Mr. Wonderful Explains Current Events
March 30th, 2001: Evolution: Theory, Not Science !
March 27th, 2001: Female Fans Of Federalized Medicine Please Read !
As my regular readers realize, your Mr. Wonderful has been tasked to serve on a Federal Grand Jury the last seventeen months. The other day, the government witness matter-of-factly stated that he immediately detected the accused's 'Green Card' as a forgery. (By the way, Mrs. Wonderful, who is not a government employee, can also easily detect forged 'Green Cards'.) I virtually leapt out of my juror's chair as I spat out, "Well after having to penetrate my wall safe last night to fetch my twenty-one year old daughter's original birth certificate which she must produce to her prospective employer. And the fact that she must offer up her original Social Security Card - (which she believes an illegal alien purloined from her wallet) - just how damn hard is it to tell that a 'Green Card' is forged!?" The smile on the witness told the story. These sons-of-a-bitches employers who are getting wealthy by hiring illiterate, uneducated, illegal aliens know damn well what they are doing. Remember this: "Every illegal alien is an outlaw. Every employer is a traitor!"
Man are we going to get slammed in 2001! The inevitable avalanche in the incredibly, unreasonably, and unjustifiably high stock market valuations has already devastated the investment portfolios and 401-K's of most American's. That valuation decline will also consume thousands of jobs. And the energy catastrophe in California, a function of government do-gooders not familiar with the operations of a free market, will cause electricity bills across the West to soar like a thermometer pacing a sizzling September summer. Add to those challenges, the fact that the EPA approved, but not proven, summer regimen of MTBE infused gasoline (for cleaner air - har!) cannot possibly be formulated fast enough, resulting in $2.00 per gallon or higher gasoline prices this summer. And the huge jump in beef, pork and lamb costs we're all about to endure, as Mother Europe, in an attempt to halt the march of the 'Hoof & Mouth' disease epidemic, incinerates her livestock. Not to mention the horrendous beef prices we may witness if the European 'H&M' virus (which can live on and in humans for up to ten days) is unwittingly transported to the farms and ranches of these former Colonies . . . Well, we're in for a very rough time folks. Thank God we once again have a President who is more concerned with country than c##t!
This morning a fifteen year old student at Santana High School in Santee, California opened fire with a .22 calibre revolver killing two and injuring a baker's-dozen. All the individuals involved in preventing an incident like this are asking why? Why? Because they missed getting to one child, one child described as a loner. Under no circumstances will school administrators ever be able to get to all the children. These school shootings are now as much of academic life as, latch-key kids, condoms, atheism, and Planned Parenthood. One thing that I believe makes it so easy for our children to kill children is that our own United States Supreme Court has declared murder of the unborn legal. Lawyers and women's rights fanatics can shout to the rafters that a unborn child is unviable tissue a mere leach until it is born and that it is their right to remove it. But the children, the children know that abortion is murder. Murder of the most innocent. And to these children, raised by peers, movies, television and a god-less society see no difference between abortion and out and out murder.
I can't say I'm upset about the virus Napster users may soon be downloading, since I've always considered the 'service' to be equivalent to the massive brick & mortar shop lifting committed by our fine population of illegal immigrants. According to
CNN the Mandragore virus, geared to infect users of the (similar to Napster) Gnutella file-sharing service, has been discovered. The virus appears to be a requested media file but is actually an executable file (any file ending in '.exe') that once is opened, hence run, infects the computer. Then whenever anyone else using the Gnutella file-sharing service searches the infected computer for any image or MP3 file by title, the Mandragore virus renames a copy of itself to fit the request and thus another computer is infected. How ingenious! Although this particular virus actually does no harm, virus experts suspect it won't be long before hundreds of 'Napster-compatible' Mandragore type viruses are created and possibly programmed to erase terrabytes of painfully downloaded MP3 files.
For decades your Mr.Wonderful has dutifully received his flu vaccine. However this year's potion was in short supply, and being I was feeling poorly for over a month, I kept pushing the injection appointment aside. Now, I've got the flu and here's what's in store for you if you chose not to get the vaccine. Saturday I woke up barely able to speak and phoned and cancelled my donation appointment at the blood bank. I ran some errands then in the afternoon I fell ill. I was unable to move! I couldn't sleep and I couldn't stay awake, I breakfasted, lunched and dined on Nyquil. By Sunday and Monday I figured out the pattern: "Wake up from a five minute sleep with sinus headache, covered in sweat and 102 degree fever. Down two tablespoons of Nyquil and in sixty minutes fever and headache gone. Sleep for five hours in five minute awake sections, five minutes asleep sans dreams. Repeat." Tuesday the fever had gone, but not the sinus headache and a new feeling of a 350 pound XFL lineman standing on my chest revealed its presence. I had attained the mobility of a Strom Thurmond and was able to visit my local Osco to add Robitussin to my flu arsenal for now I had a searing cough that made my sore throat seem a minor inconvenience. Tuesday night I could once again dream but only nightmares dwelled behind my eyelids. Today, Wednesday, I have only enough energy to type this warning and crawl back into bed.
Due to the tremendous amount of time consumed maintaining over 300 web pages at two different sites and the fact Mrs.Wonderful insists on calling me a worthless bum, I have been forced to take on advertisers. Bonsai Kitten offers a product that meets the strict criteria I have demanded my advertiser's demonstrate. They offer, in a period of just three to four months, to mold for you a fully rectilinear (four sided) living kitten. Be the first in your neighborhood to own this very unusual pet and help out your Mr.Wonderful at the same time! Remember, since this product has a lead time of four months, you will have to order in August to receive your feline in time for Christmas giving.