“Mary! How are you?”
“Doing great, the tour is great, I’m having so much fun.”
“Good to hear,” he smiled. “Here, the other guys want to say hi to ya.” He passed the phone off to each of the guys before he came back. “I’m missing you, darlin...”
“Me too, it won’t be too much longer, though, I promise.”
“It’s only been two weeks though...”
“I know, but it’s going fast. We’re hitting Pennsylvania in the middle of next month, and we’ll be home a month after that.”
“Your tour got lengthened?”
“Yeah, by about two weeks, I’m sorry, Howard.”
“When did you find out?”
“Tonight, right before I called. What?” she asked, her voice quiet. “Lance, quit buggin me...” she whispered. “Fine, fine. Howard, Lance wants to talk to you.”
“All right...”
“And give the phone back to me when you’re done!” Mary warned, handing the phone over.
“Hey, Howie, it’s Lance.”
“Oh, right... Well, I just wanted to tell ya that it’s great having Mary here on tour with us, she’s a great gal. You’re a really lucky guy, I hope you know that.”
“Yeah, I do. She’s being taken care of, right?”
“Yeah, she’s usually either with me or Josh. When we made our first stop, Josh warned me not to let her be alone. What was that all about?”
“Long story, it’s a really long story...”
“All right, well here’s your girl again. Nice talkin to ya!”
“You too, man.”
“Hey darlin,” Mary smiled back into the phone.
“So you’re never alone?”
“No, why?”
“I just don’t want you to get hurt, that’s all.”
“I’ll be all right, Howard, I promise. But I gotta run, we’re checkin out.”
“Please call soon, Mary, I worry about you.”
“I know you do, Howard, and I will. Love you.”
...
Mary’s calls soon became fewer and fewer. The first week, she called every night, then every other night, then a few nights a week, then only once a week, if that. Howie moped around the house, almost like he was lost without her. This feeling of loss began to effect his daily life. His singing at rehearsals wasn’t it’s usual, his dancing was fumbled. “She’ll be home soon, D,” AJ would say routinely. Nothing helped. Something was wrong with Mary, he knew it deep inside himself.
“Something’s happened to her,” he’d say some nights while watching the television or over dinner.
“Like what, D?” AJ would ask.
“I don’t know, but something’s happened to her, she’s changed...”
At the campground, Lance’s band mates pulled out two four-person tents. “All right, we can fit another person in here and the other will have to sleep in your van,” Mikey, the lead guitarist said.
“I’m not leaving Mary alone, we can sleep in the van,” Josh offered.
Mikey shrugged. “All right, but at least put some of your stuff in our van so you can lay down.”
Josh and Mary followed his advice and put their guitars, amps, and other large objects into the other van. Mary pulled out a blanket and laid it on the floor of the van. She climbed in, Josh was soon behind her, closing the door. For a few days, sexual tension had build back up between them. Josh put a sun visor over the front window and jackets over the driver and passenger windows. The small windows in the back had blinds on them which he closed. They both changed in silence and adverted one another’s eyes. Mary laid down on the blanket and attempted to get comfortable on the hard bed of the
van. Josh laid beside her on his side. His head propped up on his elbow, he stared at her. Once she was comfortable, she laid on her back. Feeling his gaze, she turned to look at him. Without words, they came together, lip to lip. “You’re really beautiful, Mary, with
your hair all messy, your eye shadow all smudged. You’re one of a kind.” He ran his fingers gently across her cheek. “I’ve missed being this near to you.”
“I still long for your touch...”
Kissing her, he moved his hand further down her body. “You don’t have to wait any longer if you don’t want to...” She kissed him passionately in response. “Our little secret,” he promised and rested his hand on the bottom of her sleep shirt, the middle of her
thigh. She pulled him on top of herself, kissing him, pleading with him to continue. He slowly inched her shirt up and pulled off her underwear. She removed his shirt and stared into his eyes. She kissed him, giving him the sign to continue. He quickly unbuttoned his pants and took them and his boxers off. He pulled her shirt off over her head and kissed her deeply, their tongues battling. They came together once again, body to body, heart to heart.
