June 2002
Feature Of The Month
Just Like Your Right Arm
by: Christine Urbaniak
Last time I saw things clearly, he was fresh out of juvenile hall.Just like out of the slammer.
"Say, Pop, sign says help wanted. Help's here," he said, opening his arms wide as if to say, 'look at me, ain't I great?' He cocked his head and smiled.
"Who says I want your help?" I asked him. "You don't even know what the job is."
"Well, seein' how there's more cars than curlers here, I guess it ain't no beauty parlor. I know cars pretty good, old man. Worked on 'em with my Dad before he was killed. You know," he said. I knew. Knew his Dad and his family. Good people, but this one here gets in with a gang. No big trouble on his part, guilt by association, pretty much.
"How can you do good? You just got out of jail."
"Juvenile."
"Same difference, kid. I'm old, I ain't senile. Besides it should've been jail, you're almost eighteen."
"Yah, I know," he said. "I got outta that gang. They were wannabes, you know. I don't hang with any of those guys anymore. And I am eighteen. Last week."
I just nodded my head, I believed him though.
"Gimme a shot, old man. You know I'll do good for you." He flipped a cigarette into his mouth and lit it with a fake gold lighter. I
thought for a minute.
"OK. I'll give you a try. No gang crap, and no smoking around here."
Jimmy flicked the cigarette, less than half smoked, across the lot. I already knew two important things about Jimmy. One, he was obviously
wasteful. Two, he was stupid. Must be, flipping a lit cigarette toward a damn gas pump.
"Hey, thanks, Pops! I'll be just like your right arm, your right arm." Then he grabbed my right arm.
"Eh!" I shook him off. He stepped back, opened his arms wide and gave me a charm-the-pants-off-of-anyone smile. He was good, I gave him
that.
I guess I knew all along I'd give him the mechanic job, but I figured with all his hot air, he'd probably be good on the lot, especially with the women.
"Right arm, huh, Jimmy?"
"Right arm, old man, right arm!" he clapped me on the back hard enough to knock a rib or two loose and showed me his teeth. The smile was so infectious, I had to laugh.
"Well, right arm is good, you see, I'm not very good with my left." The kid doubled on that one and that crack got to be kind of a joke
between us. But it didn't last too long. Nothing lasted too long. I mean Jimmy, of course. Not so
much the joke. That stuck.
I had him working on cars in the garage most of the time, but got him out on the lot on Wednesdays and Thursdays. He got Mondays off,
although he was usually hanging around doing some damn thing or another. I'd tell him to beat it, but he wouldn't get out of my face for long.
He said he was worried about me, that I wasn't quite right lately. I told him he was pretty much full of crap and that being old didn't mean
being senile.
Sometimes I did forget something, or lose--no, misplace a wrench or set of keys or checkbook or whatever, but my right arm, Jimmy, always straightened things out for me.
Jimmy said I should go and get my head checked for tumors or some damn thing, because the things that were lost--misplaced--were usually
found on the workbench next to me or in my pocket just where I put 'em--and you just don't put something somewhere and wonder where it was two seconds later. I guess that's why he was at the garage twenty-six hours a day now. He did all the work, all the books, and even hired another man for the lot.
He knew it pissed me off, but he did it anyway. I kept telling him I was okay, but he said with my spells and all I should be keeping to myself and especially to stay the Hell off the lot. I said to him the other day, or whenever it was, that he was still pretty much full of crap, and I wouldn't hurt nobody or do anything stupid.
"No, old man, if you don't hurt somebody else again, your going to hurt yourself. I'm your right arm and I love you, you old fool. Don't
you ever forget it. I take care of you. Your my responsibility. If it wasn't for me, you'd be sitting in the pokey right now, after cracking Tony
Luca with that monkey wrench. I was pretty lucky to talk the sonofabitch out of calling the police. Now sit down. Ya ain't going out on that damn
lot!"
He walked away pretty mad, but I just sat right there where he told me to. He scared me a lot then, especially blaming me for hitting Tony Luca. I
couldn't have hurt somebody I'd known most of my life. But Jimmy said I did do it. I think he's up to something.
