Happy Hour

Happy Hour

The camera fades in on what appears to be an executive office. Going further inside we see Mr. Happy as he's got a few action figures. A Ken doll is seen lying prone as Barbie is sitting on some stuffy looking books. Panning back slightly we see Mr. Happy with his very own action figure. The camera's mic picks up on Happy as he's playing....)

(Happy)"Barbie, I'm doing this for all the Mr. T dolls and G.I. Joe's that you overlooked! You're nothing more than a prissy little bitch and your boytoy is gonna feel the impact of a BELLYBOMB! AYIEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!"

(Happy lifts up his very own action figure and starts to slam him down on the Ken doll when he looks up and notices the camera on him. Quickly, he brushes aside the toys as he clasps his hands together and smiles nervously.)

"Uhhhh...hi there. And you are...oh wait...lemme see....you're here for the promo and...the door was open? Damn hinges need working on. Oh well, let's get rolling with this. What? You're....you're already on?"

(The camera nods up and down.)

"You weren't rolling just a minute ago were you? You...you didn't see anything did you?"

(The cameraman's voice is heard replying, 'No. I didn't see you playing with your dolls Mr. Happy.')

"Great. For a minute I thought you...nevermind. Greetings to everyone out there in the viewing audience. Tis I, your loquacious Lord and Master extending out warm greetings and nary a cold shoulder. Ya know, as I was sitting back playing with my...I mean, reading these yawny books, a thought crossed my mind. And the thought went something like this: Jack, we need to create a show that will give something back to the great fans that make the EwC what it is today.
For the women, it needs to have men with six-pack abs much like myself, wrestling, and giving them a fantastic booty-mus maximus to look at.
For the men, it needs to have curvaceous cuties that are simply the breast...errr..BEST in the business also with fantastic booty-mus maximi...that's plural ya know...to look at.
Finally, for my fellow clowns out there, there needs to be MOOD BUBBLES!!!! Package all this with the best announcers in the business and surprise celebritiy interviewers and you have a show for those blue-collar wonders out there that make up our magnficient middle class! For you...you, my eight-hour-a-day enigmas....for you, my fourty-hour-a-week phenoms, I give to you....HAPPY HOUR!!!!!!!!!"

(Cameraman)"That was great Mr. Happy! Thanks!"

(Happy)"Hey, no problem."

(Happy then pulls his dolls back out and continues to play, unaware that the camera catches him in the act before the scene finally fades out.)

('Pump Up The Volume' by Marrs plays as a montage of the EwC's superstars are seen in action. Finally the 'Happy Hour' logo is seen across the screen before we see a live cut-to of the arena. Pyros blast as the audience is seen madly cheering. As the camera pans around, we see several large banners hanging down from the rafters to the left and to the right of the ring. To the right, we see banners of Pittsburgh sports legends ranging from Terry Bradshaw, to Willie Stargell, and Mario Lemiuex. To the left we see banners of Pittsburgh wrestling legends ranging from Larry Zbysko, to Shane Douglas, to....Mr. Jack Happy?!?!

Suddenly, "Obsession," by Animotion is played and out emerges....Luscious Lori! Wearing a very short-cut black miniskirt, she strolls down to the ring much to the delight of the crowd. As the camera pans around to some of those seated in the front, we see several of the Steelers legends....Mean Joe Greene, L.C. Greenwood, Jack Ham, and Jack Lambert!!! Even they are seen hooting and hollering as Lori smiles coyly at them before entering the ring. Tapping the mic a couple of times, she then speaks....)

"Welcome everyone to the HappyDome....the house that Jack built here in the grand city of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania!!!!!!"

(Crowd erupts)

"We've got a great show lined up for you this evening. However, I won't be the one telling you about all of this. Instead, let me introduce you to Happy Hour's announcers. The first, standing at six-foot, three inches and weighing 255 pounds....please put your hands together for Suave City, Suavia's very own SUAVIO MEGA!"