“I love you, Mary,” he whispered, wrapping her and himself in a blanket.
“Always, Joshua...”
...
Howie woke in the middle of the night. He had the most powerful dream, he and Mary were making love, sweetly, gently... until he realized that he wasn’t the man making love to her, Josh was. He sought for his phone and dialed Mary’s cell number. She answered after a few rings, her breathing ragged. “Hello?”
“Hey darlin,” he smiled, hearing her voice.
“Hey Howard, I miss you.”
“I miss you too... Listen, I know it was just a dream, but it’s bothering me...”
“What is?”
“Well...”
“Howard...”
“All right, I’m just going to be blunt, and I want an honest answer. Mary, is there anything but friendship between you and Josh?”
Mary’s jaw dropped. She swallowed the lump in her throat and spoke. “No, Howard, nothing.”
He sighed in relief. “I’m sorry I woke you, Mary, that dream was just so vivid...”
“It’s all right, Howard, I wanted to hear your voice. But we’re heading out early tomorrow, I need to get back to sleep...”
“Call soon, Mary, please?”
“I will when I can."
“I love you, Mary, sweet dreams.”
“Sweet dreams, Howard. I love you.”
“Night darlin.”
“Night you.” She clicked off the phone and looked for her shirt and underwear. “We have to stop this,” she said, looking Josh in the eye.
“Stop what?”
“You very well know what, and Howard’s having dreams about it now.”
“They’re just dreams,” he yawned.
“You know how I believe in dreams, Joshua...”
He sighed. “All right, Mary. But I still love you, no matter what. I know you love him, I can’t stop that. I just hope that you know how much that I love you.”
“I do, Joshua, honestly, I do, but I love Howard, I don’t know why I’m doing this to him... You know I love you too, I always will, but we can’t do this anymore.” Josh nodded and Mary laid down beside him. Soon they were both asleep. At some point in the night, Josh heard Mary whimpering and squirming. He woke her, she relaxed and fell back to sleep.
‘It’s because of me...’
“Some small club, Sea Sea’s I think it’s called.”
“Where is it near?”
“Uhm...” she paused, looking to Josh. “Where’s Sea Sea’s?”
“Some town called... Moosic?”
“Moosic, we think, in Pennsylvania. Why?”
“Just curious...”
“Hey, guess what?”
“What?”
“I found Sam,” she smiled.
“Really? How is he?”
“Good, good. He joined us again.”
...
“And it’s good!” Lance called from the end of the parking lot, watching the hollow ed ball slip underneath a blue Ford Explorer in the parking lot. He threw his hands in the air like a football referee and smiled. Mary cheered and ran around the empty parking lot, stepping on imaginary bases. Mikey, Sam and Josh scrambled to get the ball but failed. The two bands were performing in a small club called Sea Sea’s in northeastern Pennsylvania. Soon, another band showed up and watched the two groups play their game of “baseball” in the parking lot.
Inside, a first band played, then the one that showed up. Tainted Love performed right before the Spitvalves. “Hey folks,” Mary said, smiling at the crowd. She stood on the stage because it was only a foot to the ground from stage level. A few songs later, she spoke to the crowd. "Yeah yeah, by now y'all have figured out that we mostly do covers," she smiled. "And right now, I think it's about time for some Femmes to get y'all movin." She played a few notes and waited for Josh to join in.
...
I need someone a person to talk to
situation gets rough then I start to panic
you can all just kiss off into the air
I hope you know this will go down
I take one, one, one, cause you left me and
you can all just kiss off into the air
...
After a few more songs, she spoke again. “There’s a song I’ve been practicing and I think tonight is a good time to sing it...”
“What one, Mary?” Josh asked, behind her.
