"In ‘95,” Mary sighed. “She was eight months old when she died. That was today...” she took a long drag off her cigarette.
“And Josh was the father?” Brian asked.
“Yeah, but my name was on her birth certificate. She was my little angel,” Jake smiled half-heartedly.
“I’m so sorry, Mare...” AJ murmured. A tear slipped silently down his cheek.
“What about Josh? Why isn’t he here tonight? Is he still in the hospital?” Nick jumped in.
Mary closed her eyes and bowed her head. “He died yesterday. I found him too late.”
“Wait, you found him?” Howie asked. Mary left this detail out earlier, as did Jake.
“Sam and Jake were working. I went to the apartment to check up on him... He was on the couch, I thought he was asleep... But he was already gone.” She began to cry again. “I swear to God I thought he was asleep...”
Howie stood slowly and placed his hands on his wife’s shoulders. “Come on sweetie, let’s go to bed.” She only nodded in agreement. She stood, bid her good-nights, and followed him upstairs.
“He didn’t know how much I loved him,” Mary sobbed as soon as the door was closed. “He didn’t know how much he meant to me...” She collapsed on the bed and curled into a shuddering ball. She was a shell of the person she used to be and Howie feared he would never know his wife again.
“Honey, he knows, I’m sure he knows,” Howie whispered, trying to console her. A tear slipped down his cheek from seeing the pain she was in. He slowly climbed onto the bed next to her and took her into his arms.
“But if he knew...” she sobbed, “then why did he go through with it?” Tears poured from her eyes.
“I don’t know all of the answers, honey, but I know he knows...”
“He was everything to me... I pushed him away... I killed him,” she wailed.
“No, no, honey, you didn’t kill him... Honey, you didn’t... If he wanted to go through with this, he would have done it some time or another...”
“But I pushed him... It’s my fault he’s gone... I lost my baby and her father on nearly the same day...” She continued to sob for nearly an hour. Howie held her, not knowing what else to do for her, not knowing what she might do to herself. Finally, she fell asleep.
...
Even in her dreams, Mary couldn’t escape from the horror of her current state. Josh was a constant presence in her mind.
She was back in the old club, Pa and Ma’s. Tonight was just a regular show... or it was supposed to be. Christine had already died. Jake was no where to be found. Not only had Josh returned, but he was also back together with Mary. She took center stage and smiled gently at her current love. “I heard this song on the radio the other day and... it just describes how I’ve been feeling the past while.” She nodded to her band mate for the night who was the pianist. This was his first and ultimately, the last show he played with the Dennison’s. He began to play softly.
“I heard from a friend today
and she said you were in town,
suddenly the memories came back
to me in my mind.
“How can I be strong I've asked myself
time and time I've said
that I'll never fall in love with you again.
“A wounded heart you gave,
my soul you took away.
Good intentions you had many,
I know you did.
I come from a place that hurts,
God knows how I've cried...
And I never want to return
never fall again...
“Making love to you felt so good
and oh so right,
How can I be strong I've asked myself,
time and time I've said
that I'll never fall in love with you again.
“So here we are alone again,
didn't think I'd come to this,
and to know it all began
with just a little kiss...
I've come too close to happiness,
to have it swept away.
Don't think I can take the pain,
no never fall again.
Kinda late in the game
and my heart is in your hands.
Don't you stand there and then tell me
you love me then leave again...
'cause I'm falling in love with you again...
“Hold me, hold me,
Don't ever let me go,
Say it just one time,
Say you love me
God knows I do love you
again.” *
...
Since it took Mary so long to fall asleep, Howie didn’t want to wake her the next morning. He left her asleep in his bed and wandered down to the kitchen. “Hey D,” AJ greeted from the table. He looked like he didn’t get much sleep, either.
“Hey,” he murmured his response. After making a cup of tea, he sat down across from AJ. “Got anything important planned for today?”
“Not really, just holding down the fort,” he joked. “Any reason?”
“Could you watch Mary today? I didn’t have the heart to wake her and I have some business to tend to.”
“Sure, man, no problem. What kind of business?”
“I want to find Christine so I know where to bury Josh.”
...
