MW Current Events,Page 16

Mr. Wonderful Explains Current Events

10/31/00: Halloween Horrors
10/16/00: Bus Strike !
09/13/00: Shut Down
09/08/00: Queer Storm
09/07/00: Lawsuit 1984
08/28/00: Celebrity Brush
08/27/00: Earthlink vs. Carnivore

08/26/00: Liar !
08/23/00: Rump Ranger Survivor !
08/13/00: !
08/11/00: Timothy Ryan
08/03/00: Erased File? Not !
07/31/00: Homo Child Molester
07/30/00: Whale Hunt !

October 31st, 2000: Halloween Hands Out Horrors

The Fearsome Pumpkin Parrot! "Inspect your children's candy. Even the wrapped ones." So advise the talking heads. I think it is so apropos that evil things are happening to people on the most holy day of Satan's year. I mean, what do you expect? Do you imagine that demons and spirits and Satan are make believe? How do you think Satan manifests himself? Through notices in the "Want Ads?" Yup! Today is Halloween and beware because Beelzebub does exist.

October 16th, 2000: Bus Strike Cripples Illegal Aliens !

Phoenix Transit Broken Bus Yes the City of Phoenix is facing a union bus strike, stalling most of its 300 buses and stranding mostly high school students and illegal aliens. You know what? Who cares? Hell, I rode my bike to school until I could drive and then purchased a $100 car, that was one year older than me, and drove it to school and then to my two after school jobs. Being my kids have almost always attended private schools, in addition to paying $4,000 to $5,000 more per year for tuition, we have always driven them to school. And when my oldest attended Chaparral High School he too rode his bike the four miles, one way, to school. Everyone knows the main beneficiary of the Phoenix Transit system is its own union employees and illegal aliens. I was also surprised by early morning reports from traffic reporters on both the east and west valleys that traffic was moving much more smoothly this morning because Phoenix Transit buses were not stacking up miles of fuming vehicles behind them at every pickup. Har! Now, all we need to learn is that pollution levels also fell. Could this strike be the death-blow of the cry for mass transit?

September 13th, 2000:    Mr.Wonderful, Shut Down!
September 8th, 2000: Queer Statements of Dr.Alan Storm !

Exclusive Photo of KFYI Banner Listening to KFYI AM this morning I heard a Dr. Alan Storm of the Tucson, Arizona Gay, Lesbian & Straight Alliance, presenting the queer and fallacious statement that studies indicate "7 to 10%" of the public school student population is actually homosexual. He implied that these individuals are homosexual but, because of possible negative reactions from us evil, horrible, intolerant, heterosexuals, they are afraid to openly admit their secret sexual "proclivities." I would imagine that since most religions reject homosexuality, the majority of same-sex citizens would conversely embrace evolution. They embrace evolution and deny our purposeful creation by a loving and law-giving God. But then they conveniently ignore that for any creature to 'evolve', that creature must reproduce. No reproduction, no evolution. Could this scenario explain the genetic shame, disgust and (now and in civilized society rightly so) criminal violence towards homosexuals? Our ancestors, driven by evolution, would have simply been eliminating the non-evolving competition. (Let me clearly state that I am 100% opposed to any violence against any human beings based solely on their apparent or actual sexual proclivities.)

September 7th, 2000: Lawsuit Fulfills 1984 Big Brother Prediction !

Nazi When I was ten I read George Orwell's classic book, 1984. I poured through it in one night. I ran through horrible nightmares until the dawn awoke me. Today we usher in Orwell's NEWSPEAK via a Coeur D'Alene, Idaho courtroom. I realize that the Aryan Nations is a bunch of savage white guys with a severe case of penis envy, however I was astonished by the claims of the victorious lawyer in the 'Jason Keenan vs. Aryan Nations' trial. The exuberant lawyer stated in a Washington Post column that, "We intend to enforce this verdict. We intend to take every single asset from the Aryan Nations now and forever..." "We intend to even take the name Aryan Nations and hopefully, through the judicial process, close that sad chapter in this nation's history." They intend even to take the name "Aryan Nations..." Erasing a word from our language is the very definition of NEWSPEAK. NEWSPEAK is every liberal's vocabulario wetdream. Understand that these dolts believe, as did the Big Brother of Orwell's Oceania, by eliminating words, they eliminated the very feelings or thoughts those words might inspire. And, here we have it, NEWSPEAK 2000! The first books to be thrown in the fire won't be of history, or biography or religion, but of definitions.