“It’s just one Lance and I worked on.” She turned back to the audience. “I get these feelings sometimes, and this song just says to a certain person what I feel I need to say.” She sighed and Lance joined them on the stage. Sam sat behind the piano he had set up on the stage which he borrowed from the club for the night. Mary nodded to him and listened as he struck the first notes of the song.
...
“Baby we can talk all night
“And maybe you can cry all night
“I poured it on and I poured it out
“And all I can do is keep on telling you
“You'll never find your gold on a sandy beach
“I can't lie
“There's only one girl that I will ever love
“And she kept on telling me
“Baby we can talk all night
...
As the song ended, Mary noticed a figure in the back of the club, staring at her. Mary bowed her head. “Thank y’all for coming. We’ll clear out and the Spitvalves are up next,” she smiled.
...
Tainted Love loaded their gear into the van and Mary sat on the back bumper, trying to relax. She pushed some hair out of her face and searched her pocket for a barrette to hold it back. “Looking for this?” a male voice asked.
Mary’s head shot up. “Howard...”
...
Mary looked down. Her hair, which used to fall to the middle of her back, was cut into a chin length bob. “About a month ago... You don’t like it?”
“It’ll take some getting used to,” he smiled.
“Then you must not have noticed the color yet, either...”
“The color?” Mary stood and walked to the edge of the club, standing beneath a street lamp. Her hair shone crayon red. Howie rubbed his eyes in disbelief. “It’ll take some getting used to...”
“But you don’t like it,” she sighed.
“I never said that, Mary. I do like it. I liked it the old way too. It’s only hair, it’s you I love.”
“You still love me?”
“Of course I do,” he responded, standing. I told you I always will.”
They stood looking at one another for a few moments. “Howard, are you just going to stand there or are you going to kiss me?” Those words were all he needed. He quickly closed the distance between himself and her, capturing her lips in a passionate kiss. “I love you too, Howard.”
* Lyrics for "Kiss Off" by The Violent Femmes
** from The Unofficial Meatloaf Homepage
“I’m just curious, but how much did you make?” Howie asked.
“There should be about $200 or so here. If we find a cheap place, maybe we can get four rooms, hmm... with eleven people now... one to a bed, one on the floor. It’ll work.”
“Where do ya think you’ll stay?”
“I don’t know, some place off the highway.”
“I’m staying at a place just up the highway, maybe ten minutes from here. Mary can come with me and I’ll spot the rest of ya for the night. You guys did great.”
“You don’t need to do that,” Josh started to say.
“We couldn’t pay you back, not for a while anyways,” Mikey finished.
“It’s no problem. You’re good for it, for how you’ve taken care of my Mary.” Everyone just looked at one another. “Good, it’s settled then.”
...
“Howard... look at this place...” Mary sighed, dropping her luggage onto the plush carpeting of the suite.
“I knew I’d find you tonight, and I wanted to make things special.”
“But you’re here, with me again. Of course it’s special.”
He pulled her into a warm embrace. “You have no idea how special it will be,” he whispered into her ear. “Come,” he said, taking her hand. He walked her into the bathroom of the suite. Her jaw dropped.
“Howard?”
“I want to get out all relaxed for the night ahead of us my dear. And after your show, I think you need a washing.” He guided her over to the filled tub. Rose petals floated in the water, candles were lit all around. “Some wine?”
“Yes, please...”
He handed a glass to her and took a sip of his own. After she took a sip, he took her glass and placed it on the counter next to his own. He carefully hoisted her up to sit on the counter. Kneeling before her, he took off one shoe, then the other, followed by her socks. He stood and slipped her flannel shirt from her shoulders and rested his hands on her bare arms. “Your beauty never ceases to amaze me,” he whispered, kissing her sweetly. He stood back from her, took his shoes and socks off, along with his shirt. With his hands on her waist, he pulled her from the counter. He tugged on her paisley
peasant-style tank top and pulled it over her head.
She wrapped her arms around him, holding him close. With one hand, she traced the muscles on his chest, and the other was around his back near his shoulders, playing with his curls. “I missed your touch so much, Howard,” she sighed and held him closer.
