CORAL GABLES, Florida -- Despite being in the midst of a recession, South Florida is unable to attract intelligent people from competing locales. Says one inside official, "All the smart people are in Virginia". To publicize the problem and seek solutions, more than 350 business and community leaders were to gather at a town hall meeting in Miami, but most of the people couldn't follow the map directions there and ended up stranded in Opa Locka. After establishing a rudimentary communication process through the quotation of song lyrics and smoke signals from the community bong, all agreed to press elected officials and federal agencies for more technology, which typically has taken the burden of thought and imagination off of the backs of the common man. Then the meeting convened when a couple people realized there was a Spongebob Squarepants marathon on television.

ROCHESTER, New York -- Senator Charles Schumer, D-N.Y., attacked President Bush's proposal to get low-cost generic drugs to consumers, calling it an "imitation" of the Senate-passed plan that he recently rejected. All this however, took a backseat as the press became increasingly aware of Senator Christopher Dodd's, D-Conn., increasingly enamored stare in Schumer's direction. Every gesticulation Schumer made with his hands seemed to overcome the Senator from Connecticut with a rush of intrigue. "We believe we've got an agreement," said Senator Dodd, in reference to nothing in particular, which continued to raise suspicions that his thoughts weren't really on the issue at hand.