-* *-The Road To Take- * *-

Howie stood with Jamie, peering in through the glass at CJ. As he watched her, not even blinking an eye, he felt such mixed emotions. Of course, he didn’t want her to be hurt, he wouldn’t wish that onto anyone, but at the same time he felt a small amount of satisfaction that her naughty ways had finally caught up with her.

“Are you her family?” a man’s voice startled Howie.

“Yes, this is CJ’s fiancee!” Jamie lied before Howie had a chance to reply.

“Well, you can go in and sit with her for a few minutes if you like,” the doctor told Howie. “I’ll just go and grab her chart and meet you in there.” Howie nodded and reluctantly headed for the door. He looked back at Jamie as if a firing squad was waiting for him on the other side.

He noticed that her one eye was swollen completely shut as he pulled a chair over close to the bed. He sat down and held her hand awkwardly. He didn’t know what he should do, just sit there? Talk to her? He felt silly and helpless. The doctor broke the silence as he reappeared with her chart.

“We took a cat-scan early this morning and it looked good. It looked so good infact, that we’re a little confused as to why she is still unconscious.....” he trailed off as Howie raised an eyebrow. “But everybody’s different....this must just be her way,” he continued. “Once she wakes up, we’ll be able to run a few additional tests to determine the extent of her internal injuries. Don’t worry though, we’re doing everything we can to help her, so that you two can be married as soon as you like,” the doctor smiled and patted Howie on the shoulder. Howie forced a smile and thanked the doctor for his time. Once the doctor had left and Howie was once again alone with CJ he sat back in his chair and began to make a mental list of all of the things that he loved and had trouble loving about CJ. He knew that he was going to come back to her anyway; he just wanted to make sure that he was doing the right thing. As he did this, he prayed that the good would out-weigh the bad. He wanted to love her. He did love her. His heart was screaming in his chest that he loved her, but there was a tiny voice in the back of his mind that kept telling him that something was amiss.

“Shut up!” he exclaimed out loud startling himself a little. He didn’t want to listen to that part of his brain....what did it know about love anyway? He gave her hand a little squeeze and a gentle kiss and then stood up and left the room. He started walking back out to the lounge where the others were still waiting patiently for news, any news.

The first eyes that he locked onto were Kevin’s, who was leaning against the wall sipping his coffee. Howie barged through the gray doors and strided directly over to Kevin and swung a left hook at him so deliberately and with such force that Kevin dropped to the floor like a rag doll. Howie hadn’t missed a beat. He stood over Kevin with a slight grimace on his face as Kevin grabbed at his eye.

“YOU SON OF A BITCH!!!! HOW THE F*CK COULD YOU PRETEND TO BE MY FRIEND ALL THIS TIME AFTER WHAT YOU DID???? WITH FRIENDS LIKE YOU.....WHO NEEDS ENEMIES???” Howie continued to yell and scream as Kevin struggled to his feet. Once there, Howie wound up his fist again and punched him in the stomach, winding Kevin and forcing him to double over and drop to the floor again. This time Alex grabbed Howie and restrained him as the hospital security came running down the corridor.

“YOU STAY AWAY FROM ME AND YOU STAY AWAY FROM CJ!!! YOU RUINED MY LAST RELATIONSHIP AND I’LL BE DAMNED IF I LET YOU SCREW WITH THIS ONE!!!!” Howie continued to yell as Alex struggled to hold him back. The security guards came and grabbed at Howie and told him to cool down. Howie said that he was cool and that it was over; he had said his peace. Nonetheless, he was escorted to the security office to fill out a report.

As everyone watched Howie be escorted down the corridor, Nat rushed over to help Kevin to his feet. Blood was running down the side of his face and it looked as though he may need stitches.

“C’mon baby, let’s get that looked at by someone,” Nat said cheerily as Kevin climbed back onto his feet. “What was that all about, Kevin?” Kevin dabbed at the blood on his cheek and then groaned. As they walked down the hall together, Kevin explained to Nat about his nite he spent with Morgan in Vegas.

“It was before I met you.....I didn’t know that she was his girlfriend,” Kevin rationalized.

“But you did tell Howie about it once you found out, right?” she asked, desperately wanting to believe in the ethics and values of the man she loved. Kevin paused and then shook his head that he hadn’t.

“I don’t know how or when he found out......but he did.” Nat’s face went as white as a sheet. She didn’t know how she should be feeling. She felt disgust for Kevin’s callousness, she felt anger over his betrayal and she felt pity for Howie. She pulled her hand away from his as they stopped at the nurses station.

“I think that we need some time apart......so I can take all this in,” she said firmly and turned and walked away, feeling that he had infact gotten what he deserved.

When Kevin returned to the waiting lounge sporting 3 stitches just below his right eye , no one noticed him. No one acknowledged that he had returned. Howie too had returned and was in conversation with Alex, presumably over CJ’s condition. Nat was back bonding with her sister and Brian. Jamie was no where to be seen and Nick sat alone, asleep in the far corner. Kevin walked past them all and plunked down in the seat next to Nick, which woke Nick up.

“Hey man, you’re back....you alright?” Nick asked, rubbing his hands through his streaked hair.

Oh, at least someone’s talking to me.........ya I’m fine, just a couple of stitches....no big deal!’

