home of the WHAT??!?

just a good ol' boy...never meanin' no harm...

(originally published in ON THE VERGE v2.0 e-mail monthly - October 4, 2000)

For the first time in a long time, I have to admit itI'm scared. Scared for this country. We got some tough decisions ahead of us. The next four years could be unbearably long if we screw it up.

But what do you do when you're presented with options that spell "doomed" no matter which one you pick? Will it be candidate SNAFU or candidate FUBAR? "If voting changed anything, they'd make it illegal." Heard that on a Jello Biafra album once. While I agree, I'd be stupid to sit home. Assholes travel in packs on Election Day, and I can't let them win at the polls. Besides that, too many people died for the right to vote for me not to exercise it.

I just wish I could tell that to all the non-voters and have it stick. There are more non-voters in this country than ever before, and honestly, I can't blame them. I mean, we've got Gore and Bush. Come on, I'm supposed to pick between BORE AND FREAKIN' GUSH?!? One man who can't wait to send people to the chair and another who's been so overshadowed by Clinton that I didn't even know he had a backbone or an opinion until an election year? The most radical thing Gore's ever done is slip his wife the tongue on national television.

(Does anybody else find it strange that Tipper Gore was founding the Parents Music Resource Center during the '80s because a line about masturbation in a Prince song upset her and now she's swapping saliva during the Democratic National Convention 15 years later??)

Of course, the Republicans and the Republicrats aren't the only players in the game, but they're the ones with the money, the endorsements, and the media coverage. Just like high school, it all boils down to a popularity contest: a vote for the unpopular candidate is considered a vote for the most evil out of the two popular candidates. So once again, this country will probably opt for the lesser of two evils.

An interesting point came up on Politically Incorrect a few months ago. Now, I don't like Bill Maher. I think he is exalted Grand Poobah of the United Assholes of America. However, every now and then he lays one on ya that you gotta give him credit for. I'll paraphrase what he asked Ralph Nader:

"Every four years, the people say that they've tired of the same old crap, and yet the same old crap keeps winning elections. They say they want something different; YOU are something different. They say that politicians are full of crap. But if the same old crap keeps winning elections, can't we argue then that THE PEOPLE ARE FULL OF CRAP???"

Never thought that I'd big up Bill Maher, but there you go. Look, it's not my place to tell you how to vote. I just hope to holy GOD that you do. Please don't sit home on November 7th - make your voice heard.

(it's shit like this that makes Bill Clinton look real good. I'm really gonna miss Bubba. Let's face it - there wasn't a dull moment in the White House with him around.)

{chloe knuckles}




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