("Sharp Dressed Man" by ZZ Top blares over the PA as the Japanese wrestling superstar emerges from the back. This time, the ladies are the ones hootering and hollering as his button-up shirt parts to reveal his incredible physique. Bouncing his pecs around a couple of times just to play to the crowd, he strolls over to the table and puts on a headset.)

"And his partner in commentary-crime, give it up one more time for the man from Systems Management Analytical Resources Technologies or...S.M.A.R.T. for short....he stands an impressive six foot-six inches and weighs 275 pounds...he is the Analytical Annihilator ANSEN SUNDIN!!!!!"

("Cult of Personality" by Living Color blares through the speakers this time as the well-built man parts the curtains. He wears dress slacks and dress shoes. Taking off his sports jacket, he has on a black t-shirt with the acronym S.M.A.R.T. on the front, in white. As we catch the back part of his shirt, there are the words, 'It's as simple as black and white' He takes up his headset and his place by Suavio's side as Lori applauds for both men.)

"Now, if you'll excuse me everyone, I have to go and make sure that the ladies for our first match are primed up for the show. In the meantime, I hope you'll enjoy the dancing of several of the members that help make up The Spanish Fly Honies!"

("Spanish Harlem" begins to play as we see several dancing cages begin to drop from the rafters. As they do we see several INCREDIBLY put together women gyrating to the music. Ansen is seen scribbling something down as Suavio stares on....)

(Suavio)"My first show and it's a pleasure knowing that there is a hint of suavness to the place. Ansen, what are you doing?"

(Ansen)"Well, I was just deriving a statsical measure of my pleasure at the sight of these half-naked women before me."

(Suavio)"Is everything a number to you?"

(Ansen)"Well, I'm seeing the number TWO right now flashing before my eyes repeatedly."

(Suavio)"Hmmm...I see your point."

(Ansen)"I see two of Lovable Lucy's points! And that means that this segment of the show gets a 9.7!"

(Holds up his scorecard.)

(Suavio)"Why only a 9.7"

(Ansen)"As I said before...they're only HALF-naked."

(Suavio)"Ahhhhh....."

(The camera cuts to the back where we see Mr. Jack Happy again! The crowd pops to his presence as he's seen with Skozzy's handlebar in his right hand! Pearly is seen off to his left as it appears Jack is talking to his hyena.)

(Happy)"Pearly, I gotta find Skozzy and make amends for what happened to his bike. I honestly did NOT mean to sit on it. It kinda looked like mine." (Pearly just 'laughs')

(Happy)"Hey, I finished off a six-pack of HappyAde! It could look like that after you had that much to drink! Besides, I didn't see YOU stopping me from hopping on his bike. C'mon, we gotta find the Bonzai champ!"

(Pearly laughs again)

(Happy)"What? Kamikaze? Gseundeheit."

(The duo are seen walking out of their locker room.)

(The camera cuts to another scene. This one has Luscious Lori knocking on Lara's door. As Lara opens up, Lori's demeanor changes to that of...well...a bitch!)

(Lori)"You're up next. So quit trying to make yourself look pretty cause it just ain't gonna work!"

(Lara gives her a go-to-hell look.)

(Lori)"Don't give me that look. You're nothing more than a cheap floozy with no talent, and no taste in men. You've got five minutes till air. Oh, and one other thing. This next match is a DUMPSTER MATCH!"

(The crowd is heard erupting in applause as the show goes to commercial.)

(Several commercials are shown. The final one is a EwC one where several T-Shirts are being offfered to the public. Guy Geyser's 'STRECTCHING OUT' one is shown with the silhouette of Geyser putting the hold on a wrestler. There is also one for Skozzy which reads, 'Dude, Where's My Bike?' Finally, we see one for Jack Happy which reads, 'Damn Clown.' The show then comes back on the air....)

