EXTERIOR:19th CENTURY FARMHOUSE
CUT TO:
THE ATTIC

East Longmeadow, Massachusetts, Sunday, September 30, 2001:

A close shot shows dark basement stair steps creaking as we see the steel-toed work boots and blue jeans of two unknown persons ascend. The reach the top and disappear into a dark area.

In the foreground sits Langly, tied up in a chair and lit from a single bare bulb above his head. The two persons, both female, emerge from the dark area wearing the type of loose coats worn in beauty salons. One holds a large brown envelope, which is addressed and stamped. She places it on a countertop off to the side. As Langly protests loudly, writhes, and calls for help, the two attach a brace to Langly’s neck, which will make it hard for him to move his head. One frees up hair caught under the brace. The other has pulled over a small tabouret mounted on castors, the type used in beauty salons. She positions it behind Langly. She opens the top drawer and takes out a comb, scissors, and an electric razor. She begins to cut Langly’s hair off at the scalp line and drop it into the large brown envelope which is being held open by the other woman. Langly is screaming.

The first woman removes the last bits of stubble with the razor and turns it off. She empties the razor clippings into the envelope. The second woman shakes the envelope to tamp the hair down, inserts a note, pulls off the self-seal tape, and folds down the flap. The first woman has unplugged the razor, wiped off the comb and scissors on her coat, and has put them all back into the drawer of the tabouret. They remove the brace from Langly, put it on the tabouret, and push the taboret back into a corner. The two persons turn away and descend the stairs, one holding the envelope. The door at the bottom of the stairs closes.

Under the bare bulb, we see Langly from the back, tied in the chair. His head shines from the light of the bulb. He is bent over, heaving up and down. He might be crying, noiselessly.

FADE TO BLACK

Opening music, credits, etc.,

FADE TO:
EXTERIOR:ALLEY
A suburb of Washington, D.C., Tuesday, October 2, 2001:

A close shot shows another two sets of work-boots and blue jeans ascending a darkened staircase, followed by a pair of men's dress shoes and pinstripe trousers. A door opens. The figure bends over and we see that it is Frohike, followed by Bond and Byers. Frohike is picking up the mail that has been delivered through the mail slot. He brings the huge pile over to a big worktable. He sorts the mail into piles.

“Bill, bill, junk, junk, junk, subscriber? Bill, junk, junk, junk, junk, junk and finally this mangled mess here, whatever it is…” Frohike holds up a bulging, wrinkled, ripped brown envelope.

Byers: “Well, I guess it couldn’t be a bomb, since it probably would have gone off by now…” Bond, a little wide-eyed at this, flinches from his position at the end of the table.

Frohike tears back the flap. He looks inside. Every part of his body “freezes.” He fishes out the note and hands the envelope to Byers, with an intense look. Bond has moved up next to Byers. Byers pulls a long swatch of the hair from the envelope. Frohike scans the note.

Byers looks at Frohike grimly, “So, what does it say they want?”

Frohike, with resignation, “Flicker.”

CUT TO:EXTERIOR:FBI HEADQUARTERS
CUT TO:INTERIOR CONFERENCE ROOM

F.B.I. Headquarters, a large conference room. Friday, October 5, 2001:

Skinner, Doggett, and Agent SecondAgent meet with Frohike, Byers and Bond.

At the beginning of the meeting, Assistant Director Skinner introduces Agent John Doggett's new partner, a tallish graying blonde agent named Sam SecondAgent.

Frohike stares at Agent SecondAgent. He's troubled by a sense of déjà vu.

Frohike: “We’ve been in contact with Nell-Mrs. McLachlin. Langly made a beer run Saturday night-the 29th of September,using Nell’s SUV,and didn’t come back. The safe house hostess and Nell found the SUV in the supermarket parking lot, with the 30-pack still in the back.” (Bureau eyebrows go up at this detail.) Agent SecondAgent murmurs, “They left a 30-pack!" Frohike clears his throat loudly and continues, “Well, they drove the SUV back to the safe house and immediately Nell and Ken gathered up their belongings and took Flicker on to the next safe house.”

Assistant Director Skinner asks, “I know you probably won’t tell us where Nell, Ken, and Flicker are now, but could you tell us where the abduction of Langly took place?”

