Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters in this. Or, maybe I do, since I never mention any specific names… But just to be on the safe side, the characters I was thinking of when I wrote this are owned by DPB, Belisarius Productions, Paramount Pictures, and CBS Television. I'm not making any money from this… not that I don't need the money, but I really don't want to be sued.

Additional Disclaimer: The song used in this piece is "Damn" by Matchbox 20. It can be found on their 1996 album entitled "Yourself or Someone Like You." I don't own the band either and I'm just borrowing the lyrics, once again, not intending to make money from this. I didn't write the lyrics. If I did, I'd be a lot richer.

Spoilers: References to "A Merry Little Christmas," "A Tangled Webb (1)," and "A Tangled Webb (2)."

AN: Lines that begin and end with ~ are song lyrics.

Feedback: Always welcome and appreciated. Can be sent to c.digges@verizon.net.

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'What are the odds,' he wondered. 'Of all the places to go in the city, she chose this one tonight.' The bar was nothing more than a hole in the wall and he had chosen it for that reason. It gave him a chance to escape reality, escape his life, escape her. He had eaten here a few times, those days when he gave in to the cravings for fat and grease. But he was known to show up for a drink more often than a meal. The current music floating from the jukebox was some country song, a song he had probably heard before, but not one he was immediately familiar with. He found the country song to be a welcome change from his usual jazz and blues. Sometimes, changes can be good.

The dirty mirror over the bar had the tendency to warp the perception of the objects it reflected, but her smile still shone brightly, as radiant as ever. Only it wasn't for him, not anymore, as if it ever were. Gripping the bottle of beer around the neck, he raised it to his lips and swallowed a few mouthfuls. With his adopted daughter at a friend's house for the night, he had taken the opportunity to get out of the apartment and have some time to himself. He had only intended to stop in for a beer, maybe two, but seeing her here, something stronger might be an appropriate reaction.

Gazing back at the mirror as he lowered the nearly empty bottle to the bar, he caught her gaze. They held each other's eyes in the mirror, her soft brown orbs meeting his hard seawater-green depths. At another time in another place, the meeting of their gazes in the mirror would have been seductive, downright sexy. 'Hell,' he admitted to himself, 'even now it is a turn-on.' Her gaze was intense, burning a hole into his soul, setting all the pain of the recent months on fire once more. He broke first and lowered his gaze down to his fingers on the beer bottle, tugging on the label.

The bartender approached him and asked, "Can I get you another?"

Glancing into the mirror again, he could see that her attention had returned once more to her companion. Nodding to the bartender, he accepted the offer. A moment later, a fresh bottle of beer was in front of him, waiting for him to drown his sorrows. He wasn't one to disappoint, even if it was only an inanimate object. Raising the bottle to his lips, he drained half of it at once. Lowering the bottle once more, he met her gaze. Her companion was nuzzling her neck, his face hidden behind her hair. He didn't need to see the face to know who he was. Drowning himself in her gaze, he imagined what her skin would feel like beneath his lips, what her hair would feel like tangled between his fingers.

As he watched in the mirror, her companion pulled away, pausing to whisper something in her ear that caused her to break the gaze and smile sweetly. Looking away from the scene, he gazed back down at the bar supporting his elbows. The glossy wooden surface bore many scars and was worn dull in many places, much like his heart. Smiling to himself, he couldn't help but to laugh internally at the thought. 'Boy, I wax poetic when I'm drinking.' As he studied the crisscrossing scars in front of them, trying to make sense and order where there was none, he noticed the change in the music on the jukebox. Gone was the country song, replaced by something slightly more "pop" and somewhat more familiar.

~This old world well~

~Don't it make you wanna think damn~

~This cold girl well~

~Don't she wanna make you scream, damn~

~What's the matter girl~

~Don't you think I'm good enough~

~This old heart's had a whole lot a breakin' down~

~She's got all these reasons in her head~

Smiling once more to himself, he tossed back another swallow of beer. 'Preaching to the choir,' he told the singer in his mind. She was the only woman to ever make him doubt himself, the only one to ever make him feel as if he wasn't good enough for her. Perhaps it was true, perhaps he wasn't good enough for her. His heart was beaten and broken, shattered by the words she had spoken. Part of his soul was lost to him forever, clutched tightly within her fist, though she seemed ignorant to its presence. And any reason she gave him, any words of explanation she offered him, were always lost to him, existing only for her.