August 28th, 2000: Celebrity Brush !

Bruce K. Senior citizen, Bruce K. an owner of a large and successful Chicago based construction firm, and an acquaintance of your Mr.Wonderful, was ensconced on his stool at the oaken bar of a pricey Windy City hotel. Bruce was conversing with the affable, friendly and comely young man on the bar stool next to him about his favorite subject, private aircraft. The young man, lets call him Jack, had just told him that he was buying a twin engine turboprop. Bruce replied, "You must be bucks up!" Jack returned a smile. As he listened, Bruce couldn't appreciate Jack's confusing array of residences in New York, Massachusetts and Chicago and was unaffected when Jack mentioned he had something to do with a magazine. Between gulps of conversation and drinks they were peripherally watching the television suspended above the bottles of brown bar liquids. Since Bruce was involved in the 1960s 'race to the moon,' when the television screen touched on NASA, he mentioned how striking it was that President Kennedy had said we'd go to the moon in a decade and we did. Jack got a strange look on his face. Bruce described Jack as "so good looking I thought he was queer." Not until July 16th, 1999 did Bruce realize who the affable and affluent "Jack" was.

August 27th, 2000: Earthlink Feeds Carnivore the Finger !

Carnivore component Mr.Wonderful is a little behind in his reading and when I read the July 14th, 2000 WSJ article about Earthlink versus the FBI, I knew I had to mention the encounter. Carnivore is the FBI's software package that is attached at the servers of ISP's (Internet Service Providers) whom suspected bad guys are using for their illegal enterprises. The FBI claims the e-mail inhaling package cannot "affect the performance or stability" of an ISP's network. While Earthlink responds that software adjustments made to their system to accommodate Carnivore (like rolling back to Earthlink 4.0) caused several of their servers to crash. Because of these crashes Earthlink is refusing to comply with the court ordered installation of the FBI's Carnivore at its Pasadena, California hub site. Earthlink officials also cited concerns with privacy. Way to go Earthlink! Mr.Wonderful, having access to a knowledge base unknown to most of my readers, believes that court ordered eavesdropping extravaganzas are issued with far too little evidence, far too often and are the third rail of this lazy and corrupt Reno FBI administration. back to 11/27/00

August 26th, 2000: Liar

Lie Detector I read in the June 5th issue of eWeek magazine that some call center service providers (you know, like when you call customer service?) will soon be utilizing a cutting edge software. Titled "iVocal" this program listens for indications of stress, exaggerations, half truths and whoppers. For my readers facing this program without your knowledge should be quite a chilling thought. For someone like Mr.Wonderful, an accomplished actor, and many white collar criminals, this program will just be another chance to strut our stuff. It will be interesting to see who iVocal 'catches' and what actions or dis-actions the call center employee takes.

August 23rd, 2000: Richard Rump Ranger Wins Survivor!

Survivor's of Gilligan's Island Richard Hatch, great name for a guy who takes it between the butt-cheeks, eh?, won the one million dollar prize on the Survivor! television series. Here's another incredibly popular show I never watched, while 51 million of my fellow Americans sat mesmerized, while sipping on their umbrella adorned cocktails, every Wednesday night by this Year-2000 version of Gilligan's Island. I don't know the rules, but in a Real World (good play on words, eh?) the females would have been off the island after the first night of being eaten by insects, reptiles and rats feeding on their menstruation. (No tampons on a desert island folks!) And what was the deal with votes? Was the idea to crown a true wilderness survivor or to uncover nascent politicians? Hell, I braved more hardships in one six hour motorcycle race across the Mexican desert (facing death from spectator dug ditches at 90 miles per hour) than these phonies 'endured' in the weeks on the island. I love the male nurse who, when interviewed about the show, responded that he never watched Survivor! because he worked with terminally ill patients ... back in the real world.

August 13th, 2000: Verizon Buys Verizon @ Here's the latest tact corporations are taking to ensure that disgruntled employees or customers do not have even the chance of snatching an Internet URL Address (aka Domain) that succinctly displays their feelings. According to the Summer 2000 issue of "2600," Verizon has purchased over 700 Internet domains. At a cost of over $20,000, Verizon is now the proud owner of, VERIZON-SHITS.COM, VERIZON-WIRELESS-BLOWS.ORG, VERIZONBITES.COM VERIZONSTINKS.COM and VERIZONSUCKS.COM.