“Why wouldn’t I be talking to you? I think it’s cool what you did!” Nick said as he sat up and got this ‘little kid on Christmas day’ _expression on his face.

“Cool? Why?”

“Another notch, man.....it’s just another notch!” Nick beamed. Kevin shook his head in disbelief.

“You’ve got a lot to learn, Carter.......it isn’t about numbers, it’s about love. Sex is meant to be shared by two people who are deeply committed to each other.....once you’ve experienced that you’ll understand,” Kevin trailed off as he gazed over at Nat. He silently prayed to himself that he hadn’t blown it with her.

Jamie came back into the lounge looking for Howie. She was pleased to see that he hadn’t left or that he hadn’t been carted off to jail.

“I’m glad you’re here, Howie. CJ will be so thrilled to see you when she wakes up. She’s been such a wreck without you,” Jamie smiled as she sat down on Alex’s lap. She kissed Alex gently as he told her that she looked tired and that she should lie down and get some rest. She said that she felt fine and that she needed to be ready for her friend.

“I hope that we didn’t pull you away from anything important so that you could come out here,” Alex said as he began to braid Jamie’s hair.

“No, you didn’t. Actually, I had already decided to come back here when you called. I wanted to come back and be with CJ, she’s the one that I want and she’s the one that my heart belongs to.” He began to laugh quietly to himself. “I know, I know,” he giggled. “She can be kind of a handful, but there’s just something about her that makes me happy when I’m with her.” He smiled shyly to himself and began to slightly blush.

Nick suddenly came bursting into the lounge, even though no one had noticed that he had left, not even Kevin who had been sitting right next to him.

“SHE’S AWAKE! SHE’S AWAKE!” he yelled breathlessly.

Howie leapt to his feet and dashed through the doors towards the ICU with Jamie and Alex in-tow. He stopped momentarily at the glass window and peered through to see her sitting up and smiling at him through her bruises. A smile washed across his face as he looked back at her and opened the door. She held up her hand for him to take and when he did, he kissed it softly.

“CJ, honey....it’s so good to see that smile again!” he beamed as the others watched through the glass. He leaned over to kiss her gently on the lips, but before he could, she turned her head away. “What? What is it?” he asked, afraid that he was going to hurt her..

“Don’t, Howie. Just don’t,” she whispered.

“I wasn’t going to hurt you.....I just wanted to give you a gentle peck,” he smiled.

“You already have hurt me.....” she whispered. “Why did you come back?” she asked in a cold whisper.

“Why?” Howie repeated. “I came back to be with you......Alex called me and......”

“I don’t want you here!” she interrupted. “I don’t want you here....you made your choice. Now go back to Morgan....your future is with her.” She rang the buzzer for the nurse and when the nurse came in CJ told her that Howie was bothering her and he was asked to leave.

“I came to be with you,” he managed to say before he left the room. The words stung at CJ’s sore ears. In her heart, those are the words she prayed that he would say to her, but she knew that he had gone home to Phoenix to be with Morgan. She didn’t need his pity. She could get through this on her own. Besides, she wasn’t alone, she had her new friend, Jamie, who would help her through this difficult time.

Howie sent Jamie in to sit with her. He took a walk around the hospital and visited the maternity ward. He spent quite a while staring in at all of the new faces in the nursery. When the doctor came into CJ’s room, he asked Jamie to wait outside while he did some routine tests, but CJ insisted that Jamie stay with her and so she did.

Everything looks great!” he remarked as he made notes on her chart. “For someone who was thrown from a car yesterday, you seem in pretty good condition,” he smiled. “I just have one last test to do and then we’ll move you into your own room out of the ICU,” he said as he rolled back the bottom corner of her sheets, exposing her perfectly manicured toes. “I’m just going to test your reflexes and your processing ability.” he said as he took a small pizza cutter out of his pocket. “Don’t worry, it’s not sharp, but it may be cold. You just tell me every sensation that you feel,” he directed as he began to gently run the tool along the sole of CJ’s foot. He did her left and then her right.

“Tell me what you feel,” he said.

“I’ll let you know when you start,” CJ smiled. There was a pause. “What’s the matter? Why haven’t you started?” CJ asked.

“I’ve been doing it for a couple of minutes......you didn’t feel anything?” Despair washed across CJ’s face and then panic. She sat up in bed and tried to move around. She began to flail around when she realized that she couldn’t feel her legs.

OH MY GOD!!! I CAN’T FEEL MY LEGS! I CAN’T FEEL MY LEGS!” she screamed as Jamie jumped onto the bed and cradled her.

“Shhhh, it’s alright...there’s no need to panic, is there?” Jamie asked.

“Absolutely not,” the doctor assured her. “This is not uncommon after a trauma like the one you suffered. It could be as simple as a pinched nerve. I’ll order more tests.” he said and left the room swiftly.

CJ clung onto Jamie tightly for the next hour, crying in disbelief. She cried over her mistakes from the past and she cried for her present state and she wept for her darkened future.

The atmosphere in the waiting room had turned from quiet to dead silent in the span of only a few brief seconds. Just in the amount of time it took Alex to mutter the words “CJ has no feeling in her legs.” Howie had no idea of CJ’s recent predicament until he returned to the lounge. Alex’s face went white as the words spilled over his lips. Howie could think of nothing to do or say except to rush to her side and hold her and tell her that everything was going to be alright. He ran into the ICU not stopping until he was in CJ’s room. Jamie jumped to her feet and stopped him before he could get too close.

