It’ll be time for the crew to head back to Orlando soon. It has been two days since I had that talk with Howie and, surprisingly, he doesn’t look at me any differently. Nick approaches me in the morning while I’m reading the paper. There’s an article on the front page that has me mesmerized. An airplane crashed just south of Scranton, Pennsylvania. It was coming from Atlantic City and something happened and it couldn’t land. I make a mental note to call a friend who lives right around there. I want to hear the true story. Anything you read in the papers these days has barely a glint of truth to it. That’s the way it’s been since JFK’s assassination. I guess it’ll always be that way. Suddenly something wakes me from this trance-like state. Nick is just smiling at me. "Good morning, sunshine," he smiles.
"Morning." It’s far too early to be awake. I haven’t slept much lately. It’s a bad habit I’m working on breaking.
"What'cha readin?" I'm not in the mood for small talk and show him the paper. "Hey, aren't you from around there?"
"Used to be, sweetie, there's a difference."
"Right, right. Anyways, the guys and I have to head back to Orlando tomorrow. You’re more than welcome to stay here, you know what, but you’re also welcome to come back with us. What do you want to do?"
"I hate decisions, Nicky."
"I know, that’s why I’m giving you a day’s notice." He smiles again. "Just think about it."
"Will do, Nicky."
And I will think about it. Or at least act like I am. I already know what my answer will be, but I don’t know how to tell Nick. And I don’t know how to ask Howie. Oh, decisions, decisions.
...
Howie approaches me a little later in the morning. I’m in Nick’s room going through some things. Nick’s room is right next to the bathroom. That boy has the bladder the size of a pea. Howie’s just fresh from the shower and looks mighty yummy dripping wet, might I add. He needs another towel. There’s one around his waist and he needs one for his hair. I giggle and shake my head. I give him one of my towels and my bathrobe. He asks what for. I gesture to his towel. He laughs nervously and blushes profusely. He’s definitely happy about something; I just hope it’s because I offered him my robe.
He ties the robe on and begins to towel his hair. "Hey, Lore?"
"Yeah?" I ask from the other side of the room. I’m going through one of my bags.
He sits on the bed. "Are you coming to Orlando with us tomorrow?"
He hit the million-dollar question in under a minute of talking. I sigh. "I don’t know."
"What don’t you know about?"
I don't move from my crouched position. "I’ll have to find my own place there if I go, and a new job... I know Nick stays with Brian; when he wrote to me he told me that. I don’t know. I don’t have enough money to get my own place right now. You’ve seen where I live."
It’s his turn to sigh, but out of nervousness. "You have a point there... But, you know, you can stay with me if ya need to; that is, if you do come with us. I have a house over there, a condo I own, not too far from Brian’s. You’re more than welcome to stay with me."
I stop my now aimless rummaging. I’m glad he asked me to stay with him instead of me asking him if I could rent a room from him. I mean, Brian’s a nice guy, but I don’t know him at all and that would be weird. Granted, it would be weird to stay with Howie, but at least I know him a little bit. I just look at him. Could he be real? Here’s a guy with his whole entire future ahead of him with the group and anything else he might have. He’s got his whole future ahead of him and all I have is a past; a past that includes homelessness and domestic violence. Not to mention bouts with depression due to three dead friends and a fear of an intersection in a grocery store parking lot. I sigh and look down. "You’d be getting yourself in too deep. But thank you for asking."
"What would you do if you stayed here? Keep working at the bowling alley and watch over Nick’s house?"
"Nothing else for me to do."
He stands, walks over to me, and pulls me to my feet. He raises my chin. "Don’t say that. You have so much going for you. You’re smart, you’re beautiful... I’ve heard you singing in the shower and I know you have a great voice." He never moves his hand from my chin.
"I’m sorry, Howie, but flattery doesn’t work with me."
"I’m not flattering you, Lore. You have your whole future ahead of you. Don’t let a few bad experiences hold you back."
Didn’t I just play this train of thought in my head a minute ago? "All I have is a past, Howie."
His right hand never leaves mine. He looks down as if he’s thinking and sighs deeply. His gaze returns to mine. "Just promise me you’ll think about it?" I nod and he squeezes my hand slightly. "Well, I need to finish getting dressed," he smiles and leaves me alone in the room.
I don’t know how long I’ve been sitting here, but around one in the afternoon I tell Nick that I need some time to myself to think. I hop in my car and just drive. I don’t know where I’m going until I arrive there. I smile. I’m at the Tampa Bay Aquarium. I exit my car and walk to the front door where I pay the entrance fee, grab a map, and enter. This place is usually where I go when I need to relax.
I’ve been here for about forty-five minutes and I only get the feeling now that I’m being followed. I shrug it off as it being one of my feelings. I stop by the manatees. I spend nearly a half an hour here watching these beautiful, graceful animals. My feeling becomes more prominent now. I look to my left and then to my right. I find a familiar face and turn back to the manatees. He approaches me.
"You know, if you like aquariums, you might be interested in seeing Sea World in Orlando," he speaks.
I sigh deeply. "Which one sent you?"
