Backward Spirals


suicidal surrender

***

Zim hadn't thought anything when people started talking about the boy found in the bathroom who'd been beaten up. People got beat up all the time, especially if they were anything like himself; weird and/or different. It wasn't until he heard someone say the boy had been handcuffed that his curiosity peaked. A short inquiry served his conclusion correctly. It had been Dib.

"Guess he wasn't joking when he said Torque was going to beat the shit out of him," he muttered, grabbing his books and heading out the door. "I guess that's what you get when you mess with an Irkin genius like myself."

A quick scamper away from Gaz's vehicle of destruction and demise, and Zim was on his way to the preskool. It was almost too good to be true, he thought, as he kicked a pebble from the sidewalk. Dib risked his life daily to save humanity and humanity was doing Zim's job for him. What a twisted circle. And thankfully it spun in Zim's favor. He spun the tiny key that was Dib's only means of escaping the handcuffs and smiled. Maybe he'd bring it over to Dib's house later, if only to watch him beg. Then he'd throw them into the lawn and watch him try to locate them with his teeth. The visual image was quite nice. So nice he nearly walked into the door of the preskool, seeing only the frantic earth boy and his lawn plight.

"Mr. Irkin?"

Zim nodded. "Yes, sorry. I wasn't looking where I was going."

The assistant teacher smiled. "You are so much like your little brother."

The very thought sent shivers down Zim's spine. The lady ducked down and produced

Gir in her slightly chubby arms. "Gir's been a very good boy today!" she said, overly zealous.

"I'm sure he has been." Zim took him from the woman's grasp and set him on the ground. "Come, Gir. We've much work to do."

"I ate dirt!"

"I'm so pleased." He tapped the SIR unit on the head and began walking, watching the small robot chase and catch up with him. There was a time he'd been relatively the same size as the information retrieval unit, but it graced his knees now. There wasn't a day that went by that he didn't trip over the thing. It was quite a nuisance. He had thought of updating it into a new body, but then the preskool façade would have to fall. In the end, a few trips and rug burns weren't too much to deal with. Plus, the little thing had a habit of coming off looking cute.

"Can we have pizza tonight?" Gir asked.

Zim shook his head. "No, Gir. No pizza. I'm making something much more satisfying."

"OOOh, what is it?"

"REVENGE!" Zim let his head fall back in a menacing cackle.

Gir smacked his lips. "I can't taste it..."

The Irkin righted himself and shook his green head. "Yes, Gir. I suppose we can order pizza. But after I'm through."

"Through with what? Where?"

"Here." Zim stopped in front of a familiar house, letting Gir catch up with him.

"Dib's house!" Gir cheered. "I like Dib. He's nice!"

"No, Gir. Not nice. He's our enemy." It was a lesson the little thing never quite understood. "Why don't you go home and order us some pizza while I finish up here?"

Gir's eye turned crimson as he saluted. "Yes, my Master!"

Zim watched him trod off for a while, mostly checking to make sure Gir had understood what he was ordered to do. Most likely, if it involved food or exactly what he wanted to do, Gir would obey, but the chance was always there that he'd forget and go out to a rave on a whim. It had been known to happen.

Zim walked right into the house, not even bothering with the doorbell or knocking. The death mobile wasn't outside so Gaz was sure to not be around, and the chances of Professor Membrane being in were slim to none. And with Dib cuffed and unable to answer the door anyway, it was a waste of time and effort. He walked up the stairs and peaked into a few rooms. He could tell immediately which one belonged to whom. Gaz's room was an assortment of black and purple with a repeating skull motif that screamed Goth girl. The professor's room was collecting dust and cobwebs, obviously never used. That left only one more door. Zim debated slamming it open and startling Dib from the start, or just strolling in and making it known he had complete control over the situation. They were both enticing choices. Zim decided on the latter for pure controlling reasons. The Dib seemed to be more susceptible to confidence then threats, anyway. He grabbed the doorknob and turned, pushing into the room and standing in the doorway with his hands at his hips.

Somehow, Dib had managed to steal the upper hand from Zim as the Irkin stood like a startled deer in oncoming traffic.

