“I’m sorry, Howard, I didn’t want to get you too involved, I knew you’d get hurt...”
“I just wanted to protect you, Mary, you know I wouldn’t let you be hurt again.”
“I’m sorry, Howard, just please don’t be mad at me...” she sobbed. It was 3 AM the day after the trial. Mary couldn’t sleep and
sat awake in the kitchen, thinking.
“I’m not mad, Mary, I could never be mad at you...” he tried to comfort.
“But I’ve done so many things wrong... I got you involved, I got the guys involved... This could hurt your career so much...”
“How could it, Mary? I was in a trial defending my girlfriend so her ex-boyfriend wouldn’t beat her anymore, the ex-boyfriend who killed one of his last girlfriends. The only way that could hurt my career is if I didn’t help you.” He clutched her tight against his chest,
hoping that, somehow, if she knew how he was there, how he loved her,everything would be all right.
“I don’t want to be like this anymore, Howard,” she mumbled.
“Like what?”
“I don’t want to be afraid anymore...”
...
The morning paper was flug against the door of the house, waking Mary who was asleep on Howie on the couch. She tiptoed towards the door and retrieved the paper. As she read the headlines, she sunk against the wall.
She quietly read the article, not realizing Howie was standing next to her.
“The press never takes long to report a story,” Howie sighed as he sat beside Mary. She jumped, dropping the paper. “Relax, darling,
only me,” he smiled.
“Sorry...” she mumbled.
“So it’ll be another few weeks for the trial to be finished?”
“Yeah... and you guys have to get back to your tour.”
“We can miss a few dates.”
“No, Howard, I’ll be fine.”
“I want to stay here and protect you, Mary...”
“Please, Howard, I can’t keep you here for this. I’ll manage.” She kissed him briefly and stood, walking to the kitchen. He read the rest of the article and soon joined her. Placing his hands on her shoulders, he softly kissed her neck.
“I just don’t want you hurt again.”
“He’s in lockup, he can’t hurt me anymore,” she said, turning to face Howie. She smiled at him and put her arms around his waist, holding him close to her. He kissed her forehead and sighed deeply. When she was with Howie was the only true happiness she had felt in a
long time. When she smiled at him, it came from deep within her soul. Finally, she pulled away. “Come on, Howard, you only have a few more days at home before you leave. I want to meet your family.”
...
Howie knocked on the door of a white house fifteen minutes from his own. An older woman answered and her demeanor immediately brightened when she saw her son. “Howard!”
“Mom,” he smiled, opening the screen door to hug his mother. “I missed you.”
“I missed you too. I read about you in the papers. What is this all about?”
“It’s a long story, Mom. I’d like you to meet Mary.”
...
“...And you were the Mary Caroline talked about while she was in the hospital?” Howie’s mother asked, looking to Mary, to her son, and back to Mary.
“Yes, ma’am, and I’m terribly sorry that I couldn’t have done more for her.”
“I understand that you did all you could. You did more. You were her friend,” his mother smiled warmly. “Many had deserted her and us when she fell ill, she felt a connection with you.”
“I did too. The people I felt most connected with were the people in her ward and the cancer ward. They were the sweetest of people,” she sighed. “I lost a young patient to cancer about three months ago now, it still hurts.”
“Are you still a doctor?”
“Not at the hospital. I accompanied your son on his latest tour until we got called back the other day.”
“Mom, this is the Mary from the papers.”
“Oh, I see...” his mother nodded, deep in thought. “The trial doesn’t matter, just as long as you’re no longer hurt.”
“Thank you, Mrs. Dorough,” Mary nodded.
“We should get going, Mary.”
“All right. Thank you for having me, Mrs. Dorough.”
“No trouble dear, come back whenever you like.” She surprised Mary by pulling her into a hug. She then turned to his son and hugged him, kissing his cheek. “I like this one, Howard, she’s honest,” she
whispered.
“Thank you, mom.”
“I’ll miss you too, Kev. Stay safe and watch over B with an iron fist, all right?”
“Will do,” he nodded and kissed her cheek. “You be careful too.
She drew an X over her heart. “Promise.”
“Call us, all right, Rat?”
