*_Finding Hope_*

I would have never thought that Alex would leave for a week, head to his cabin, then bring back some girl, whom he says makes him happy. When he got back the first thing he did was come to my house and give me a hug and kiss, while she stood in the background, then he introduced her as his girlfriend. I didn’t know what to think when I heard him say that, so I just smiled at her and then asked Alex how he was feeling. He smiled at me, telling me that he had a wonderful time, and felt a hundred times better, all because of her. I guess a person can change your life a lot, especially when you fall in love, so I suppose I shouldn’t be worried about Alex, I should be happy for him. However, there was something that still bothered me, so I decided to call him up the next day and ask him to come alone.

“Hey Mom, I’m here. What’s going on?” his cheerful voice drifted down the tan hallway as he closed the heavy wood doors behind him.

“Honey I wanted to talk to you about Sarah. Let’s go sit in the living room.” I gesture towards the large living room. He follows my lead, jumps on the couch and looks at me, waiting for me to spit out the words that were on the tip of my tongue. “Are you sure about your feelings for Sarah? You barely know her.”

By his expression on his face, I could tell that he knew this conversation was coming. “Mom, she makes me happy, and that is what is important, right? We have our entire lives to get to know each other better. Plus, it’s not like I’m letting her move in with me. I found her an apartment that is three blocks away, and she is going back to Santa Maria to tie up all the loose ends before she is here to stay.” His voice is so strong and proud as he defends his relationship with this woman he barely knows. I look at his eyes, all the clouds are gone, and they were replaced with a light that seemed to be coming from deep inside him.

“I suppose you’re right. But I would like for you to realize that you have a tour that you need to be preparing for, so you can’t be spending all your time with her. I am proud that you found something to make you happy, but I want you to remember that there is more to life then just your new relationship with Sarah, like coming over here and taking your mother out for dinner sometimes!” I push him slightly as he rolls his eyes; he starts to laugh and looks back at me smiling.

“Is that a hint?” he jokes, “Because I think you need to be a little more straight forward about how you want me to visit you more often, and spoil you rotten with gifts. I know that’s all you want from me! I heard the rumors about how you’re going to make me buy you that silver convertible! Don’t deny it!”

“What? Why would I make you buy me a silver convertible?” I smile innocently. “I want a red one, with leather seats and an automatic starter.”

He laughs again, then stands up and walks over to the window and asks, “Didn’t you see what I drove over here? You can’t have a red convertible!”

I get up and walk to where he is standing. Out the window I see the shinny red convertible that I have always pointed out to him every time we would past the dealer. “Alexander James McLean! You did NOT go and buy my car for yourself!”

“Ummm…..I think I should be going now…..” He starts to walk towards the door pulling out his keys. I follow him, snag his keys from his hand and walk out the door. I open the door to his car and climb inside. “Hey! What do you think you are doing?” He comes running out of the door to find me starting his car.

“Taking my new car for a drive.” I simply say, watching his face light up as he smiles at me. “Would you like to get a ride back to your house?”

“No, what I would like is for you to turn off my car and get out.” He comes to the door of the car ready to take me out of the car if he has to. “Mom, don’t make me remove you from my car.” He jokes.

“You mean MY car. I know you bought it for me; you can’t lie to your mother…. And even if you didn’t get it for me, I am taking it from you, so you are just going to have to buy another one!” I put the car in drive and start to pull out of the driveway.

“MOTHER!” he yells at me as he jumps into the backseat of the moving car. “Who said you could just steal my car?” He climbs into the passenger seat and laughs as I shrug.

“This is really nice, easy to drive. You are so thoughtful, buying such a nice car for your own mother. So am I taking you home, or are you treating me to lunch too?”

“Lunch?! What else do you want from me? You already stole my new car; now you expect me to buy you lunch? I am appalled; I think you should be buying ME lunch! Oh, better yet…. you should turn MY car around, go back home, and make ME a large lunch with all the side dishes!” He pretends to be offended by my last remark.

“No, I can tell how much you want to buy me lunch. Where do you want to go?” I watch him shake his head at me, “ Wait, I know. We can go to the Macaroni Grill, that way I can show off MY new car that you bought me! Sherrie will be very jealous!”

“Sherrie will only know the truth when I tell her how you’re going INSANE! She’ll have to help me pick out a room for you in the Country Homes Nursing Home.” He teases. “I am sure she will be glad to know how I am taking care of you, putting you in such a nice place.”

I’m shocked by his words, so I just look at him and simply say, “I can take your birthday away! I gave it to you and I can take it away just as easy!” He just laughs, and I decide to change the subject. “So have you talked to Kevin since you got home?”

He slowly looks at me with a dark _expression on his face. “Yeah, I called him this morning and apologized for how I was. I don’t think he is very happy though, because he didn’t seem to take me very seriously. He just asked me about Sarah, wanting to know everything.”

“So you think that he is still angry with you?” I look at him as he shrugs. “What did he want to know about Sarah?”

“He wanted to know how I met her, how long I have known her, and how serious I am with her. You know, shit like that.” He looks out at a black sports car passing by. “I don’t know why he is so curious about our relationship, I don’t really believe it is any of his business if I have slept with her or not.”

“Have you?” I ask softly. He looks at me, with a dazed stare on his face.

“Does it matter if I have?” He questions. I can tell that he is uncomfortable with where this conversation is going, but I feel that I need to pursue the answer to the issue. I look at him with that motherly look, and he sighs. “Yes, I have been with her. But I still don’t see why that matters. I’m not in this relationship for the sex. I thought you knew that she makes me happy, and I love her.”

“I don’t know Alex. It’s just…. well…have you ever heard the saying, ‘No one’s going to want to buy the whole ice cream truck, when you give the Popsicles away for free’?” I know the saying sounds stupid, but it is the only way I could think of expressing how I feel about his sexual relationship with this woman he, for that matter, anyone barely knows.

“Mother, do you really think I am like that? That I just go and sleep with a girl then leave after I get what I want?” His words are sharp as he looks at me furiously. “It won’t matter if I wouldn’t have slept with her, because there is something more to it, then just sex!”

“Alex, I just don’t want you to end up hurt, and neither does Kevin! That is why it matters, because I’m worried about you breaking the relationship, I’m worried about her!” I snap back at him. With that he looks away, setback by what I said. “Honey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you like that. I just don’t like the idea of you getting so connected to this woman. How do you know that she isn’t in it for the money or fame of being your girlfriend?”

“She told me herself that she didn’t like the life in the spot light. And her family is well off, I am sure she isn’t in it for my money Mother. Man mom, I’m so glad you are always there to support me in my times of need. I thought you would be the one who would understand how I feel about Sarah, but I guess you’re just as blind as everyone else. I want to go home…take me home.” I wanted to calm him down so I started to say, “Alex, honey…I’m..”

However he interrupts me by retorting, “Just take me home.” Then glares at me and repeats himself, “Take me home.”

I didn’t know what to say to him, because I think I have already said too much. I know he is upset with me, but instead of yelling at me, like he would do to anyone else, he just goes silent, which I find to be more disturbing. I don’t try to talk to him the entire drive back to his house. Instead I try to figure out why he got so defensive about his relationship with Sarah.

When we pull into his driveway, he silently gets out of the vehicle and without looking back, walks into his house. I sit there for a moment, wondering if I should go try to talk to him, but then I remember how he looked at me when he said that I should be the one who understands what he is feeling, and I decide that I better let him cool off for a little bit.