think they are.
* Everyone is weirder than others think they are.

I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.-Pogo, character in "Pogo," comic strip by Walt Kelly

I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I'll do it again.-Bart Simpson

For I am a bear of very little brain and long words bother me.-Winnie the Pooh

"Arthur: 'It's at times like this I wish I'd listened to my mother.'
Ford : 'Why, what did she say?'
Arthur: 'I don't know, I never listened.'" - The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

"...Yes, the lectures are optional. Graduation is also optional." -- Professor Brian Quinn

"...only drugs make you feel as good as people in TV ads appear to be." -- Hakim Bey

"A promiscuous person is someone who is getting more sex than you are." -- Victor Lownes

All I want is a warm bed and a kind word and unlimited power." -- Ashleigh Brilliant

"Excuse me. This life isn't working. I want to exchange it."
"Have you tried plugging it in?"

"Every time I try to define a perfectly stable person, I am appalled by the dullness of that person." -- J. D. Griffin

"He's simply got the instinct for being unhappy highly developed." -H.H. Munro

"I didn't think; I experimented." -Wilhelm Roentgen

"I swear, if you existed I'd divorce you."--Edward Albee

"I think it would be totally inappropriate for me to even contemplate what I am thinking about." -- Don Mazankowski

"It isn't premarital sex if you don't get married." -- Michael Juster

"It's good to know that if I behave strangely enough, society will take full responsibility for me." - Ashleigh Brilliant

"Nobody can be exactly like me. Sometimes even I have trouble doing it." -- Tallulah Bankhead

"Ron and Nancy got the house, but Sid and Nancy rule." -- Dar Williams

The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit." – Maugham

"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."-Sharon Stone

So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed.
I Dreamed A Dream-Les Miserables

If you are a dreamer
Come in.
If you are a dreamer,
A wisher,
A liar,
A hoper,
A prayer,
A magic-bean-buyer,
If you're a pretender,
Come sit by my fire,
For we have some flax-golden tales to spin.
Come in! Come in!- Shel Silverstein

Teachers aren't Einsteins.-Gabrielle, age 14

Teachers are the best people in the whole world.-Natka, age 14

Heaven doesn't want me and hell is scared I am going to take over.-Eve Toth

Cogita tute - think for yourself

I don't believe in an afterlife, so I don't have to spend my whole life fearing hell, or fearing heaven even more. For whatever the tortures of hell, I think the boredom of heaven would be even worse.-Issac Asimov

Sleep is good, death is better; but of course, the best thing would to have never been born at all. -Heinrich Heine

If there is a God, atheism must strike Him as less of an insult than religion.-Edmond and Jules de Goncourt

Eskimo: "If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell?"
Priest: "No, not if you did not know."
Eskimo: "Then why did you tell me?"

If someone were to prove to me - right this minute - that God, in all his luminousness, exists, it wouldn't change a single aspect of my behavior. -Luis Buquel

If you don't control your mind, someone else will. -John Allston

A man without a religion is like a fish without a bicycle

Love - It's all fun and games till someone loses an eye or gets pregnant-Jim Cole

I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top. --English Professor--Ohio University

Wouldn't it be odd if you died and went to heaven and the first thing you said was, "Well, I'll be damned."

If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning. --Catherine Aird

Smile. Tomorrow will be worse.

Procrastination is like masturbation, it feels good while you're doing it, but then you realize you are only fucking yourself.

Nothing seems interesting when it belongs to you, only when it doesn't.-Natalie Rabbitt,Tuck Everlasting

Is there a God? Who knows? Is there an angry unicorn on the dark side of the moon?

We all enter this world in the same way: naked, screaming, soaked in blood. But if you live your life right, that kind of thing doesn't have to stop there. -Dana Gould

Hell will always be inside of me, or at least for as long as I continue to give Satan blowjobs anyway. -Chloe Irving

Tragedy is if I cut my finger, comedy is if I walk into an open sewer and die.-Mel Brooks

I am amazed at radio DJ's today. I am firmly convinced that AM on my radio stands for Absolute Moron. I will not begin to tell you what FM stands for.-Jasper Carrott

A girl is a person who screams at the mouse and smiles at the wolf.-Shyam Kapoor

"If I ever meet myself, I'll hit myself so hard I won't know what's hit me." - Zaphod Beeblebrox, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

"Just say no" prevents teenage pregnancy the way 'Have a nice day' cures chronic depression.

Some people have a way with words, others not have way.

"I'm not cute, dammit. I'm evil. Evil, I say." -Diablo, "Goats" (comic)

Hell, suicide is all wrong. Why kill yourself when there are others that are *so much more deserving*?

