the bad, and the just plain horrific
Want to know how freaky things have become? Big name car manufacturers are feelin' our steez. Catch that Ford Focus commercial that equates itself with Detroit techno? HOW ILL IS THAT? Got this robot that's part assembly-line worker, part DJ, kickin' it to a Juan Atkins tune. Yes yes y'all, that's "Magic" Juan's cut, "No UFOs," recorded under the name Model 500 and released almost 15 YEARS AGO. Now, stay with me here: the city of Detroit recognizes techno as an artistic contribution to their culture and gives DJ/producer Carl Craig the green light for the Electronic Music Festival to be held there. In the same year, Ford Motors - the economic backbone of this working-class city - equates a particular automobile model with techno, the official working-class music of a generation of Detroit residents (much like the Motown Sound was for the generation before them). DON'T TELL ME THAT'S NOT SIGNIFICANT. And just when you thought the situation couldn't get any stranger, take a wild guess where Juan Atkins' father worked for over 20 years.
Like I said, HOW ILL IS THAT?
There's so much dope music out there, it's impossible to keep up with it all. That's not a terrible thing. What bugs me is when that snobbish music fan friend of yours wants to tell you that you're sleepin' when you haven't heard of the 52 artists that they drop in conversation.
"oh yeah, such-and-such dropped three albums this year. You ain't got 'em already? Aw man, you slippin'. Especially that one with the unreleased joints with this dude from Finland rockin' a beatbox under a bridge. Yo, man, how could you NOT have that album?!?"
well, let's see…rent? Gas bill? Electric bill? Phone bill? They're called responsibilities, nigro, PICK ONE. I love music, for real, but I'm really feelin' this whole food, clothing, and shelter idea.
"yo, you get the new Punch & Words?"
nah, not yet man.
"WHAT??? Aw man, you're killin' me."
Not nearly as much as you're killin' me. You think Punch & Words is a good duo? Lemme introduce you to another one…SOAP AND WATER. Can't wash yo' ass wit a 12-inch, son. I'm sayin' man, you're kinda grimy…
Everybody that knows me knows how I feel about our editor-in-chief. I love him like a brother, I really do, but I don't know why he puts himself through the stuff that he does. Example: recently, someone gave him Layzie Bone presents Mo Thugs III. That alone should be grounds for an ass-whuppin', but jay took it anyway. It's all part of his "learning how to love your enemy" creed or some shit. Macey's all like, "you gotta know what your enemy's up to, know what it is they do that makes them the enemy. Otherwise, our stance against them becomes empty rhetoric." I hear him and all, but…HAVE YOU EVER TRIED TO SIT THROUGH A MO THUGS DISC?!?
Jay said he would only listen to one or two tracks a day. That's still too much for me. I heard a couple of joints off the comp and I don't know how he made it through the whole thing. There's this one cut with Layzie and his son, Jeremy. Sonny boy kicks the first verse and over half of it was comprised of two phrases: "I got the AK-47, nigga" and "so what'cha gonna do?" Layzie and Jeremy blastin' and laughin' together - gotta love that father-son bonding. Let us pray that Jeremy never bumps into Lil' Bow Wow. Either one of two things will happen: either they'll kill each other or they'll make an album together. Can you imagine? It'll be Kris Kross mixed with Cain and O-Dog from Menace II Society.
"JUMP, JUMP…9 millimeter make ya…JUMP, JUMP…347 make ya…JUMP, JUMP…"
soon to be followed by…
"WET 'EM UP, KRIS!!! (I'm abouuuuuuuuuut to…)
WET 'EM UP, KRIS!!! ('cause that's what I was born ta do….)"
Oh, never mind…