“I will, Bone, don’t worry.”
He hugged her and kissed her cheek. “Just... just... be good.”
Nick was next in line. “Who am I gunna throw into the pool now?” he asked, hugging her.
“Throw Bone in, he needs some cooling off sometimes. Stay safe, Blondie.”
“You too, Doc.”
“Who’s gunna rule me with an iron fist? Big Sister won’t be watching,” Brian said with an evil grin.
“No, but Big Brother will, I assigned Kevin to watch over you.”
“Dangit...” He pulled her into a large hug and kissed her forehead. “Don’t ever change, Mary.”
“I won’t, B, but y’all are gunna miss your flight.”
Mary saved the best for last. “How am I going to survive three weeks without you?” Howie asked.
“You will, you’ll be busy. And the trial will be over when you come home, and we can go on with our lives,” she promised. Tears began to well in her eyes. “I can’t even look at you, Howard...” she mumbled, running into his arms. “It hurts so much...”
“I know... I’ll be home soon, I promise. Listen, there’s a cassette in your tape player in your car. If you ever feel lonely, just listen to that.”
“I will,” she said, wiping her tears. “But you Boys get going, you’ll be late,” she sniffled.
Howie wiped one of her tears from her eye. “I’ll call when we get there, and every night.” Mary nodded and embraced him again. He kissed her lovingly and parted. “I love you, Mary Frances Stevens Goode... and whatever other names you may have,” he stifled a laugh.
“I love you too, Howard.”
...
Mary waved goodbye to the group as they walked down the corridor and onto the plane. When the plane departed, she walked out to her car and was attacked by the press.
“Is it true you had a relationship with accused murderer Thomas Jackson?”
“Are you currently dating Howie D. of the Backstreet Boys?”
Mary pushed through the crowd, ignoring them. ‘They can’t get enough...’ she thought. She finally made it to her car, the press following close behind. She turned around to face them. “Listen, when this whole trial pow wow is over, I’ll give y’all the information you want. Until then, please don’t bother me.” She unlocked her door and climbed in.
The press continued to shout questions as she started her car. Some took pictures. She drove away and took the cassette from the player. “Mary’s ‘I miss Howard’ tape!”
She laughed and popped it back into the player. Howie’s voice filled the car. “Girl I miss you, and it’s been one day, since I’ve been away, and already I say I long to kiss you, and hold you in my arms, the nights are much too long when you’re gone, baby that’s why where ever I go, girl my heart stays with you, after every show I wanna rush over to you, my heart stays with you, trust me when we are apart, I won’t break your heart, where ever you are, I know you feel me, Mary, because I can feel you too, no matter what you do, I think of you... where ever I go, Mary my heart stays with you, after every show I wanna rush over to you, baby yeah...” It was a live recording from the concert where he pulled her onto the stage to sing to her. Instead of bad memories of what happened that night appearing in her thoughts, only good ones of happiness, of Howard, and the rest of the
Boys filled her head.
“Hey Mary! It’s Jade, remember, Brian’s girlfriend? Well, I heard about the predicament you’re in and I know the guys already left for their tour this morning. I’m sorry I couldn’t make it to the airport, I had to work and couldn’t take off. But anyways, me and Melissa were thinking... How about we have a girls night in? We both want to get to know ya better, seeing how you and Howie act around one another, y’all are too cute! My number is 555-2139, give me a call when you get this and we can set something up. Bye!”
“Wow, does she have the energy,” Mary smiled. ‘We’re cute together.’ Instead of picking up the phone to dial Jade, Mary turned and left the house again. She drove to her apartment and looked through some things. Her cell phone rang. “Hello?”
“Hey darlin,” Howie spoke. Just from his voice, she could tell he was smiling. “What’s up?”
“Not too much, you’re there already?”
“No, no, Los Angeles is a long way from Orlando,” he laughed. “We’re
somewhere over Texas I think. I just wanted to call and say hi...”
“You are too sweet, Howard Dorough.”
“And I wanted to tell ya that I miss you...”
“But Howard, it’s only been, what, two hours maybe?”
“I just miss you...” he whispered.
“I miss you too, sweetheart...”