“Not too much longer and we’ll never be apart, my darling.”
...
In the tub they took turns washing one another, slowly, sensually, lovingly. He got out of the tub first to dry himself off and then lifted her from the water. Carefully, he padded her dry and carried her out to the main room. A wrapped box laid on the bed next to where he sat her. “And this, my dear, is for you,” he said, handing her the box.
She opened it and pulled it’s contents out. “Howard, it’s beautiful,” she marveled at the baby blue silk nightie. “So soft...”
“I found it in Los Angeles the week before I came home. I wanted to give it to you then, but you left so quick that I never got around to it. Try it on?”
She smiled and stood. “Only if you be a gentleman and turn around.” He complied and she let her towel drop, pooling at her feet. She slipped the nightie over her head and sighed, feeling the silk fall over her body. “All right, Howard.”
He turned around. “You are so gorgeous...”
She smiled bashfully. “Thank you.”
He stood and walked over to her, wrapping his arms around her waist. “I’ll have to use all my power to not make love to you until we’re alone again,” he whispered huskily in her ear. “I want you to wear this tonight.”
“But under what? I don’t have any dresses... and this falls far too short...” The nightie fell to the very top of her thigh.
“Don’t worry, I have something else for you,” he smiled, turning to the closet. He pulled out a long garment bag and unzipped it. “Something I found at home before I left to find you here,” he smiled. He pulled a black dress from the bag. “You get changed
into this, and I’ll be right back,” he promised, taking another garment bag into the bathroom.
Mary sighed contentedly and turned to her luggage, searching for underwear. She smiled as she pulled a pair out. ‘Black lace, just how he likes,’ she smiled. She carefully slipped them on and walked to the dress. Unzipping it, she pulled it over her head and marveled at how it fit her perfectly. She smoothed it down and looked in the mirror. She quickly touched up her makeup and fixed her bright red hair so it sat just right. Howie emerged from the bathroom moments later. “Well?” she asked.
“You never cease to amaze me, Mary,” he smiled. “You are so beautiful.”
“The dress fits perfectly, how did you do it?”
“I have an eye for these things,” he smiled again. “And your hair... it’s definitely you. I do like it.”
“And you... You are so handsome, Howard.” She looked him up and down. He wore a black suit jacket with a purple sick shirt underneath and loose black slacks. His hair was loose and pulled back.
He held his elbow out for her. “Ready for your night, my dear?”
...
The suite was on the top floor of the hotel, so Mary and Howie took the stairs to the roof. “I had to make special arrangements to have our dinner up here, I hope you like it.”
“I’m sure I will.” Set up on the roof was a small table with two chairs. Candles were lit all around and a white rose was set in the middle of the table. Lights from the surrounding area shone brightly under the starry night. Howie pulled out Mary’s chair and she sat down. Suddenly, soft music began to play from what seemed everywhere. Howie smiled and poured some white wine. Once he sat, Brian, Nick, AJ, and Kevin emerged carrying trays of food. They were all dressed in tuxedos and all looked very handsome. Placing the food in front of each person, they left once again. “Our waiters?”
“I wanted them to be a part of this night, also,” he smiled taking her hand.
They ate dinner with some conversation and moved on to dessert. “Warm apple pie, smothered in ice cream,” she smiled. “My favorite.”
They fed one another and soon the rest of the Boys gathered on the roof along with Josh, Sam, and the Spitvalves. Everyone grew dead silent. “All right, before I lose my nerve,” Howie started, “Mary, I have to ask you something. I know this will probably seem so soon to you, it does to me too, but it just feels so right...” He took a deep breath. “We’ve only been together almost six months, but when I was apart from you these past two months, it hurt so bad. I missed you so much, Mary. I knew you’d come home to me, but I felt like I hadn’t done enough for you. I want to make a promise to you that I
always will, though.” He took another deep breath, stood and walked around the table. Kneeling in front of her, he pulled a small box from his pocket. Opening it, he spoke, “Mary Frances Stevens Goode, my best friend, my love, will you please be my wife?” Mary stared at him, speechless. Howie blushed, looked at the ring in his hands, and
sighed. “Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea...” he mumbled.
