A reader's boyfriend is looking for love in all the wrong places, including her closets. Mike advises her to do some straightening up - of her boyfriend - or to consider cleaning house. While Veronica examines " is reading your partner's email acceptable" concerning this same reader. Also, when someone in a relationship asks for romance, what should you do? Can Veronica and Mike help a reader whose wife has challenged him to understand what romance is all about? Can they help the reader to re-discover his inner-Romeo before Juliet has to spell it out for him?
Do you need some advice? Think that Veronica and Mike could help you see both sides of
your situation? If so, you may send Veronica and Mike an email here. Couldn't you have asked something -simpler, like explaining the infield fly rule or an overview of subatomic particle physics? Maybe, though, it's one of those things that only seems complicated, like it doesn't have a simple answer but really does? You might end up thinking that I haven't answered your question and only posed more for you, but I think only you have the answer to this one, because it's specific to your relationship.
A good exercise is to ask yourself to remember what your relationship was like early on, before she was your wife, before she was your girlfriend, before you ever even asked her out (I'm assuming this wasn't an arranged marriage). I bet you had all sorts of ideas in your head about how you'd sweep her off her feet. It might have been something small, like a surprise note you left for her, or a favor you did for her. Or a single flower you brought her (the truth is one rose can be as powerful as a dozen). Or a surprise visit you paid to her office. Or a picnic you planned, or somewhere else you made sure the two of you were alone. The fact is, you performed some combination of words and acts, from the heart, that showed her you were willing to do whatever it took to catch her attention, and it worked. You also probably spent a lot of your free time figuring out your next move.
Once we've landed the prize, though, we get a little rusty. Naturally, as relationships get more mature, we show our love in other ways. We're committed to the relationship, we go out to dinners, we hang out with other couples, and we spend a lot of time together. What gets lost, however, is all of the little things that show that special little effort. Your wife knows you love her – but what's the most creative way you've shown it recently? Are you making her feel as special as you once did?
Romance can take a lot of forms, and you just need to get out of the ordinary routine that all relationships can fall into. Take her to that downtown hotel. Surprise her with tickets to that show that's playing. Buy her that nightie you expect her to buy for herself. Hand-write her a love note. Let her arrive home to a gourmet three-course meal you've prepared, or take her to the restaurant of your first date. Go on a long walk, and leave that cell phone home. In short, the primary components of romance are the personal touch, the planning and the surprise. Romance doesn't have to cost a lot of money, it only requires that you put some thought and effort into it, and that you're showing her she's still your best girl. Other than that, you're on your own, so good luck. I have to go now – I just remembered I have a note I need to write.
Veronica Says...
Dear Clueless:
Sincerely,
Mike
