longest drive it may have crossed my mouth once or twice. fell victim to my nose. casualties, all of them. its all routine. a science. a pattern. its comfortable. and its a shame to make such a mess there. people confused. start making something out of nothing. thats the part we all turn our noses at the up turned noses. on a wall and under cover. we escape drastic conclusions and dark retributions. i capture it and burn it up. so signs go up. i wave my fingers like i mean something. always kissing. always wishing. hoping that your warning is something i can take to my grave. once you let things stay flat and shined. once i never watched my step. hello? can you tell me if im still taking two steps for every city square? will my left hand still shake? will i still hide everything in scripts written in print and character sketches laid across photocopied black and whites? find the things that are too hard to explain. eastern most.
one last note one last note left unplayed. can you hear the things left unsaid? it took twelve whole months and thirteen hours. i need some help. i would die to ride away. and i collect things on my back. wrists crossed, heart tied up and wound down. two blinks fight back tears that i've never welcomed. and my guitar is taking flight on its own. maybe if i could play long enough, or loud enough...well then maybe i could be good enough. good enough for you. but that was wrong. wrong to think. wrong to keep feeling these feelings. months later and feel like we never stopped once.
right off hand i am not that together anymore. we are not that together anymore. ice, tear away face, reuphultser my last inch, convert to behavioral psycosis! why fight, why fight anything anymore? i lost the last sense of hope for my own. my own self, that nothing that belongs to me when swept right away. strike the pavement hard. dont worry about the brick feelings. dont worry at all. except your own sing song, accept my whistled tune! not since late january. so glad. you won out. so close and so far, behind! there is no room for apologies, there is no room for me. dont you just wish you could right now? there is now enough comfort to play with. worth sitting up in bed. i rock the boat with fury! you tip tip tip the boat and ttip toe across the hall. not into this bedroom. not into this heart and i am LOCKING THE FUCKING DOOR TONITE!
cut to ribbons i cant seem to stretch my arms wide enough. feet plastered to the floor, a nervous boy watches silence turn to your noisey smiles and all too welcome kiss. and placing subtle flowers all over my pant legs. drawn out with fingers aching to touch your own. bent backwards and out of shape. misbehaven. time ticking down, and silly grins stretching out. i cant keep up with this off-beat heart and these watering eyes. i keep telling myself that i wont have to ever feel sad again. and you are confirming every day dream that i write down.
turntables go ahead and remove another twelve desires. you are the boss. i dont think this is coming through. detatch the ground cable. i am slightly uniform, under cultured, and amazed by sincerity i lack. you bring together everything else. three hours counted down, launch pad rules for the dreams i have yet to realize. and if i could, i would track these hole-filled shoes back to the numb concrete sheets i knew too well under the yellow moon. promising good harvests and lower sales in treatment. i watch everything with distrust and i dream quite colorfully. embarassed to admit how often i've come to conclusions and wiped everything back like tears. blasted out with ski capped guns. fury is everywhere and i just found out how to cut straight lines across crooked hearts. namely my own. please bring the photos when you come.
the inevitable wears out lagging behind in the air. there is a goal, one whole page and nineteen minutes to kill me by. i guess its not for this earth. please laugh a little. its that subtle violence i heard about from eyes gone past. i cant remain. speed up. slow down. fall back. spring. i am understated inside this head of mine. and loving it. now mud caked jeans and older memories...watch the vapor escape our skin, float away with our tragic lives. and i miss you now. kissed under porch lights. exhaled anything without meaning. held alot in for myself. double up the words until they gain whole new meanings. and retaliate under suspicion and cold air. and laugh tomorrow, for me.
i never even waved collection of times gone by. i am wondering all about that stuff now. and i dismember different memories and stuff the pieces i like in the back of my guitar amplifier. i like to scrawl things down and throw them away. i like to push my nose into your hair and try to inhale anything i can. sometimes i just try in general. wait until you hear about my lasy year. can conspiracy really be the answer? now collected in the basement bathroom. underneath my eyes. i can believe that i stirred up again.
i dont think i did because it's just the way it is tonite. cross beam for my shoulder support. blood drains across ceramic. rush for the photo oppurtunity. this is the last undertaking. i am awkward ontop of your dreams. wish to vapor. substance seems fleeting when i am balancing on these crooked feet. please pull down the shades. i need an hour of rest.
postage paid i am running out of chances to hand out. i am running out of room in my heart. its swelling now, you're kicking at the walls in your sleep. i know that you're not conscious. lethal just the same. and i write songs about this. and i dont get why i keep being horrible. fifteen more smiles. like my response over dead bodies. falling short of movie scenes. my arteries are on the editing room floor. put the scissor down and hold my hand. im pinching my wrist and figuring things out. im drinking root beer and scrunching up my nose. i am avoiding the truth and keeping my fingers crossed tight.
history lessons i had this stuffed animal and i gave it to you, and i had this heart that i gave you too. back then you kept your eyes quite still and that was nice for being fourteen. its almost quite off the center now to show up and release things on your doorstep before i run away and sigh and feel quite relieved. being adults and all now. i remember jumping in cardboard dumpsters and climbing inside church vans to chase after you. i remember dipping french fries in ice cream and talking about diet coke. and i still cant stand diet coke.