.. Your sense of humor called today... it said it misses you.

I seem to remember smiling. --Maya Angelou, I almost remember

If I let go of the feelings which cause me pain, I would have no feelings at all. –Dan Goodman

"I shot myself because I love you / if I loved myself / I'd be shooting you." -- Karen Finley

I don't think you can consider somebody a platonic friend if you repeatedly bring them to orgasm.

"In the 60s people took Acid to make the world look weird. Now the world is weird, people take Prozac to make it look normal." -Damon Albarn

"A girl who actually thinks she is pretty is unbearably vain." -Anastasia P Wong

Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind. -T.P.

"Remember that the most beautiful things in the world are the most useless" - John Ruskin

Without obsession, life is nothing. --John Waters

"The masses are asses"--Alexander Hamilton

"The hardest battle in life is to be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you like everybody else." -E.E.Cummings

"I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half-empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth."--Janeane Garofalo

She wouldn't need/ the stale/ Fake/ heat of others/ if only she/ could find/ her own."-Icarus

"Love can't make you strong 'till love has made you weak."-Catie Curtis

You can't stop a teacher when they want to do something. They just do it."-J. D. Salinger, Catcher in the Rye

"It was against my principles and all, but I was feeling so depressed I didn't even think. That's the whole trouble. When you're feeling very depressed, you can't even think."-J. D. Salinger, Catcher in the Rye

" experience with people who tried to label me was that they usually did it to either dismiss me or use me."-Audre Lorde, Zami: A New Spelling of My Name

"If women knew, if they even had the slightest idea of what men were thinking, they'd never stop slapping us."-Larry Miller

Going crazy/ take a pill/ I'm depressed/ aren't we all/ a little kind/ elf told me/ what to be./ Cutting wrists/ stop the pain/ how ironic/ oxymoron/ civil war and honest lawyers/ fall apart."-Amanda Jones

"I want to do with you what spring does with the cherry trees."-Pablo Neruda

"Look like the innocent flower, but be the serpent under it."-William Shakespeare

"From the moment he looked me in my eyes and saw what no one else did, I loved him."

"Revenge is best served cold with a side of sin."-Rynn Fox

"I will not let my dress size determine my self worth."

"Sometimes just looking at [my parents] I wanted to bash their heads with a tire iron. Not to kill them, just to wake them up."-Katherine Dunn

I'd never fallen in love...although I'd stepped in it a few times."-Rita Rudner

If God doesn't like the way I live, let Him tell me, not you

"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right doing there is a field. I'll meet you there."-Rumi

"What good is five minutes of happiness when you're gonna spend the rest of your life crying?"-Tabitha Maler

"I/ I walk down the street./ There is a deep hole in the sidewalk./ I fall in/ I am lost...I am helpless/ It isn't my fault./ It takes forever to find a way out./ II/ I walk down the same street/ There is a deep hole in the sidewalk./ I pretend I don't see it./ I fall in again./ I can't believe I am in the same place./ But it isn't my fault./ It still takes a long time to get out./ III/ I walk down the same street/ There is a deep hole in the sidewalk/ I see it is there./ I still fall's a habit./ My eyes are open/ I know where I am/ It is my fault./ I get out immediately./ IV/ I walk down the/ Same street./ There is a deep hole/ in the sidewalk./ I walk around it./ V/ I walk down another/ Street."
-Portia Nelson, "Autobiography in Five Short Chapters"

"'I hurt.'/ 'So what?' said the mother. / 'I grieve.'/ 'Your point?' said the dad./ I tell them all about my pain,/ And how I feel quite sad./ But no one really listens,/ No one really sees,/ No one was really quite prepared,/ Cause it was only me./ 'Oh my heart, my heart!'/ Cries the mother. / 'Oh damn, God Damn!'/ Cries the dad. / As they see my broken body. / They thought depression was a fad."
-Beth Coulter, "Broken Toy"

"Guys are not perfect, but we're simple. If we don't call you back, we really don't like you. If we don't call you back, but do all of a sudden, we want sex."-Chicks Suck Guy

"The way I see it, the men that I'm with, whoever they are, it's like look, you have to accept that I like ice cream, and I know it shows up on my hips but if you can't accept that, then leave. Go away. Toodles. It is non-negotiable."-Tori Amos

"If you really love someone it shouldn't matter what's been in their orifices."

I need to find myself today before I ever find my way back to you.