"And the whereabouts of the 30-pack?" adds Agent SecondAgent. Agent Doggett catches his eye and makes a little "no!" motion with his head. Agent SecondAgent slumps into his chair.

Byers pulls copies of maps-state, city, block, from his briefcase and he and Bond begin to pass them around. “They were staying in the Springfield, Massachusetts, area. The supermarket and the post office are in a suburb. They’re circled in red on the city and block maps. I guess we could assume whoever has Langly has also moved him, though. Frankly, we’ve got nothing.”

Byers continues after putting some extra copies of the map back in his briefcase: “We thought Langly was getting too overconfident…he had sent us an encrypted message from their hostess’ p.c. It had her e-mail address on it. We thought at the time that was risky. We know you’ve been monitoring us as much as possible.”

Doggett says, “Look, I’m not going to deny it. This ball lightning, Flicker, may be this kid’s beloved pet, but it’s also a powerful weapon. It can access power from the grid and redirect that power to cause electrical explosions over a vast area. You people shoulda let me turn it over to the Department of Defense. Now maybe some enemy of the United States has a way to get a hold of it.”

Skinner says, “Well, this is all water over the dam now. A lot of dam water. Let's do some field work and see if anyone at the supermarket or the post office can tell us anything. If somebody saw something…a mistake they made…?” The meeting breaks up. Agents Doggett and SecondAgent head off to the airport to get a flight for Springfield.

In the VW van, Byers drives and Frohike, sitting in the passenger seat, says, “I’m not 100% convinced that it’s not the FBI that has abducted them.”

“Yeah. That’s a possibility,” agrees Byers.

“Wow, Look…a license plate from Canada!” says Bond, looking out the back window from the rear cargo area. Frohike ignores this and continues, “Doggett didn’t deny monitoring our electronic communication. We should have moved them after Langly sent us that message…” Frohike shakes his head.

Bond is waving at the car in back of them. The Gunmen’s van takes a turn onto a side street and the car in back continues on straight ahead. Bond yells, “Au revoir, you guys!” in a pleasant effusive manner to them. Shortly after this, another car pulls out of a parking space and follows them.

“Langly just put too much faith in the security systems he devised,” Byers notes sadly.

“Him and his Kung Foo…the guy thinks he’s the only one who can hack! I wish he han't been so careless!” Frohike looks exasperated.

“Wow, two in one day!” says Bond, still turned toward the back window. Neither Frohike or Byers inquire about this remark by Bond.

At FBI Headquarters Tuesday, October 16, 2001, in a similar meeting, Doggett and SecondAgent announce that they found no new information by interviewing the workers at the supermarket and the post office. “No one saw anything unusual,” reports Doggett.

Frohike says, “We interviewed the safe house hostess and Nell and Ken again, in case there was something they forgot to tell us. We had someone dust the SUV for prints…nada!”

Byers says, “The original note said they would contact us, and they haven’t yet. Our guess is that they are waiting for this case to cool down.”

Outside the Lone Gunmen’s Apartment, Friday, December 14, 2001, it is a cold, rainy night. Inside, Frohike and Byers work quietly at their computer stations. Jimmy dances by announcing he and some friends are going to try a new bar. He asks them if they’d like to come. They decline but Byers says, "The weather reports said it might turn to snow later. Drive carefully!" Jimmy says, "I heard that report, too. I'll be careful!" As Bond speaks, he puts on a heavy coat, hat and gloves. He leaves.

Later the same night, slushy snow has begun to accumulate in the alley entrance to the office/home of the Gunmen. A mysterious figure shrouded in a raincoat, muffler, and hat makes his way up the steps. He looks around as if to see if he has been followed. He knocks with a gloved hand on the door. Frohike and Byers, awakened, make their way to the door, wrapping themselves in bathrobes. Frohike asks who it is. “It’s Kurtzwiel, Dr. Alan Kurtzweil…”

Frohike turns to Byers, bewildered. Byers unplugs a lamp and hides by the side of the door. Frohike opens all the locks, but keeps some of chains on. Frohike gasps, “It IS you…just like the pictures on your dust jackets…”

“You know my work?” Kurtzwiel says, wide-eyed, and somewhat pleased, as Frohike undoes all the chains and lets him in. Byers puts the lamp back down and re-plugs it in.

