Dinner comes and dinner passes somewhat successfully. I barely eat anything and Nick notices this. Howie stands and announces that he’ll do the dishes, with the help of the other guys, to thank Nick for "being a gracious host" and for "the delicious dinner" I had made. They exit the room with arms full of dishes.
"So what’s up?" he asks, pushing his chair closer to mine.
"Nothing, why?"
"Well, dinner was great, as always, but you barely touched a thing. You’ve barely said a word to any one of us since we came home and that’s not like you at all. Did I do something wrong, Lore? If I did, I’ll apologize..."
"No, no, Nicky, you did nothing wrong."
"Was it Howie? Did he hurt you somehow? I’ll beat him if he did."
"No, he did nothing wrong either."
"Then what is it? You’re starting to worry me." He takes my hand in his.
"I’ve just been thinking."
He grins. "I always told you that you think too much." I don't smile. His mood shifts back to a more serious one. "But what about?"
"Everything and nothing. I guess I just need some space tonight to work things through my head."
He nods. For once he understands what I’m saying. "I’ll give you anything you need, baby doll. You’re probably not up for anything tonight, are ya?"
"Not really."
"Me and the guys were probably just going to stick around here and goof around, but if we get in your way, any one of us, just give whoever it is a good swift kick and I’ll explain later." He smiles at me.
I cannot return the same. "Thanks, Nicky. I think I’m just going to head to bed early, if that’s alright with you. I don’t want to cause any trouble with anyone by being all weird tonight."
"Understood. Listen, you stay in my room tonight and I’ll take Mom and Dad’s. Maybe by morning you’ll be up for talking?"
"We’ll see, Nicky. I don’t make promises I can’t keep."
...
A half hour later I bid my good nights and head upstairs. I change into my nightclothes and climb under the covers. Actually, these aren’t my clothes; it’s one of Nick’s old shirts that I swiped from his closet and a pair of boxers from the drawer. The shirt goes to my knees so the boxers serve no purpose, but I’m the only girl in a house full of guys I don’t know. And yes, the boxers are clean. Spending your nights in a car doesn’t offer much privacy and I sold all the clothes I wouldn’t need when I had to get out of my apartment. I curl into a ball and pull the covers around me tightly. I pray that sleep will come soon and my thoughts won’t bother me, but nothing is easy with me.
...
It’s nearly four hours later and I am still wide-awake. Nick was right; I think far too much. After the accident I was forced to go through long, drawn out trials. First, there was the criminal one. The guy who hit my friends was charged with driving while intoxicated, driving under the influence (I guess that was because there were drugs in his system at the time of the crash), reckless endangerment, and three counts of unintentional vehicular manslaughter. His punishment is three terms of 15 years in prison. No possibility of parole until those forty-five years are completed. The guy was twenty-six years old. That’s what ya get for being a moron. Yeah, and I’m afraid of an intersection now. Maniacs on the roads these days, I’ll tell ya... Oh well. The civil trial wasn’t nearly as trying. He was ordered to pay $10,000 to the state in punitive damages. Damn Howie for making me think about this all again. But he’s cute; I guess I can forgive him.
I groan, slip out of bed, and creep downstairs to make a cup of warm milk to help me sleep. Just as the microwave sounds off, I feel a pair of hands on my waist. This startles me; I jump and pull in a sharp breath. "Ssh, honey doll, it’s only me," I hear a voice whisper from behind me, close to my right ear. My hair is pulled back and I feel soft stubble on my skin.
I sigh and lean back into him slightly. I close my eyes and savor this feeling. My eyes shoot open. "Oh Lord, did I wake you?"
"No, I’m a light sleeper. What are you making?"
I had forgotten about my drink. "Just some warm milk to help me sleep."
He rests his chin on my shoulder. "You haven’t fallen asleep yet? What have you been doing all this time?"
"You got me thinking about everything that happened after the accident."
I feel him sigh. "I’m sorry, Lore. I shouldn’t have made you tell me that much."
"I have to move on sometime, right?" I feel him nod and turn away to yawn. "Join me in a cup of warm milk?" I turn around in his arms. He’s looking very sleepy and not very compliant. "Come on, Howie, it’s the only way to make it up to me..." (to make it up to me for making me think so much, that is).
