Destinations
Mood:  chillin'
Topic: Life's Like That...

On Friday, I picked up my parents and drove out to meet my sister half way to the city, pooled up in one car, and drove off to see my sister at her new residence.

 

My parents hadn’t seen her since last August, I hadn’t seen her since Christmas, my other sister living closer to the city, had visited her a couple of times since her placement.

 

It was a great surprise…my sister and I went up to her room, got in passed hugs & kisses and as she opened the door to her balcony, we pointed below and told her we had a surprise for her.  My parents rushed up to see her and it was a big hug/kiss/teary love-fest!

 

They’d been so worried about her and missed her terribly.  My parents are both sickly and Dad doesn’t drive much anymore, but its more the nature of my sister’s illness that’s kept them away. 

 

 

Despite all, they were both relieved to see her living conditions were much as my sister and I had explained.  They know she’s being well taken care of and that she’s on an even keel for as long as she’s taking her medication and that’s all a part of the package that is living in this residence.

 

It’s the best solution for her seeing as she wanted to live close to her daughters.  It’s further for us and difficult to get out there to see her much, but we promised my parents that we’d make it a monthly visit over the remaining warmer months at least. 

Mental illness has got to be THE worst thing that a family has to deal with.  It tears you apart in so many ways.

I don’t know if any of this makes any sense to anyone else, but I’m just so glad that we finally were able to coordinate this outing with my parents.  It has been a painful separation for them.

 

*sigh*

 

My agenda is looking semi-busy this week so far, which is really a bit of a break for me. ;)

 

-Physical therapy X 4

-picnic & outing to the lake with my sister in law and 4 kids,

-orthodontist (with Mr Brace Face) 

-shopping for my get-together on Friday, the wild

-blueberries are going to be ripe for the picking later this week (cannot miss that)

-last-minute tidying and preparing of food. 

(this is not counting all the 'unexpected' things that are

sure to pop up somewhere along the line)

 

So all in all, not bad!

 

~~~~~

 

Absolutely still loving my Alanis CD.   I’m stuck on three particular songs  Not As We, Underneath, and In Praise Of The Vulnerable Man.  If you haven’t listened yet…DO!

 

I brought the boy down to the lake for a bit this afternoon. 

 

 

To my aunt’s cottage; where I spent so many summers of my own youth chasing frogs and fireflies or bobbing the afternoons away in the cool waters of the lake that our town is named for.

 

The water was cold and he dropped his towel in the lake, so he wanted to leave straight away, but I could have spent the entire afternoon sitting beneath a tree just staring out over the lake, and absorbing the sounds of summer; where even the bouts of silence sang so sweetly to my ears.

 

A STATUE IN THE SILENCE 

So much happens in the hubbub,

so many bells were heard to ring

whenever they loved or discovered

or when they decorated one another

that I didn’t trust the uproarand came to live, standing

in this zone of silence.

 

 

 

When a plum falls,

when a wave faints,

when young golden girls roll

on the softness of the sand,

or when in succession

immense birds guide me —

in my quite exploration,

it doesn’t ring or howl or thunder,

or whisper or murmur:

that is why I live on

in the music of silence.

 

 

 

The air is still mute,

the automobiles skid

on invisible cotton balls

and the political crowds

with gloved gestures

occur in a hemisphere

where no flies buzz.

 

 

 

The most gossipy women

drowned in stone pools

or sail like swans,

like clouds in the sky,

and the summer trains roll

full of fruits and mouths

without a whistle or wheel

that creaks, like cyclones

chained to silence.

 

 

 

The months are like curtains,

like quiet carpets:

here the seasons dance

until it falls asleep in the living room,

the immobile statue of winter.

 

 

 

 

 

PHILOSOPHY

 

 

The truth of the green tree

in spring and of Earth’s crust

is proven beyond a doubt:

the planets nourish us

despite eruptions

and the sea offers us fish

despite her quaking:

we are slaves of the earth

that is also governess of air.

 

 

 

Walking around an orange

I spent more than one life

echoing the earth’s sphere:

geography and ambrosia:

juices the color of hyacinth

and the white scent of woman

like blossoms of flower.

 

 

 

Nothing is gained by flying

to escape this glove

that trapped you at birth.

And we need to confess our hope

that understanding and love

come from below, climb

and grow inside us

like onions, like oak trees,

like tortoises or flowers,

like countries, like races,

like roads and destinations.

 

 

 

 

ANOTHER THING 

So little happens to me

that I must count and recount.

Nobody gives me asphodels

and nobody makes me sigh.

Because I arrived at the crossroads

from a complicated destination,

when ticking clocks fade away

and the sky tumbles across the sky

until the dying day

takes the moon for a walk.

 

 

 

How long does the beauty of equinox

take to disentangle itself,

turning from green to round,

from ocean wave to cataract

from proud sun to white moon,

from solitude to capital city

without changing the equation

of the world where nothing happens.

 

 

 

Nothing happens except a day

that like a model student

weighs its worth in rewards

at the end of another winning day,

until the once-a-week chorus

has turned itself into a ring

that not even night transfigures

because it arrives encrusted with jewels,

full of omens as always.

 

 

 

Let’s see if they can net the crazy fish

that climb like platypuses

along the walls of my house

and shatter the new harmony

that pursues me and torments me.

 

 

 

 

-Pablo Neruda

 

 

 

Bonsoir~

 

 

pssst...Hey John, you still on vacation?  ;)

 

   

A poem should not mean, but be
Mood:  sad
Now Playing: Athair Ar Neamh-Taliesin Orchestra
Topic: Life's Like That...

To the Virgins, to Make Much of Time

 

 

 GATHER ye rosebuds while ye may,
    Old time is still a-flying :
And this same flower that smiles to-day
    To-morrow will be dying.

The glorious lamp of heaven, the sun,
    The higher he's a-getting,
The sooner will his race be run,
    And nearer he's to setting.

That age is best which is the first,
    When youth and blood are warmer ;
But being spent, the worse, and worst
    Times still succeed the former.

Then be not coy, but use your time,
    And while ye may go marry :
For having lost but once your prime
    You may for ever tarry. 

-Robert Herrick

 

 

  

Ars Poetica

 

A poem should be palpable and mute

As a globed fruit

Dumb

As old medallions to the thumb,

Silent as the sleeve-worn stone

Of casement ledges where the moss has grown—

A poem should be wordless

As the flight of birds

A poem should be motionless in time

As the moon climbs

Leaving, as the moon releases

Twig by twig the night-entangled trees,

Leaving, as the moon behind the winter leaves,

Memory by memory the mind -

A poem should be motionless in time

As the moon climbs

A poem should be equal to:

Not true

For all the history of grief

An empty doorway and a maple leaf

For love

The leaning grasses and two lights above the sea -

A poem should not mean

But be

-Archibald MacLeish