(The camera then shows the dumpster down at ringside before going to the announcer's table. Ansen is seen with a chart on an easel as he's trying to explain something statistical to the crowd before shaking his head in frustration and turning back to the camera. Suavio is seen spraying his mouth with Binaca blast and running a hand through his hair before addressing the camera...)

(Suavio)"This next match is just Suavalicious!"

(Ansen)"I've already come up with several probablities and I look forward to seeing if my forecasted winner prevails."

(Suavio)"So...who'd ya pick?"

(Ansen)"Ahhh...I'm not inclined to say."

("Anything" by U2 plays over the PA as Lara gets a decent pop from the crowd. Suavio watches intently as Ansen begins to feverishly work a calculator. She slides into the ring and waits. Moments later, "Hells Bells" plays over the system as out emerges Alluring Amanda, one half of the tag-team known as The Texas Belles from Hell. She draws some major heat as she mouths off to several fans before taking a sign and tearing it in two. The camera 'fuzzes' out her next gesture, the good 'ol Stone Cold way of saying 'hello' to an opponent.)

(Ansen)"Did you know that in Australia, that's the peace sign and our peace sign is the equivalent of the finger?"

(Suavio)"Ummm...Ansen...did you know that we're not in Austraila and, her gesture clearly wasn't to exhibit peacefulness!"

(Ansen)"Maybe Amanda has some Australian in her gene pool."

(Suavio)"Something tells me she doesn't. But she does show incredible suavability in that cowgirl look!"

(Both girls immediately get in each other's face. After a second or two of staring each other down, they begin to mouth off at each other. Suddenly, Amanda rears back and slaps Lara across the face. The crowd 'ooooo's' to the sound of flesh slapping. Lara snaps her head back and slaps her right back! Amanda returns the favor as the crowd is just eating all of this up. Finally, Lara SPEARS Amanda and the catfight is on!")

(Ansen)"At this point in the broadcast, it is a common rite of passage for me to say what I'm about to in the tone that I need to."

(Suavio)"What's that?"

(Ansen) (In a high pitched tone) "CAAAATTTTTFFIIIIIGGGGGHHHTTTTT!!!!!!!!!"

(Both girls roll around in the ring exchanging head slams in the mat before the ref finally breaks them up. The two turn and look at the ref before slapping him senseless! After flooring him, Amanda gains the upper hand slamming Lara to the mat with a hair pull. She then lays the boots to a prone Lara before taking the time to taunt the crowd up on the second rope. Unbeknownst to her, Lara rises up off the mat and puts Amanda up on her shoulders. Amanda is up high and she's trying to hold on for dear life before Lara drops back and SLAMS Amanda to the mat. As the ref is trying to come to, Lara grabs Amanda by the ankles and slingshoots her right back into the ref! The ref crumples to the mat as Amanda slowly turns back around, having been cushioned by the ref.)

(Suavio)"I wish I was the ref! I wish I was the ref!"

(Ansen)"But he just got completely slammed by Amanda?"

(Suavio)"Precisely."

(As Lara is getting back up, Amanda clotheslines her from behind! The force of the blow turns Lara inside out as she slams to the mat. Amanda scales to the top and hits a legdrop from the top.)

(Ansen)"Did you know that Ron Bass made that move famous? He called that move the 'Trash Compactor.'"

(Suavio)"And that's relevant because?"

(Ansen)"This IS a dumpster match. I mean, if you think about it...it all ADDS UP!"

(Suavio)"Nice tagline."

(Ansen)"Thanks."

(Amanda hooks Lara's leg as the crowd counts to three. Suddenly, Lori runs down to the ring. She opens up both halves of the dumpster and slides under. She then screams at Amanda that there are no pinfalls. She has to throw her into the dumpster. The two lay the boots to her as the ref is still out of it...beginning to stir. Lori goes to the ropes and holds them open for Amanda to lead Lara through and into the dumpster. As Amanda walks Lara over, Lara suddenly ducks behind and dropkicks Amanda! The force sends Amanda flying into Lori as Lori goes into the dumpster! The crowd erupts as Lara pops back to her feet. She pulls Amanda up and then gives her a series of belly-to-back suplexes! Then, she follows it up with the Crab Legs!!!!")