“Howard?” He looked up at her once again. Mary opened her mouth to speak but no words came out for a few seconds. “Yes,” she finally whispered.
“I was so afraid I’d lose her, I knew this was my time.”
“Is that the only reason you proposed to her? You’re afraid you’ll lose her?”
“I love her, Kev. I don’t want to lose her, ever.”
...
Mary sat on the couch next to AJ. “So, you’re gettin hitched, Rat,” he laughed.
“Oh, your day will come, Bone.”
“My day to get tied down?” he asked, pushing his sunglasses onto his nose. “Not likely,” he snickered.
Howie and Kevin brought in the champagne. Brian stood for a toast. “To Howie, for finally being the grownup of us and getting married, and to Mary... Welcome to the family,” he smiled.
...
“Oh Lord, we played this one show in Ohio, it was hilarious! We were all so bored that we were playing pranks on one another. The owner of the club didn’t like it, though, having to clean up all the soda,” Mary laughed, getting buzzed.
“At least no one got a DD bra put on their mic,” Nick added.
“True, but I was the only female, and I ain’t no where near DD. Maybe...” she pulled her dress out a little and looked down. “A?”
“I’d say B,” Howie smiled at her like the Cheshire cat.
“Too much information,” AJ laughed, covering his ears.
“And hearing your bed banging against the wall all night isn’t Bone?” Kevin smiled.
“Not like there were girls there, he was probably having too much fun with his hand!” Mary laughed. AJ threw a pillow at her, hitting her right in the head. She threw it back, knocking his glasses from his face.
“Oh, that’s it...” He picked up another pillow and stood, Mary doing the same. They attacked one another, beating each other.
...
The Boys all left a few hours later, deciding the couple needed some much needed “sleep.”
“You have no idea how much I missed you, Mary,” Howie whispered huskily into her ear, wrapping his arms around her from behind. She sighed and laid back in his arms. She felt a stirring coming from Howie and giggled.
“Oh, I think I do,” she smiled and turned around in his arms. Her lips met his in a second and refused to let go. They backed from the door towards the bedroom, and after some negotiating with clothing, Howie lifted her from her feet and laid her gently across the bed.
“Don’t move,” he smiled and kissed her forehead. Returning a moment later, Mary smiled. In his right hand he held a glass of champagne, and in his left was a bowl of strawberries. “Dessert, my dear?” She nodded anxiously. He smiled and took a strawberry and bit the tip. He offered the rest to Mary and held it just far enough from her mouth to tease her. Finally, she reached it and bit into it. “Good?” She nodded again, chewing. He took another strawberry and dunked it into the glass. Again, he took a bite and offered it to her.
“Much better,” she smiled at him, enjoying every moment of his presence.
“Let’s try this...” he started. He picked up the glass and a strawberry. Carefully, he poured a small amount of champagne onto Mary’s stomach, into her belly button. He took a bite of the strawberry and bent over her stomach. Carefully licking up the
champagne, Mary sighed at his touch. “I think you’re sweeter,” he whispered, kissing her deeply.
“How about we save the rest for breakfast?”
...
In the morning, Mary tied on a hotel bathrobe and walked to the door. She opened it and picked up the newspaper. “Howard!”
He stumbled from the bedroom quickly, pulling on a pair of flannel pants. “What? What’s wrong?”
She held up the newspaper in front of him. “How did this happen?” He took the paper and read the headline.
Howie sighed. “I told no one, not even the guys... All they knew about last night was that I was going to try to find you so we could spend time together.”
Mary took the paper again. Skimming the article, a scowl came over her face. “What room is Josh in?”
