Friends are suppose to be forever right? Well not in this weeks advice! Two Gen ‘Xers find themselves in friendship limbo and Mike and Veronica offers them each sound advice on how to recover and move on.
Do you need some advice? Think that Veronica and Mike could help you see both sides of
your situation? If so, you may send Veronica and Mike an email here.
I think the answer lies within your question. Are these folks really your friends, or are they just a "clique" that you've been a part of and whose appeal has worn off? I have to tell you, upon reading your message, I don't get a strong sense that these individuals are people that you're really close with, or that you necessarily value, or that feel that way about you, either. From what you've described, they're the fun bunch, and they give you entrée into a life you enjoy, but there doesn't seem to be a lot of depth to the relationships and it sounds as if something has turned sour.
I'm a little surprised by your mother's response, only because it makes me think maybe she knows something I don't know – or at least it makes me want to make sure that isn't the case. Have you known these people a long time? Have you shared a lot of quality time and important experiences with them? If so, then maybe they're better friends than I'm picking up on. In that case, it could just be a rough stretch of road you're on, and there is room to ride it out. They're all simultaneously turning on you, though? That sounds a lot more like a clique than a group of friends, unless you've given them good reason to be treating you poorly.
My advice is simple – confirm what we each suspect, which is that these people have been a cool crowd to hang out with but aren't necessarily your friends, or at least not the kind of friends that you'd want. Let's face it – 22 is a little old to be acting the way that they are, and makes me believe they're not the friends your mom thinks they are. Perhaps you're not conforming enough for them, or perhaps they've realized you're only along for the ride and aren't as shallow as they sound. Either way, it sounds like you've outgrown them, and it's time to move on. The next semester should give you ample opportunity to make a fresh start with some less socially-mobile but higher-caliber people.
Veronica Says...
Dear BBF:
Sincerely,
Mike