 ~~~~~ 

A great-uncle who suffered the same disease that took my brother away from us a year and a half ago, passed away on Friday. 

Why anyone must suffer this way is beyond my comprehension. The courage and strength that one must possess to get them through a 2 yr battle can only be exemplary. 

After I went to pay my respect to his loving wife, daughters, and extended families, I stood in the hallway to get out of the steady throngs of people.  Every now and again I could see her hand reach out to gently run through his hair, or hear the outbursts of anguish burbling from deep within her chest, and I was struck by the poetry of the moment. 

I was close enough to his wife and daughters, but I never expected to be thanked in the beautiful speech someone read on his wife’s behalf after the service, that paid wonderful tribute to the man he was. 

She thanked me for being a friend when she needed someone to talk to.  I was rather proud that I was able to provide that bit of needed comfort. But she will need much comforting in the days ahead still, especially as they would have celebrated their 41^st wedding anniversary tomorrow. 

 

And the girls I’m sure, will have a difficult time getting through Father’s Day next Sunday. 

I thought the two poems above were appropriate when I read them.  We should all make the most of the time we are allotted. 

I think our passing is a meaningful one, if the seeds of love that we have sown in our wake mark it.

 

~~~~~

 

 

Bonus:  Ran into cousin Shaun who plays professional hockey in the south of France somewhere, he told us that he can book us a 'family' flight to Europe for about 500 smackeroos, which is dirt cheap, and that his house is 'empty' for about 3 months of the year, so we'd have a place to stay. 

 

 

DUDE!! 

 

 

"C'est le but!"

Getting dirt under my fingernails/De-cluttering my life
Now Playing: Chega De Saudade - Yo-Yo Ma (Obrigado Brazil)
Topic: Life's Like That...

Saturday I agreed to go shopping and greenhouse hopping with my Mom and sister.  I originally had some painting and stuff planned for the day, but I figured I was due for an outing.  Plus I needed to find a curtain rod & clips , some trim, a piece of artwork for the bathroom, and some plants for my outdoor planters and hanging baskets, etc… 

After a bit of poking around, we finally got to the fabric store where I found the clips I needed, and in the accessories section of the fabric ‘super’ store I found THE perfect piece of artwork…I mean it could not have been more bang on!  *girlie squeals* (sorry, I know it doesn’t take much to get me all ‘cited at times..lol)  

Of course AFTER we had done all of our INDOOR shopping, and went off to a few greenhouses, is when it actually started to rain.  I was wearing knee-length pants and sandals when we set off in the morning, so I got wet and cold rather quickly.   

Despite the crappy weather though, we DID manage to accomplish what we set out to do, even though I am still sans curtain rod and trim. *grumble* I guess it means another shopping trip…though I won’t complain because things are coming together nicely. 

When I got home I tackled the oldest boy’s room, and then one of the closets in my room…now THAT was one helluva task!  I had things stuffed in there that needed to be set freeeeee!  lol 

The last of the hand-me-downs that I had in storage from my oldest son to the wee’er one.  He was none too pleased about having to go through all those clothes with me, but he did find a couple of sports t-shirts that he laid claim to in a hurry ;)  

I’ve this continuing urge/need to be getting rid of my life’s clutter.  The more uncomplicated I can make my life, the better…Ok, yeah, so there are SOME things that I will absolutely refuse to call clutter, just so ya know!  Such as: my rather fine collection of scrapbooking and art supplies & magazines, as well as my empire of books ;) 

The only section of this house that will be untouched for the time being is the basement, but I’m planning a mid or late summer yard sale.(then perhaps a mid-summer break-down from exhaustion! lol) 

So as you can see, though I might thrive on a bit of chaos in certain areas of my life, I do try to balance things out with complete organization in other areas…to the point of being anal about it from time to time ;)  

Ok, so I think I have time to pop in a cd for a Spanish lesson or two before my squirrel comes home from school. 

Ta~

Things lost & found
Mood:  sharp
Now Playing: Theme from Twin Peaks - Fire Walk With Me-Angelo Badalamenti
Topic: Life's Like That...

I could sit here and tell you about all of the things that I have lost.   

Most recently in a crash, I lost numerous files and pictures and writings.  I had begun gathering them in preparation for burning backups once I was done with putting my 20-yr bookkeeping stint behind me, but alas I was not quick enough.  One too many cold boots and I sat staring at the dreaded blue screen.  

I could tell you about the bits of myself that I’ve lost in some of those files, or the bits of myself that I lost in a recent heartbreak…or about the bit of freedom I lost, in being ready to go back to work but now can’t because I have to stay home to take care of my son until he’s mobile again.   

Instead I shall emphasize that I will look at all of this as a clean slate; one that eagerly anticipates the many metamorphoses and the discoveries that come with regenerating and rebuilding.  

I had the most wonderful conversation with a ‘found’ again friend today…it had been far too long since we’d last had one. 

We talked about things coming full circle and how, no matter how life changes us, we are still who we are.  We pick up the pieces of ourselves along the way, and though we may end up with just a mosaic semblance of the person we once were, inherently, the core elements of who we are, are still very much cemented between the fragile shards.   

My friend summed it up beautifully, in saying that… 

Perhaps configuration doesn't matter, but the process of re-inventing oneself, though its just re-arranging really, might turn out into something even better than before. 

I say Amen to that brother, Amen! 

And, we need to live for ourselves first, however difficult that may prove to be at times. 

So for me at the moment, that translates into finding the time to do some of the things I enjoy doing, however minute or trivial they may seem; like writing this for instance…

Bonsoir~

 

Musicals, Head Games and Layton
Topic: Life's Like That...
"Your mom smells good. She smells like pretty flowers. But don't tell her!" I overhear little Noah say to my boy.

Such a charmer and only 4! ;)

He kept us entertained before the Easter musical started, telling us jokes and lymerics and doing impressions. I thought my mom was going to bring him home cause he was so cute! lol

We had a quiet Easter. We did the gathering at my parents', but weren't there in numbers. And the day didn't go by without its little emergencies or dramas, but in the end I guess what mattered was that we were together.
~~~~~~~

