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LEMON, LIME AND EXCUSES

I’ve never been quite sure how come Mother Nature decided we needed both a lemon and a lime. I am glad that at least she gave us a break and made them different colors so we didn’t confuse them. Only I’m not really too concerned all that much about getting confuses either.

Still I guess we do get a choice in that regards so I suppose any time we get a choice that’s good thing. The only problem for me is what the heck are you really suppose to do with a lime anyway? Oh I know that it can work in some drinks like soda pop or ice tea, but so does a lemon.

And of the two, I think the lemon is a little more popular. Not trying to offend any lime lovers out there, but frankly if there was a disaster tomorrow and the poor old lime disappeared off the planet, I wouldn’t freak. To be honest if the lemon bit the dust too, I’d probably not get to upset either.

For me outside of the occasional taste for lemonade I honestly don’t even use lemons as a rule. But I suppose there are some people out there who can’t live without them, just like almost anything else you can imagine.

Regardless of my sentiments on the subject I know the reality is how the moment you think you’ve thought of some item or subject about which most people will care then somebody will make an objection. With my luck there is some secret society of lemon and lime worshippers out there that would get all pissed off if I did try to insist we could get by in the world without either of those items.

Now what does any of that have to do with excuses? Just everything in my book. Because it just points out despite how one person’s opinion is on a given subject and its value that this doesn’t mean everyone else agrees. And that folks comes down to priorities and that to me is at the heart of excuses.

Why? Well think about it. What causes us to need an excuse? Isn’t it most of the time because we need to put one thing off for the sake of another. Like being late. How many times are we late because we got busy doing something else we thought was more important or a bigger priority? A lot in my book.

And the big problem with excuses is that what I see as a priority isn’t the same as somebody else. Like for me being a grimefighter the big priority is trying to get the world as clean as possible. But it doesn’t take long to see how many people don’t worry about it as much as I think they do.

So when it comes to excuses the tough part is respecting somebody else’s idea of a priority no matter how dumb and stupid it seems. Which as with how I don’t see the big deal about lemons or limes doesn’t mean they couldn’t be a priority in somebody else’s book.

That all comes down to one thing for me. Life is full of lemons and limes that somebody thinks are important and sooner or later they will no doubt be the basis for an excuse. It is just a question of whether we want to squeeze the life out of the person for it or are willing to say, “Pass the lemonade.”

SELF DEPLOYED

I’m sure you have heard of the term self-employed. But I doubt as many are familiar with the term self-deployed. For those who are not let me be allowed a chance to enlightened you even if you aren’t sure you want to be enlightened. Just do me a favor and work with me here if you can.

Okay self employed is when you work for yourself. You are your own boss and you decide the important stuff like how much you are to get paid and when and if you should get a raise. That is pretty simple stuff huh?

So what does it mean to be self-deployed? Well to me it is sort of like volunteering to do something important, only the person who decides what is important is you and not somebody else.

Now with some folks if they decide to volunteer they do it with some regular organization that needs volunteers. But a self-deployed dude is one who decides to volunteer to do something even when they don’t ask or in some cases need help. And that can be at times something that isn’t always a good thing.

For example, I’m not sure the police or fire department would always appreciate some self-deployed volunteer showing up during a first class emergency and decided to help out even if they didn’t want such help. Like when the fireman are putting out a fire in some building where it is totally in flames. I doubt they want somebody just rushing into the building and deciding to help when the person just might end up only getting in the way. That kind of being self-deployed is hardly a good thing.

But you know regardless of how silly that might seem and even how stupid it might appear it doesn’t keep some from being a self-deployed dude. They never let reality get in the way of doing what they think is a good thing.

The main reason I got on this subject is because it came up the other day when my buddy and I were involved with our grimefighting activities. And you know super hero work can be difficult and shouldn’t be attempted by anyone who doesn’t at least have some kind of experience to know what to do. Otherwise they could just make things worse. So there we were out there looking at this one possible lair when this guy came up and I don’t know, I guess he thought he was being helpful, but he started asking us all kinds of questions about grimefighting. We tried to be polite, but after a while he got to be kind of a nuisance.