Howie wandered the cemetery for nearly an hour before coming across Chas’s grave. He sighed and crouched next to it. After saying a quick prayer, he spoke softly. “Chas, I know you don’t know me, but I also know the pain Mary’s in. I don’t know what her life was like before I came around and I hope somehow I made that better... But things are looking bad lately. Josh joined you, and so has Christine. She loves you so much... Please help her get through this...” He sighed again and looked to his right. There was a small stone that he had never noticed before. He brushed it off and his breath caught in his throat. “Christine Mae Stevens Goode, January 12, 1995-August 15, 1995”
...
AJ checked on Mary around noon. She was still asleep but he stayed with her just in case. He pulled a chair up next to the bed and just watched her. She mumbled something in her sleep that AJ couldn’t understand. Another memory hit.
“I’m sick and tired of all the broken promises, Josh.”
“I don’t break them because I want to.”
“Why, because you have to? Come on, get something more original.” She sighed. “I’m so sick of the lies.”
“But I love you so, so much, Mary.”
“Don’t, Josh, please... Just don’t.”
“But Mare...”
“No... We have a show to do, let’s just get this over with and we can go on with our separate ways.” He nodded and they climbed onto the stage in Pa & Ma’s. Mary took center stage and began to play softly.
“I can't remember the last time that we kissed goodbye
All our "I love you's" were just not enough to survive
Something your eyes never told me
But it's only now too plain to see
Brilliant disguise when you hold me
And I'm free...
“I've been thinking and here's what I've come to conclude
Sometimes the distance is more than two people can use
But how could I have known girl
It was time and not space you would need
Darling tonight I could hold you and you would know
But would you believe...
“There's a light in your eyes that I used to see
There's a place in your heart where I used to be
Was I wrong to assume that you were waiting for me
There's a light in your eyes
Did you leave that light burning for me...
“Cards and phone calls and photograph pictures of you
Constant reminder of all the things you get used to
Is there a chance in hell or heaven
That there's still something here to build on
Or do you just pick up the pieces after they fall
But after all...
“There's a light in your eyes that I used to see
And a song in the words that you spoke to me
Was I wrong to believe in your melody
There's a light in your eyes
Did you leave that light burning for me...
“Should I keep on waiting or does live keep on fading away
Fading away...
“It's been a while since I've seen you so how have you been
Did you get my letter I wrote you, but I did not send
I tried to call your old number
But the voice that I heard on the phone
I recognized but she told me the number was wrong...
“There's a light in my eyes but it's too bright to see
And a pain in my heart where you used to be
Guess I was wrong to assume you were waiting here for me
There's a light in your eyes
Did you leave that light burning for me...” **
...
Tears streamed down her face from the dream. “Mare? Mare, you alright?” AJ asked softly. He shook her gently to wake her. Mary’s eyes fluttered open and upon seeing AJ, flew into his arms and sobbed her pain onto his loving shoulder. He shifted softly and cradled his best friend’s wife in his arms. He never said another word, just let her cry as he gently stroked her hair and back. Tears slipped from his own eyes from seeing the pain the girl was in. He loved her with all his heart. She was more than a friend to him; she was more like a sister. He never told her that before and hoped she realized it.
After a long while, Mary calmed and stirred from her position in AJ’s lap. With her head on his shoulder, she murmured, “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For being here. For helping me.”
“It’s no problem, sweetheart. You know I would do anything for you... I mean, you’re my sister; it‘s my job.”
She turned and looked up at him, expecting to see a smirk. “Really?”
“Really.”
...
Howie returned home not too long after Mary woke. Mary sat at the kitchen table, sipping a hot cup of tea that AJ prepared for her. He joined her at the table. “I found Christine today,” he announced.
“For?”
“I thought your baby and her Daddy might was to be buried together.”
This brought a smile out of Mary. She nodded. “That’s how he would have wanted it.”
* “Again” by Janet Jackson.
** “Light in Your Eyes” by Blessid Union of Souls.
...
Years pass. Mary and Howie have the large family he had always wanted. In total, there are three Goode-Dorough children. Each was named after someone important to the couple. The first child was named Joshua Charles. The second, Jakob Samuel, and the third, Caroline.