Things are not going so well at work, I'm trying to buck up and tough it out, but I really don't know how much more of the BS I can take.

I can handle all the 'new kid on the block' crapola/abuse, that's not the problem...what I can't stand are the head games, and condescending behaviour from a co-worker. I am really NOT into that at all.

I haven't slept all night and I don't feel like going in today, but I don't have a choice. So whatever happens, happens...if shit hits the fan, I'll duck. If I don't duck in time, then I guess I'll have a mess to clean up.
~~~~~~~

*sigh* thank the godz for poetry!

Here are a couple of Irving Layton pieces that have caught my eye:

TRISTEZZA

He showed me his painting of the Po,
canvas after canvas after canvas
until I thought he was out
to drown me in his studio.
Then he switched to nudes. Again it was
canvas after canvas but now they were
all of the same young woman whose hair
he couloured differently, each time
doing some altering thing
toher neck or mouth. He'd painted her
earthy and withdrawn, sensual,
a far-away look in her grey eyes.
Yet what I remember are no the soft
pastel shades, the disciplined tints
in river and woman, or how I kept thinking
the river could be the woman's unshed tears.
No, what stays in my mind is the silence
that filled the cluttered room
after he had finished speaking
and the terrible sadness for which
there are no words, no colours anywhere.


NOMALIST

What can I know?

Only this mob of leaves
moving with the breeze,
each fragrant puff of air.

Men's despair and malice
covering the earth
like spears of grass.

Or the traffic's roar
beyond my garden
smelling of fresh rain.

The tremulous black-coated squirrel
all instinct and fear,
unique as the tree's bark.

Or that white butterfly
sailing evenly between
warring schools of philosophy.

My own storm-tossed soul,
a troubling joy
since the day I was born.

Finally the remote sky
from which no conclusions
may ever be drawn.

Buh-rrrrrrrrr
Mood:  cool
Now Playing: Buleria De Las Golondrinas - Ottmar Liebert
Topic: Life's Like That...
LIGHTS, ICE, ACTION!

With the lights dimmed low;
beautifully, she glowed.
The perfection of
a mirrorored facade,
gleaming
in eerie silence.
Primped and ready,
she waits
for those first tendrils to mar
her translucent face.
Waiting for the blade to stroke
and cut the first groove on her pristine surface,
when the puck hits the ice...

~Sylph
18-02-07


It really was a sight to behold. You know, one of those ‘perfect’ little moments you chance upon from time to time...The 'deep freeze' of the arena making it seem all the more pristine.

Mind you, I can't seem to shake the cold that's seeped into my bones since.

I NEED WARMTH DAMMIT!!

It's the coldest arena in our circuit, and YAY! we have another double-header there next Saturday, then a last game an hour-and-a-half away on Sunday, then we officially begin the playoffs.

May the Hockey Gods be praised!!!

*bowing profusely*

We are nearing the end of our season.

Today, the boy's gone to a cousin of mine's place. He's an outfitter, and got a government participation program, where young children 10 and + get their fishing license that will last them until they're 18 years old. They're allowed to fish alone and catch their limit, which is the same as an adult's, at no cost whatsoever. How cool is that?

Then he gets to try out his skills, with the new FREE fishing rod he got, to go ice fishing and participate in a fishing derby.

Glad I'm not out there though, I've had my fill of cold weather from the -30 to -45celsius(with the chill) spell we've had this past week.

Bit milder now, but I can't seem to shake it...brrrrrrr

(Read: I must be gettin old or something)

Friday night I joined some friends for dinner in this cozy little spot with a wood stove in one corner of the dinningroom, so guess where I sat? :D Toasty warm and all, I had the most amazing strawberry daquiri, chicken parmesan, and a wonderful time with my friends(even though I didn't want to go in the first place) They almost had to drag me cavemanwoman style. But see...I'm just not done my hibernation yet, can't people understand that?

Sheesh!

Take a number, ring a bell
Topic: Life's Like That...
I

am

so

sick

of

numbers!!!

and
money
too...

Ok, so perhaps I won't sing the same song when I get my first pay this week, waaaaaa ;( they're holding back 2 weeks and not 1 as I was originally told *pout*

I am so mentally exhausted at the end of the day, it's not even funny. And here I was complaining about lack of mind stimulation...hah! talk about jolting the old brain back into action, eh? ;)

Actually, I love my job. I love the 20 minute drive. What I don't love so much is the big 'social security' week that's coming up, YIKES!!!

The thing is, every second Friday, I'm apparently working at the other branch, in a different town. I'll just get used to knowing my clients at this bank, then have to pop over there for a day every second week. Guess which week my first scheduled day is supposed to land on? Uh huh...the aforementioned week.

I suppose I'll manage somehow.

My little guy got hit by a slam slap-shot'ed puck (sorry, I need drugs!) at the community skating rink last night...nope, no protective knee pads on, yep already scolded him (after the comforting of course) so now his witto knee is all swollen and blue :( my poor baby. His upcoming 'team picture' is thursday, I can't wait to put it in his album. I love seeing the change from year to year. With the exception that, he's getting older and therefore moving away from 'babyhood' in leaps and bounds, EVEN!

*sigh*

I am giving another scrapbooking class on friday after work. There's something I'm looking forward to. :)

Then Saturday morning we have a game to go to in the city, and Saturday evening is my cousin's big birthday dinner/bash.

Imma busy, busy Sylph.

I better get this show on the road...but first, an untitled piece from Pablo Neruda's The Sea and the Bells

The broken bell
still wants to sing:
the metal now is green,
the color of the woods, this bell,
color of water in stone pools in the forest,
color of day in the leaves.

The bronze cracked and green,
the bell with its mouth open to the ground
and sleeping
was entangled in bindweed,
and the hard golden color of the bronze
turned the color of a frog:
it was the hands of water,
the dampness of the coast,
dealt green to the metal
and tenderness to the bell.

This broken bell
miserable in the rude thicket
of my wild garden,
green bell, wounded,
its scars immersed in the grass:
it calls to no one anymore, no one gathers
around its green goblet
except one butterfly that flutters
were the fallen metal and flies off, escaping
its yellow wings.
~~~~~~