"Go to a doctor," he told me this morning, but I wouldn't go, but he dragged me and he lied and said we were going to see Martha, but he
tricked me, Martha's long dead now, and he said we were really going to see the doctor, but I said Martha's home and she won't like me being late
for dinner, but he said I'm sorry for lying, old man, about Martha, but he's mixing me up bad...but I feel a little better now...it's okay.
Jimmy's trying to talk me into giving him the authority to sign checks, now. He says I'm too out of it to continue doing anything but just being there. I really hate that little S.O.B. I took him from the streets and now he's taking my business
over. Sixty, sixty, sixty years of hard work for this.
"Say, old man," Jimmy says a while ago (I'm not sure how long ago, but I don't think it was more than a day or week ago). "I say you come
home with me from now on. I'll take care of you. We can get a nurse. You have enough money for that. She can take care of you while I'm at the garage, then I don't have to be there all the time watching you so you don't get into trouble."
I knew what he was up to. I didn't say anything to him, but I knew he was going to kill me so he could have the shop and my money. That's why
he wanted me at his house--to get me alone so he could kill me. I won that time, though.
"Where's Carl?" I asked Jimmy today.
"It's Sunday, old man, remember? Carl doesn't work on Sunday. He spends Sunday with his family. I'm on the lot on Sunday's now. It's
been that way for three months. Don't you remember?"
"What's on your shirt, Jimmy?"
"Huh?"
"Don't try to hide it, boy, it's blood."
"What? It's ketchup you old fool. I'm eating lunch, it's ketchup. I slopped a little, that's all."
"You little bastard! You killed Carl! He knows what you're up to so you killed him! He's supposed to be with his family. It's Sunday you
know! But now he's dead. Dead. Dead. Dead."
"That's it! You're going to the nursing home. Dr. Warren told me you were too far gone to be out in public. You should be somewhere safe--the nursing home. I told him..."
"Who the Hell is Dr. Warren?"
"No! I said, no, I'd take care of you, I told him. I'm your right arm, remember old man, right arm,"
"I'm not very good with my left."
He sat down and put his head in his hands. "You remember," he said quietly. Then he looked up at me, "I love you so much, Henry. I'm
trying to do what's best for you. I'm your only family, you know. Please trust me." He took my hand in his, but I gagged when I thought of Carl, dead and all.
"You come home with me tonight, so's I can watch you," (he's always watching, watching, watching me) "And tomorrow Carl," (who's dead,
dead, dead.) "will watch the garage and lot until I get back from taking you to the nursing home. I love you too much to see you waste away. Maybe
they can do better for you better than I can, God help me, I've tried."
I don't know why he was crying. Maybe he felt bad he killed Carl, but I don't think so. I think he's lying, tricking me. Murderer.
Jimmy said it was time to go home and we had to go to his house. I had to eat a murderer's food and sleep in his bloody bed.
He slept on the couch so it would be easier to kill me, probably. Nobody would be able to hear the murder in the bedroom, so he made me sleep
in there.
I waited for a while when he turned the lights out. I was so, so quiet, so Jimmy'd think I was sleeping. I looked at the clock a little
while and watched the red numbers change a few times. I was still silent as a mouse. I knew I had to get him before he got me.
I took the knife out from under my pillow. Jimmy didn't know I had snuck it out of the kitchen when he wasn't looking.
I had looked around the corner while he was sitting at the table eating. He couldn't see me from the dining room, so I put it in my sock
real quick like. The blade hung out of the top of my sock and kind of poked me a little, but I didn't care. Jimmy didn't do the dishes after dinner,
(he was kind of sloppy,) so he never missed it.
Now I'm sitting on the side of the bed, holding the knife. I have to put my hand over my mouth to quiet my laughing because it's soooo
funny. Jimmy's such a stupid. He wont' even know I got him first 'cuz he'll already be dead.
It takes the red numbers on the clock to change a few more times before I'm ready. Okay.
Jimmy is snoring. I know he is really asleep now and I creep into the living room. He is on his back with his mouth open. His arms are up on
his pillow with his hands behind his head. He is still snoring, but softly now, like he is trying to be quiet. Soon he will be very quiet...for good.
I make fast work of taking care of Jimmy who is--was my right arm. I cut his throat good and he does wake up but can't make much noise, because
blood is filling his throat. A bubble comes out of his mouth and pops. Before he even knows what is happening, he is dead.