(Suavio)"Hey Ansen!"

(Ansen)"What?"

(Suavio)"Happy Hour has got crabs!!!!!"

(By this time, the ref has finally come to. Cautiously, he goes over and tells Lara that she can't win by submission. Unbeknownst to the ref, Lori has climbed out of the dumpster and is holding down the top rope. Lara heeds the ref's admonissions as she lets the hold go and apologizes to the ref. Noticing Lori, she starts to charge over to Lori. Lori, thinking she's going full speed, drops the top rope down. Lara quickly puts on the brakes and, as Lori stands back up on the apron, greets her with a clothesline that sends her back into the dumpster! Turning around, she notices a charging Amanda and ducks down to backdrop her OVER the top rope and INTO the dumpster as the ref calls for the bell!)

(Suavio)"What a spectacular debut match for Happy Hour! Ansen, did you think that would happen?"

(Ansen)"Lemme check my probablities...hmmm...maybe it's on the other sheet...no..that's not it...let's see where did I put the rest of those probablities?"

(Suavio)"You PROBABLY left them back in the locker room."

(Ansen)"Probably."

(Suavio)"Well, in any event, we've got our special guest celebrity interviewer waiting in the back."

(Ansen)"Well, in that case, let's FIGURE OUT just who it is!"

(The camera cuts to the back where we see....PAMELA ANDERSON LEE! More catcalls can be heard from the male audience as she smiles before turning to speak to....THE PRESIDENT OF THE EwC!!!!!!!)

(Pamela) (Giggling blondly) "Who are you again?"

(Prez)"Young lady, I am the PREZ of the EwC, or Eastern Wrestling Coalition for those that aren't good with abbreviations."

(Pamela)"Ooooohhh. I like abbreviations. My favorite one is S&M."

(Prez)"Why am I not surprised?"

(Pamela) (Completely oblivious to his sarcasm) "Is that real hair or hair in a can?"

(Prez)"Real...what the hell does that mean? Of course it's real. Wanna feel?"

(Pamela feels his hair. As she giggles and says something or another..the cameraman begins to pan down to Pamela's bouncing 'buoys.' Quickly the cameraman pans back up to her face.)

(Pamela)"You mean you don't work for Mr. Happy?" (The cameraman again returns his focus on her 'assets.')

(Prez)"Put that damn camera back on me before you get fired!" (Cameraman turns the lens back up to the Prez.)

(Prez)"Don't talk to me about Happy, the only reason I'm here is because I want everyone to know I still own this fed, and if that son-of-a-bitch steps out of line, I'll be there to take care of it."

(The crowd can be heard booing in the background.)

(Pamela)"Is this show bitchin' or what?"

(Prez) (Looks at a security guard) "What the hell is this woman's deal? She's got the IQ of a rabbit, wait a second..."

(Pamela)"You look kinda cute. If you were like 40 years younger, I'd think about maybe dating one of your sons or something. Hey, are those dentures?"

(Prez)"No, those aren't dentures...but hey, I've got an idea. Why don't you come this way with me....?"

(Pamela)"You're not trying to get into my pants are you?"

(Prez)"I would never, but just out of curiousity how do you get into those pants? They look really tight."

(Pamela)"Oh, that's easy. Lots of sex. Hey, was that Ron Jeremy that just went inside?"

(Completely forgetting what she's doing, she just drops the mic down on the Prez's foot as he starts hopping around in pain. The show cuts to commercial.)

(When the show returns, we see Jack trying to console Lori. Lori is picking garbage out of her hair as her black miniskirt is covered in all kinds of goo and other...'stuff.')

