Dear We Want,

Wait, this reminds me of someone else. Oh yeah – me at the same age! I'm sorry, I don't mean to make light of your situation. It's just that I kept reading your letter looking for the problem, and while you're clearly not having an easy go of it, I wasn't particularly alarmed. She's 10, right? The good news is, this sounds very normal. The bad news is, it will probably last a lot more than nine months.

I'll be honest with you – I'm not a parent, so I can't really speak from any position of experience here. However, it sounds like she's at a very typical age for someone to begin acting out a bit and seeing what she can get away with from you, like all kids do at different points. She's also at a stage where she's probably making some deeper or at least more influential friendships at school, and that's instilling some rebellion in her. I think she's just being a kid.

Is it possible that there's something more going on here? Definitely, and I'd encourage you to try to talk to her even more, even though you've said you've already made effort – be persistent. She could be having a hard time at school, or be going through early puberty, some other big changes, or problems, and you should make sure she knows you're there for her and that you're concerned, not angry. So I'm not discounting the possibility that she's having a hard time and expressing it through her newly-disobedient behavior.

I tend to trust your family doctor, however. Despite the fact that your varied efforts at reigning her in haven't worked, I'd give it some more time, and most of all, make sure you're being a friend to her so that when she's ready to talk, she will.

What if she doesn't turn it around and you can't get to the bottom of this? Stand your ground, and consider more serious punishment. After all, it's your house and your rules, and if she can't adhere to them, she will quickly forfeit some of her rights. After that, you might find that turns things around. So while I don't think there's a problem here, give her some time and make sure there isn't anything out of the ordinary. If that's the case, then step up your discipline and restore order if you can't deal with it any longer.

Sincerely,

Mike

Veronica Says...

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