Friends are suppose to be forever right? Well not in this weeks advice! Two Gen ‘Xers find themselves in friendship limbo and Mike and Veronica offers them each sound advice on how to recover and move on.
Do you need some advice? Think that Veronica and Mike could help you see both sides of
your situation? If so, you may send Veronica and Mike an email here. What you described doesn't always happen and doesn't have to happen. It may take, though, some re-evaluating of your stance with regards to them and their new mates in order for it to work.
A lot of the difficulty in maintaining a friendship after a wedding stems from the new couples adjustment period. Between the photo proofs and the thank you notes, as well as moving apartments, government paperwork, and other physical logistics, there may not be much time left over for going out. They also need to relearn their couplehood, transforming into a married entity from two separate beings. There are all sorts of emotional barriers that need to be reworked and replaced in order for them to build a life together.
That leads to problems for you, of course. Suddenly, your best friend becomes best friend and her husband, which is less than ideal. She has all these new responsibilities that, if you are single, you don't have anymore. So what's a girl to do?
You should first tell her that you miss seeing her. It is quite possible she's so busy that she hasn't realized she's neglecting her friendships. She's probably gotten caught up in all the little and big things that come with getting married and, in the process, forgotten about the people she's not living with. Offer to take her to lunch or out shopping, something low-key and not too time consuming. You need to remember that bar hopping, clubbing, unplanned trips to Europe, and the like may no longer be enticing nor financially possible for a married women. It'll require your shifting the paradigm in which you two interact. If you aren't whiney or pushy about it, you'll get much better results and no one likes being guilted into spending time with someone else.
You also may need to realize that your best, wild, single friend isn't single anymore, and may not be interested in being wild. You may need to include the husband in your plans some of the time, since he is now a part of her. Certainly that doesn't mean that she needs to be with him all the time, nor that all your secrets should be told to him. However, you need to accept this new part of her life as best as you can, just like you would expect her to do the same for you.
Mike Says... ~~~~~
Dear Shivering,
Sincerely,
Veronica
Veronica Gross is a 23 year old graduate student, pursing a degree in Neuroscience. Her many loves include playing oboe, crocheting, writing fiction, and telling people exactly what they should do to be happy with their lives.
