A reader's boyfriend is looking for love in all the wrong places, including her closets. Mike advises her to do some straightening up - of her boyfriend - or to consider cleaning house. While Veronica examines " is reading your partner's email acceptable" concerning this same reader. Also, when someone in a relationship asks for romance, what should you do? Can Veronica and Mike help a reader whose wife has challenged him to understand what romance is all about? Can they help the reader to re-discover his inner-Romeo before Juliet has to spell it out for him?
Do you need some advice? Think that Veronica and Mike could help you see both sides of
your situation? If so, you may send Veronica and Mike an email here.
This man is exhibiting behaviors that, if not stopped, could become a serious problem if you decide to take your relationship to the next level. I think you sense that he poses a threat, since you decided against giving him your keys, but you are beginning to doubt your instincts. Let me put your mind at ease.
You are correct that he doesn't respect your space, which also implies that he doesn't trust your judgment or your actions. It might also indicate that he doesn't respect your body and your mind, which could lead to his overriding your wishes while planning an event, while conducting finances, or even while in bed. "Having nothing to hide" is the same story that the government gives us when they pry into our business transactions and our bedrooms without asking consent. The excuse falls flat there, as it does in a supposedly loving relationship.
You have given him no reason to be suspicious. You are entitled to have secrets from him, especially secrets that cause no harm. His jealousy over the ex seems unfounded and irrational. Your current boyfriend has the potential to turn into an emotional or physical abuser; one of the earliest warning signs of such is the controlling and the snooping.
You should tell him that under no circumstances will any violation of your space and privacy be tolerated. Then, get him into therapy; this is probably a longstanding problem that existed far before your relationship and it is unlikely your actions alone will help him out. If he is unwilling or unable to change his behavior, get rid of him and don't regret it.
No family member or friend has the right to read your email, check your mail, go through your closets, or otherwise invade your privacy unless there is serious and actual indication of your being in danger. End of story.
Mike Says... ~~~~~
Dear Nosey,
Sincerely,
Veronica
Veronica Gross is a 23 year old graduate student, pursing a degree in Neuroscience. Her many loves include playing oboe, crocheting, writing fiction, and telling people exactly what they should do to be happy with their lives.
