On this page you can drink in the following:
|Amber Humor||Cold Facts||Frothy Fun|
Our Lager, which art in barrels, hallowed be thy drink,
Thy will be drunk, (I will be drunk?), at home as in the tavern.
Give us this day our foamy head, and forgive us our spillages,
As we forgive those who spill against us,
And lead us not to incarceration, but deliver us from hangovers,
For thine is the Beer, the Bitter and the Lager,
Forever and ever. Barmen.
|Beer ---term for fermented alcoholic beverages made from cereal grains that have been converted to malt. Beer may be brewed from several kinds of high-starch grains. Thus, in the United States, beer is generally made from malted barley, with corn, rice, or sugar added as a malt adjunct, and hops used for flavoring. In Japan, beer (called sake) is brewed from rice. African tribes make beer from grains native to their regions, such as teff, millet, or grass seeds. Russians use rye bread to prepare their beer, called quass or kvass.|
Brewing ---British, European, and American beers differ markedly in flavor and content, but are brewed similarly. In the U.S., where the word beer is generally understood to mean lager beer (beer stored for a time before being sold), the beverage contains on the average 90 percent water, 3.5 percent alcohol by weight, 0.5 percent carbon dioxide, and 6 percent extractives consisting of proteins, carbohydrates, minerals, and aromatic flavorings. It is produced by bottom-fermenting yeasts, that is, yeasts that settle to the bottom, act slowly, and develop the brew at relatively low temperatures.|
Bock beer, high in flavor and alcoholic content, is brewed during the winter for consumption in the spring. In certain localities the composition of the water is especially favorable for producing a distinctive type of beer. Such brews are frequently named for their cities of origin, for example, Munich, Pilsener, or Milwaukee beer.!
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History ---Beer has always been a popular beverage because it does not deteriorate during long periods of storage and is adaptable to all climates. With various names and in many forms it has been produced from the earliest times. It was made in ancient Mesopotamia, Egypt, and Greece. At first brewed in the home or in monasteries, beer had become a commercial product in Europe by the late Middle Ages. In modern times it is a staple large-scale manufacture in almost all industrialized countries, especially in Great Britain, Germany, the Czech Republic, and the United States.|
In the New World, the art of brewing was practiced by the Native Americans before the arrival of Christopher Columbus. The first Europeans to brew beer in America were the Virginia colonists of 1587. Manufacture of beer was encouraged in early colonial laws in America as a means of reducing the consumption of stronger alcoholic beverages. This traditional policy was generally followed in the laws of the various states and the federal government until World War I. Under wartime restrictions the brewing of beer was first limited and then prohibited. Beer containing more than 0.5 percent alcohol was included in the prohibition of intoxicating beverages by legislation under the 18th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution. Congress legalized beer containing 3.5 percent alcohol in March 1933, and eight months later the Prohibition amendment was repealed by the 21st Amendment.
Prohibition: The Feds destroying cases of beer.
Laws of the individual states regulate the manufacture, distribution, and sale of beer within their jurisdictions and provide for the licensing of brewers, distributors, and retailers. Direct taxes are levied on beer by all states and the federal government. / / / TOP / / /
SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.
SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.
SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clear.
SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.
SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.
SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song.
Top Ten Things That Sound Dirty In Law But Aren't:
10. Have you looked through her briefs?
9. He is one hard judge.
8. Counselor, let's do it in chambers.
7. Her attorney withdrew at the last minute.
6. Is it a penal offense?
5. Better leave the handcuffs on.
4. For $200 an hour, she better be good.
3. Can you get him to drop his suit?
2. The judge gave her the stiffest one he could.
And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty in law but isn't:
1. Think you can get me off?
10. I need to whip it out by 5.
9. Mind if I use your laptop?
8. Just stick it in my box.
7. If I have to lick one more, I'll gag.
6. I want it on my desk, NOW!!!
5. HMMMMMMMM....I think it's out of fluid.
4. My equipment is so old, it takes forever to finish.
3. It's an entry-level position.
2. When do you think you'll be getting off today?
And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty in the office but isn't:
1. It's not fair...I do all the work while he just sits there. / / / TOP / / /
A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest
buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the
slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed
first. This natural selection is good for the herd as
a whole, because the general speed and health of the
whole is maintained or even improved by the regular
culling of the weakest members.|
In much the same way, the human brain can operate only as fast as the slowest brain cells through which the electrical signals pass. Recent epidemiological studies have shown that while excessive intake of alcohol kills off brain cells, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
Thus, regular consumption of beer helps eliminate the weaker cells, constantly making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. The result of this in-depth study verifies and validates the causal link between all-weekend parties and job related performance. It also explains why, after a few short years of leaving a university and getting married, most professionals cannot keep up with the performance of the new graduates. Only those few that stick to the strict regimen of voracious alcoholic consumption can maintain the intellectual levels that they achieve during their college years.
So, this is a call to arms. As our country is losing
its technological edge, we must not shudder in our
homes. Get back into the bars. Quaff that pint.
Your company and country need you to be at your peak,
and you shouldn't deny yourself the career that you
Take life by the bottle and be all that you can be.
Alert all of your friends, acquaintances and
coworkers that may be in danger of losing their edge.