I love how Neruda incorporates the bell, and how it rings in his reflections; especially in this selection of his works.

I strongly relate to this whole concept in particular you see, because for him it is the lonely bell that rings out to the sea; whilst for me, it is my windchimes singing, filing the summer breeze with song.

I long to hear that again.

My internal windchime has been signing beautifully lately, can you hear it?

;)

Namaste~

Charred Remnants & Meditations
Topic: Life's Like That...
I open the door to let my dogs out and the smell of charred remnants from yesterday’s fire assaults me. A cottage on the shores of the lake just behind my house burnt to the ground yesterday. (Seems to happen every time we get a good cold snap)

It brought back memories of last February when I was in Cuba. My youngest stayed at my mom’s all week, but was spending the weekend at home with his older brother. I checked my email on the Saturday morning to find my son telling me of a neighbor’s garage (2 doors down) burning down the night before.

My babies!!

I started shaking and tears ran down my cheeks as people walked by the internet cafe, staring at me. Finally I was approached by a couple asking me if I was ok. Only after I explained what had happened, and the woman laid a hand on my arm saying she understood how I felt, was I able to shake it off enough to make my way back to my room.

Also, about 5 years ago, there was a fire on the neighboring lot to my back yard; (I live in a pine plantation so you can imagine my fear) burning his house to the ground.

I was pretty shaken up then as well, when I heard a pounding on my door at 1 a.m. I rushed to answer to a lady who thought she was at my neighbor’s, who’s a volunteer fireman, and I see my ‘backyard‘ ablaze! I couldn’t believe how close it was, and how silently into the night it might have reached my sons’ rooms at the back end of the house, without me ever knowing it. And what if it had been too late at that point to save them…somehow I felt that as a mother, I should have sensed the imminent danger my children were exposed to.

Rewind tape to 18 yrs ago...I was alone, and very much pregnant at the time, as I watched a house burn to the ground in front of the apartment building I lived in at the time.

It was very upsetting. And like the aforementioned, I couldn’t help but stand there, watching until it was all over and the danger had passed. It’s such a terrible feeling to witness the destruction. One that I’m hating being reminded of, every time I open my door.

~~~~~~~

Bleh! I’d rather be scrapbooking, but instead I’m neck-deep in bookkeeping; quarterly tax reports, that will soon have to be followed by year’s end taxes. It would have been nice to get away from NUMBERS for a day or two, you know?

Oh well, last full week of training, then I start my ‘oh-so-coveted’ regular hours, mmmhmm 12:30 to 4:30, come to mama! Oh and bonus; this week is PAY week, yayyy!

I sit here listening to those Coneadh Cu Chuilain by Bill Whelan, and oh how those pipes move me!
I should really go on a quest to find myself an entire CD of Uilleann Pipes. This stuff totally immerses me in ‘da zone’, as does the next track on my player Loreena McKennitt’s Marco Polo.

Hmm, makes me think about belly dancing; which incidentally, I’ve got to bring that up again when I see my friends. We thought it’d be a hoot to go take a few lessons and laugh ourselves silly. :D

Poetry-du-jour:

Sweet Dancer
by William Butler Yeats
The girl goes dancing there
On the leaf-sown, new-mown, smooth
Grass plot of the garden;
Escaped from bitter youth,
Escaped out of her crowd,
Or out of her black cloud.
{Ah, dancer, ah, sweet dancer.!}

If strange men come from the house
To lead her away, do not say
That she is happy being crazy;
Lead them gently astray;
Let her finish her dance,
Let her finish her dance.
{Ah, dancer, ah, sweet dancer.!}

~~~~~
And now, some lyrics.

I played this song religiously in the last weeks before my brother passed away. I’d light a candle, close my eyes and listen repeatedly. It was my prayer, my meditation.

Dante’s Prayer
by Loreena McKennitt


When the dark wood fell before me
And all the paths were overgrown
When the priests of pride say there is no other way
I tilled the sorrows of stone

I did not believe because I could not see
Though you came to me in the night
When the dawn seemed forever lost
You showed me your love in the light of the stars

Cast your eyes on the ocean
Cast your soul to the sea
When the dark night seems endless
Please remember me

Then the mountain rose before me
By the deep well of desire
From the fountain of forgiveness
Beyond the ice and the fire

Cast your eyes on the ocean
Cast your soul to the sea
When the dark night seems endless
Please remember me

Though we share this humble path, alone
How fragile is the heart
Oh give these clay feet wings to fly
To touch the face of the stars

Breathe life into this feeble heart
Lift this mortal veil of fear
Take these crumbled hopes, etched with tears
We'll rise above these earthly cares