“I can’t talk long, air phones are really costly. I’ll call again when we land.”
“Sounds good. You’ll call in a few hours? This line?”
“All right by me. Where are you?”
“My apartment, going through some things.”
“I’ll call in a few hours. I love you.”
“Love you.”
...
Hours later, the phone rang again with a similar conversation. “What exactly are you looking for?”
“Just looking through what I have, that’s all. Tossing stuff I don’t need.”
“Oh...” Howie sighed. He tried to cover his disappointment, but not good enough.
“What’s wrong, Howard?”
“Nothing...”
“Howard...”
“Well... I was kinda hoping you were thinking about packing your stuff and moving into our house...”
“You want me to move in with you?”
“Yeah...”
“I was thinking of doing that myself,” she confessed. “We’ll talk about it when you get home though, all right? Things will be settled then and it’ll just be easier.”
...
It was 10 PM before Mary got around to calling Jade. They agreed to have the girls night out, but not until the next Saturday because of Jade’s and Melissa’s work schedules and the trial Mary would be attending. “For everything he did to me, I want to see him fry,” she explained. She didn’t leave her apartment for another hour. On her way out, she picked up a box of photo albums and shut the door.
...
It was 2 AM before Mary looked up at the clock next to Howie’s bed. The old photo albums engrossed her. Pictures of herself as a child, herself and her brothers, her family, scattered the pages. One picture she especially liked, with her, Sam, and Chas in the back of a pickup truck, she removed and put into a frame. She smiled and placed it next to the clock.
...
By 4 AM she reached the last album. It was dated “1998 - ?” in her handwriting. She smiled and gently ran her fingers over the ink.
...
It was News Years Eve, 1997. Mary, Chas, and Josh sat in the living room of their apartment and watched A Bridge Too Far. Mary decorated the cover of the album while the movie was paused so Chas could run to the bathroom. “What’cha doin?” Josh asked, easing himself beside Mary on the floor.
“Just decorating this album. This year was good, next year will be better,” she smiled. “I want to remember it.”
He slid his arm around her shoulders. “I know of a way we can make it start great,” he whispered in her ear, pulling her closer. She turned to face him. Their lips met for a passionate moment. When they pulled apart, he looked into her eyes. “I missed that,” he smiled.
“Me too...” she leaned her head on his shoulder and pulled her arms around his waist.
“Know what else I miss?” he asked, taking his arm from her shoulders, slowly rubbing her back and her sides under her shirt. “Your body next to mine...”
“I miss that too...” she sighed. She turned her head to face him and kissed him again, with more urgency. The bathroom door opened and they pulled apart.
When everyone was settled back into their places and watching the movie, Josh whispered into Mary’s ear, “Mind if I sleep in your room tonight?”
“Not at all...”
...
Mary laid back on Howie’s bed with the closed album in her hands. ‘I can’t believe I forgot about that night... He made me feel so good about myself... God, he was so amazing...’ she sighed.
...
They both sighed in relief and held each other tightly as the morning light flodded Mary’s bedroom. He gently wiped the sweat from her forehead and laid her head next to hers. “I love you, Mary,” he whispered.
“Always, Joshua.”
...
She rolled over and opened the album. Inside, there were pictures of her and Josh, her and Chas. Half of the album was empty. On the last page that contained pictures, the caption wrote, “August 5, 1998 - Chas and Mary, Happiness Always” A tear slipped from Mary’s eye onto the bed. Josh was put in jail and Chas died the next day.
Jade and Melissa greeted her as well and they headed into the living room. They watched movies for most of the night and talked about their lives, their futures. “I really miss Brian, ya know? I haven’t seen him in three months. He calls a lot, but it’s not the
same,” Jade sighed.
“I miss AJ,” Melissa whispered.
“You miss who?” Mary asked.
“AJ... I know me and Nick were supposed to be hooked up, but AJ is... he’s so much like me...”
“Howie was right, he thought you two would be better together than you and Nick. So, Mary, what about you and Howie?”
“We’re doing good,” she nodded. “He came back with me for the beginning of the trial, but he had to get back to the tour. It was good being home with the guys for those few days.” The girls looked at her blankly. “I know ya had to have heard about the trial...”