“I think 516, why?” Mary shook her head and dropped the paper, walking into the bedroom. She changed into jeans and a long-sleeved t-shirt and walked out the door. Howie picked up the paper and a shirt and ran after her.
Chapter XXXVII
Tainted Love and the Spitvalves just finished performing another show in another small club in another town somewhere in America. They all met up out behind the club after they packed up. Lance counted through the money. “Looks like we’re campin out tonight, boys,” he said, shaking his head. His band members sighed and made their way
back to the van. Mary, Josh, and Lance soon followed. “There’s a campground not too far from here, we can get spots there,” he promised.Chapter XXXVIII
"Where are you playing at tonight?” Howie asked Mary. She had finally called a few days later and her calls soon became daily once again.
someone who'd care to love
could it be you
could it be you
it's not enough it's just a habit
hey kid your sick
well darling this is it
behind my back I can see them stare
they'll hurt me bad but I won't mind
they'll hurt me bad they do it all the time
yeah yeah
they do it all the time
yeah yeah
they do it all the time
do it all the time
yeah yeah
they do it all the time
do it all the time
do it all the time
on your permanent record
oh yeah well don't get so distressed
did I happen to mention that I'm impressed
two, two, two for my family and
three, three, three for my heartache and
four, four, four for my headaches and
five, five, five, for my lonely and
six, six, six for my sorrow and
seven, seven for no tomorrow and
eight, eight, I forget what eight was for and
nine, nine, nine for a lost god and
ten, ten, ten, ten for everything
everything everything everything
behind my back I can see them stare
they'll hurt me bad but I won't mind
they'll hurt me bad they do it all the time
yeah yeah
they do it all the time
yeah yeah
they do it all the time
do it all the time
yeah yeah
they do it all the time
do it all the time
do it all the time
But that ain't getting us nowhere
I told you everything I possibly can
There's nothing left inside of here
But that'll never change the way that I feel
The snow is really piling up outside
I wish you wouldn't make me leave here
I tried to show you just how much I care
I'm tired of words and I'm too hoarse to shout
But you've been cold to me so long
I'm crying icicles instead of tears
I want you
I need you
But -- there ain't no way I'm ever gonna love you
Now don't be sad
'Cause two out of three ain't bad
Now don't be sad
'Cause two out of three ain't bad
You'll never drill for oil on a city street
I know you're looking for a ruby in a mountain of rocks
But there ain't no Coupe de Ville hiding at the bottom of a Cracker Jack box
I can't tell you that I'm something I'm not
No matter how I try
I'll never be able
To give you something
Something that I just haven't got
And that was so many years ago
And though I know I'll never get her out of my heart
She never loved me back
Ooh I know
I remember how she left me on a stormy night
She kissed me and got out of our bed
And though I pleaded and I begged her not to walk out that door
She packed her bags and turned right away
She kept on telling me
She kept on telling me
I want you
I need you
But there ain't no way I'm ever gonna love you
Now don't be sad
'Cause two out of three ain't bad
I want you
I need you
But there ain't no way I'm ever gonna love you
Now don't be sad
'Cause two out of three ain't bad
Don't be sad
'Cause two out of three ain't bad
But that ain't getting us nowhere...” **
“You did great in there, just like I thought you would,” he said, sitting next to her. He looked her over, almost startled at her appearance. “When did you cut your hair?”Chapter XXXIX
“We’re stayin in a hotel tonight, folks,” Lance smiled, walking from the club. He flashed the money in his hand and heard a chorus of “oohs” and “aahs.”Chapter XXXX
After moderate celebration on the roof of the hotel, everyone decided it would be best to go to the rooms. Mary kissed Josh, Sam, and Lance goodnight and returned to the suite with Howie and the rest of the Boys. Kevin went into the kitchen with Howie and uncorked a bottle of champagne. Pouring some, he shook his head and laughed. “Here I thought I’d be the first one,” he said.“Backstreet Boys Brief Stay in Pennsylvania, Marriage?”
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