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Poemae et Carmenes Usitatae...Current Poetry and Songs



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pulchritudo dormit




"la mer"


and when the day arrives
i'll become the sky
and i'll become the sea

and the sea will come to kiss me
for i am going
home

nothing can stop me now...

-Trent Reznor


all that was is lost




"Lilius"


Tam pulcher,
Sed a me non es.
Exitus felix;
Exitus felix ille numquam videbo.
Vene communica cum me gratias florium tui.
Cor meum metalli non movebis.

Lilius, atm pulcher es.
Quidam solus solitarius non es.

Rosa tactum tenerem meum aegre fert.
Plurimum numquam volui...
(Praecipne tibi non volui...)
Vene communica cum me gratias florium tui.
Cor meum metalli non movebis.

Lilius, tam pulcher es.
Quidam solus solitarius non es.


-Dis Connector 30-07-01


"Lilius (Translation)"


So beautiful,
But, not to me.
A happy ending;
One that I'll never see.
Come share the graces of your petals.
You won't affect my heart of metal.

Lilius, you're so beautiful.
You're not the only one who's alone.

The tender rose resents my touch.
I never wanted very much...
(Especially, not from you...)
Come share the graces of your petals.
You won't affect my heart of metal.

Lilius, you're so beautiful.
You're not the only one who's alone.


-Dis Connector 30-07-01


"Honesty"


I'm just a scared little boy,
Searching desperately for something
Someone...anyone to love.
You said to me the other night,
That I really do need to be loved.
You were correct...

But, every time I think I've found it,
Love plays its trick upon me,
Leaving me void, and without a soul.

Truly, I am in need of love;
I am in need of someone to hold me
Tightly against them.
I need them to remind me that I matter;
That if I were to die,
Someone would care.
Who is this person?


-Dis Connector 17-07-01


"Give"


The bright side of the street is getting colder.
And all the lights all around are getting dimmer.
And all I know is bleak.
(And now, you know I'm weak.)
And everything that I used to feel was negated.
Is this pain the price of being liberated?
And all I want is you.
And all you have to do is...

Give me
Everything
That I've ever wanted.
Give me
Everything
That I've ever needed.

The lights in my eyes is getting darker.
To make it through each day, it gets a little harder.
And now, my heart is cold.
And now, the tale is told.
And the pain that I feel stems from within me.
And even though that I know you cannot hold me,
All I want is you.
And all you have to do is...

Give me
Everything
That I've ever wanted.
Give me
Everything
That I've ever needed.
You'll see
With me
You can complete me.
You'll be,
You'll see,
That we're not empty.


-Dis Connector 28-07-01


"(Untitled)"


Stop!
I never got the chance to say
What I should have said.
(And, if I had, would it have mattered?)
Wait!
There was so much more I had to do,
But, instead, I pissed my time away.
(Or, was it time well-spent, but it just didn't matter?)
The further away I get from you,
The closer I get to being myself.
I'm not the giddy little school girl
Who attached himself to your leg.
I put too much hope in the thought
That you could save me.
What if I was right?

-Dis Connector 18-07-01


"Revelation, or The Realisation of Reality"


I remember sitting in the room,
Talking to you like there was no tomorrow.
At the time, we had a whole year of "no tomorrows" and "great escapes".
At the time, I truly believed that I had found the missing link; the answer to my unspoken prayers.
It seemed as if you and I were in avid agreement.
Are we?

You don't realise how lucky you are.
You have it all at your fingertips,
But, never stop to look around you.
And I realise that I envy you for everything you have that I do not.
Could you have been my security?
Probably...


-Dis Connector 17-07-01


"Tonight, There's No Tomorrow"


I never thought that I would find someone like you;
Someone who could complete me...
Someone who could destroy me...
I never dreamt that I could ever feel like this;
I never knew what hit me...
I'd never felt that feeling.
I never even stopped to ask if this was right;
I didn't care...
I never will...
And after all was said and done, I had to ask you
Was this a random meeting?
Or is this just a fantasy?

And now, the time has come
For me to say goodbye
To all the things I wanted;
To everything I needed.
And finally, when we parted,
I left you with a song:
"Tonight, I will embrace you
As if there's no tomorrow."

"There is no tomorrow."


-Dis Connector 21-08-01


"You Make Me Real"


let's talk about missed opportunites...
"i should've...i would've..."
but, that doesn't matter, now.
'cause, what's the harm in making me a reality?
am i not everything that you could want out of me?
is this a dream or just the harsh reality?
and, all the time, you knew that you were a part of me.

i am terrified of all the things that you make me feel,
but, what hurts the most is that you make it seem so real.
i am petrified by all the things that you make me see,
but, for the first time, there is something real inside of me.

let's talk about missed romances,
and all the things that we might've been.
but, none of that matters, now.
'cause, what's the harm in making me a reality?
am i not everything that i was supposed to be?
am i not still locked away in your cage?
when did i escape?

i am terrified of all the things that you make me feel,
but, what hurts the most is the way you make me feel so real.
i am petrified by the thoughts you allow me to see.
am i not the picture perfect me...


dis connector 17-09-01


"Natural Selection


and, all it took was just one word,
then, the world opened up and swallowed me whole.
(a reflection from a different place.)
and, now I see that every thing you heard
went in, but came out a different hole.
(a reflection of a different face.)
and, every single time i heard your voice,
i looked to you.
and, now that you're faced with an easy choice,
you have no clue what to do.

you have to let me in.
(you have to let me down.)
you have to give me a taste.
you have to give me a sound.
when will it be my turn?
(when will i ever learn?)
i guess it will always be
everyone else in the world, buy me...