Cast your eyes on the ocean
Cast your soul to the sea
When the dark night seems endless
Please remember me...
Please remember me...
Please remember me...
Please remember me...
Please remember me...
Please remember me...

~~~~~~

Wow, like I would ever forget...

This song still has the same effect on me, so perhaps I shall go drown my sorrow in a hot bubbly bath.

Good night~

The final hoop has been jumped through
Mood:  happy
Topic: Life's Like That...
I got the job :D

I did their stupid little 'psychological profile' test.

*sheesh* don't even get me started here!!

I guess they've accessed that I am not an axe murdering, chainsaw masacre'ing, psychotic dinglehead bimbo(heh, I could do much better than this if I really put an effort into it, but I don't really feel like wasting the time)

I start my training at the bank itself on monday, though I may have to go to Montreal for a week in February for a bit of training.

I'm anxious to get back in the saddle again :)

-Multi-tasking-Pie-in-Hand-Telephone- Interview-
Mood:  d'oh
Now Playing: I Miss You - Coldplay
Topic: Life's Like That...
There I was, meat cooking on the stove, one hand in pie dough (didn't actually get to make my lemon pies till yesterday) and the phone rings...

It's the HR department of the bank I'm 'hypothetically' going to work for. She asks if I could give her 20 minutes of my time for a telephone interview, or, when sensing a bit of hesitation on my part, if it's a convenient time. So I asked if she could call me back in approximately 15 minutes. She answers that she could...but might forget to.

hrrmm....ok.

I then started to laugh and told her that the reason I hesitated, was because I quite literally had my hand in pie dough. I asked if she'd hold for 30 seconds, while I washed my hands, and put the cooking on hold.

No problem she says. So I put the phone down, wash my hands and tell the boy to please be quiet, because this was an important call.

Then the interview began. Basically the same questions that I was asked during both the first telephone interview, and the interview with the bank manager.

But after a while, the boy was getting antsy, the pot that was on the stove needed stirring, the dogs were barking to be let out, and I was trying to concentrate on the questions before answering.

*phew*

At some point I had to excuse myself, try to calm the boy down, turn the pot to a simmer, let the dogs out, to then go back to the interview.

I told her that as she could summize, I was in multi-tasking mode. We both laughed and she assured me we'd soon be done.

Then she dropped THE question on me.

Now I could kick myself, because I'm usually smart enough to do this at some point during my 'job searches', but as luck would have it, I forgot to do a little research about this company.

I fumbled my way through it, turned it to a situation where she was actually TELLING me about the company, and had sound interested and excited at the prospects, which I was.

So today I wait for the call from the manager herself.
~~~~~~

My evening you ask? Just as busy as the afternoon. And the icing on THAT cake? When one of my pies slid off the shelf to land face-first on the floor. Lovely.

And how goes my morning thus far? See, cuz I know this menial stuff is of interest to pretty much...the whole world :P