(Jack)"Hey, hon...it's okay. Don't raise such a stink over this."

(Lori) (Cuts him a glance.)

(Jack)"Ya know...you'll always be my beauty queen even if you're feeling in the dumps."

(Lori)"I'm going to take a long, hot bath."

(Jack)"Really? Make it a long one."

(Lori)"What's that supposed to mean?"

(Jack)"I want to join you in the tub after the show."

(Lori) (Smiles) "Oh...okay." (Goes to hug Jack)

(Jack) (Pulls back) "Umm..that's okay hon. Save it for the tub."

(Camera cuts back to the announcers.)

(Suavio)"Wow, we should have a real barn burner up next! Superstar Kurt Johnson faces off against Twizted Pain!"

(Ansen)"I hope it's not a barn burner. Burning barns is still considered arson and that's against the law."

(Suavio)"You don't get out much, do you Ansen?"

(Ansen)"Only when my roll-a-dex says so."

(Suavio)"Riiiiight. Anyways, let's go to the ring!"

("Guns for Hire plays over the P.A. as Kurt Johnson emerges to a decent pop for the Pittsburgh native. He slides in and smirks as he waits for his opponent. "Wait and Bleed" by Slipknot plays, but Twizted Pain doesn't emerge. Kurt goes to the ropes and looks over towards the entrance ramp as he mouths 'What gives?" Suddenly, TP emerges from under the ring.)

(Suavio)"Do you see what this guy is wearing? Where is his sense of fashion?"

(Ansen)"I'm worried more about his sanitary state of mind. I'm sure that the germs are bombarding this arena at a tremendous rate. It's almost like a Chernobyl cloud of infection!"

(Suavio)"No more Ginseng for you."

(TP clubs down Kurt from behind. He then hits Kurt with a reverse full nelson followed up by a ring-shaking powerbomb. He then blatantly chokes Kurt as the ref begins the five count. TP counts along with the ref and breaks the hold, mocking the ref. Going back to Kurt, he then connects with a suplex before scaling up to the top. Much to the surprise of the crowd he nails a BEAUTIFUL Senton Bomb. Kurt writhes in pain.)

(Suavio)"Did the Superstar even prepare for this match?"

(Ansen)"It's obvious he didn't. And he doesn't look like a Superstar to me right now."

(Suavio)"At least he's more fashion conscious."

(Ansen)"His demise is imminent and forthcoming."

(TP goes in and lands a neckbreaker. The crowd is booing big time and begins to chant 'Rip-Off' 'Rip-Off!' as the move is almost identical to the Happy Daze. TP goes for the pin but only gets a 2. He then scales up and misses with a moonsault as the crowd begins to give Kurt mocking cheers.)

(Suavio)"Ouch. Tough crowd."

(Ansen)"Well..according to my reports, that's the first signs of life he has shown tonight!"

(Suavio)"Maybe Clark Kent is giving way to the Super One."

(Kurt begins chaining a series of suplexes together from a belly to belly suplex to a belly to back suplex to..finally..a HUGE samoan drop. He goes for the pin, but TP shows resiliency and presence of mind to get a foot on the ropes. Kurt lifts TP up and lands a fallaway slam much to the..actual delight this time...of the crowd. Kurt then hits another clothesline as Annie is seen quickly going to ringside. As Kurt applies the ankle lock the crowd gets to their feet. As the ref checks on the legitimacy of the hold, Annie 'pushes' the rope foward for TP to grab hold of. Kurt releases the hold and then YANKS Annie up to the apron and winds back to hit her as she tries to break free from his hold of her. As the ref goes to break them up, he doesn't see Annie roll a pair of brass knuckles into the ring.)

(Ansen)"Foul play from Annie. I factored that into this match."

(Suavio)"Cheating can be so passe at times."

(Ansen)"I have to concur with you analysis of the situation."