dis connector 18-09-01


"Hollow"


and i am left to wonder
about everything i said,
and all the things that fell apart,
and vanished from my head.
i held you up when i was weak,
i left my sould behind,
and, now, for everything i've seen,
i simply stand to remind

that a hollow man
is hard to kill,
but, no harder than he is to cure.
'cause a hollow man is full of will,
and has nothing left to burn.


dis connector 08-10-01


"Push it Down (But, it Comes Back Up...)"


i can never seem to displace
all the thoughts that run
like poison through my head.
and even though that you're always there,
for me, it feels so empty.
and i'm surrounded by those who love me,
but, i still feel alone
because, you can't understand
what any of this means to me.

someone; anyone,
help me to forget myself
before i waste away.
can you; will you
help me escape myself
before i fade away?

push, push, push it all down,
(but, it comes back up to reclaim its position.)
push, push, push it away,
but, it finds its way home.

i can never seem to replace
all these images that i have
of a time when things were fine.
and even though the setting's changed,
for me, there's nothing new.
and i'm surrounded by a world of people
who used to look just like humans.
and every last one of you
are after me; (someone save me).

someone; anyone,
help me to forget myself
before i waste away.
can you; will you
help me escape myself
before i fade away?

push, push, push it all down,
(but, it comes back up to reclaim its position.)
push, push, push it away,
but, it finds its way home.

where can i go
if there's nowhere out there?
who can i turn to
if there's no on out there?
is there a place for me?
is there a world for you?
does this mean a goddamned thing,
or am i right, that there's nothing to you?

someone;anyone,
help me to forget myself
before i waste away.
can you help me
to find an easier way
to get away?


dis connector 09-10-01


"Nothing Compares"


i used to see you
as a superstar.
you were so much greater than
what you were looking for.
beneath the layers,
you were nothing more
than a cheap similacrum
of a fallen star.

and then, i saw a flaw
in the things you'd say.
you were a deep-sixed daemon
in a boring way.
behind the make-up,
you were nothing more
than a cheap reflection
of a dirty whore.

nothing compares to the image
i had built for you.
nothing compares to the people
who were used by you.
i held you up;
i'll jerk you down.
nothing compares
whenever i'm around.

i used to see you
as a big rock star,
with two horns and a halo
worth the fighting for.
behind the image,
you were nothing more
than a cheap reflection
of a junkie whore.

i used to see you
in a big stretch-car.
you'd pretend you had a cause
that you were fighting for.
behind the platform,
you were nothing more
than a cheap reproduction
of a social whore.

nothing compares to the image
i had built for you.
nothing compares to the people
who were used by you.
i held you up;
i'll jerk you down.
nothing compares
whenever i'm around.

and now, i see
what your contrition bore:
it's wearing bright-pink lipstick
from a cornerstore.
behind the clothing,
you are nothing more
than a cheap similacrum
of a processed whore.


dis connector 09-10-01


"How to Fight Emptiness"


there was a time
when this smile was genuine,
and not an empty expression
displayed for the benefit of others.
but, it doesn't matter, anyway.
there was a place
where the world would disappear,
and all my fears
would fade away like some many bad memories.

and then, it was shattered...


dis connector 07-11-01


"Everything or Nothing"


should i give it up?
should i just forget
all the words we spoke
or the time we spent
together?
did it mean to you
all that it meant to me,
or was it all just empty?

(Ooohh...) i should've know...
i should've seen this coming.
(Ooohh...) i should've known
that i couldn't go back, again.
(Ooohh...) i should've known...
i should've seen your resistance.
(Ooohh...)i should've known
that i couldn't go back, again.

you should know that all i hold
is everything or nothing.
you should know that all i'll give
is everything or nothing.

so, what happens, now?
was it all just a dream
or some fucked up faerie tale?
i wish i could forget that i ever loved you...
did it even phase you?
are you capable
of these emotions?

(Ooohh...) i should;ve known...
i should've seen this coming.
(Ooohh...) i should've kept my cool...
i should've stopped developing
a thing for you...


dis connector 18-11-01


"Tu In Memoria Teneo"


if i think back so far
that the me I remember looks like a ghost,
i can remember you.
i remember all the ways you made me feel,
and all the wounds that wouldn't heal.
yes, I remember you.

and i remember all the lies you told,
and i remember how we used to hold,
but, only when you felt that you could deal.
then, i remember all the things you'd say
that you would do, should i not stay.
all, so you'd have a spotlight to steal.

nothing with you was every truly real,
though it was stamped with your authetic seal.
but, now, i understand what that is worth.
and, for all the imaginary worlds you'd create,
mine was the only one you sought to break.
not only to preserve your own, but to render mine empty.

and i remember all the words you'd speak,
and all the ways you made me weak,
and i curse the day when we first met.
though, i remember you as a friend
whose reputation i'd defend,
my heart was all you ever kept.

i can see, now, your shining hair,
and the way that it would dance on air.
in your solitude, how well you slept.
i remember, now, every strain
of your blackened soul's refrain,
and every moment that i wept.

i think i can remember, now,
all that you did to me, and how
you never really got your way.
and locked within a room, i'd sit,
because you never gave a shit,
unless the game was played your way.

i think upon the mass of guilt
on which our relationship was built,
and i try to think of who's to blame.
you, with your endless lies and shame,
or me, with my fruitless bouts for fame.
is there really anyone to name?

and, looking back, now, i can see
exactly what you were to me:
a sad attempt to fill the void.
upon a summer's eve, we met,
and on another, i'll forget
that all we had has been destroyed.

good riddance...


dis connector 20-11-01


| Main Page | Personal Thoughts and Feelings | Friends | Carmena et Poemae Praeteriti | Carmenas et Poemae Secundi | NIN Discography | Movies | cBc 2001 Fall Line |