We like to be disturbed by delight."-Sophia Grojsman

"I too was frightened the first time I felt I hated my father. I felt like a criminal. But could I help it what was inside of me? I had to feel what I felt even if it killed me."-Anzia Yezierska, Bread Givers

Why should we strive, with cynic frown/ to knock their fairy castles down?-Eliza Cook

I always have a quotation for everything -- it saves original thinking.-Dorothy L. Sayers

"The most attractive are not those who allow us to kiss them at once (we soon feel ungrateful) or those who never allow us to kiss them (we soon forget them), but those who coyly lead us between the two extremes."-Alain de Botton

"Quod me nutrit me destruit." (What nourishes me destroys me.)

I've got two x chromosomes and I'm not afraid to use them –Ellen

"Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then."-Katharine Hepburn

Nothing spoils the taste of peanut butter like unrequited love."-Charlie Brown

"You can get around to meaningful conversations more quickly in the dark than with the sun tickling your face."-Anne Frank, The Diary of a Young Girl

"A child's kiss is magic. Why else would they be so stingy with them?"-Harvey Fierstein Marion

"I'm too tall to be a girl, I never had enough dresses to be a lady, and I wouldn't call myself a woman. I'm somewhere between a chick and a broad."-Julia Roberts

"I'm a hopeless romantic trapped in a cynic's body."-Ariel Bierbaum

"Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait. Not me, you." - Jack Handey

"The insane, on occasion, are not without their charms" - Kurt Vonnegut, The Sirens of Titan

"I'm going to be assertive... if that's okay with you." - Dr. Robert Anthony, Think Again

"Mothers are all slightly insane" - J. D. Salinger, Catcher in the Rye

"My feeling is that labels are for canned food...I am what I am - - and I know what I am." -Michael Stipe

Cat: We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
Cat: You must be... or you wouldn't have come here.
- Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland

"There are many who dare not kill themselves for fear of what the neighbors will say" - Cyril Connolly

"The last man on Earth sat alone in a room. And there was a knock at the door..." - Anonymous, The World's Shortest Horror Story

There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened" - Douglas Adams

Insanity is doing the same thing in the same way and expecting a different outcome." - Chinese Proverb

"I hate to think that all my current experiences will someday become stories with no point." - Calvin and Hobbes

"Hey Santa, how much for your list of naughty girls?" - Anonymous

"It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place." - H.L. Mencken

"There is a very fine line between 'hobby' and 'mental illness.'" - Dave Barry

"See my eyes - are they safe? Are they even sane?" - Tim Rice, Chess

"I can't go back to yesterday, because I was a different person then." -Lewis Carroll

1) Children are not pets.
2) The life they actually live and the life you perceive them to be living is not the same life.
3) Don't take what your children do too personally.
4) Don't keep scorecards on them - a short memory is useful.
5) Dirt and mess are a breeding ground for wellbeing.
6) Stay out of their rooms after puberty.
7) Stay out of their friendships and love-life unless invited in.
8) Don't worry that they never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.
9) Learn from them; they have much to teach you.
10) Love them long; let them go early."
- Robert Fulghum, It Was On Fire When I Lay Down On It

"I am the kind of paranoiac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy." - J.D. Salinger

"I bet people would like me more if my sense of self-deprecating humor didn't suck so much." - Jenna Morris "People have learned to ignore Web ads that don't move, so lately advertisers are only willing to pay for pop-up ads. Someday, after you learn to ignore pop-up ads too, then the advertisers will have to drive to your house and tattoo ads directly on your body. You'll be nostalgic for the good old days of pop-up ads. Enjoy them while you can." - Scott Adams

"Some people think its holding on that makes one strong, but sometimes it's letting go."

"Pooh sidled up to Piglet from behind.’Pooh,' he whispered.’Yes Piglet?' 'Nothing,' said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw. 'I just wanted to be sure of you.'"-A. A. Milne

"It's the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter."--unknown

"Pain is nature's way of saying 'Don't do that stupid.”--unknown

"If two people think exactly alike, one of them is unnecessary."

"If I can be of any help, you're in worse trouble than I thought."

"I've told you for the fifty-thousandth time, stop exaggerating."

It is such a secret place, the land of tears. - The Little Prince

"If you never have you should, these things are fun and fun is good." -Dr. Seuss

"Kiss me and you will see how important I am." -Sylvia Plath

"It's the quiet ones you have to watch out for."