(The ref manages to stop Kurt from inflicting any damage to Annie. As Kurt turns around....BLAM!!!! He gets blasted by the brass knuckles shot. Pulling a handful of tights unbeknownst to the ref, the ref counts 1...2...3!" )

(Suavio)"Did he have to pull Kurt's tights? It's gotta cost him a fortune at the cleaners to get those wrinkles out."

(Ansen)"Pity. Had Pain hit him with a roll of quarters, he'd have the necessary money to go down to a laundromat and get them out himself."

(Suavio)"...."

(Ansen)"Just an observation."

(The camera cuts to the back where we see walking feet and nothing else. It's not like the feet are spectacular or anything, but there is a chorus of laughter from everyone as the walk is a hurried one and one full of vigor.)

(Suavio)"Ansen, our reporters have told us that there is a former AWA Superstar here tonight!"

(Ansen)"Hey...he's not on our program! What the hell is he doing here?"

(Suavio)"I guess we'll soon find out! But up next.....

(The camera cuts to the back where we see Genocide walking to the ring.)

(Suavio)"...is our main event! Genocide facing off against...."

(The camera cuts to another hallway where we see Skozzy power walking towards the ring, Kamikaze belt wrapped around his waist.)

(Suavio)"....the Kamikaze Champion Skozzy in a no-disqualification match-up for the title! Don't go anywhere folks...we'll be right back!"

(Cut to commercial)

(When the show comes back, the people at home get to see the conclusion of what was keeping the fans entertained. Several of the Spanish Fly Honies were dancing when suddenly they were joined by the former Pittsburgh Steeler players! Jack Lambert and Jack Ham are seen line dancing with two of the lovelies as Mean Joe Greene and L.C. Greenwood are seen doing the Electric Slide with the others. Finally the group breaks up the dance as the crowd erupts to our surprise guest announcer....BRITNEY SPEARS!!!!!!!!!!)

(Suavio)"There is a god...and he likes me!"

(Ansen)"You know many people have questioned if there is a higher power at work or if such a being is just..."

(Suavio)"Ansen, good buddy...could you do me a favor?"

(Ansen)"Sure. What's that?"

(Suavio)"Shut up and drool at that fine piece of womanhood that is before us."

(Ansen)"Huh? Oh....right. I think I'm gonna tabulate my attraction level towards her."

(Suavio)"You go right on ahead and crunch those numbers. I wouldn't mind crunching myself right up against..."

(Ansen)"Remember, this is public television Suavio. They'll bleep you."

(Suavio)"She's gonna speak!"

(Ansen)"See. Told you."

"Thank you everyone. Our next match is for the EwC Kamikaze Title. Introducing first, from New York, New York...please welcome Genocide!"

('Here Comes the Boom' by Vega plays as he comes down to the ring to a mixed reaction from the crowd.)

(Suavio)"Oh great. He's got a cape on."

(Ansen)"Is it fashionable enough for you?"

(Suavio)"Well, it is green."

(Ansen)"Please tell me he's not calling himself a Superstar."

(Suavio)"Nope. He's calling himself a genetical killer."

(Ansen)"If he wrestles as poorly as Kurt Johnson did, the only thing getting killed will be his career."

"And our EwC Kamikaze Champion...hailing from Little Rock, Arkansas.....please put your hands together for Skozzy!"

("Surfacing" by Slipknot is cued as Skozzy doesn't waste any time at all in storming down to the ring. He gets right up in Genocide's face before laying down the title in front of him as if drawing a line in the sand. As Genocide goes to cross it, he's met by a vicious flurry of shots to the head as the ref quickly removes the belt from the ring and calls for the bell. Skozzy continues to press for the advantage as he backs up Genocide into the turnbuckle. As the ref goes to break them up, Skozzy turns around and cheap shots Genocide with a low blow a la Ric Flair.)

(Suavio)"Shades of Ric Flair there."