I had to mop up a pool of water from the floor. I hate when those darned bottles are cracked and spring a leak...s'that all? Well. No. I think I might have kinked my back when I lifted the 18L bottle, because I'm sensing these little throbs of pain down my sciatic nerve, but I'm sure once I start moving around a bit whilst on maid duty, it'll pop back into place ;)
~~~~~
Whilst having my breakfast tea I watched The Word This Week hosted by Daniel Richler, the stepson of Canadian author Mordecai Richler. I found this spotlight on Violence of the Virtual and Integral Reality by Jean Baudrillard(translated by Marilyn Lambert-Drache) to be extremely interesting, not to mention perfectly 'atuned' to my views on the ever-oxymoronic (in my humblest of opinions) "virtual reality"

You can download this PDF file, titledLiving Literacies Text if your interest is piqued.

I better get my bum in gear, after the maid stuff, I've got to get started on tax reports *bleh*

Namaste~

Lady In This Dress
Mood:  happy
Topic: Life's Like That...
Suuuh-weeeet!

The interview on the 5th went great!

I was 'unofficially' told that I had the job,
"in fact," the manager said, "my supervisor, recommended I hire you right after she had that telephone interview with you."

So the rest from now till then is mere formality. (Some psychoanalytical mumbo jumbo testing crap...yanno, making elephants walk on a ball, lions jump through fiery hoops, and monkeys juggle small froufrou dogs in tutus, sorta stuff ;) piece-o-cake I tell ya!)

A unionized job, 15 freaking minutes from my home (you can’t know how wonderful that is, as opposed to 1-? hrs commute, (highway driving=1000km/week) morning and night for the past 4 yrs) at a considerably higher salary than I was getting at a very stressful job, is just *fanfuckingtastic* no matter how you slice it!

Ok, ok, you ready for this? It’s part time for now, but with a pretty sure shot at becoming fulltime/permanent within the next 6 months or so, with benefits. My hours you ask? Mon-Wed from 12:15 to 4:15, Thurs & Fri 10:15 to 5:15, plus being on-call for sick day/vacation replacements.

[insert maniacal laughter here]

Is that sweet, or whut?! And no weeeeeeekends!

Nope, those jobs don’t fall in one’s lap every day. I am fortunate. I know I will enjoy it (cause I’m a one-eyed, one-horned, flying, purple, people-person, I am!)

*Doing the happy Sylph Dance* (why, I may even jump on the bed, I haven’t done that in the past year or so ;)

I left the interview feeling pretty darned good, parked my car on a hill in front of the Sears outlet, go in to collect my package, come out to find...a flat tire, on a hill to boot!

I wobble the car to level ground close-by, park it, start taking out my spare and what-have-you, and suddenly realize that the level ground I parked on, is pretty much just...clay :/ bummer

After kicking the tire and some swearingabit because I can’t get the dang jack (which is the size of a bicycle pump) out of the hatchback because it’s bolted on there in some intricate way that you can’t even get to the bolts to loosen them and take the clamps off it so you can actually, *gasp* use it? What the hell?!?

So I’m thinking, after watching me a while from his upstairs window, and I’m sure he did so just to see if I even knew HOW to change a flat...this knight in shinny buck teeth came to my rescue. *mumble* I’d have been able to do it myself had it not been for that stupid inaccessible jack *grumble*

Maybe I should keep it in my purse? hehehe

I really hated to burst his little bubble when he asked if I had ever even changed a flat tire with this grin on his face, telling him that I had in fact done so before.

I was a long-distance commuter, I took a crash course in mechanics 101, the hard way!

Nonetheless, I was grateful, and did repeatedly thank him, saying it would come back to him one day.

I’m just glad all of this happened AFTER the interview and not before.

Ah well, alls well that ends well...tis time for bed.

Bonsoir~

"...and a bong in a pear tree"
Topic: Life's Like That...
laissez-nous un bref message apres la tonalite...

*beeeep*

"oh yeah, mom? I know this is going to sound weird, but you'll find a broken bong on the kitchen table. I bought it as a gag gift for my buddy, but it broke on my way home and I forgot to throw it out"

Oooookie dokie.

(did you leave anything for mom to smoke in it son? LOL j/k!)

Yep, I think it safe to say that this is not in any way, turning out to be a conventional/traditional Christmas.

It was pouring rain all morning, what's left of our snow is pretty much just dirty patches of slush and ice, and oh wait, here's something...It's Christmas and I'm broke! Hah! A tradition remains afterall ;)

Maybe it's all of that combined, I don't know but I just can't muster the energy to be in any sort of 'festivous' mood this year...bleh, just....bleh.

My youngest plays the role of Emperor at the church nativity tomorrow evening, and if the padre allows us to take pictures, then I'd be more than anxious to get some more scrapbooking done in our Family Christmas album. But asside from all of that? Eeeh.

I know what I'm getting for Christmas, and let me just say, it isn't anything 'personal' but hey, what else is new?

I lead such an exciting life, eh? I bet you wish you were me, c'mon...admit it ;)

EL AMOR

Here's a loverly Pablo Neruda poem...(oh P.S. remind me to tell you how I *guffa'ed* loudly at the doc's office waiting room whilst reading an Irving Layton poem, in which he pits his words against none other than Pablo Neruda...yes I did get a few odd looks, but I don't really give a hoot)

IN YOU THE EARTH

Little,
rose,
roselet,
at times,
tiny and naked,
it seems
as though you would fit
in one of my hands,
as though I'll clasp you like this
and carry you to my mouth,
but
suddenly
my feet touch your feet and my mouth your lips:
you have grown,
your shoulders rise like two hills,
your breasts wander over my breast,
my arm scarcely manages to encircle the thin
new-moon line of your waist:
in love you have loosened yourself likesea water:
I can scarcely measure the sky's most spacious eyes
and I lean down to your mouth to kiss the earth.

Pablo Neruda~
from The Captain's Verse.

Oh yeah, I make myself a Christmas gift of both The Captain's Verse, and The Sea And The Bells by Pablo Neruda. Bringing my Neruda collection up to 3 books.

(I want to own them all one day)

Well, time to get busy in the kitchen once again...Ciao! And Happy Holidays~

What do you get when.....
Topic: Life's Like That...
What do you get when you deflect a puck travelling toward your head at 50mph?

Uh Yep...a broken finger :/

(My little hockey boy has now settled down to watch a game on TV...it's a bit safer that way)

What do you do when you have to bake a desert for tomorrow's School Christmas dinner, and you have a broken finger?

You do it anyway...

What do you do when you can only type with one hand? Well, duh! You type a slow one-handed entry :P~~~

Airhorns, Palm Trees & Dancing Shoes
Topic: Life's Like That...
Wow what a weekend...

Friday night was Jake's school play. They sprung the fact that he had to dress up as a little sheep suit at the last minute, and I got tons of pics!

Oh he was such a cute wee sheep! *mother'ish gush* hehe gotta love it ;)

Then the boy had a hockey game on saturday, at which they got creamed btw, the poor little guys. All this because once again they have them play the B division at the beginning of the season, then switch them to the A division half-way through. They still have fun, but it sucks that they uproot them that way every year :(

After the game, we went Christmas shopping. NIGHTMARE!!! Standing in line and swipping your debit card 10 times before it works, is not my idea of a good time. Why they're still using dial-up for their transactions is beyond me...those wires must have been a-sizzling!

I did have a good time at the wedding reception later that evening. Though I didn't feel much like going in the first place, once I was there and my bestest friend in the whole world showed up & sat with me, I had a ball :) We danced till we ached! (She wants me to go take bellydancing lessons with her after the holidays, and I just might do it) The few beer I drank kicked in nicely too at some point *grin*

The reception was beautiful. He's a logger, and a half dozen buddies gave him an airhorn parade through town, which was kinda over the top for me, but hey, whatever floats your boat, yanno?

They showed a video montage of the wedding in Mexico at the beginning which was simply breathtaking! Mexico is the next southern vacation spot on my list...after Mexico, I may attempt a European trip at some point. Though I don't know how I'm going to tough a flight any longer than 4 hrs, maybe I'll work my way up to it slowly ;)

I'm taking advantage of the boy's playdate to wrap his presents. I'm listening to some Reggae at the moment; Christmas music just makes me want to cry cause it's so sad.

Our snow's all gone, the weather's been hovering between 6 - 8 degrees celcius, and they're forcasting a green Christmas for us here. First one in years...suits me fine for the driving aspect, but it just doesn't feel right without the white stuff :/

Guess I better get back to the wrapping before the sprat gets back.

Ciao~

P.S. Haven't had time to dig up any poetry for today's entry...if ANYONE is even reading this, why don't YOU post me one.

*batting my eyelashes*

Purrrrrty please?

A cup of diesel before you go?
Now Playing: Grazed Knees - Snow Patrol
Topic: Life's Like That...
I can't describe how it felt to stand at the foot of another grave, barely a month after burrying my brother just up the slope in the same cemetary.

My aunt, who suffered the clutches of the same evil for a couple of years, has gone to final rest as well.

I was ok, a bit restless during the whole service, but ok...that is until someone mentioned how difficult it must be for me to be there so soon.

That's when I lost it.

Curses! Cancer has become a household word it seems, like a common cold/flu...it's in every family :(

Me, I am still grieving, I am still sad and missing my brother, but every day I notice little things that remind me how fortunate I am, that remind me that he is still very much a part of our lives, that he is listening and watching over us.

While on the subject of death...there was a fatal accident 2 minutes away from my house today. At the western entrance of our town there is a bridge, just passed the bridge is our water pumping station. (Not a filtration plant mind you, but just a pumping station)

Two semis collided at 2 a.m. One of the log trucks ended up in the lake, contaminating our water supply with diesel fuel. We were warned not to use the water. I have no idea how long the ban will last.

*I need to bathe
*I need clean clothes
*I need to wash dishes, and floors, and water my pets.

We have been drinking bottled water for the past couple of years now, due to the misconception that because we live way out in the boonies, our water is pure and clean and...well, it's not, it's rather putrid.

I'll pass on a tall glass of cod-flavored water, thankyouverymuch!

Yeah...that bad.

