THE OLD PHILOSOPHER SEZ,

This is for you ladies, and I'm sure you can 
relate to these.         

MEN ARE LIKE....

1. FLOOR TILES...If you lay them right the first time, 
    you can walk all over them for years.

2. BANK ACCOUNTS...Without a lot of money, they 
    don't generate much interest.

3. BLENDERS...You need one, but you're not quite 
    sure why.

4. COFFEE...The best ones are rich, warm, and can
     keep you up all  night long.

5. COMMERCIALS...You can't believe a word they say.

6. COMPUTERS...Hard to figure out and never have 
    enough memory.

7. COOLERS...Load them with beer and you can take 
    them anywhere.

8. GOVERNMENT BONDS...They take so long to mature.

9. HIGH HEELS...They're easy to walk on once you get 
   the hang of it.

10. LAVA LAMPS...Fun to look at, but not all that bright.

11. MASCARA...They usually run at the first sign of 
      emotion.

12. COPIERS...You need them for reproduction, but 
      that's about it.

13. CURLING IRONS...Always hot and in your hair.

14. HOROSCOPES...They always tell you what to do 
      and are usually wrong.

15. CEMENT...After getting laid, they take a long time 
      to get hard.

Recently someone at the WASHINGTON POST 
postulated that English should have male and 
female nouns as many other languages have.
Readers of the paper were asked to assign a 
gender to nouns of their choice and explain 
their reasons. Here are a few of the
entries received.....

SWISS ARMY KNIFE---male, because even though it
appears useful for a wide variety of work, it spends 
most of its time just opening bottles.

KIDNEYS---female, because they always go to the 
bathroom in pairs.

PENLIGHT---male, because it can be turned on very 
easily, but isn't very bright.

TIRE---male, because it goes bald and often is 
 over-inflated.

HOT AIR BALLOON---male, because to get it to go
anywhere you have to light a fire under it...and, of 
course, there's the hot air part.

SPONGES---female, because they are soft and 
squeezable and retain water.

WEB PAGE---female, because it's always getting 
hit on.

SHOE---male, because it's usually unpolished, 
with its tongue hanging out.

SUBWAY---male, because it uses the same old 
lines to pick people up.

HOURGLASS---female, because over time, the 
weight shifts to the bottom.

COPIER---female, because once turned off, it 
takes a while to warm up. It is an effective 
reproductive device when the right buttons are 
pushed. It can also wreak havoc when the wrong 
buttons are pushed.