Never open a book before 4 p.m. Sunday.
(Rule of Weekend Studying)

On one issue, at least, men and women agree; they both distrust women. -H. L. Mencken

For most men life is a search for the proper manila envelope in which to get themselves filed. - Clifton Fadiman

The thought of suicide is a great comfort. It's helped me through many a bad night. - Friedrich Nietzsche

"Somebody's boring me; I think it's me."--Dylan Thomas

"Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject."—Unknown

Most people think life sucks, and then you die. Not me. I beg to differ. I think life sucks, then you get cancer, then your dog dies, your wife leaves you, the cancer goes into remission, you get a new dog, you get remarried, you owe ten million dollars in medical bills but you work hard for thirty-five years and you pay it back and then -- one day -- you have a massive stroke, your whole right side is paralyzed, you have to limp along the streets and speak out of the left side of your mouth and drool but you go into rehabilitation and regain the power to walk and the power to talk and then - one day - you step off a curb at Sixty-seventh Street, and BANG you get hit by a city bus and then you die. Maybe." - Denis Leary

I feel that I need some kind of break from being funny.

"You may forget but let me tell you this: someone in some future time will think of us." --Sappho

I've learned:
-- that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
-- that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.
-- That it takes years to build up trust, and only suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
-- That you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more fucked up than you think

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30."

"The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola ---THGTTG-pt.4

...colleges being nothing but grooming schools for the middleclass non-identity which usually finds its perfect expression on the outskirts of the campus in rows of well-to-do houses with lawns and television sets is each living room with everybody looking at the same thing and thinking the same thing at the same time while the Japhies of the world go prowling in the wilderness... - Jack Kerouac

"It takes a unique woman to see me as any sort of catch." -- MOBY

I used to be an atheist, until I realized I was God

Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people is mentally ill. Check three friends. If they're OK, you're it

I’m going to become rich and famous after I invent a device that allows you to stab people in the face over the internet


What do you do when the only person who can make you stop crying is the person who made you cry?

"In a world of cheerios, why not be a fruit loop?"

"Why do we love the ones that hurt us and hurt the ones that love us?"

When all else fails, look cute

I'm not shy; I just don't like you

Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once!

SMILE! It scares people...

In some cultures what I do is considered normal

If you’re happy and you know it ...get away from me!

Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips

Tomorrow will be canceled due to lack of interest.

Laugh at your problems; everybody else does.

I hate quotations.
---Ralph Waldo Emerson

Trust is like virginity. You lose it once and that's it.

Don't hate yourself in the morning -- sleep 'till noon. ---Anon

Our planet is the mental institution for the universe. ---Goethe

You sound reasonable... Time to up my medication

I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid

I'm only wearing black until they make a darker color.

Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk everything, you risk even more.--Erica Jong

I don’t look for trouble-I stay still long enough, trouble finds me-Dark Hollow

He isn’t morally bankrupt, just overdrawn-Dark Hollow

I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.-jrr tolkien, "fellowship of the ring"

"Once you see her all you want to do is talk to her. Once you talk to her all you want to do is hug her. Once you hug her all you want to do is kiss her. Once you kiss her all you want to do is bone her. Once you bone her you don’t even want to see the bitchs face anymore." –Marbleman

I remember thinking cocaine was subtle until I noticed I'd been awake for three weeks and didn't know any of the naked people passed out around me.-PJ O'Rourke

"People don't realize how much fun it is to be depressed."-Chris Cornell

Organizers of National Orgasm Week were disappointed to learn that the majority of women polled just pretended to celebrate.

Dashboard Confessional
So Impossible / The Places You Have Come to Fear
The pinnacle of mall emo. Pure evil. The scariest thing about this record is that these are the songs that will be playing when the deflowering of all those 300-pound emo gorilla girls in light blue "princess" t-shirts you see hanging around hot topic happens. Yikes.

I say you get laid, call her up, and tell her every last fucking detail about it

"'It's the quiet ones you've gotta watch.' This sounds to me like a very dangerous assumption. I will bet you anything that while you're watching a quiet one a noisy one will fucking kill you." -George Carlin

"I couldn't run for any office. I think that religion is bad, weed is good, and babies are disgusting; who would vote for me?"-Bill Maher

The other day on the subway I had an epiphany. I hate everyone I don't know. And the people I know? I hate them especially.-lowbrow Go to

My boyfriend looks like such a fucking retard when he comes. I love it.-lowbrow Go to

"And when she came to me, even the first time, to say she wasn't happy, I told her I wasn't either and that nobody ought to expect to be."-Something Happened, Joseph Heller

"I just don't get it! She seems totally uninterested in me, despite my smothering obsessiveness!" - Nathanial Mayweather

"Anyone can claim they invented the internet. Wanna impress *me*? Show me the guy who invented the vibrator." -Jeff Rabinowitz

Why did God create men? She knew a vibrator couldn't carry out the trash. ---Colloquialism, 1996

"Death tugs at my ear and whispers, ‘Live, for I am coming.'"—Unknown

"Stick me bleed me
don't say you need me
kick me suck me
come on--FUCK ME!"—PIG

"This intoxication thrills me I just pray it is not the end of me."—Unknown

I like it when people have sex with me.