“Uhhh…well…we also published your Obituary…” mumbles Byers.

“Thanks,” says Kurtzweil, as if they had said they’d done a feature article. “Very nice of you…” He stamps his feet on the mat. He hands Frohike his coat and hat as if Frohike were his valet. Byers re-locks the door. Kurtzweil then walks around the apartment work space. His blue eyes are opened wide and his gaze seems to be wandering. His eyes don't move at the same pace, either. There are stacks of ‘The Lone Gunmen' on top of a long table. He walks along the table, eyeing/eyeing the stacks. Finally he seems to have come to a conclusion.

“So, you publish a newspaper?” Kurtzweil picks an issue up off a stack. He scans/scans it. The lead story and picture are about an odd-looking sort of headgear that enable the wearers to…Kurtzweil drops the paper back on the stack and stares/stares off into space for several seconds. He mumbles something, then turns sharply as if surprised to see/see Frohike and Byers standing in their own apartment.

“So, you're not here to subscribe, or offer an op-ed piece?” prompts Frohike.

There’s a noise at the door. Kurtzweil jumps back. Byers unlocks the door and Bond comes in. Frohike and Byers greet him. Kurtzweil stares/stares at Bond. He says, “No, I’m here about a friend of yours…I was asked to deliver a message…Langly? He looks/looks around. His name is Langly?”

“You know where Langly is? You know who’s holding him?” says Bond. He has removed his wet coat and hat and has hung them up. He comes closer to the odd gentleman.

Kurtzweil sneers, “Oh, they didn’t tell me but I know who it is all right…” Kurtzweil leans in towards Byers and Frohike. They lean in. Bond leans in, too. It’s a lean-in. They exchange meaningful look/look looks among them.

This goes on long enough to get old.

The gas heater comes on, loudly. Kurtzweil jumps and turns. As he takes a few cautious steps, his eyes search/search the depths of the office space. He turns and once again seems surprised to see/see people in their own house. He directs a look/look at the ceiling above the heads of the other three. Bond follows his gaze/gaze, bewildered. Kurtzweil suddenly focuses/focuses sharply with both eyes on Byers and Frohike, “After the Cold War, the Soviet government sold most of their military equipment to a murky syndicate semi-connected to the Canadian Militar…”

“The One-World Domination Conspiracy!” Byers and Frohike exclaim, as one.

“They’ve got Langly?” says Frohike.

“Would that it was they!!!” shrieks Kurtzweil. One eye is rolling wildly in its socket. The other eye is looking intently somewhere else. He crosses back across the room in three great strides and grabs Frohike by the lapels of his bathrobe. “No, no! It’s a thousand times worse! Langly is being held by…(he checks around the room, and his voice drops to a frightened whisper)…The One-World Domination Conspiracy Women’s Auxiliary! Byers swoons. Bond catches Byers and maneuvers his limp body into an office chair. There’s lots of squeaking and castor-rolling sounds as Bond tries to keep the chair in place under Byers while he lowers Byers down.

Kurtzweil lets go of Frohike, who falls, luckily, back against the long table. He catches himself there, breathing heavily. Kurtzweil manages to put both eyes in the same general direction. As luck would have it, it’s where Byers and Bond are. Byers is semi-conscious. Bond has run to the sink and wet a handkerchief which he pats on Byers' face. Byers moans, “The One-World Domination Conspiracy…Women’s Auxiliary! This is…this is…awful…they’re… they’re…ruthless…”

Kurtzweil counters, “No, no! I talked with someone named Ruth! Look, they’ll trade Langly for the lightning,” Kurtzweil, turns back to Frohike. Bond has wet a second handkerchief and is applying it to Frohike. “But no police, no FBI…just you guys and them,” continues Kurtzweil. Suddenly Kurtzweil reacts as if he’s a dog that’s just heard a dog whistle. “Well, that’s all.” Crossing the remainder of the office space in another series of great strides, Kurtzweil sweeps up his hat, coat and muffler and swiftly unlocks the door and leaves. Bond continues his ministrations to Byers and Frohike.