He smiles. "Alright, and I promise I won’t make you tell me more than you want to this time."
"I had no problem with telling you everything," I say and pull away from him to grab another mug from the cabinet. "It’s my brain that’s working overtime. I sorta keep reliving the whole trial things and it’s driving me up the wall."
With that said, I make his milk and we sit together on the futon in the living room. What I didn’t know was that Brian was in Mom and Dad C’s room. This is where Nick moved. Brian was then moved to BJ’s. Howie was in BJ’s room and offered to take the futon. This is why I woke him. (Apparently, Kevin's dead to the world when he's asleep and Howie didn't need Kevin to be all grumpy. Especially at him.) Maybe if I tell him everything about the accident and the trial, it’ll finally be off my chest. Maybe I’ll finally be able to sleep. Probably not. I’ll probably put him to sleep in the process. That’s my kind of luck.
Before I tell him my story, we drink our milk and relax a bit. He lays back on the opened futon and invites me to curl up with him. "Nothing’s up, just thought it might help," he explains. I comply and curl up with my head on his chest, over his heart. He pulls a blanket over us. Nick keeps the house frigid.
So I tell him my story. I tell him of how my friends, Melissa, Anna, and Marie, were helping me pack up everything in the house.
Gramma just died and I was moving out of the house. Melissa offered to make the four of us dinner at her apartment, so we all headed to the supermarket. Just as we finished our shopping, my cousin, who I was selling the house to, beeped me and wanted to meet at the house to go over a few final things. Melissa and the other girls understood and accepted a rain check on the offer. They were just going over to her place to hang out for a bit before everyone was going home. They pulled out ahead of me. I saw the other car speeding towards them and before Melissa saw him, their car was crushed. I heard the squeal of the brakes, the crushing of metal... I heard their piercing screams. I jumped out of my car but didn’t know what to do. Melissa was the only one wearing her seatbelt. Her seatbelt somehow managed to cut her arm off. If that weren’t enough, the steering wheel came down on her and cut her in half. She was killed instantly and never felt pain. Anna was in shock. I watched in horror as she got out of the car, her head bleeding profusely, and walked a few feet away. She turned towards me, smiled, and then turned towards Melissa’s car. It was then that she collapsed and died from a heart attack. Marie was in the backseat. She was on the left hand side but was shoved to the right. I pulled her out through the window. Her left arm from the elbow down was missing. I just pulled her away from the car and cried and rocked her. She was still alive, just in shock like Anna. She opened her eyes and looked at me. ‘I love you so much, Dee, don’t forget that.’
‘I won’t forget, sweetie, I won’t forget ever.’
The only other mark on her was a long cut on the back of her head. Anna was pretty torn up...
"The other guy wasn’t hurt at all," I finish. "He’s in jail for another forty-three years."
Howie pulls me close and I can feel his tears on the top of my head. "I’m so sorry, honey doll," he finally whispers. Hearing his tears, I begin to cry myself. His arms hold me tight as he sighs. He’s thinking about something. Right before I ask, he begins to speak. "My sister died of Lupus about two years ago. I never really got to get everything out," he begins to sob. "I miss her so much..." His arms pull tighter, as if he imagines that I am his sister for a moment and he’s begging me not to go. He realizes this and loosens his grip.
"Want to tell me about her?"
I feel him nod. He sighs deeply and begins his story of love and loss. I never knew her but it feels like I did. I really wish I could have met her before her death. He loved her so much and still does. He tells me about his large family back in Orlando and how he misses them, also. He loves his mother as he loves himself and I can tell by his hands that he would never hurt a woman. I can read this in his eyes, also. Why couldn’t I have met him earlier in my life?
I yawn. The milk is finally kicking in an hour after I drank it. Howie yawns, too. I invite him upstairs to sleep in Nick’s bed, but he declines. "It would feel too weird." I nod and ask if I could just stay there on the futon with him for the rest of the night.
"I don’t want the nightmares to come again."
He lets me stay. He assures me that nothing would happen between us. We’re just two people sleeping on the same bed. We’re just two people who have just experienced an extremely... personal conversation. We’re just two people who know more about one another than they know about themselves. And I think I’m falling in love with him. No, no... I know it.
* "Light in Your Eyes" by Blessid Union of Souls.