Reality continues to ruin my life. - Calvin

"Well, now that we have met," said the unicorn, "If you'll believe in me, I'll believe in you." - Lewis Carrol

Fuck it. Let's do it.
- Australian Proverb

Don't speak unless you can improve upon the silence - Spanish Proverb

My heart you lifted, my eyes you dried, I'm sorry but I must say good-bye. I cried because my heart was broken, and its still stolen, I'm sorry because now I did the same to you, I hope you found someone who’s true to you.

How to please a Man? Show up naked, bring beer.

I'm just a faded negative of the image I used to be. - Greg Graffin

Well, remember what you said, because in a day or two, I'll have a witty and blistering retort! You'll be devastated THEN! - Calvin

What's the point of wearing your lucky rocket ship underpants if no one asks to see 'em? - Calvin

I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long. If we're in each others dreams, we can play together all night! - Hobbes, To Calvin

Better be alone than in bad company - Thomas Fuller

If someone betrays you once it is their fault, if someone betrays you twice it is your fault. - Eleanor Roosevelt

All wounds heal. But the scars they leave will last forever.

I never knew I would look back at the laughter and cry

People are always telling me to smile, like smiling is gonna take away all the hurt and all the pain....well I've tried that. I've tried hiding my sorrows, and covering the sadness in my smile... and what I've learned is when it hurts this much inside, your heart always has a way of showing it, no matter how many masks you wear

"One may smile, and smile, and be a villain" - William Shakespeare

You were my favorite mistake

'To let a fool kiss you is stupid; to let a kiss fool you is worse.'

I don't see how anyone could fall in love, people are such jerks.

Sometimes I wonder who he's picturing, when he looks at me and smiles

Love can sometimes be magic, but magic can sometimes be just an illusion.

I wanna be the one you're waiting for...not the one waiting for you.

The suspense is terrible. I hope it will last. ---Oscar Wilde

God bless Atheism!

I drink to make other people interesting.--George Jean Nathan

I think I could fall madly in bed with you.

Don't judge a man by his boxers, it's what's inside that counts.

To all you virgins out there. Thanks for nothing.

Don't ever tease if you're not willing to please

Heck is where people go who don't believe in gosh

"Insert endlessly profound quote here."

Obviously the only rational solution to your problem is suicide.

Memorize quotes. They're useful in ending and winning arguments. Then again, so are semi-automatic weapons. --Tony Detharidge

If at first you don't succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught, and then lie.

A really good quote will stick in your head like a dick in your ear.

There are two things I cannot stand: racism and Asians. --Dave Johnson

A good friend will bail you out of jail, but your best friend will be sitting next to you saying "That was fucking awesome!"

All Good Things Must Come To an End

After a time, you may find that "having" is not so pleasing a thing, after all, as "wanting." It is not logical, but it is often true

Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid doing entirely

Life is different, for he who has touched death.

When confronted with two evils; choose the Blonde -Jacob Bradt

What is better: a lie that draws a smile, or a truth that draws a tear?

He who conceals his disease cannot be cured-Ethiopian Proverb

The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing but burn, burn, burn like fabulous roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars..." --Jack Kerouac, On the Road

Scars are tattoos with better stories

No man is ever worth your tears, and the one who is will never make you cry.

Should I smile because we're friends, or cry because that's all we'll ever be?

If you're really horny, do unto yourself as you would want others to do unto you.

(About Delia's) - "If you imagine what a 9 year old whore would wear...This is it."

"Love is a perky little elf dancing a merry little jig and then, suddenly, he turns on you with a miniature machine gun."-Matt Groening

the way is through pain
don't try it
you'll like it
I don't want you with me
corrupting the silence
see- watch as I cut here- and here
and I’m bleeding
feeling the pain and the burning inside-Laura Demers

Why do you care?
When I picked up the blade,
and made passionate love to it,
and like an impatient virgin,
it made me bleed all over?
Never easy/ Never clean/ to be a beast among human sheep!" -Danzig

Favorite color: I hate colors.
- Ian Shoales

"I say no to drugs, but they don't listen."
- Marilyn Manson, Singer

On a side note, I seem to have finally gotten over my "stupid men" phase. This probably means I’ll go back into my "nun" phase or my "angst" phase or perhaps just stay here stuck in my annoying "quotes" phase. -Kristina Wilson

I gave up sex, alcohol and smoking - it was the worst 15 minutes of my life

See any mistakes? Want to send me quotes you want to see on my site? E-mail me.