Dib lay on his bed clothed only in purple bruises and dried blood. His body was curled in on itself, his face resting in his knees. In all their battles, he'd never seen the youth so beaten and weary. With his skin so pale it was almost luminescent, he looked like a fallen angel. His golden eyes were a dusty brown, no longer glittering with intelligence and cunning. They looked straight through Zim, his body not even attempting to hide the fact that he was naked.

Zim swallowed, deciding to continue his play of superiority. "Ha. Pitiful human. Bet you wish your arms were free!" He produced the key from his own pocket. "And as you said before, only this can undo them!"

Dib blinked, burying his face deeper into his chest and knees. "Do you want to hurt me, too?"

Why did he sound so pathetic? So...defeated? Was handcuffing the human truly the means of ridding himself of the nuisance? It seemed just a little too easy. "I've always wanted to hurt you, stupid! I've been trying to kill you for six years!"

Dib suddenly stretched out, unfolding himself from the ball and lying perfectly still on his bed. "Go ahead them. Kill me."

"What?!"

"Finish what you started. Kill me."

Zim stepped back. It was like what the humans referred to as the "twilight zone." Human modesty was obviously forgotten here, as well as self-preservation. Who was he to fight it, though? This was his chance! He'd finally be rid on the wretched Dib human! Zim stepped forward, looking around the room for some sort of weapon. There was a nice rack of hunting knives above one of the dressers. Zim decided they would do quite nicely and picked out a sharp and delicately ornamented one. The ebony hilt felt odd in his hand but he could wield it well enough to kill. That was all that mattered. He crossed to the bed, trying not to look at the human's body. Despite the roadmap of pain that crossed his flesh, he was still beautiful by human standards. Hell, by Irkin standards he wasn't bad to look at either.

Zim glanced at his face, not realizing he'd been staring. Dib's eyes met his, emotionless and cold. Zim was blushing, Dib was not.

"Do it."

Zim briefly went over what exactly Dib was asking him to do. For a moment, he could have sworn Dib was asking him to... Once again, Zim's loins were speaking for his brain. Zim adjusted his grip on the knife, watching the sunrays glance off the blade and dance across the pale skin that rose and fell with each breath. Not for long, he thought. But was this all too easy? Six years of fighting, winning and loosing, just to be handed the opportunity on a silver platter. Make that a red-blanketed bed.

Zim could see the battered face in the blade's reflection. The eyes were squeezed shut, the glasses strewn somewhere else, small pools of water collecting at the corners. Was Dib...crying? He pulled the blade away, dropping it to his side. "Why are you letting me do this?"

Dib's eyes flew open, releasing all the pain, anger and despair that were locked away in the usually bright depths, letting them roll down his cheeks and soak into the pillow. "Kill me. It's what you've always wanted, and it's the only thing I have left to give."

Zim shook his head and let the dagger fall to the floor with a thump. The sound did not go unheard. Dib shrieked, "Damnit, Zim! If you don't, I will!"

"You can't, " Zim noted. "You're arms are cuffed." He sighed, disappointed and disgusted. "It's the only reason you were alive when I got here. You couldn't do it yourself." He sneered. "You pathetic worm."

"You don't know anything!" Dib was suddenly, viciously, alive, kicking and flailing his legs. "Uncuff me! Uncuff me now, Damnit!"

"Why? So you can kill yourself?" Zim stood out of harm's way, no longer finding the body frail and inoffensive. "You disgust me human! Only a species such as yours would rather destroy themselves than live and learn! Why do you think it's called survival of the fittest?"

"I wish he had killed me!" Dib shouted, finally settling down when it became clear he couldn't do anything. Again. "I wish he'd beaten me to death instead of unconscious, leaving me there for them to find!"

Zim picked the knife up and put it back where he'd gotten it, casting a disgusted glance at the bed. Dib was practically bawling, his very being radiating self-pity and loathing.

"You got beaten up, Dib," Zim said blandly. "No big deal. You'll get over it."

"He raped me!"

For a moment Zim wasn't sure he'd heard him correctly. He turned around, a scrutinizing brow lifted, though his stomach flipped and twisted.

"Torque Smacky...raped you?"