I also had to stab him where I thought his lungs and maybe some other important stuff would be just to make sure.
Jimmy can't kill me now. He can go to Hell now where the murderers belong. I think I should do something with his body or clean up, maybe, but I'm
not sure what to do. I keep walking around the house, but Jimmy keeps saying 'right arm, right arm'. I go back to check on him alot, but he is
still dead. Then he says 'right arm' again.
...So I sit at the table with the knife and try to rid myself of the wretched right arm. I have to get rid of it, Jimmy, but it's hard, you see, I'm not very good with my left.
The end...
Snippets Story of the Month
My Hero
by: Tina McB
"Sire; I don't see how any training will help turn some of these boys into knights," William said pouring himself some wine.
"Are they that bad?" the king inquired.
"Worse! I've got this one lad in particular that is completely helpless. Today while jousting, he managed to run his opponent's horse through with his lance and fell off of his own horse in the process. Never in all of my days have I ever heard of such."
Hum, he'd be perfect! Finding his voice the king began speaking; "I have something that I need for you to do for me."
"Yes Sire," the knight responded sitting his goblet down on a side table.
"Bring me this lad to me,"
"Sire?"
"Bring him to me," the king reiterated.
***
Marvin stood there on shaking knees before the King. He knew that he was in trouble for killing one of the King's horses, but he never dreamed that he was in this much trouble.
"What's you name lad?" The king asked sternly.
"Marvin Sire, Marvin of¦of Mangulfe." He said trying not to show his nervousness.
"Mangulfe you say. Your father wouldn't happen to be Henry Mangulfe, would it?"
"Why yes Sire, he is?"
"I fought with him once at the Battle of Reddington. Brave man this father of yours," the King paused for a moment to assess this son of Mangulfe. "How is he doing?"
"Dead Sire. He died when I was but three when he fell from his horse." He said looking down at his feet.
"I'm sorry to hear that, he was a good man." Ignoring the clearing of throats that he heard from some of the other men in the room, the King continued. "Then that explains your lack in soldiering."
"Yes Sire, my mother could not afford for me to become a squire. I had to learn what little I know on my own." He said swallowing a lump in his throat, "I'm sorry your Majesty about the horse. I didn't mean to kill the poor beast. I'll pay you back for it somehow, if you would let me; I promise."
"Accidents happen," the King said. "There is something that I remember that my father use to say when I was a boy. He said that the apple never fell far from the tree. Your father was a good knight and I believe that you will be also; given the chance."
The King stood up and as he stepped down off the dais, he drew his sword from its scabbard. "Kneel please."
But, but Sire, I promise. I'll¦I'll pay you back milord, no please;" he begged slowly backing up.
"I said kneel." slowly the boy knelt before the king, bowing his head. "Do you Marvin of Mangulfe swear to keep the laws of knighthood. Do you promise to uphold justice and truth?"
The boy looked up surprised, "Sire?"
"Do you swear?"
"Yes milord, I¦I swear it. My blade is yours."
The king took the broadside of his sword and tapped each shoulder crossing the boy. "I knight thee. Now rise Sir Marvin."
He had a hard time finding his knees as he rose and in the process almost stumbled over his own feet.
"Careful young knight, you represent me now." The King reached down and held onto the boy's elbow helping him up. "Now, come walk with me. I have a very important mission and I need you absolute discretion on."
William along with the other few men that were there stood astonished by the King's actions. This was the tenth time this year alone that a boy had been knighted.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Marvin rode through the small village until he came upon an inn. Dismounting his horse, he threw the stable boy a coin and headed inside. Quietly sitting down in the corner, he trying to ease his sore muscles. He had never ridden that much before, but he had to get use to that now that he was a knight.
"So what brings you to this part of the country," the maid smiling as she laid the bowl of stew in front of him.
"I'm headed up toward Knolly's Castle," he said.
Almost dropping the pitcher of ale she was pouring, "That place is haunted for sure."
"Haunted? I don't believe in ghost." He threw three coins on the table and took a swig, almost choking doing so. This was no time to be bungling things up, the King has entrusted with this task and I must be brave.
"Oh it's not haunted by a mere ghost, but the ghost of a troll king that once roamed the very land that the castle was built on. It's been rumored to hold the Princess Helen captive in the north tower." The girl drew in a quick breath.
