I took him by the hand and headed in the direction of the park, down the hill. I must've looked so damned small. I was feeling timid as mice, as I usually do these days. But rather protective of him as well. You know, I don't quite know why that is. But I know that it is. And i'm pretty used to it by now.

He smelled like garlic. Pasta. A myriad of spices. I think I liked these smells better than cologne, the smells that came off of him after he came form the restayraunt. I picked him up, sort of, that night. He wasn't expecting me.

Adrian didn't show up like he usually does. Neither of us knew where he was, and I felt the disappointment in his face as he wallked with me, shoulders slumped. I felt it strongly; it was painful. Whenever I'm around people like Max I have to try to turn myself off because I pick up their emotions, and theirs combined with mine are almost too much. I end up having to go off and hide in a corner somewhere, feeling guilty for deserting the person I was with. Which is almost worse. So that night I just left myself on, let myself feel.

Poor Max. All he did was stare off into the distance with this thoughtful and yet somehow vacant expression on his face, the wind scattering his long brown hair, pushing it this way and that. He never said but a few words anymore. So quiet. But I felt what was in there, and it was so hard even to look at him anymore, because I get caght up in that whirlwind of thoughts, mixing and mixing until they cancel eachother out. So dark in there. So, I don't know. Isolated. I can see he has enough to deal with. And so I let him be silent. I won't force him into things. Like I could anyhow.

So we walked.

(small little girl taking the tall man's hand, the tall man with the vacant stare, leading him about like a child taking a great dane for a walk, but handling him tenderly as if she might somehow bruise him)

The park wasn't too far away when we ran into Adrian. I think Max had just settled into the atmosphere; I know I had, and for the first time in a long time I actually felt safe. Kinda cozy. Though wandering through the streets at 2 in the morning was hardly the time to start feeling safe. I mean, Adrian could have been anyone. Some mugger stepping out from the alley instead of the man about Max's height, dressed in black with thick waivy blonde hair that just reached the bottoms of his earlobes. Adrian.

I looked at the sidewalk, and then back up. Aidrian was holding out a note, written on a scrap of neatly torn white paper, folded in half. I read it.

"im sorry for being late
lets go somewhere."

God. How do I let myself get into situations like this? With Max and Adrian. With Max, it was that he didn't have anything to say, that he was preoccupied with the mess he had to sort out in his head. And I respected that. With Adrian, I never knew what was going on with him, but that a few weeks ago, after Alcie left, they met up in a cafe and, well, something happened. That was around the time when Max stopped talking altogether, and Adrian began communicating in notes. God. I don't know.

We walked down the hill some more. The air was nice and moist and cool, with a light wind blowing about. No one was around. I liked it this way. Adrian walked on the side of me opposite Max, and I felt like the mother of two old and tall children. I wonder when it happened that I was the caretaker. I wonder when it happened that I was the guardian, the communicator, the one who had o occasionally make sure that Max and Adrian didn't go off and lose themselves, Wonder When it started being that I was the responsible one. God, I loved these two. But I needed..well, I needed something. I don't know. I needed to be alone for a while, to comprehend these changes. And I think we all needed Alcie to be back.