(Ansen)"How can that person call himself a ref? He definately needs to see an optometrist."

(Suavio)"And I'm gonna need to consult an English major if you keep up with such displays of verbosity!"

(Ansen)"What did you just say?"

(Suavio)"I don't even know what I just said."

(Ansen)"I'm impressed."

(Skozzy picks up Genocide and lands a textbook DDT. Going for the pin he only gets a 1. Whipping him into the ropes, he goes for a clothesline, but Genocide ducks it and comes back off the ropes with a flying headbutt. Both men seem to have been impacted by the move as they are slow to get up. However, as they do, Genocide manages to get up first. He goes for a small package, but only gets a two. Skozzy then rolls foward while still in the small package as the ref counts Genocide's shoulders 1...2...kickout. Both men pop out of the small package and Skozzy is greeted with a boot for his troubles. Genocide shows incredible atheleticism for a big man and sunset flips Skozzy. 1...2...kickout. Skozzy backward rolls and flips Genocide up, pressing down on his legs as the ref counts 1..2..thr...NO! Skozzy quickly puts on a headlock before he's thrown to the ropes. Bouncing off, he ducks a big boot and comes back with a series of kicks as the crowd roars its approval. He jumps over the prone Genocide and bounces off the ropes, runs and jumps over Genocide again to bounce off the other side of the ropes, but when he does, he gets met with a MASSIVE powerslam for his troubles. Lifting up the crumpled form of Skozzy, he throws him into the ropes and then meets him with a crushing shoulderblock. Lifting him up one more time, he connects with a vicious piledriver as the crowd lets out a groan.)

(Suavio)"Genocide is really putting the power moves together."

(Ansen)"If he keeps this up, it won't be long until Skozzy succumbs ."

(Suavio)"Great. Now we get alliteration from you."

(Genocide makes a lazy cover as the ref counts 1...2....2 7/8...KICKOUT! Genocide is furious at this points and argues the count with the referee. He then goes to the outside and unseates Britney Spears! The crowd boos the way he unceremoniously dumps the pop diva as Suavio rises up from his seat.)

(Ansen)"Easy there Suavio."

(Suavio)"He just dumped Britney damnit!"

(Ansen)"Great. This show is gonna make 'The Real World.' That's all I need for my aspiring career in color commentary."

(Suavio)"I'm gonna go and see how she's doing."

(Ansen) (Coughing) *Trying to score* *Trying to score*

(Genocide slides the chair inside the ring and climbs in. Lifting up the still prone Skozzy he whips him into the ropes and picks up the chair as if to swing it at him. Skozzy ducks the slow swing of Genocide and dropkicks the steel chair right in his face. Dragging Genocide into a corner, he puts the chair up to his face and hits a running knee right into his face.)

(Ansen)"Well, folks, right now I'm by my little lonesome as Suavio is 'tending' to Britney off to the right of the camera's view. Hey, I didn't say you could pan there. Pan back! That's better. Anyways, Genocide just got hit with a massive case of 'Confusion' by the champ. Do you know what was running through Genocide's mind when that happened? The chair you imbeciles! Sheesh, do I have to teach you Neanderthals EVERYTHING?"

(Skozzy drapes the steel chair over Genocide and scales the ropes. As he does, the crowd goes wild as chants of 'Holy Shit! Holy Shit!' begin to go out. Skozzy leaps off and does a 360 degree bodysplash connecting on flush with the chair that lies atop Genocide. Both men writhe in pain from the blow as chants of 'EwC! EwC!' begin to go out. The ref begins to adminster the 10 count when suddenly we see a figure running towards the ring. It's...it's....Hardcore Haru?!?!??!")

(Ansen)"You've GOT to be kidding me. That loser is here? He couldn't even make mid-card when he was in the AWA."

(Haru stumbles on his way to the ring, nearly knocking himself silly in the process. The crowd laughs at him as the ref admonishes him and orders him to leave.)