CUT TO:
THE NEXT DAY:

Bond, Byers and Frohike are busy at the three computer workstations. Yves Adéle Harlow drops by. She slinks in past Bond, who has opened the door for her. She musses up Byers' hair before settling herself in Frohike’s lap. “I might have some information on the googolplex chip,” she purrs in a kittenish way while stroking his chest hairs. “I could trade you that information for whatever information you’re researching right now,” she says, pointing to a logo on Frohike’s computer that features a large red maple-leaf. Her hand returns to his chest.

“Uhhhh…” says Frohike, breaking into a sweat. She has cupped his face in her hands and is stroking the sides of his head in little circles with her fingertips.

“Oh no you don’t,” admonishes Bond, chuckling, “Yves Adéle, you’re always trying to get us to give you information. Your tricks won’t work. We’re way too smart…”

Yves Adéle has begun to nibble Frohike's earlobes. Frohike wipes his brow with Bond's handkerchief, which was left on the table the night before. His words come quickly. “Uhhh…Langly was abducted by the One-World Domination Conspiracy Women’s Auxiliary. We think their headquarters might be located in a parallel universe, not exactly a real place but a world that’s a lot like our own, but more to the north, and colder." Frohike finishes off, "We have to trade Flicker to get him back.”

Yves Adéle slithers off Frohike’s lap, and, grabbing the latest issue of “The Lone Gunmen” from one of the stacks, coos, “Ohh! A new issue!” Then she quickly exits, blowing them all a kiss.

Bond stands with his hands on his hips. “Well, darn it all, Frohike! You spilled your beans! You were supposed to get something for that information!”

“I…I did…I got…’scuse me!” Frohike mumbles incoherently as he heads off to the bathroom. The sound of the shower coming on is heard.

Byers and Bond discuss what Frohike might mean by this. Byers decides that Frohike will probably tell them more about what he "got" when the time is right. Bond enthusiastically agrees and they both return to the work they were doing prior to Yves' arrival.

CUT TO:
ANOTHER SET OF ATTIC STEPS.

A close shot shows just the work boots and blue jeans of two people who ascend the staircase and go to a darkened area. A third person stands in the darkness. Suddenly there is a blinding flash!

CUT TO:
STEPS TO THE OFFICE
FOUR DAYS LATER

A close shot shows two sets of work boots and blue jeans, followed by men's dress shoes and pinstripe trousers ascending the steps. Frohike, Bond and Byers are again returning to the office, and Frohike again scoops up and brings the mail over to the table. In with several pieces of junk mail is another brown envelope. Inside it are directions to a meeting place where the exchange will take place. Flicker is to be delivered in an insulated picnic cooler, secured by duct tape. A picture of Langly with the latest issue of “The Lone Gunmen” propped up on his lap is enclosed, as assurance that he is still alive.

“That’s strange,” says Frohike. “The paper didn’t hit the stands until yesterday and yet this envelope is postmarked from the day before yesterday.”

The three check through their subscription list for any addresses near the city on the postmark. They decide the mystery is unsolvable at present.

CUT TO:
THE FREEWAY OUT OF WASHINGTON, D.C.

The three set off for the appointed meeting place. When they leave the Washington area, it is a clear cold day. As they travel north, the sky becomes overcast and dark.
CUT TO:
A STATE ROAD

They follow the directions enclosed in the envelope, but after several twists and turns, they lose all sense of compass direction. They discover that not only does the clock on the VW dashboard not work (no surprise…it didn’t work when they bought the van…) but their watches have stopped.

CUT TO:
A TWO LANE ROAD

Night and day seem to be as one. It has become very, very dark. It has become very, very cold. It has become very, very dark and very, very cold. It is very, very north, as well. As they drive, they postulate that they might be in the shadowy non-real world operated by the murky Syndicate, a virtual reality place known as "Le Royaume."

CUT TO:
A DIRT ROAD

They progress slowly, for now everything is covered in impenetrable fog. Intermittent views of the landforms reveal the area to be like what you might find along a very great lake.

Suddenly, directly in front of them is a large tent. Byers halts abruptly. “This is the place!” says Frohike. Frohike, Byers and Bond get out of the VW van. Frohike carries the insulated picnic cooler secured by duct tape that holds Flicker. They enter the tent. A large panel truck is parked at the opposite entrance of the tent.