So it was true.
"My third cousin's husband has a nephew that works in the stables there and he says that the very morning after the Princess' honeymoon night, that the master of that castle was thrown out the tower window. Some say that the troll king is in love with the Princess and some say that he's holding her for revenge."
"She sounds beautiful, to be held captive." He said trying to put on his best smile.
"If I were you; I would head in the opposite direction as fast a horse could carry me, beautiful princess or not. Several knights have gone up there seeking to free her, every single one was said to be thrown from the tower by the troll."
"Thanks, I'll keep that in mind." He took the last swallow of his ale and wiped his mouth on his sleeve. Standing up, he tried not to hit his head on the low ceiling and began walking back towards the door.
"Sir, you haven't even touched your food." She called out after him.
"That's okay, I'm not as hungry as I thought I was." Turning to walk out, the top of the doorway hit him square in the forehead.
Refusing to cry out in pain, he rubbed his head as he mounted his horse. He saw the girl out of the corner of his eye but he didn't turn around to acknowledge her. Onward he rode towards the castle. A knight keeps his promises no matter what, especially when made to a king.
Arriving at the castle a day later, Marvin was greeted by the head groom. "So another knight to rescue our lady."
Merely nodding his head, he looked around. It was actually quite charming, as far as castles go. It had three towers; the north one being the tallest and the one located next to the cliffs.
"The chapel is that way my good knight, if you feel need of it;" the man said interrupting Marvin's thoughts.
"Sir?"
"The chapel, it's right over there;" the groom repeated, pointing towards a nearby building. "We don't have a clergyman or anything. We can't seem to keep one ever since our Lord died three years ago. Oh by the way, my name's Joseph."
"Three years? She's been trapped in that tower for three years?"
"Unfortunately so. She seems to be the only one who sees this troll king; every time she opens the door at the bottom of the tower to escape the tower; it stops her at the doorway. All the servants, what few are left, are too scared to go in." Joseph paused for a moment. "Each day; we run to the bottom of the stairwell to give her food, water and such because that's as far as it'll let her come."
"Where's the doorway?"
"Follow me, I'll show you. Is there anything that I can get you before I show you?"
"Ah no, nothing I can think of. Why?"
"Just making sure?"
Following the man, Marvin's mind was trying to think of what to do. He promised the King to free his only daughter from the tower and as a reward, the King promised his daughter's hand in marriage. The King had explained how his beloved wife had died two days after giving birth to their only child, her dying wish was to name the girl after Helen of Troy and so the King did. The girl and the lord were married by proxy due to a huge blizzard at the time. After a month she finally arrived to her new home in the dead of night, the morning after was when the troll king started showing up
When Helen's first husband died, there was no other heir except for her and so not only would he get Helen but also the castle as well. He had to rescue her; he had to keep his promise to the King. After all he was a knight now and knights keep their promises on pain of death.
"Here you go," the groom said. "Right through that doorway and up those stairs.
"This is it!" He exclaimed looking around him. A couple of tapestries hung on the opposite wall of the huge wooden door; in between the tapestries was a huge looking glass that Joseph said was a wedding present from the King.
"Yea, this is it. Here can you put your foot on the tip of this string?" The groom knelt beside him with a long piece of string.
Lifting his boot enough to do so, "What's that for?" He asked.
"Well, the last knight that was here was almost a foot too long for the coffin and we had to make another one for him. The guy that makes them wanted me to get your height before he cut the boards this time." Tying a knot where the string met the top of Marvin's head. He opened the door and waved the knight in. "Are you sure there's nothing I can get you? A last meal, a strong drink, maybe a Bible perhaps?"
Marvin turned once he had passed through the door, only to see his reflection staring back at him from the looking glass. "I don't get it, there's nothing here. No troll or anything." Feeling himself getting braver he knew he could do it, he looked at his guide and smiled; "No, I'll be back down in a few minutes."
"That's what the last three said. I'll be waiting near the bottom of the window just in case, but not to close. I don't want you to land on top of me."
Even when the door was shut behind him and he was left alone at the bottom of the stairs with only the light of a single torch to light the way, his courage didn't sink. There was nothing to be scared of, not even a spooky noise. Midway up the dark stairwell, he could hear the Princess. She was humming. Her voice was lovely. Thoughts of her singing to their children filled his head.