“She doesn’t need this now,” Jamie said as she placed a hand on his chest to hold him back. “She’s finally resting and she doesn’t need you complicating matters.”

“But I wanna HELP her...I don’t want to COMPLICATE her life. I want to be IN her life. I love her and I want to help her, no matter what,” Howie pleaded. Jamie looked into his eyes and saw nothing but admiration and worry. “Please Jamie, help her to see that....help me help her.” Jamie nodded her head in agreement.

“I’ll see what I can do....but I’m not making any promises.”

Howie left the room, reluctantly, and returned to the lounge where the others were still sitting like statues. No words were being exchanged and blinking was rare. Howie sat down beside Alex and rested his head against the wall and closed his eyes, and like the others......he waited.

CJ had drifted asleep for only a few moments before her eyes flipped wide open amd began to gaze around the room. The machines and monitors had been turned off. All that was left was the eerie silence of her paralysis. Jamie had settled herself back into the chair close to CJ’s bed and her head was bobbing around as she dozed in and out of consciousness. A smile washed upon CJ’s face as she took great pleasure in watching Jamie’s head bob back and forth. It finally snapped back so forcefully, that CJ heard a ‘crack’ and Jamie’s eyes opened wide.

“Sore neck?” CJ asked with a smirk.

“What? Oh, ya that kinda hurt,” Jamie said, sleepily as she rubbed the side of her neck. “It’s nice to see you smile.”

“I can’t let this get to me.....I can’t let this get me down.....and who knows.....the doctor might be right......maybe it is just temporary,:” CJ said as she picked away at her chipping nailpolish.

“Uhm, CJ....... I know that you probably don’t want to hear this right now, but Howie was here....while you were sleeping,” Jamie stammered as she shuffled her weight in her chair.

“Don’t go there, Jamie.....I can’t deal with that right now....I won’t set myself up for heartache.....not now.....not ever,” CJ said as she continued to chip at her polish.

“CJ....there’s something that you don’t understand.........he’s not with Morgan anymore.....he only went home to pack up his stuff..........he LOVES YOU.............he came here to be WITH YOU.............” Jamie tried to reason. “Just talk to him........just give him a chance.....you’ll see....” Jamie smiled. CJ stopped picking her polish and began to listen to reason.

“Howie, she’s waiting for you.........she’s ready to listen to you, “ Jamie said when she returned to the waiting lounge and sat down on Alex’s knee. Howie jumped to his feet and disappeared through the gray doors, but not before he planted a big kiss on her cheek.

“So what do we do now?” Nat asked after Jamie filled them all in on CJ’s condition.

“Well, there’s really not much we can do for CJ right now,” Jamie answered. Alex tucked her hair behind her ear and pulled her chin to his and kissed her tired lips deeply.

“I guess we should go home then.....” Jamie said.

“Better yet....let’s go and find a home!” Brian smiled.

Loud knocking, followed by mysterious voices woke Nick up from his deep slumber. He was having his first goodnight’s sleep since they had moved into their new place. Although there was still some tension between Kevin and the others, specifically Howie, it was agreed that they would all share accommodations in a two-story condo. AJ had taken up residence with Jamie at her house a few blocks away, which left 6 people to try to get along. Kevin minded his own business when everyone was home at the same time. Nat was warming up to him again, as were Meg and Brian. A late-nite discussion between the twins lead them to conclude that it was Kevin’s past, Kevin’s mistake and Kevin’s business and that they shouldn’t hold a grudge on him for things that were beyond any of their control. The only one who remained sour towards him was Howie, but luckily for Kevin, Howie wasn’t at the condo much. He would be gone early in the morning before anyone else woke up and usually wouldn’t be home until everyone had gone to bed, or at least had retired to their rooms. He was spending every waking hour with CJ at the rehab centre.

She had only been there only 3 weeks and yet her progress was incredible. She had suffered nerve damage to her spinal cord, which had left her temporarily paralyzed. Once the swelling around her spine began to subside and she began to get sensations back into her legs, she was moved to a full care facility where she would have the struggle of learning to use her legs all over again. It was a long road that was mapped out infront of her by her doctors, but she knew that she would never have had the drive or determination to do it, if it hadn’t been for Howie.

Before her release from the hospital, they had agreed to wipe the slate clean and start over. She had such strong feelings for him in her heart, but something told her that it was going to take some time for him to completely trust her again. Howie felt quite stand-offish towards her when she first went to the rehab centre. He felt as though if he were to touch her that she would break. The first day that he saw her there working with the physical therapist, he cried. He couldn’t help it, he just sat in the corner and sobbed. He cried for her and her pain and he cried for himself. He was overcome with the guilt he felt, as if it was his fault that she was in this situation. He should have been there for her. He shouldn’t have left, but then he remembered why he had left, and he cried some more.

No matter what mistakes she had made in the past, he still loved her and he was determined to prove that to her.

Nick heard the mysterious voices downstairs growing louder and more agitated. He pulled the covers up over his head and rolled over onto his side. It was only 7:45am and there was no way he was getting outta bed that early!