“They’ve stopped!” yells Agent SecondAgent to Agent Doggett. Agent Doggett quickly stops their car, and puts his finger to his lips. “Sorry!” Agent SecondAgent apologizes in a whisper. The two Agents have been following the VW van with their headlights off. Doggett backs the car off the sandy road into some scrub. “We can follow them on foot.” he says quietly. They get out and cautiously approach the tent.

In the tent, Frohike Byers and Bond meet with the principal members of The One-World Domination Conspiracy Women's Auxiliary. Frohike puts the cooler down on the ground in front of himself. Between them and the women are two tall poles that hold up the central portion of the tent.

The head of the Women's Auxiliary is dressed in a military-style women's suit which features a close fitted scarlet wool jacket with epaulets and brass buttons complimented by a dark blue riding pants accented by a yellow stripe. High leather boots, a low broad-brimmed felt hat, supple gloves and a riding quirt complete the ensemble.

Frohike feels he's seen this outfit somewhere before, perhaps in the Costumes and Customs of Many Nations book he had as a child? He's not sure.

A tall well-built young woman to the left of the leader is wearing a shepherdess outfit with a deep décolleté, only instead of a crook, she has an automatic weapon. On the right, a second well-built woman wears a maid's costume, but instead of a feather duster, she has a powerful handgun.

“Greetings, 'Investigative Reporters,' sneers the woman at the front of the group who wears the riding outfit. “I am The Supreme Isis, head of The Women’s Auxiliary of The One-World Domination Conspiracy. You may call me Supreme Isis, or Ma’m, as you wish." The Supreme Isis seats herself in a large rattan chair and crosses her legs.

Oh-I forgot to tell you. Byers has long since swooned again. Bond has eased him to the ground, and is administering another wet handkerchief from a stack of them in a sandwich baggie he's thought to bring along for just such an occasion. Byers is coming around.

The Supreme Isis continues, "I assume you can ask that ball lightning to make some noise?”

“Yes, Ma’m...Flicker? Move the cooler!” orders Frohike, loudly. Flicker throws herself against one of the sides of the cooler. With a loud thump, the cooler skids sideways about eight inches. The Supreme Isis raises her hand and indicates toward the panel truck. The panel truck in back of the women is slightly at an angle. In the dark interior something moves. Suddenly Yves Adéle emerges holding a gun on Langly.

“You…you traitor!” sputters Frohike. Yves Adéle shrugs. Langly stands with his head down. As he stands held at gunpoint, Langly’s Foo seems a lot less well Kung. The Supreme Isis commands, "Attachez le maigre ver Langly là!" (Tie the skinny worm Langly up there!") and indicates where Yves Adéle should put Langly.

Interestingly, however, in the intervening time since his abduction, Langly’s hair has grown back to page-boy length. In a mistake of Biblical proportions, The Supreme Isis causes Yves Adéle to put Langly between the two main tent support poles.

(Yes!)

The Supreme Isis motions again, and commands, "Bien, mes femmes puissantes de gueirre, apportent ces hommes idiots d'agent!" ("Well! My mighty warrior women, bring in these foolish agent men!") and two more well constructed women, wearing suits that might indicate they expect the surf to be up momentarily, enter with Doggett and SecondAgent in custody. Frohike, Byers and Bond are slack-jawed. The Supreme Isis indicates that Yves Adéle tie them up, which she does.

The Supreme Isis gives Yves a very appreciative look, and says, "Merci, Yves, mon petit chou d'Amazon! (Thank you, Yves, my little Amazon cabbage!)

"Now we have some bargaining chips with the FBI,” remarks The Supreme Isis, with a very mean look on her face.

The Supreme Isis indicates that Yves Adéle go fetch the cooler. Yves Adéle takes the cooler from in front of the Lone Gunmen. They look angrily at her, but they are powerless.

The Supreme Isis rubs her hands together in greedy anticipation. “Power, power, power! Il n'y a pas de peut-être! Now the hand that rocks the cradle really rules the world! Or, (and she gives her handmaidens a sly look and a wink at this turn of phrase)...perhaps it is the hand that 'cradles the rock'...Ha, ha, ha!…Yes, now the planet is OUR mountain oyster…ha, ha, ha…yes. Cronyism? We'll show them "crone"-y-ism! Ha…ha...!”