Marvin pulled out the sword that the King had given him as he reached the top of the steps, he quietly pushed the door open. After his eyes adjusted to the light, he saw her. She was standing in front of a loom, humming. Long flowing blonde hair that just barely reached her hips swayed back and forth over her beautiful figure.
He looked left, then right. The balcony stood to his right overlooking the castle grounds and to his left stood her bed. Seeing nothing else, he stepped forward accidentally clanking his sword against the stone floor causing her to turn.
"Finally, someone to rescue me!" she exclaimed looking at him.
It took him a moment to take in all of her unique features; her slightly pointed ears stuck out a mile. Two huge yellow buckteeth stood out from the two rows of crooked and missing teeth. She had a mustache that was almost as full as his own and perched above that was her nose. It reminded him of a boar's snout; big and with two disgusting warts at the end that matched the other warts on her chin and left cheek. She stared at him cross-eyed with one blue eye and the other green. Poised above her eyes where the bushiest eyebrows that he had ever seen and a wide forehead that shined like the mid-day sun during the summer.
He stood there in a state of shock when she came running up to him, "My hero, oh I just know you can save me from that horrible troll."
Yeah, but who's going to save him.
Before he realized it she was throwing herself against him and began planting kisses all over his face. The smell of rancid onions and garlic assaulted his nose and suddenly Marvin felt his stomach beginning to lurch. Pushing her away from him, he stepped back and tried to make sense of the situation.
"You're the Princess?" He said trying to swallow the rising bile.
"Yeah, and as soon as you get me out of this tower; we can be married." She said beginning to walk towards him again
"Married?" Marvin found himself backing away from her towards the other side of the room.
Continuing to stalk him, "And then we can make beautiful babies together."
Babies? Then it dawned on him that there was no mirrors in the King's castle nor were there any in this room; just the one that stood guard at the bottom stairwell door. She saw herself in the mirror, thinking that to be the troll king.
"I can get you out of here," he said walking to the door, putting his sword back in it's scabbard.
"Oh thank-you, thank-you, thank-you." She said trying to plant kisses on him again but was prevented by his arm.
He stopped mid stride across the room. It hit him. The king made him promise to marry the girl if he rescued her and a promise was a promise. Eyeing the balcony, then looking back at the stairway and back swung his gaze back to the balcony. It was clear what he had to do.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*
The king sat upon his horse, watching the new recruits. William was yelling at one boy in particular but it was too late. A half-witted boy, who wanted to become a knight, sitting on the arm of a catapult when he cut the rope.
Smiling to himself at the flying boy going over the castle wall into the moat. "Knight," he called to a nearby man.
"Yes Sire," the man said bowing to the King.
"Have that boy washed up and brought before me as soon as you can."
"Yes Sire," the knight said.
***
The boy stood before the King on shaking knees, still wet from the dousing that the knight had given him.
"What's your name son?" The King asked.
Poetry Corner
Demon Planet
by: Queen Victoria Payne
Upon a planet dark and red,
Where scarlet waters flow;
From the blood of thousands, t'is said.
Struggle gainst its wrath, I did dare,
Following vague rumors;
To seek treasures hidden there.
Oh, t'was to my dismay I found,
A place where demons dwell;
And many horrors did abound.
Those devils did feast upon fear,
And delight in the pain;
Of any who ventured near.
From thence, I did escape t'is so.
No, no; ask me not how;
For the answer, I do not know.
With their devil's mark did brand me,
That Eternally shall,
Torments live in my memory.
For on that planet dark and red,
Where scarlet waters flow;
With tortures, my soul hath bled.
Mister Webster's Publication
by: William Hall
Since Mister Webster wrote his book
He's had my utmost gratitude.
For if I did not have his words
My English would be very crude.
To struggle for the proper way
For my opinion to be viewed
Would be laborious at least
Without his varied platitudes.
He's given us a wealth of words,
With many meanings all accrued.
In one important manuscript,
An extravagance of latitude.
I need not be impolite.
With conversation truly rude.
I just look up what I want
And gain a brand new attitude.
There was no TV Lovers selection for this month.
Home
February Issue
March Issue
April/May Issue
July Issue
September Issue