“NICK! NICK! Wake up!” a girls voice came through his bedroom door. It was Meg. “Nick, you better come downstairs....there’s this man down here and he wants to speak to you....he’s REALLY angry.......Kevin wasn’t gonna let him in, but then he said....well, he says he’s your father!” she said through the door, the words sending a shiver down his spine. He flipped open his eyes and threw back the sheets. “How could he have found me?” he asked himself as he sat up and began to listen to his fathers voice echo through the condo. He couldn’t make out what he was saying, but he could hear the tone and he could hear Kevin’s voice trying to calm him down.

“WHERE IS MY SON??? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH HIM??? WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?” Mr.Carter’s voice boomed throughout the house.

“He’s in bed...we’re his friends,” Kevin tried to reason, but it was no use. Nick’s father was in a rage and was borderline outta control. When he saw Meg return downstairs, he tried to barge past Kevin to get to the stairs.

“IS HE UP THERE?? HIDING?? GET DOWN HERE BOY!! RIGHT NOW!!!!” his father bellowed. Nick shuddered at the sound of his voice. When he had finally called home a few days ago, he had only spoken to his mother. He just wanted her to know that he was alright and that he was happy and making a new life for himself. He had called home reluctantly, apparently for good reason. He pulled on a T-shirt and a pair of shorts and opened his bedroom door. He poked his head out and saw Nat hiding in her bedroom doorway. They exchanged glances and Nick took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. It was time to face the inevitable as he descended the stairs to face his fathers wrath.

“THERE YOU ARE!!! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? GET YOUR STUFF, YOU’RE COMING HOME WITH ME RIGHT NOW!” his father yelled as Nick came into sight. Kevin had a hold onto Mr.Carter’s arm, who was struggling to get free. The fury in his eyes made Nick cower on the staircase. “DON’T JUST STAND THERE, GO AND GET YOUR THINGS.....HOW DARE YOU WORRY YOUR MOTHER LIKE THAT!!! WHAT IS GOING ON IN THAT HEAD OF YOURS????? ANSWER ME!!!!” His father was growing angrier and angrier by the minute. Nick looked around the room for CJ; she always knew what to say, she always knew how to help him, but of course, she wasn’t there. Meg slinked over and stood beside Nick and placed her hand on his shoulder.

“C’mon Nick, you can do this...you can stand up to him. You have to....you’re not a little boy anymore,” Meg whispered and patted his back. But he couldn’t. Any ounce of self-esteem that Nick once had ran back up the stairs and hid under his bed. He stood there staring at his father, trembling over his every word.

“SO IS THIS WHAT’S BROUGHT YOU HERE??? IS THIS YOUR GIRLFRIEND??? YOU KNOW BETTER THAN THAT!!! YOU HAVE RESPONSIBILITIES....TO ME..TO YOUR MOTHER.....YOU HAVE A PROMISING CAREER AND A BRIGHT FUTURE....WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU THROW IT ALL AWAY FOR SOME STUPID GIRL????”

“THAT’S ENOUGH!!! THAT IS CLEARLY ENOUGH....NO ONE COMES INTO MY HOME AND SPEAKS TO MY GIRLFRIEND LIKE THAT!!” Brian jumped in without even thinking. “I don’t care if you are Nick’s father, you have no right to come into his home and insult him or his friends.”

“I AM HIS FATHER AND I WILL SPEAK TO HIM ANY WAY I LIKE,” Mr.Carter yelled, yanking his arm away from Kevin and turning to face Brian. “Now get your things...we’re leaving...RIGHT NOW!!!” Nick’s eyes were trapped in a cold stare on his father. He could feel the energy and self worth being sucked slowly from his body. Tears began to trickle down his cheeks and he collapsed onto the bottom stair.

“LOOK AT YOU...YOU’RE PATHETIC, NICHOLAS......YOU’RE WEAK. I THANK GOD EVERYDAY FOR YOUR BRILLANT MIND, OR ELSE WHO KNOWS WHAT WOULD HAVE BECOME OF YOU....NOW LET’S GO!” his father ordered, turning around to face the door.

“I won’t go, my home is here now.” Nick mumbled quietly as the tears continued to fall. He cleared his throat, trying to draw courage and strength from his friends, trying to remember all of the life lessons that he had learned along the way, but it was no use.

“YOU will get your THINGS and you will come with me RIGHT NOW!” his father yelled, turning back around and starting to take a run towards Nick. This time both Brian and Kevin grabbed hold of him to stop him.

“I think that you need to just calm down before you say something that you might regret,” Brian said, still struggling to hold onto Mr.Carter. Nick’s dad stopped struggling and pulled away from their grasps. He straightened his jacket and smoothed down his hair. He took a deep breath and regrouped his thoughts.

“I’m a civilized man. I’m an intelligent human being. I know that I barged in here like some wild man, but I can discuss things rationally. I’m sorry for my rude outburst,” he said, looking directly at Meg.

“I think that if everyone just takes a moment to explain their actions, then we will be able to come to some sort of agreement,” Kevin suggested as he motioned for Nick to come off the stairs. Reluctantly, Nick did.

“You’re mother has been worried sick about you....you just disappeared one day without any warning! What were you thinking? And what’s happened to your hair????” his dad said, stopping himself from yelling again.