(Ansen)"Truly pathetic. How does he figure into this equation though?"

(Haru slides in and NAILS the ref with his Harabian Facebuster finisher. The crowd begins to boo loudly as Genocide and Skozzy are still trying to get to their feet. Suddenly the Mood Bubbles begin to flow as 'Macho Man' by the Village People begins to play. The crowd stands on their feet as 'Jack is Back!' 'Jack is Back!' chants now ring out. Motorcycle handlebar in hand, Happy walks to the ring as Haru motions for him to step through. As Happy does so, Haru lays the boots to Happy. Trying to throw him into the ropes, Happy reverses it and clownkicks him unconscious for his troubles! Security immediately takes off the motionless body of the AWA-reject as Happy shrugs. Noticing the ref is out Happy looks to the audience and points at the ref shirt. Nodding as if to say 'okay' he puts it on and goes to a far turnbuckle to give the ring to the main eventers as they come to.)

(Ansen)"Now THIS is what the people have come to see! The main event continues with a ref who won't get crumpled so easily and the Invasion quelled, ironically, by an LWA AND EwC superstar."

(Genocide gets to his feet first. However, Skozzy drops down and delivers a NASTY jawbreaker. He then follows it up with a spinning DDT. As he goes for a pin, Happy counts 1...2...kickout. Skozzy goes to argue the count when he realizes that HAPPY has the ref shirt on. They stare down as Skozzy then pushes Happy! Jack warns him as Skozzy does it again! Jack pushes him back and as Skozzy's momentum is going back, Genocide catches him with a full-nelson slam! Genocide covers but only gets a 2 count as HE then tries to get into Happy's face. Happy is quick to wind back with the handlebars. Genocide turns back his attention towards Skozzy, but Skozzy is already up and meets him with a clothesline. He drops an elbow and then another...and then another before lifting him back to his feet. Once he has him up, he bounces off the near ropes and executes a bulldog. Covering he only gets a 2 again. Frustrated, he climbs the ropes. As he goes to deliver a moonsault, Genocide pops up and spears him just as Skozzy is coming down off of the move!)

(Ansen)"Good gawd!"

(Both men lay spent though...thoroughly exhausted from nearly 20 minutes of non-stop action! Happy starts to administer the 10 count. The crowd begins to groan as Happy gets to 9. Suddenly, Happy stops counting to wave at Suavio who is now talking to Britney and doing quite well too oh by the way. (cheesy grin) Looking back over, Happy tries to remember where he left off at and then decides to just start all over again, much to the delight of the crowd. At four, both men groggily make it to their feet, Skozzy somehow making it up first, but gasping for air and holding his ribs. Happy gets in between both him and Genocide to make sure that Skozzy can continue. Seeing the handlebar in Happy's hand infuriates the Kamikaze champion. The two exchange words as Genocide rears back. Skozzy pushes Happy as Happy flips around from the push. As he does, he sees Genocide rushing full speed right into him. Mr. Happy manages to duck down at the last second, causing Genocide to leap over him. As he does, Skozzy catches him and delivers 'The Decision!' crumpling down atop of Genocide as a result of the sore ribs from the vicious spear earlier. Happy counts 1..2...3 and calls for the bell!)

(Ansen)"What a match! What a match! Let me say it one more time for those who like repetition...WHAT A MATCH! And even Suavio might come out a winner as he's really scoring points with Britney Spears!"

(The camera pans around to where Suavio and Britney are seen talking. Suavio then takes Britney's hand and gently kisses it. Britney is then seen writing on a piece of paper. She exits as Suavio clicks his heels to the cheering audience. As the camera pans back up to the ring, we see Happy and Skozzy staring down. Skozzy mouths a few more words to the EwC Hardcore champ before sliding out of the ring, his Kamikaze title in tow. Happy shrugs and, as the Mood Bubbles continue to flow, dances for the audience as the show comes to a close.)