“Yeah, we just didn’t know you were such a big part of it...” Jade started. “Is that why you stayed home?”
“Yeah, I have a feeling I’ll be called back to the stand again. I thought y’all knew how into it I was?”
Melissa shrugged. “We never really got to talk...”
“Oh well, it’ll be over next week hopefully, and the guys will be home a week after that.” Mary sighed and sunk back into the couch.
“There’s something wrong with them coming home?” Jade asked.
“No, nothing wrong... but the trial will be over next week... Thom’s family has money and I have a feeling he’ll be out on bail while waiting for sentencing... Hopefully it'll quick, I don't want the guys to get hurt.”
“But Brian told me something about a restraining order?”
“What man listens?”
...
The trial ended the next week. “Mr. Thomas Jackson, please stand,” the Judge called. Mary sat in the courtroom, clutching her fists. “Mr. Foreman, have you reached a verdict?”
“Yes, Sir, we have.”
“Please read the verdict.”
“Mr. Thomas Jackson, on the charge of second degree murder in the case of Victoria Hensen, we the jury find you guilty.” Mary beamed with happiness as Thom turned to sneer at her.
“I will get you yet,” he mouthed.
“Mr. Thomas Jackson, the jury has found you guilty for the charge of second degree murder. Your sentencing will take place tomorrow morning at 10 AM. The sentence you receive will be added to your current sentence of seven years for the beating of Miss Mary Frances Goode while on parole. Case dismissed.”
...
“Howard!” Mary squealed into the phone.
“Hey Mary! How are you? I’m missing you...”
“I’m great now! They found him guilty! 50 to life, plus 5 for beating me up in Georgia, I just got out of the sentencing hearing.”
“So he’s gone for good?”
“I’m not making any promises, but I hope so.”
...
“Come on, let’s go out to celebrate,” Howie coaxed. It was the Boys’ first night home and Mary just wanted to spend a night in, with her friends.
“I want to stay in, I haven’t seen you guys in so long, I want to spend time with you...”
“And I want to take the woman I love out to dinner because I haven’t seen her so long, and because things will be going so much easier from now on.”
“But I missed your touch so much, I just want to be close to you,” she paused, holding him close to her. “I don’t want to let you go all night,” she whispered. She kissed him, passionately, longingly. Slowly, they separated. “But let’s spend some time with the other guys, I missed them too.” The couple walked downstairs. Jade and Melissa joined the group, Jade by Brian, and Melissa by AJ.
“Damn, D, you must be pretty quick!” AJ called when he saw the couple
walk down the stairs.
Howie blushed profusely, while Mary, who hadn’t seen AJ in a month, wanted to play. “At least he’ll be gettin some tonight, Bone, and you’ll just have your hand.”
“Oh, that’s it, Rat, you’re gettin it,” he laughed and lunged towards Mary, tackling her to the floor, tickling her.
“Quit it!” she squealed, laughing. “AJ!”
After a few minutes, he had stopped, sitting up. He straddled her hips and poked her stomach. “That’s what’cha get, Rat.”
“What I do?” she asked, pushing him off of her.
AJ just laughed and returned to his seat.
For hours, the group sat around the living room, laughing, talking. They split pizzas, Hawaiian. “I’ll be right back,” Howie called, running up the stairs. The Conversation in the living room continued.
“We got used to the pizza,” Jade explained. “We hung out with Mary while y’all were gone.”
“Oooh girl talk,” Brian squealed in a feminine voice. “So, who’s the hottest of all the Backstreet Boys?”
“Oh, you know how sexy Brian is,” she responded.
“Nuh uh, AJ!” Melissa called from the kitchen. Howie hopped back down the stairs and sat on the couch next to Mary. She leaned into him and held on tight, nuzzling his neck. “Nope, I gotta say that Dorough boy. I like the short ones,” she said, ticking Howie. She then sat back in Howie’s arms and yawned.
“Uh oh, Rat’s tired,” AJ remarked.
“Can I help it if I wore her out?” Howie asked, playing along with Mary’s previous game. He picked her up. “Come on, you, time for bed. Night folks!” he called, walking up the stairs.