Dib choked on a sob, his head turned to the side that faced the wall.

"Why are you telling me this?" He strode over to the bed again, this time grabbing Dib by the shoulders, forcing him to look at him with a few strong shakes. "Why?"

"Because you wouldn't kill me because you hated me!" he managed. "I thought maybe you'd kill me out of pity."

"You're lying."

"NO!"

"I don't believe you. You're making up stories just so I'll-"

"Look at me!" Dib screamed. His voice suddenly became very silent, his head falling forward, the top of his hair glancing across Zim's chin. "Look at me and care. Please. I just want someone to care..."

Zim looked down, shocked. He wanted to drop him and run out of the house, but his stomach wouldn't let him. So instead he wrapped his arms around the cold naked body and held him close as he cried. Dib's whole body shook as he coughed and heaved, not bothered at all that it was in the feigned comfort of his own enemy.

"It's all your fault," he gasped, burying his head deeper under Zim's chin. "It's all your fault."

"No it's not. Because I don't believe you," Zim muttered, making soothing circles across the purple-splotched skin.

Dib nodded. "I know you don't." He angled his head up, just enough to take a bit of green flesh into his lips and suck it gently. "You don't because you don't want to. You don't want to know someone else made me scream in pain, made me weak and defenseless." He sucked again, tasting the mix of salt and a foreign flavor he couldn't pin point. "That someone else made me cry for death. Like you never could. Not in six years."

That struck a cord. Zim had been confused with the sucking, but rage was the only clear emotion that coursed through him now. He pulled Dib away, pushing him back onto the bed. "What are you getting at, human?"

"Just saying you must be jealous. Someone did what you've failed at over and over again in just half an hour. How does it feel to know someone was better than you? An earthling even." Dib wrapped one leg around Zim, trying to pull him closer in the only way available to him. "I wonder if you even could do it."

Zim glared. "Quit playing games with me, Dib. I've no intention of going so low as to rape you."

"It wouldn't be rape if I begged." Dib leaned forward, trying to regain the flesh he'd tasted only to be pushed back into the covers.

"What is wrong with you?!" The Irkin felt something inside him wrench at the sight of confused human. "Do you realize what you're asking? WHO you're asking?"

Dib only nodded, his face smiling though his eyes still leaked with tears. "I know I must seem disoriented, but I know what I want. I don't want to be alone. They can get you when you're alone. No one can hear you or help you when you're alone. No one cares that you're missing or that you're screaming. Or crying. I need someone. Here. Now. I don't want to hear him in my head. If you won't kill me then please, chase the vision away." He sniffed, his face pulling back to make it look like he was smiling bigger. "I'd rather see you in my head than him."

Zim's loins were pulsing with desire. Seeing Dib naked and on full display was enough to arouse some hunger, but to be invited to the all you can eat buffet had him salivating. What was wrong with a little sex anyway? It released tension, relaxed if not sedated the body, as well as being a great way to pass time. And sex with a human was bound to be interesting and informative. He looked at Dib, feeling guilty for even considering it. He was obviously confused. Wasn't he? But why should he care? This was his enemy!

"What are you waiting for?" Dib asked, licking his lips sensuously. Since when had Dib become so alluring?

Zim made up his mind. He leaned forward; capturing the lips in a thorough kiss, then pulled back, standing up and walking to the door. "I'll see you in skool tomorrow."

Dib nodded, or so Zim hoped. He kept his back turned to him, not sure he could continue the refusal if he dared to look back.

"Zim?" The voice had changed again, more into something he was accustomed to. "You really don't believe me...do you?"

Zim put his hand in his pocket and pulled out of the small key to the cuffs. "It'll be under the door mat outside. You'll have to ask for someone to get it for you. They can watch you and make sure you don't do anything stupid."

"Zim?"

The Irkin shook his head. "I can't answer that, Dib." He opened the door to his room and stepped into the hallway. "I'll see you tomorrow." And with that he closed the door.

Dib watched and waited for a few more minutes before deciding to pull on some stretch topped shorts. He licked his lips, still feeling the tingle of excitement from the lip locked pressure. It had been his first kiss.



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