“I was tired, dad. Tired of trying to live up to your expectations of me. I didn’t plan on leaving, it just happened one day, when Kevin hit me with his car and....”

“WHAT??? YOU WERE HIT BY A CAR????”

Nick still stood beside the bottom step and began to quietly explain the whole story to his father about how he came to know all of these people and how he wound up living in a house with them in Florida.

“I hated living in your shadow....I couldn’t do it..I couldn’t be the person you wanted me to be.....You built this life for me that wasn’t my own and I hated it........ I truly just wanted to die, that’s why I jumped infront of Kevin’s car, but these guys showed me that there is more to life than what I knew. More than what you and mom taught me.”Nick sobbed.

“We taught you everything that a young man needs to know to be successful. Do you honestly think that changing your hair and taking off your glasses is going to change the person who you are destined to be?” his father sneered.

“NO!!!” Nick said, raising his voice, scaring himself. “I mean yes. I mean, I don’t know.... it’s not about clothes or girls. It’s not about anything! It’s just about living my own life. Meg and Nat are Brian and Kevin’s girlfriends, but they are girls and they are my friends and they do live here....and so do! I’m 21 years old...I want to make a life for myself, not live one that you’ve planned out for me,” Nick cried, dropping his eyes down to the floor as he began to fiddle with the side of his shorts. He felt Meg’s comforting hand again.

“Nicholas, look...you can talk all you want about the wisdom you have gained from being here with these...people, but you are a smart boy...too smart to be living like this....you have a brilliant future ahead of you; you can’t just walk away from that. Not after all of our hard work. Now, I’ve listened to you and you’ve said nothing that could convince me to change my mind. Now, for the last time.....GO AND PACK YOUR THINGS!!!”

Nick sat on the stairs, staring at and loathing his father for disrespecting his friends and for embarrassing him and treating him like a child. He watched the _expression change on his fathers face as it turned from ‘Mr.Carter’ into the man that he had been afraid of his entire life. He desperately wanted to stand up and tell his father that he had never been happier in his entire life and that there was no way he was leaving here and going back to his pathetic life in Texas, but he couldn’t, The words were caught in his throat, too scared to pass over his lips. He wanted to be able to stand up like the man he had grown into, but instead he shriveled into the child his father wanted him to be. He sprang to his feet, tears streaming down his face and charged up the stairs yelling “I WON”T LEAVE WITH YOU, NOT NOW , NOT EVER!!!!” And slammed his bedroom door behind him like a little boy who wasn’t getting his own way. His father stood in shock as his only son defied him for the first time in his life. Everyone stood motionless downstairs, awaiting Mr.Carter’s next move. But instead of more screaming he just let out a sigh and ran his hands through his hair.

“Well, I guess that’s that then,” his father finally said cracking a slight smile, breaking the awkward silence. He reached in his pocket and pulled out his car keys and left through the front door without saying another word to anyone.

Nick slammed his bedroom door shut and kicked off his shorts and ripped off his T-shirt. He heard his fathers car pull out of the driveway, but he didn’t feel relief. He had dreaded this day for so many years, the day that he would attempt to stand up to his father. He had always envisioned them having one of those heart-warming chats while sipping on lemonade in the backyard on a hot summer day. He always dreamed that if he could just tell his dad how he truly felt, that his father would understand and support his decisions, but it hadn’t turned out that way. He didn’t feel warm and fuzzy, instead he felt dirty and violated, weak and pathetic. He walked over to his dresser and picked up his comb and smoothed his hair down flat onto his head. He opened the top drawer and dug out his old glasses and slipped them on. He stared into the mirror as his fathers protegé stared back at him. He felt cowardly and meek. He was the image of his fathers perfect son. A son to follow in his old mans footsteps. A son who would do anything for his father. A son who would make his father proud and never disappoint. But he did disappoint, he had to. He looked deep into his teary eyes and could see the look on his mothers face when his father told him that their son wasn’t coming back, that he was lost to them. He could see the heartbreak in her eyes. He looked on as the image he despised so much stared back, an image that had haunted him for over 15 years. Who was he kidding? Maybe his father was right afterall. Maybe he couldn’t escape his true destiny.

He opened the top drawer of his dresser again and pulled out his shaving kit. He slowly rummaged through it until he found what he was looking for. He methodically pulled out the razor blade that he used sometimes on his hair and grasped it tightly in his hand. He stared back up at himself in the mirror as tears streamed down his face. His hands began to shake as he backed away and sat down on the edge of his bed. His hands were trembling terribly as he propped his left wrist over his knee. He held the blade tightly in his right hand and stared at it...mesmerized by the sunshine reflecting off it. His quiet tears had turned to sobs as his hand began to tremble uncontrollably. He tried to steady it over his wrist, but couldn’t. He wiped away the tears quickly with the palm of his right hand and then slowly rubbed the blade back and forth across his left wrist. His hands were trembling, yet his motions were still gentle enough not to pierce the skin.

“DAMN IT! YOUR FATHER’S RIGHT!!!! YOU ARE A FUCKING WEAKLING!!!!!” he mumbled to himself as he continued to sob. “You don’t even have the guts to do THIS right!!!!” And with that he felt the courage to be his own man and he let out a tribal scream. In one quick movement, he slashed the blade across his wrist, drawing a deep cut. Immediately he felt weak and woozy, but he felt no pain as his hot blood ran down his hand and dripped off his finger tips, pooling onto his left foot. He felt light headed as he saw light and then nothing but darkness as he flopped back onto his bed into a state of unconsciousness.

