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Dear No Wife,
As a neuroscientist and sleep researcher, I have studied several
theories
on dream formation. Some say dreams are a window to the subconscious
and
its desires. Others suggest that dreams are random signals generated by
the brainstem that the cortex mistakenly translates. Nowhere in either
legal or psychological literature are dreams an acceptable reason to do
something morally distasteful.
It is normal that we dream about people doing strange things. Our
thoughts
are usually very directed by society, prejudice, and personality; the
sleeping brain has no such constraints. Dreams do not necessarily mimic
our actual unconscious desires, since the sleeping brain is not
rational.
The cortex receives a conglomeration of images and sounds from our
memory.
The images and sounds get put together arbitrarily based on our recent
activities, no matter what they involved, as our brains attempt to
establish
order. Therefore, when you think about or encounter a person on a daily
basis, it becomes more likely that you will dream about her. The
context
of the dream, though, may not be a true reflection of the actual
situation; the emotions in the dreams are just neurochemical noise.
It is natural that you are attracted to this woman. After all, she
seems
like the perfect alternative to your frigid, nagging, inattentive wife.
She is also having relationship problems and, as a sympathetic ear,
seems
to understand. You also have the perfect excuse: the dreams convinced
you
to take your relationship to a more intimate level. It is what we call
a
self-fulfilling prophecy: you believe something is destined, so your
actions and your attitude cause it to happen.
You have already decided that things will not work out with your wife;
that is apparent from the tone of your letter. Your further attempts to
manipulate our perception of you a hopeless pawn of your subconscious
cast
into doubt your assertion that you are largely blameless. What I see
right
now is a man who wants a simple answer to a complex problem. You talk
most
about your relationship to people who aren't your wife. Did it not
occur
to you that involving her in your thought processes might garner better
results? If you are as serious as you claim about avoiding divorce, the
best solution would be to receive counseling with your wife. Your
current
problems are not sufficient reasons for a divorce. Only after months of
intensive therapy and a lot of soul-searching should you even consider
divorce. That hasn't happened yet.
Forget the dreams; they are having a deleterious effect on your real
life.
While it is tempting to use them as a shield, they will not protect you
in
court or from your wife's anger. It is also possible that your desire
for
the easy way out will turn any sexual relationship with this dream
woman
into a nightmare. I'd go back and reread Macbeth before making any
decisions based on a dream.
Sincerely,
Veronica
Mike Says...
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