Dear No Wife,

You're in a danger zone here, and you need to steer clear of it right away if you have any hopes of saving this marriage or at least avoiding serious damage to it. This might be one of the first big tests of your marriage, and it's important how you handle it.

Let's face it. Nobody stops being attracted to other people simply because we enter into a serious relationship – no switch gets flipped to stop us from noticing others. However, I think it's very important to keep the issues separate here, and the fact that your ramped-up interest in your co-worker coincides with some marital discord is an important fact. It's likely that your unhappiness and vulnerability have opened the door to an exciting and forbidden possibility. I urge, you, though, to put on the brakes before the warm personality and hot bod of your co-worker become too much to handle, because you may not be thinking straight. During times like this, there will always seem to be a convenient and understanding co-worker, friend or acquaintance that offers some escape from your woes. Is it possible you and your wife aren't meant to be and that your dream bride works in the next cubicle? Yeah, but it's also possible (and likely) that she's just another pretty face that represents some happiness you're missing.

I think you need to seriously address the troubles you and your wife are having. The fact that the fights are over unimportant things hints that there are underlying issues in your relationship that need to come to the surface – and they might be quite solvable.

So what's really going on here? Did you have some fight that you've never really gotten over? Do you have habits, quirks or behaviors that annoy each other? Have you just grown restless with the same person? Whatever the cause, you've got to put some effort in and ask each other what's going on here. The fights are merely a symptom, and they'll continue until you uncover/resolve what's really going on, and you owe it to each other to do just that. It's so easy to undo a lot of hard work, good times, friendship and love by seeing another person as an escape from the difficulties. Without getting preachy, though, I think you should remember that you made promises to be together through good times and bad, and this is an opportunity to live up to that pledge – and to fix things with your wife before they get out of hand. Relationships go through phases, and they take work – this period of difficulty is an important measure of how much effort you're willing to put in to make it work. You may ultimately decide that you're not right for each other and that you're better off apart. Either way, though, treat her with the honor and respect you showed her when she was the girl of your fantasies – it will say a lot about you.

Sincerely,

Mike

Veronica Says...

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