“NICK! MAN!! Are you alright!!” Brian yelled through the bedroom door. “We heard you scream....NICK????” Brian opened Nick’s door a crack to find Nick lying on his bed in a pool of blood, still grasping the razor blade. “OH MY GOD!!!!! GUYS!!! HELP!!! HELP!!!! Nick, what have you done???”

Nick sat staring at the wall in his hospital room with a blank _expression on his face. He sat on the floor in the lotus position as his blood-soaked bandaged wrist throbbed profusely. Their was no bed in this room, no chair, no window, only four padded walls and a windowless door. He had been placed on a 24 hour suicide watch as soon as his wrist had been repaired. He shivered, not from the cold, dank air in the room, but from his loneliness.

Keys inserted into the lock on his door and it swung open. Quiet footsteps approached Nick from behind and eventually, the visitor dropped down onto their knees beside Nick and search for the right words to say.

“Hey buddy, how ya doin’?” Alex’s voice broke out into the air. “I see you’ve gotten yourself into quite a mess.” Alex smiled and waited for Nick to respond, but there was nothing, not even the blink of an eye. Nick continued to stare at the wall in a trance.

“So they tell me that you’ll be outta here in a few hours,” Alex persisted, but there was still nothing. “Nick, I know that you’re hurting right now, but hurting yourself isn’t the answer......you should have come to one of us,” Alex said softly, placing a hand on Nick’s shoulder. Nick was silent. Alex didn’t know what else to say. “I’ve gotta go and make a call, but I’ll see ya real soon, okay Nick? Nick?” Alex shook his head and rose to his feet. He started to leave, but took one last look at Nick over his shoulder. It broke his heart to see him in so much pain. He knocked on the door and the orderly opened it.

“I dunno, he’s in so much pain....it’s like he succeeded. It’s like he’s dead and there’s just a shell of a man left in there,” Alex said to Jamie as her waiting arms embraced him. “I didn’t know what to say to him, but I think I know who does.” He smiled and kissed Jamie quickly on the cheek and pulled his cellphone out of his pocket. “It’s a long shot, but I don’t know what else to do.”

Nick hadn’t moved a muscle in hours, to sit still meant pain and to move meant agony. He had no feeling in his left arm at all now. The throbbing had subsided an hour or so ago, leaving a void. The sound of keys in the lock pierced his ears again followed by the sense of someone entering the room. This time it was different though, it wasn’t footsteps, it was a sound that his ears were unfamiliar with.

“What’s a gorgeous guy like you doin’ in a place like this??” CJ’s charismatic voice filled his room. “Are you trying to steal some of my thunder? I think this group can handle one near-death experience at a time!” she laughed softly and wheeled her chair a little closer to him. She watched him as his pale face stared at the same spot on the wall without flinching. “So tell me what’s so exciting about that piece of wall? WAIT! I know! Don’t tell me! You’ve got X-ray vision and you can see through the wall into the nurses’ showers, RIGHT??? Am I right???” she chuckled again. She watched him and finally saw the reaction she was hoping for. His eyes closed, just for a moment, before opening again and moving to look directly at her. “Are they sexy nurses?” she smiled. “God, I hope they don’t all look like ‘Lunch Lady Doris’!!” she laughed. His eyes brightened and finally a quiver of his lips preceded a faint smile. “It’s good to see ya again, Nicky!!! But if you missed me that much, you shoulda just come and visited me!!! You didn’t need to go to THESE lengths!!” she smiled again, as his eyes dropped to the floor. She watched him as he hung his head, although she wasn’t sure if it was out of embarrassment or shame.

“Do you remember when we first crossed into Florida and we all stopped to watch the sunset? Do you remember what a good time you had explaining all of the stars to Jamie? You were so happy doing that. You were teaching someone the lessons that your father had taught you and yet you were content. Your father may not have done everything right, but he had you and he loves you and in his own twisted way he tries to show it, he’s just not very good at it, I guess. What I’m trying to say is that not everything that your father has taught you is poison. Do you remember New Orleans? Do you remember all of the fun you had there? With Alex and with me?” CJ asked with a devious smile on her face. Nick nodded his head as his eyes filled with tears. “Well whenever you are feeling down or feeling alone or feeling unloved, I want you to think about New Orleans. I want you to remember how much all of us love you, cuz we do y’know, we love you. Your father loves you too, that’s why he tries so hard to make you do the right thing. But he makes you sad and we can’t have that. No one wants a sad Nicky....we want a happy Nicky, full of smiles and laughs, full of pranks and passion. Sadness is beautiful, but loneliness is tragic. Don’t let the loneliness eat you up inside.” she said, stroking his hair. “There is a house full of people who love you, don’t shut them out....don’t shut me out. I know that I haven’t done everything right by you either.......,but I’m always here for you, no matter what.” she tried to smile, but tears burned her eyes. He looked up at her and cracked a faint smile before burying his head in her lap and began to sob, but this time the tears weren’t for his father, they weren’t tears from his pain, they were because for the first time in his life, he felt like he was where he belonged; for the first time, he felt truly loved.