As The Supreme Isis crows on in this really obnoxious vein, Doggett whispers to SecondAgent, “Hey…this is a slip-knot…twist your left hand out to the side…grab the open end?” Doggett catches Langly’s attention and he and SecondAgent show him that they have untied themselves, but are pretending to be tied. Langly works on his knot, then indicates in a nod that he is free. Has Yves Adéle pulled a trick on the Women’s Auxiliary, or was she just never a Girl Scout? Neither Langly nor the Agents might be able to answer that.

Now Doggett and SecondAgent jump up and somehow knock all the guns from all the women guards. They grab two of the guns. The guards back away.

“Yaaaaaa!!!!!!!!”

Everyone looks up at this point. Having given a mighty yell, Langly stands with the two main supporting tent poles uprooted in his hands. He pulls downward. The bigtop is on its way down!

Before the tent completely envelops her, and, unseen by anyone in the tent, Yves Adéle rips the duct tape seal from around the top of the cooler and opens the lid. Flicker zips out. The Women’s Auxiliary are already out of the tent and are scrambling into the panel truck. Before they close all the doors, Flicker is able to zap them each several times on the butt. They clamber in screaming, close and lock the doors, and roar off up the road. Through the truck window, The Supreme Isis shakes her fist angrily. “Curses,” she mouths, barely audible through the window, “Foiled again!”

Now Flicker zips back and inspects the collapsed tent, in a worried way. Yves Adéle is first to emerge. She moves in a no-nonsense way to her fine car and after removing the camoflage netting and stowing it, takes off back down the road.

Now Doggett and SecondAgent emerge. The last time Flicker met up with Agent Doggett, he tried to take her away from Ken. He and Scully imprisoned her in an insulated container alone in an evidence room. She still has some "issues" with him about that. As she zips towards his butt, Agent SecondAgent steps in-between. From his vantage point of running as fast as he can towards the rental car, and only occasionally looking back, Agent Doggett sees that Agent SecondAgent has produced a folded paperclipped packet of papers from an inside pocket of his coat, and is showing several parts of this packet of documents to a wildly flickering Flicker. They part. Flicker returns to the collapsed tent.

Agent SecondAgent strolls over and gets into the passenger side of the rental car, re-folding and putting the document back inside his coat pocket.

Doggett says, "Flicker...she was coming to zap me! What did you show her that diverted her interest?"

Agent SecondAgent chuckles, "One of the reasons for my taking this assignment was to do a talent search...as a favor for my cousin. He's a Producer at Pox Studios. He's the one that makes "The Spookyfiles?"

Doggett says, "The one with the twitch?"

SecondAgent nods, "Exactly...maybe you've seen pictures of him? We're identical cousins..."

Doggett has started up the car and has eased it back out onto the dirt road. Now Doggett takes a good look at his partner, "Yeah...the hair is different, but I see the resemblance! What did you mean when you said "talent search? Is your cousin looking for lightning?"

Agent SecondAgent, "No, actually he's looking for someone to play either the top or bottom half of Elvis in his sequel to the re-make of "Charro." Having a ball lightning that can bring in extra power from someplace else would be a big plus, though, during those rolling electrical blackouts L.A. has been experiencing."

Doggett is impressed with the resourcefulness of his partner. He accelerates, for the fog has lifted. "Does he...your cousin...does he ever need tough cop types?" The car turns a corner.

Langly, Frohike and Byers crawl out of the tent, and, since their van is next to the tent, they get in. Byers drives. Langly has Flicker onboard with him in the cargo area, and Frohike is in the front passenger seat. Soon they are well underway back down the road.

Flicker keeps flickering like crazy in everyone’s face. Finally Langly says, “Wait…She’s trying to tell us something! What is it, Flicker...What are you trying to tell us, girl?” Frohike dope-slaps his own forehead.

CUT TO:
A VIEW OF THE ROAD:

The van screeches to a halt, then backs up until it reaches a place where it can be turned around.

CUT TO:
THE TENT

Back at the tent, Bond is still thrashing inside the tent, crying out, “Hey you guys! Guys?”

FADE TO BLACK