*_Finding Hope_*

Parents always say that the hardest thing to do is let their children grow up. I have to disagree with that statement because I believe that parents don’t ‘let’ their children grow up; their children grow up before their very eyes. I think that the hardest thing for a parent is to let their children fall so that they can learn from their own mistakes. I know this from experience after watching Alex fall down to the lowest point in his life; now I am holding back and watching him learn to stand back up again.

“Hi Mom, when did you get here?” his voice seemed so happy when he came into find me waiting in his room. He was wearing his favorite blue jeans with holes in the knees and a white tee shirt that said “Billabong” in bold letters. He looked comfortable and happy; a whole new person with a bright future.

“Oh, not too long ago.” I smile at him as he walks up to hug me, “I missed you so much, I couldn’t wait any longer to come and see how you are doing. Are you ok? Are they treating you good in here because if they aren’t…you don’t have to stay here, we can always find another place.”

“I’m fine Mom. To tell you the truth…I actually really like it here. Everyone gets along so well, there aren’t any clashes between people and everyone is treated like an equal. It’s really nice.” He looked down at me with his big, chocolate brown eyes and smiled again. “And I missed you more. Did you see all the gifts that I received from fans all over the world?” He motions towards the desk in the corner that is full of presents. “Look at this one is from Australia, isn’t that cool?” He picks up a small teddy bear wearing a cowboy hat and tosses it to me.

“Oh, that’s cute. Where did that big book come from?” I point to a large book with a hand made cover. The cover was a soft blue with leather edging on it and handwritten on it were the words “Love From Around The World”.

“Oh, that’s my favorite thing I got. It’s a book of letters, poems and small stories from fans that people collected from all over the world. I am not sure who really made the cover…I don’t think it really says but some of the poems are really nice.” He picks up the book, opens it and shows me some of the pages.

“Wow, that is really remarkable.” I look once again into his eyes and smile. Just by looking at him, I can tell that he is much happier since the last visit. “Alex, have I told you how proud I am of you? I mean, you have conquered such a difficult battle and came out smiling. I love you so much, you know that right?”

Laughing, he replies, “You tell me that every time you come to see me, however; every time it makes me feel ten times better. Thank you Mom, for everything you have done for me…Oh, that reminds me, I have something to give you.” He turns back to the desk and opens a drawer. He pulls out a large piece of folded paper and hands it to me. “There is an art room that I like to go spend my free time in, so I decided to paint this for you. It’s a picture of everyone that makes me feel happy; just by supporting me and waiting for me.”

Holding back the tears, I opened the large paper to reveal a colorful painting of several different people, with one painted brighter and bigger in the center. As I looked at the painting I recognized whom he painted; Kevin, Brian, Nick and Howie were the smaller people forming a circle, while I was the center person. Each person had wonderful detail, while the rest of the paper was painted with swirls of colors. “Alex, this is beautiful.”

“I worked extra hard on it to make it perfect for you.” His eyes shift from the painting to me and than back to the painting again, “But can you show the rest of the guys? I want them to see it too.” He adds shyly.

“Yes, of course I will. This means so much to me Alex, thank you.” I pull him in for another long embrace. “I’ll show the whole world if you really want me too! It’s so beautiful…I am going to have it framed so that it can hang in my bedroom.”

He laughs at my last statement, making his whole face light up. “Oh mother…you don’t know how good it feels to finally laugh and actually feel the joy throughout my entire body again. I can’t believe how much I have been missing in my life, how lost I have been to have missed all the little things…. the things that make life so great.” As I look into his eyes, I see something that I haven’t seen in a long time…I see wonder and amazement…. joy and love…hope and dreams. His eyes shine brighter then the sun and seem to show every emotion that has overcome him in the last few weeks. When I look in to those eyes, I know that I have my baby boy back.

“ I can’t believe this weather! It is so hot here, how can you stand it?” I jump on the idea of changing the topic. “It feels like it is over one hundred degrees and rising!” I look out the large window that over looks a small park and pond. The pond was overloaded with white ducks, and there were small children feeling them. “But I have to say it is peaceful here.” I quickly add.

He makes a face and simply says, “I miss home. Even thought this place is nice…I think I am ready to sleep in my own bed again.” His gazes down at the pond, his eyes searching for the words he can’t seem to find. “ I wanna come home now, Mom. They say I could a week ago…. but I just didn’t feel ready. But I am ready now…I wanna go today.”

I can’t believe the words that are coming from his mouth, he could come home last week…and he decided to stay longer because he didn’t feel ready? “Honey, are you sure about this? I mean…there isn’t any rush or anything…” He cuts me off with a nod of his head.

“Mom…. I know that I am ready to leave here…I found what I have been looking for. I found hope for my future. I found hope to reach out and grab life by the horns…. but most of all I simply found hope itself.” He sounded so grown up and ready for anything; as I stood there looking at him I realized that he was right, he did find what he was looking for and he succeed to reach out and grasp his hopes and dreams.

“Alright Alex…I’ll help you pack you things.”