Once a person finds rejection, he'll make a point, even subconciously, to find it everywhere.  And if he doesn't find that rejection he'll sabotage until it is there.  Maybe this is why I'm such a fuck up in every goddamn facet of my life.  I'm sitting here and my life has just gone to fucking hell.  Downward Spiral.  I haven't the faintest clue where to start to put it back together.  Depression is as much a drug as drugs are.  Once you get it and get some of that good depression....you know the kind that just settles in and pulls you like a strong undertow.....well, then you get used to it and you can't pull yourself out of it.  I'm pretty damn up to my nose in it right now.