~All that time she knew if I lied~

~You can bet she will~

~She's taking her time 'til I thought I would die~

~And I can't sit still~

As she polished off the last of her French fries, their gazes met once more in the grime-coated mirror. Through the smoky bar and grungy glass, it was uncanny how their gazes could find each other, the looks clear, sharp, and unmistakable. For the first time since they had noticed the other in the bar, she smiled, for him. It wasn't meant for her companion, but for him. Nodding to her reflection was the only response he dared to give.

~Things got turned 'round~

~Don't know where I started from, damn~

~Can't eat, can't sleep~

~Could have been a bigger man, damn~

~What's the matter girl don't you think I'm bright enough~

~This old man had a hard time getting here~

~You can leave your number at the door~

~All that time she knew if I lied~

~You can bet she will~

~She's taking her time 'til I thought I would die~

~And I can't sit still~

Pulling the label off of the bottle in his hands, he tried to figure out how they had gotten to this point. How had they gone from the best of friends to… whatever they were? How is it that his intentions last spring, intentions that were pure and heartfelt, had led to this rift between them? Thinking back to her words one night weeks ago, he knew that fighting for her might have been the move to make, but he had backed away, giving in to her words. If that made him less of a man, the world was in trouble. Why couldn't she see that? Why did she expect him to do anything other than what she asked? He knew he was lying to her, to himself, and everybody else, when he acted as if nothing was wrong and the events of months ago had not bothered him. They had.

The beauty of the smile she was giving him in the mirror was once more directed at him. The look in her eyes was all he needed. She knew.

~And there's nothing at all~

~Yeah there's nothing at all~

~Well there's nothing at all~

~To make her change her mind~

In an instant, all his thoughts about them never recovering were gone. The look in her eyes told him everything he needed. He once believed it was over, there was nothing he could do to make her give them a chance, but the twinkle in her eye as she rose from the bench seat and moved across the bar resembled the North Star to drifting travelers. It was a beacon of hope. His eyes followed her figure as she moved to the back hallway to the restroom, her head turning to meet his gaze as she rounded the corner. This time, there was no filthy mirror to warp his perception and everything he saw was real.

~This old house been quiet since~

~You went away, damn~

~Mixed up fixed out~

~Don't forget who got you here, damn~

~What's the matter world~

~Don't you see I opened up~

~This whole part has been played by another man~

~I pulled out the reason card instead~

There was a chance for him, but he was uncertain of the form it would take. His heart was beating with new life, the blood pounding through his veins, beating out his life with a new purpose. Feeling like he hadn't been himself for months, as if he had been living someone else's life, he was ready to pursue his chance, however it was presented to him, consequences be damned. He might not ever get another chance. The perception of the rest of the world was not his concern, but the woman in his heart was. Without her, he was nothing more than a broken down shell resembling a man. Needing her, he was willing to do anything to get her.

~All that time she knew if I lied~

~You can bet she will~

~She's taking her time 'til I thought I would die~

~And I can't sit still~

~All that time she knew if I lied~

~You can bet she will~

~She's taking her time 'til I thought I would die~

~And I can't sit still~

Her eyes met his as she rounded the corner and returned from the back. Choosing to traverse a different part of the bar, her arm brushed his back as she went past. Turning, she stood in front of him, a few feet separating them. For the first time in months, those few feet didn't contain brick walls lined with barbed wire, destined to cause pain to any who dared to cross. She said only six words spread out over two sentences. "You have my number. Call me." Turning, she walked away to rejoin her companion, who was standing at the end of their table, awaiting her return, watching a game of pool in front of him, having missed the encounter entirely.

~Says she can find~

~The things that make up a life~

~I bet she will~

~She stays behind, I could stay here all night~

~I could stay here until~

~Until there's nothing at all~

~Yeah there's nothing at all~

~Well there's nothing at all~

~To make her change her mind~

His eyes followed them as they slipped out the door. Though she had walked away, he could feel her still. She had left a part of her with him, not a physical piece, but something infinitely more valuable. She had left him with an opportunity, an opportunity to get what had flown from his grasp in a country on the far side of the equator nearly a year earlier. Finishing his beer, he pulled his jacket on and walked out of the bar, a smile now on his face. He had seen it on her face; nothing could change her mind. For once, she knew what she wanted and he knew as well.

He had a phone call to make.

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