“I don’t know how you did it, but you did a really great thing in there,” Howie smiled as he helped CJ out of Nick’s room just as the doctor went in to check on Nick before releasing him. Nick was standing up and smiling as the pretty, young nurse came in to change his bandage. Brian smiled and pulled Meg close to him as enormous relief washed through his entire body.

“Another close one!” he exclaimed as he kissed her forehead gently. “What’s happening to us? Why are we beginning to fall apart?”

“Don’t you dare start to think that way!!” Nat exclaimed, sounding a little angered. “We’re not even close to falling apart....all of these ‘tests’ are only bringing us closer together and making us stronger....right, baby?” she asked Kevin with a wink.

“We’ve got to be alert and keep our eyes open for weakness.....for signs that trouble is brewing....not just with Nick, but with all of us. Otherwise, there is no point to us staying in this tight-knit group!” Jamie said, looking around the room. Everyone nodded their head in agreement.

“You’re right, Jamie, we’ve got to be wiser to these cries for help and when we do see them, we’ve got to do something about it.....instead of just hoping that they’ll sort themselves out or go away!” Alex stated wisely and smiled, feeling quite proud of himself for his profound remark. “Now, if everything is under control here, I guess I’ll go and hit the links....it’s been ages since I’ve swung a club and it’s starting to get to me!”

“WHAT? That’s it for your concern?? Nice Alex, real nice!” Jamie said as she pulled away from him.

“I’m not just going for fun.....I’m going for a job interview......Golfing is all I know about really.....golf and women! You don’t want me sponging off you forever, do you baby?” he asked with a sly smile as he inched towards her, hovering his lips over hers. She couldn’t take it, he was too alluring to just leave his lips dangling out there on there own. She made her move to press her lips against his, but before she could he pulled away.

“Okay! Well, I’ll see ya later, baby......We’ll finish this later,.....say in the pool!” he yelled and waved as he hit the button for the elevator. She couldn’t help but smile as he offered her a wink. He had promised to make things up to her in the pool before and he sure took his sweet time cashing in on it, but she didn’t mind, she knew that it would be well worth the wait.

“Why all the long faces?” Nick asked in a low voice, forcing a smile as he came out of his hospital room.

“Alex was trying to be funny.....and well ya know how lame that can be??” Brian teased as he jumped up to greet his friend. He hadn’t been so happy to see someone in as long as he could remember. He hugged him, knowing that Nick wouldn’t think that was too cool, but Brian didn’t care. He hugged him and squeezed him tight. Once he pulled away, he patted him briskly on the back.

“I guess we better get you home, so that you can rest,” Meg suggested once Brian had had his moment. Nick frowned.

“Aww, but I’m starved! Can’t we have lunch or something first?” Nick whined.

“Oh, sure, we can stop off at Burger King or something on the way home,” Nat said.

“Well, can you come CJ? You have to!” Nick said, with a little pout and batting his big blue eyes at her.

“I can’t, honey.” she said as she took his hand. “The van’s waiting to take me back to the rehab centre....Howie had to get me special permission to come here,” she smiled kindly. “It’ll be alright....you go and have lunch with these guys and you can come and visit me in a day or so, when you’re feeling 100%.”

“But......” Nick started to pout again.

“Go on Nick! You can do this! I’ll see ya really soon, okay?” she said, kissing the back of his hand gently.

“C’mon Nick, let’s go...it’ll be my treat!” Kevin said as he put his arm on Nick’s shoulder and began to steer him towards the elevator. As they waited for the elevator, Nick looked back to where Howie and CJ were still waiting. He raised the right side of his mouth in a small, weak smile and he lifted his right hand into a feeble wave.

“Thank you, CJ...for everything.....I love you!” he said quickly and turned back around to face the elevator door before she could see him blush, but Nat had seen it and so had Meg. They exchanged glances knowing that more trouble lay ahead, twin-tuition told them so.

“How ‘bout Ruby Tuesday’s?” Kevin asked as he slowed down.

“Sounds great!” Nat smiled. “But isn’t today Wednesday?” She killed herself laughing and flopped back into her seat as Kevin rolled his eyes in the rearview mirror. Kevin parked and everyone piled out of his car. Jamie made a dash for the door with the twins, still giggling, in tow.

“Wait a second,” Nick said quietly to Brian and Kevin as they headed towards the restaurant. “I thought.....well I thought that we’d be doin’ the drive-thru thing,” he said shyly. “I mean, what about this?” he said holding his bandaged wrist out in front of him. “What will people think? Everyone will know what I did.” He began to back away from the restaurant as a look of utter horror graced his beautiful face.

“It’ll be okay, Nick. No one will know,” Brian smiled. “Here....” he said offering Nick his sweatshirt. Nick watched Brian closely as he removed his sweatshirt and held it out for Nick to take. Nick couldn’t believe that he had made a mistake, a big mistake, and that no one turned their back on him. No one was disappointed, infact instead of being disappointed, they were helping him, lending a hand to make things better for him. Even giving him the clothes off their backs. As he stood and looked at Brain’s face as he held out that shirt for him, he didn’t know what to say, it was as if he was breathing life back into his body.

“C’mon man, hurry up and put it on, I’m starved!” Kevin said, trying to help Nick along a little more. Nick smiled and thanked Brian and gingerly pulled on the shirt to try to cover his bandage. Brian turned to follow Kevin into the restaurant when Nick stopped him.