~~~~~~

*sigh*

My conclusion?

This...this existence we call life, is all just...relative.

And that is all.

It's gonna be tough getting through the holidays
Topic: Life's Like That...
I was going to walk to the cemetary, just up across the street from my house to visit his grave...but then I realized I didn't have to go there to talk to him.

I do talk to him almost every day, and it's not like he answers me or anything, but it does feel like he's listening. I know that might sound strange to some people, but whatever...maybe it just all ties in to my parting issues.

*shrug*

It's hard to think of the holidays without him. We all love to cook, and the greatest part of this for me was when we'd all gather at my parents' house and get busy in the kitchen...that's what Christmas is for me, lots of love, people to feed, and good cookin.

Now though, there's this gap...but somehow we'll get through it. I just really miss my brother :(
~~~~~~~~~

I had such a wonderful conversation with a long-time friend today. I love how we manage to talk about a hundred different things in just a bit of time, and how spending these fleeting moments chatting recharges my spirit, and then I become kundan :P~~~

We say corny things like...

[snip]
i think when we learn to relax that grip on the dashboard of life (heh, put that in philosophy books) we get to enjoy the ride.

LOL ok, so that's pretty much just what I said...but we talked about how we take so much for granted, and how life is really just a delicate balance.
~~~~~~~
What's on your bathroom reading list?

Mine at the moment are as follows:

-365 Days of Zen (sometimes I'm in there for days! *ba-doom-ching*!)

-December Issue of National Geographic
-Uncle John's Wild and Wooly Animal Tales for Kids Only (kid takes after his mom)

I usually drag in some poetry books when I intend on taking a long bath, which I'm due for tonight methinks.

Aye, off to the kitchen wif me now.

$3.99 Bargain Bin Books
Mood:  quizzical
Now Playing: Acadamy of St.Martin in the Fields - The English Patient Soundtrack
Topic: Life's Like That...
I have bought countless poetry books at bargain clearance sale price, though it pained me to think that you write with the purpose of one day getting published, only to find your book selling like hot cakes…from the bargain bin.

It’s just sad.

I’m not being hypocritical here, though it's mostly about doing something I enjoy, I didn’t mind seeing my name in print, and it was a darned good feeling to know I was going to have a book published, but for me it was the sense of merit that came with it; it was only then that certain family members took my writing seriously. Which is pretty lousy in itself; that you’re lacking the support of your own family, but that’s a whole other can of worms.

*shrug*

Onward.

Music, Poetry, Literature, Photography, the ‘Arts’ in general; moves me, touches me, speaks to me like nothing ever has, or will. I feel/sense them in such a passionate way, they become a part of who I am. They are a part of my expression, which itself is a necessity.

I believe there is a ‘perfect’ song, or poem to fit any given situation, and finding them is a very rewarding experience.

Milestones and Landmines

At the risk of sounding old…(shut up!) One day at a time, I am coming to terms with the fact that the eldest of my two children will soon be leaving the roost.

Yesterday he got his driver’s permit, which means that my baby is officially good to go out there on his own, as he did so this morning to get to work…I no longer have to taxi him around.

On the down side, I don’t have a car in the yard until he gets his own in a couple of weeks (meanwhile I need to figure out how I’m going to get the youngest boy to his hockey practices and games).

*le sigh*

This is what I’ve prepared him for; I’ve given him these beautiful wings, pampered and preened them, and now I’ve got to watch him fly.

I’m ok with that for the most part I think, it’s the ‘watching him fly knowing he’s going to get grounded once in a while’ part that I’m not sure how I’ll handle, but I guess only time will tell.

Meanwhile, I am proud of my little man for being a responsible young adult, and earning his way in life.

I’m not envying my best friend’s role where that is concerned though.

Her son is home for 6 months, then will be shipped off to Afghanistan. All I have to worry about for the time being, is having him on the road for his commute to and from work; her worries will carry a much heavier weight.

This war is senseless, the loss of life devastating…and so history repeats itself to the point of its own undoing.

I can understand the pride in defending your rights, and those of your country, but the loss of life for the purpose of peace-keeping strikes the deepest chord in me.

Every single day, there are too many people dying of illness, disease, and poverty, and where does the war against that stand?

All of these efforts, not to mention the cost of sending troops off to war, would be so much better spent to fight against the aforementioned.

Alas, that it were so simple...