Mary waved from over his shoulder. “You play the game very well, Mr.
Dorough,” she remarked.
By the time they reached Howie’s room, they were kissing passionately. He kicked the door closed behind him and laid her on the bed. “Something to drink?” he asked, walking around the bed to the night stand to pour some champagne.
“Sure, darling, but when did you do all this?”
“About two minutes ago,” he laughed.
“You play the game very well,” she responded, crawling across the bed towards him.
He handed her a glass and placed the bottle on the table. “What’s this?” he asked, picking up a picture frame.
“Oh,” she started, taking a sip, “I went home about two weeks ago and went through my photo albums. I found that picture and brought it over, I hope you don’t mind...”
“No, not at all,” he smiled, turning back to the picture. “Is this Chas?”
“Yeah...” She took the picture from his hands to look at it. He took her glass and placed it, with his, on the night table and sat on the bed next to her, feeling there was a story soon to follow. “This had to have been... oh God, I don’t know when. It’s me, Chas, and Sam. We look so happy here,” she sighed.
“The three of you look a lot alike. I thought Sam was very handsome when I met him, I bet Chas looked the same.”
“You think so?” she asked, turning to face him, her eyes hopeful.
“And you’re very beautiful,” he whispered, kissing her. “And yes, I think so.” He kissed her again and took the frame from her hands, placing it on the floor. “Mary, I want you to trust me.”
“I do trust you, Howard.”
“I want you to know how much I love you, how much I missed you.”
“I trust you, Howard.”
“Are you sure? You know I won’t make you do anything you don’t want to do...”
“Howard, it’s taken me a long time, but... everything is all right now. I love you, Howard.”
“I love you, Mary,” he whispered, kissing her again. He looked into her eyes and she nodded at him. He kissed her again, laying her back on the bed. He kissed across her cheek and nibbled on her ear gently. She moaned beneath him and ran her fingernails down his back. He kissed down her neck and straddled her hips. He sat up, looking at her. “You are so beautiful, my darling,” he whispered and kissed her again. Slowly, his hands moved to the bottom of her shirt. Breaking the kiss for a moment, he pulled Mary’s shirt over her head. He traced the scar on her stomach with his finger and followed it with a trail of kisses up her abdomen. Kissing up her torso, he stopped at her bra. He carefully lifted her from the bed to unclasp it and laid her back down. He slipped the straps from
her shoulders and tossed the garment onto the floor, joining her shirt. He stopped to remove his own shirt. Mary ran her hand down his toned, soft, smooth chest and wrapped her arm around him, pulling him back onto her, shivering. “Cold?”
“A little,” she shivered.
“Let me warm you,” he whispered into her ear.
“Good morning.” He pulled her up closer to himself and kissed her. “I have to ask, last night was all right with you, right?”
“Last night was very all right, Howard,” she smiled again. “I haven’t felt that way in a long time.”
“I just didn’t want to rush you, I was afraid I would have...”
Mary sighed. “Howard, I don’t remember the last time I actually made love to a man. I remember the last time I had sex with a man, I remember the last time I fucked a man, but I haven’t made love to a man in a long time, and believe me, last night... last night was love.”
...
“Man, you guys slept late,” Kevin remarked, sipping his coffee at the kitchen table when Howie and Mary walked downstairs.
“Probably weren’t sleeping,” AJ snickered.
“But you got to, Bone. That is, unless your hand kept you up all night,” Mary retorted, batting her eyelashes innocently.
He shook his head. “Whatever,” he mumbled, walking away.
“So, what do you two have planned for today?” Kevin asked.
Howie shrugged. “Too early to think,” he said scratching his head.
“I practiced some of my music while y’all were gone. I’d like to head to Pa & Ma’s tonight. I called over there last week and they’re giving me forty five minutes.”
“What time?”
“I have from 9:15 to 10 I think, or somewhere around then,” she shrugged.
...
At 8 that night, AJ, Kevin, Brian, and Nick were in the kitchen. Howie was in the shower and Mary was getting dressed. There was a knock at the door. AJ answered it, looking through the window. He opened the door. “Yeah?”