“Hey Brian, if I went in there without this shirt on.....with my bare arms....would you have been embarrassed of me?” Nick asked, the words spilling out quickly, almost tripping over his tongue.

“Of course not man....and if I was....it would have NOTHING to do with your arms.....!!!” Brian teased as he gave Nick a friendly punch in the shoulder and took off at a sprint towards Kevin. Nick’s wide smile leapt onto his face as he began to run to catch up to Brian. Kevin held the door open for them as they sprinted past him.

“Kids,” he smiled and shook his head.

“So whatcha doin’ tomorrow morning, Nat?” Jamie asked as she dipped her bread into her salad dressing. Nat shrugged her shoulders. “Good! Cuz I went ahead and booked some studio time for you tomorrow so that my boss can hear you sing!” Jamie beamed, so completely proud of herself. Meg looked ecstatic, but Nat just dropped her fork and her jaw simultaneously.

“Tomorrow??? As in tomorrow, tomorrow???” Nat freaked. “I can’t be ready by tomorrow???? What will I sing? What will I wear??? Oh, my God! Jamie!! I don’t know what to do? Where to start!!!!”

“That’s why you have me!!! I’m in charge of the talent. I know exactly what to do!” Jamie reassured her. “There’s nothing to worry about...it will be completely informal. You just have to sing like you always do! All you have to do is rest your voice and get a good nites sleep. I’ll pick you up at 8am!” Jamie smiled and patted Nat on the back. “Don’t let her worry about this all nite, okay?” Jamie said to Meg with a wink. They exchanged smiles as Meg watched the fretful _expression on Nat’s face. She agreed to try, although she didn’t know how she was going to do it.

“What’s this about singing?” Kevin asked Nat as they found themselves strangely alone in the condo. Meg and Brian had gone to a movie and Nick was outside gazing up at the stars. “I couldn’t help but eavesdrop on your conversation at lunch today,” he laughed as he stacked the dishes in the dishwasher.

“Jamie made an appointment for me to sing for her label tomorrow!!!” Nat said, starting to freak-out all over again. “Oh, Kevin!!! What will I do? I’m not good enough.!!!! They’re going to hate me for sure!” she whined as she jumped up onto the counter, so that she could pout from a higher elevation.

“Don’t be silly.....they’re gonna love you....just like I do!” he smiled softly and lifted up her chin. “Kevin knows how to make all of your troubles disappear,” he giggled to himself as he pressed his lips softly against hers. “Besides, who could reject this face on her birthday?” Kevin smiled sneakily.

“How did you know it was my birthday tomorrow?” she asked, shocked and a little embarrassed.

“I did a little research,” he answered slyly while planting a soft kiss on the end of her nose.

“You asked Meg, didn’t you? Damn that twin!” she teased and smiled shyly.

“Meg said that you two always enjoyed celebrating your birthdays.....Brian and I have a big thing planned.....”

“What kind of THING?” she questioned, raising an eyebrow.

“A little....uh..party.....at a club. We rented out the back room and Jamie’s invited a bunch of friends. I think that Howie’s even going to try to bring CJ,” he paused and smiled as he searched her face for a reaction. “Meg’s really excited about it.....you’re not going to be a sad little birthday girl are you?” he teased, sticking out his bottom lip into a pout.

“No!” she smiled and dropped her eyes to the counter. Kevin lifted up her chin with his hand and smiled sexily at her and then kissed her gently again. With the touch of his lips, reality was quickly blotted out and forgotten was the impending birthday bash and horrifying audition. She relaxed her body as he ran his hands up along her thighs and then around to her back. He pulled her towards him, to the edge of the counter. She had forgotten how he tasted and how powerless she felt in his embrace. She was defenseless to his advances; nothing but his molding clay.

He slowly untucked her tank top from her shorts and ran his cool hands up her back. Her back arched as she let out a little sigh, which only made him work faster. He found the clasp to her bra and unhooked it. As he continued to kiss her, he smiled to himself, so proud of what a master he had become at the bra clasp. He ran his hands around under her arms to the front where he found her perky bosom waiting for him. He massaged each breast gently before pulling away. He took a step back and in one motion, like a magician, pulled off both bra and top with perfect form. She smiled and moaned again as the cool nite air hit her body.

“Good God, I’ve missed you!” he said as he pulled her into a torrid embrace just as they heard a noise.

“Did you hear something?” Nat asked as she clutched onto Kevin for dear life. Before Kevin could answer, Nick strolled into the kitchen and stopped dead in his tracks.

“Oops!” he said shyly, turning his head away. “Didn’t know you guys were in here!”

“We shouldn’t have been and we won’t be for much longer! Sorry Nick!” Kevin replied as Nat wrapped her legs around Kevin and he carried her upstairs to their room, making sure to shield Nat’s nakedness from Nick’s eyes.

“Poor Nick, we shouldn’t have traumatized him like that so soon after..........y’know....,” Nat whispered in Kevin’s ear as he carried her upstairs. By the time they had left, Nick had forgotten why he had come into the kitchen in the first place. He thought for a moment, trying to remember, but couldn’t. So instead, he ran upstairs and retired to his room as well, which just happened to be next door to Nat and Kevin’s