Meanwhile, all we have the power to do, is lend our support and courage, by sending our sons and daughters off to war…Blessed may they be!

~~~~~~~~

And now from that bargain bin: this piece dates back only to 1962, but nonetheless, a historical proof of the age-old follies of war.

A Bomb-Site

As if the broken stumps were a girl’s
Starved shoulders; as if the dusty rubble
Were her hair starfished across a pillow.
I would push my fingers through its grit.

I would press my bones into the bony
Shoulders of these scarred homes, as
I passed their sardined tops, concealed;
Reach out and grasp and clean the greasy tin.

But children throwing stones, behind the mounds,
Holler and kill and crumple like stale newssheets,
Unsatisfied with spotless skies of peace,
And I begin to count my enemies.

Violence is a culture found on playgrounds.
Cities fall to let their children breathe.

-Adil Jussawalla

Namaste mes amis~

The whipping wind
Now Playing: The Boat Song - Nick Cave
Topic: Life's Like That...
The whipping wind threatens snow flurries today. In fact I'm sure I caught an errant flake or two while tying the pooches out. Brrr...I guess I'm ready for winter, though I'm sure Fall still has a few resplendent days up its sleeves.

My brother is ever battling, like the hero he is. I think he caught a flu that can become fatal to someone who’s immune system is under the evil siege of cancer. But two years ago in February, his doctor gave him six months to live, so every day he's beating the odds still.

I was a bit reluctant to go visit him, because when my mother was there the evening before I went, he was at his worst. I had it in my head that I didn't want to go watch him die...*sigh* but I picked myself up by the bootstraps as it were, and when I got there, his pastor and his mother-in-law were there. They invited me to pray with them, and I couldn’t very well refuse with the lame excuse that it wasn’t 'my way' of praying/meditating, so I joined hands with them, closed my eyes and nodded along.

The last time I had seen someone look the way he did, was three years ago when my papa had triple bi-pass surgery. It is so painfully haunting to see someone on the edge of death that way, but my father, and my brother (his namesake) both, are the epitome of strength. I'm sure were it me in that position, I'd want family members and loved ones at a hand’s reach.

I'm glad I went, despite the emotional upset that it left me in. And I will go again, because I cherish every single moment I spend with him.

When I look back at the last five years of my life, or even the last two or three, I would never have believed that I was going to go through everything that I did, in such a short period of time. I guess the old adage; 'taking life one day at a time', is what really works out best. One of my personal favorite sayings; 'What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger', also holds true I think.

Now all of that said, I haven't really written a whole lot lately. It seems I'm always poised 'to the ready' for something, anything, that might come my way, in a 'bring it on' sort of way...well for the most part at least. Sometimes I'm just an emotional puddle, holding myself at bay. I'm sure in all due time I'll find the right time to let it flow the way it needs to, which brings me to this...writing my thoughts and whatnot right here, I mean. I've gone to other 'blogging/journaling' places, and none of them seem to feel right, like this one does. I guess because of that whole network aspect where you hit the 'next' button and voila! someone's reading me. This one is more secluded, I don't get to feeling like I'm writing for an audience, and I can be more comfortable just being myself.

Ok, so give me a minute now to see if I can salvage some of my writing (which I lost in a crash this week, because of the way too frequent power outages here) and I’ll post something of my own.

Here we go:

tender heartbreak

Feeling trapped
inside my own life
I press my cheek to the glass
and watch my tears
spill from a dreary sky
as thoughts of you trickle through
against conviction
against prescription
warbled on silent note
feeding sweet the bitter melody
of heartbreak
this gentle rain settling the dust
of old wounds
though somewhere
blue sky is waiting
and the tender heart
survives

?2006

Namaste~

Autumn's Fire
Now Playing: Une Femme Parle Avec Son Coeur
Topic: Life's Like That...
Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.

Anais Nin~

I spent the afternoon out in the forest by the lake with the kids today. Only one of them was mine, the other four I was babysitting.

We walked, we played in the sand and raked up a pile of crunchy leaves, high enough to jump in; while the three bigger boys piled some wood at their job site.

There isn't much that I don't like about Fall. It wasn't a sunny hot day, but nice. Cool enough to wear a sweater or jacket, and to get your cheeks rosey.

~~~~~~~~~

I just got the wind taken out of my sails....my mother called to say that if I wanted to see my big brother again, I should go to the hospital tonight because he hasn't got much time left.

I just want his suffering to end.

Whatever....
Topic: Life's Like That...
Did you know I can sing this song? I still don't understand all the words I'm singing, but I know them pretty well by heart now.

Paloma Negra

Ya me canso de llorar y no amanece
Ya no se si maldecirte o por ti rezar
Tengo miedo de buscarte y de encontrarte
Donde me aseguran mis amigos que te vas
Hay momentos en que quisiera mejor rajarme
Y arrancarme ya los clavos de mi penar
Pero mis ojos se mueren si mirar tus ojos
Y mi cari?o con la aurora te vuelve a esperar

Y aggaraste por tu cuenta la parranda
Paloma negra paloma negra donde, donde andaras?
Ya no jueges con mi honra parrandera
Si tus caricias han de ser mias, de nadie mas

Y aunque te amo con locura ya no vuelves
Paloma negra eres la reja de un penar
Quiero ser libre vivir mi vida con quien yo quiera
Dios dame fuerza que me estoy muriendo por irla a buscar

Y agarraste por tu cuenta las parrandas

~~~~~~
LOL, do you even care? ;)

I had put my Spanish lessons on halt for a bit, but I'm getting back to them now. It is such a beautiful language.

I guess sometimes I feel like a 'black dove' here.

So yeah, I had a bit of a spazz-ed episode yesterday, but after drowning my sorrows in a hot bubbly bath, I can breathe easier again.

And I suppose I got defensive about how someone found my blog, but I still get the occasional flash-back to the whole 'cyber-stalker' thing.

I guess I thought this was virtually invisible, but apparently it is not.

Oh, and for the record...I am not 'waiting' for anyone to find me, it was just a figure of speech.

(why am I even writing this?)

*shrug*

Whatever...
(Thanks for posting that beautiful Chu Yuan poem though)

I did another 'experimental' watercolor painting yesterday, and I remember someone passing on the wise advice that I should work with quality products, that the results are far better, and I believe it. I know for sure that I need a heavier grade of paper, because this one is not working with me. I also know that I need to get a more intimate feel for the medium, that I need to get a better feel for it.

I think I will re-read the following three books, before I go back to the paint though.

The Tao of Watercolor-A Revolutionary Approach to the Practice of Painting, and Making Pearls-Living the Creative Life, both by Jeanne Carbonetti, as well as Spirit Maps, by Joanna Arettam.