August 11, 2000: Insurance Fraud Nets Two Years and an IOU

Today Brian Lamb was sentenced to two years in prison for selling over $1,000,000 of insurance that did not exist. He was also tasked to pay back the $1,000,000 to the consumer's he defrauded. When Mr. Wonderful had his business, a Mr. Timothy Ryan sold your's truly, life and disability insurance. However, rather than forwarding our $40,000 worth of premiums to the insurance company, he apparently sniffed it into his sinus cavities. He also defrauded another Phoenix business of $400,000 in insurance premium payments. MW Racing in the Barstow to VegasNote that during this time, Mr.Wonderful was racing motorcycles cross country in the deserts of California, New Mexico, Nevada, Arizona and the Republic of Mexico which could have resulted in either death or disability. While Mr. Ryan, prior to sentencing, did somehow pay back the $400,000 to Landis Surveys, the refund of my premiums was not scheduled until after Mr. Ryan was stripped of his stripes. I believe the court decreed, back in the late 1980s, that Mr.Ryan pay the money owed me in monthly increments of $80. Even without interest, this would take over 41 years, making Mr. Ryan approximately 101 years old at the completion of the decree. He never made a single payment. The lesson? Know that court decrees for felons to reimburse their victims are nonsense and quickly forgotten by both the courts and the criminals.

August 3rd, 2000: Erased that Computer File? I'm afraid not...

disc drive mechanism with cover removed showing the actual hard disc From the Fall 1999 issue of 2600 magazine we find that even using programs especially designed to completely erase a file, that pesky file may still remain on your hard drive. For the initiated, when you delete a file in Microsoft Windows, (or empty your 'trash') all Windows does is rename the file by overwriting a question mark on top of the first letter of the original file name. For example, 'clintonbabsathotelphoto.jpg' becomes '?lintonbabshotelphoto.jpg' after Windows deletes it. Then the file remains on your disc and although it is available to be overwritten by Windows (that's what the "?" at the front of the deleted file name tells Windows) until it is physically overwritten, that file, in its entirety, still exists. And finally, when it is overwritten, only sporadic pieces are obliterated. The file could also exist on a 'last files opened list' somewhere. And with virtual memory, a ubiquitous program which to improve PC performance writes files out onto your disc when they are not needed by the RAM in the PC, a copy of your deleted file may also defy erasure. The (deleted) file, created by virtual memory, exists until it is, once again, physically overwritten by Windows and may be spinning around on your hard drive for months. References to the file could also exist in the depths of the arcane Windows Registry and on areas of the disc that were once used by the Windows swap file. How can you feel somewhat secure that your files are actually deleted? By religiously running a program such as Norton Speed Disc which rearranges and physically moves and overwrites all the files on your hard drive. However, the only way to be sure the files are permanently deleted, as indicted members of the Clinton Administration have demonstrated, is to remove the drive from the PC, pull the actual disc out of the hard-drive mechanism and pulverize it with a three-pound mallet.

July 31st, 2000: Media Shields Homosexual Child Molester

Here we go again. This is why the average American doesn't really know what is actually happening.Butt Pirates on Parade Our major media, either in an attempt to not offend any of its listeners (also known as being 'PC') or in a covert endeavor to protect certain classes of individuals from any form of besmirchment either factual or imagined, leaves out specific parts of the news story. Usually the facts left out in the typical Arizona news story is that either the victim(s) or the accused, or both are aliens who are here illegally. This time the story reads that Christopher Shank, an Arizona assistant prosecutor, was sentenced to a twelve month prison term for having sex with sixteen children. What was left out? The fact that Mr. Shank (great name for a male homo, eh?) had sex with a dozen and one third male children. Oh, I'm being homophobic? Consider this, if the gentleman was a Baptist preacher or a Catholic Priest or a Jewish Rabbi, do you think that information would have been ignored?

July 30th, 2000: Japan Begins International Whale Hunt !

Rosie BreachingOprah Spotting a Reuben Sandwich Rosie O'Donnell and Roseanne Barr go into hiding. Speaking of bloated, overweight and overrated mammals, were you aware that virtually every word Queen Oprah spouts is read off of a teleprompter? When the teleprompter goes down, Oprah has nothing to say. Another brilliant liberal.

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