Friends are suppose to be forever right? Well not in this weeks advice! Two Gen ‘Xers find themselves in friendship limbo and Mike and Veronica offers them each sound advice on how to recover and move on.
Do you need some advice? Think that Veronica and Mike could help you see both sides of
your situation? If so, you may send Veronica and Mike an email here.
Especially if you are female, college friendships tend to wax and wane, much to the dismay of those in them. There isn't a true logic to why someone who was once your closest friend has decided that you are no longer worth the air you breathe. I've always thought of my circle of friends as being attached by emotional rubber bands, stretching and shrinking until we find a good middle ground. It sounds like that is happening to you right now.
A lot of your approach depends on who and what is going on behind your back. If there is only one person who has decided that you are worthless, your staying with the in group will be much easier. You could take that person aside and you lay out what gossip and malice you have encountered. That could either shame her into being more discrete and thoughtful or it could give her the opportunity to air any lasting grievance. Failing that, it is only one person then you should be able to campaign your innocence to the rest of the group.
If the whole group seems to have turned, your first impulse will be to check yourself for flaws. That's alright, so long as you don't go on a nit-picking extravaganza of your past behavior. If you've committed a gross social misstep, such as cheating on a friend or compromising some ones' privacy, they may be correct in being cold to you. Their technique of expressing their displeasure is childish, but in most cases young adults do not know how to correctly handle issues of mistrust and hurt. Barring any major errors, you shouldn't focus on your own conduct. You should not have to defend yourself to any group of people who are supposedly your friends.
It could be a case of the masses deciding, on a whim, that you aren't interesting anymore. There is no way of knowing until you actually talk to them. I would consider, though, sticking it out just a bit longer to see what is going on. If it seems that they have given up on you, they aren't worth your time any longer. Mike Says... ~~~~~
Dear BBF,
Sincerely,
Veronica
Veronica Gross is a 23 year old graduate student, pursing a degree in Neuroscience. Her many loves include playing oboe, crocheting, writing fiction, and telling people exactly what they should do to be happy with their lives.