"No one did. I heard Nick and Howie talking this morning. I know I don’t know you well, but I think you’ll like Orlando."
"I don’t know, AJ."
"Orlando’s beautiful, Lore."
"How did you find me?"
"I saw the look on your face when you left the house and I kinda followed you," he admits sheepishly. "I wanted to know what was wrong, I guess. That, and Nick looked all worried. Not a good look on him. So, what do you think?"
"There’s so much you don’t know about me. Why do you want me to move there?"
"If I tell you something, will you promise that you won’t get mad at the person?"
"What did Nick leak to you?"
"It wasn’t Nick. You promise?"
"Yeah, I promise."
"Howie told me the other day about how you’ve been living lately. I don’t like to see such a beautiful woman in that position." He sighs. "Howie’s my best friend and he needed someone to talk to, I guess. He really likes you, Lore, and he knew that you needed some more persuasion."
"It was a valiant effort, AJ, but I don’t know if I can just move like that."
He places his hand on my shoulder and I turn my head to look at him. "You have some place better to live in mind?" He smiles. "If you don't want me to tell them, that's fine with me."
"And if I don't want to tell you, either?"
"You will. I know it."
...
He never tells Nick and Howie my plans. We both stay at the aquarium a while longer. I show him some of my favorite animals and he does the same. Nick did say that we'd probably get along, and that was just based on looks. AJ really is a nice guy, and good to talk to.
We return to the house to find the group in the living room, staring at the television. It's on, but they all look bored. No one's really watching. Nick attacks me at the door, gushing how worried he was. I don't know if this was just for show or if he really was worried, but I could care less. I had to do some thinking and he knew that. After a bit of bickering and negotiating, we decided to rent yet another movie. The boys would be gone the next day and I claim that I just want to do something relaxing. Some quiet time for them. They'll be all busy again soon back in the studio on tour and I figure they need some down time. Howie offers to go to Blockbuster with me. I don't mind the company of this... wow, this beautiful, handsome, sweet man. But I digress.
In the car on the way to the store, he notices the rings on my hand. He picks up my right one from the armrest. "You mind?"
"Not at all."
He studies the ring on my pinkie. It's my grandmother's class ring. Ten karat gold with some sort of blue stone and absolutely beautiful. I think he's just using the ring as an excuse to have hold of my hand because he never let it go. It is about a fifteen minute drive from Nick's to Blockbuster and it doesn't take too long to examine a ring. At Blockbuster, we exit the car and lock the doors. He takes my hand again as we walk towards the building. He does this very slyly and wordlessly. I know he's smiling on the inside that I didn't reject that advance somehow. I can see his eyes gleaming.
We wander the store for a while. Nick didn't order the food and wouldn't until we return, so we don't have to worry about there being no food for us. We finally settle on the new release wall. "Saw it, sucked," I remark a few times, pointing to certain movies. He does the same. I stop by a movie I really wanted to see but never had time enough to. Or money, for that matter. "Ever see The Green Mile?"
"Nope, you?"
"Nope, read it. Wanna watch it?"
"Sure, but will the rest of the guys?"
"You know better than I do."
He squeezes my hand and winks at me. "They'll just have to suffer if they don't like it."
I switch into heavy flirt mode. "Oh really? And if they don't want to suffer?"
He flirts in return. He has a look of innocence on his face but there are naughty thoughts lurking behind those brown eyes. "Nick's pool has lights. And so does his backyard. We can watch it ourselves." He smiles all sly once again.
"And if they don't want to go outside?"
"Doesn't Nick have a VCR in his room?" Definitely heavy flirt mode. He pulls his hand from mine and wraps his arm around my waist. Needless to say, we hurry to the register, pay, and are back to Nick's in record time.
Nick ordered pizza, once again. More, this time though. Only then do they ask our movie choice. "The Green Mile," I announce proudly. There are a few groans from the peanut gallery. I look at Howie and shrug.
"There's a big backyard out there if ya don't want to watch," he hints. The peanut gallery thinks. Pizza arrives. All thinking stops at the smell of food. I have to admit, I'm awfully hungry today, too. I didn't eat much last night or today. We devour three pizzas in about twenty minutes. We each find a spot and beach ourselves to digest. There is no thinking done for another twenty minutes.
Nick's the first to get restless. He and Brian go outside to play basketball. Kevin looks sleepy, shifts in the recliner he landed in earlier, and not too long afterwards is fast asleep. AJ also stays. No problems from him. He grabs a pillow from a chair and gets comfortable. I put the movie in while Howie gets comfortable on the futon. I hit PLAY and turn off the lights. My eyes adjust when I turn around to find a spot for myself. Howie waves me over. I sit between his legs and lean against him. He wraps his arms around me. Never have I experienced something that felt so right. AJ sees how we're sitting and smiles at us. Howie thinks I don't see him smiling back but I do. I smile, also. Apparently he's been talking to AJ and has been getting some tips. I don't mind at all.
...
Needless to say, Nick is sleeping in his bed alone tonight. I'm more than comfortable here with Howie.
*"True Colors" by Cyndi Lauper.