“Oh, I’m sorry, I must have the wrong house,” the man said, turning around.
“No, no, wait, who ya lookin for?”
“Uhm... Mary Stevens.. errr... Mary Goode?”
“She lives here, come on in.”
“Thanks... How is she? I haven’t seen her in close to two years.”
“She’s doing pretty good,” AJ nodded, letting the man step inside. “You’re a musician?” he asked, noticing the guitar slung over the stranger’s back.
“Yeah, when the mood strikes me. Mary and I used to play together down at Pa & Ma’s a lot.” He paused, looking around. “Nice house, she lives here with you or you live here with her?”
“She lives here with us.”
“Us?”
“Yeah, my four friends and I.”
“Oh, so she’s your girlfriend?”
“Nah, unfortunately. She’s with D.”
“D.?”
“Yeah, one of the guys.” The stranger nodded. “I never caught your name...” he started to ask when Mary bounded down the steps in a pair of loose jeans and a bra. She held a shirt in each hand.
“Which one, guys? Howard’s still in the shower and we gotta get going soon.” She never looked up, just held each of the two shirts to herself. “The tight black one with the fairy print, or the tight pink tank top?” The rest of the guys came out of the kitchen to see what was happening.
The stranger put his bag on the ground and stepped forward. “The pink one reminds me of the Mary I used to know,” he smiled.
She finally looked up. “Josh?” she whispered.
“Hi Mary,” he smiled.
“Oh my God, Josh!” She dropped the shirts and ran into his open arms. “I missed you so so much, don’t you ever leave me like that again,” she rambled as she squeezed him tighter. Finally, she pulled away. “My Lord, look at you... You look great...”
He laughed and ran a hand through her hair. “And you... well...” he laughed, “look at you...”
“Oh dear...” she mumbled and put on the pink tank top. “Better?”
“I can’t say that...” he joked. “You look great, Mary.”
Howie then appeared down the stairs. He came up behind Mary and put his arms around her, kissing her cheek. “Howard!” she squealed, his facial stubble tickling her face.
AJ cleared his throat. “D, we got guests...”
“Oh...” he looked up at the stranger. A quizzical look was in his eye as he introduced himself. “Howie Dorough, and you are...?”
“Josh, Josh Briar,” he said, extending his hand.
“Oh, Josh, I’ve heard about you,” Howie eased.
Mary just looked at Josh happily. “You’ve finally come home,” she whispered, hugging him again. “You’ve come back to me.” She pulled away once again. “Oh, Lord, where are my manners? Josh, this is AJ, Nick, Kevin, and Brian. Guys, this is my best friend, Josh.”
He nodded and shook hands with each of the men. “Nice to meet you all. I hope you’re taking good care of my Mary,” he smiled.
“We are,” Howie smiled at the stranger. ‘His Mary? His Mary?’ he reeled inside with jealousy.
“Hey, we have a bit before we were going to head over to the club... we need to catch up,” she said taking Josh’s hand, and then Howie’s. She pulled Howie in to whisper in his ear. “I know this will be tough, but please try to be nice to him?” she asked with a pleading look in her eyes. He nodded and the three walked into the living room with the rest of the guys behind them. Sitting on the couch, Howie sat to Mary’s left, while Josh sat on her right.
“So what’s been going on with you? Last I remember you were still in Med. school?”
“I’m a doctor, I used to work at General but it got to be too much for me.” She looked down at her hands and then up to Howie for courage. She looked back to Josh. “I lost another patient four months ago, I couldn’t take it any longer.”
Josh shook his head. “I remember the first girl, I came looking for you at the hospital one day and met her. What was her name...” he thought. “Carolyn?”
“Caroline,” she paused, “she was Howard’s sister.”
“And that’s how you two hooked up?”
“I went to Pa & Ma’s one night,” Howie started, “and got hit with a beer bottle. Mary took care of me.”
Josh nodded respectively. “How long have you two been together?”
“Four months now,” Howie responded proudly, taking Mary’s hand and squeezing it.
Josh smiled. “Just promise to take care of her, she’s really special.”
“I will, I love her with all my heart.”