And then when it was time for us to react, well unfortunately the guy decide to try and help us. All I can say is that in the end that turned out to be a disaster. The griminal got away, Otis and I ended up getting some unexpected cuts and bruises from this guy’s interference. In short the whole thing was anything, but a victory for clean.

I mention this as a form of request. If you are prone to the self-deployed thing, please don’t practice it if you happen to see Otis and I out on patrol. I hate to be unkind, but after that experience I am prone to say thank you with my bat. And unless you enjoy that kind of gratitude I would suggest you practice your volunteering elsewhere. As a grimefighter we have enough messes to worry about without adding them from the use of my bat. Here’s hoping that self-deployed isn’t something you end up finding out about the hard way!

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK: "People who complain too much are like the rain. They last too long and are all wet."

LEARNING THE HARD SAY

Do you enjoy taking advice from other people? Well I suppose in some ways that does depend on who is offering the advice. Some people just seem to know what they are talking about and others, well forget it, you can pretty much be sure whatever they say will turn out to be wrong.

The big problem is when we ignore somebody who really does know what they are talking about because something in our brain says not to. Then the person turns out to be right and man do we feel like an idiot.

I call those learning the hard say. Because it is so hard to learn from what a given person has to say when my brain goes stupid with some idea that the person’s advice isn’t worth taking.

Now am I the only person who has this problem? Or am I the only one who is willing to admit it! I do wonder.

So the question might be how do we avoid this problem? Now that can be tough because it could be a big mistake to take everyone’s advice. Yet we still might want to not avoid some real good advice that could help.

I think I’m just going to make a few suggestions then that might or might not help. I’m not offering this as advice. Just a point of sharing in hopes it will help. I figure if I put it that way you might actually read it and who knows honestly find it helpful.

Okay my first thought is to avoid advice from people about stuff they can’t possible have a way to know about. Like trying to take advice on dieting from somebody who needs to loss weight. It is kind of hard to imagine there advice would help that much. They might be experts on something else, but not on dieting.

See that isn’t too hard to understand is it? And I hope it makes sense too. Okay how about another example? You might want to take advice from somebody who is obviously not too good at dealing with reality. Like somebody who wears his underwear on his head and says he spends his spare time on another planet. I think that is a good time not to take too much that person says very seriously. My opinion though, if you want to, suit yourself.

Now beyond that I guess we all are hopefully smart enough to figure stuff out like that without too much help. As for myself though, I confess I’m still learning. I got this hang up as a habit I’m still trying to get over. Namely I like to believe what people say.

I do think I am making progress on that part. I’ve gotten a little better about not believing everything people say.

Like when my buddy Otis tries to convince me there is no such person as the Easter Bunny. I just nod and don’t say much. But I’m not stupid enough to risk pissing off the one who brings chocolate Easter eggs that’s for sure. Good luck folks with the advice department.

UNDER CONDUCTION

I bet you thought I screwed up with that title huh? Well fooled you I used conduction on purpose.

See I’m not as crazy or demented as some might think. True I’m probably just as demented as some might think, but no sense taking their word for it when well, oh shoot, just er, man forget I even said anything.

Whew! I really got myself into corner with that one, but that’s okay it is part of what I was talking about. And hopefully I didn’t drive all of you nuts or turn you off enough that you quit reading.

So let me back up a little here and kind of start over and hopefully you are still reading. The thing is to me conduction is something involving energy where it is being moved from one place through some kind of device like a wire. I bet none of you imagined I even knew that huh?

It just goes to show that I may know a few things that you didn’t imagine I could even know! And that isn’t such a bad deal since it means every once and I while I’m going to actually say something where I do know what I’m talking about. So you will just have to keep coming back and reading to find out when I luck out, er say something that really makes sense to somebody besides me!

Anyway, getting back to this whole conduction thing I got to thinking to myself how energy of the human kind like our desires and moods has to sort of find a way to get moved through something too. It isn’t enough for it just to rattle around inside of us. Something has to get it activated or charged inside of us so we do more than sit on our butts. And I call that thing conduction for people, which can be a very good thing.

Now the thing is I see how so many of us have lots of times when we get an idea or some desire and if we were encouraged we would do something about it. Only instead of somebody acting like a source of conduction, they end up putting water on our idea and short circuiting it out.

Maybe to help get passed that habit we could all try and be a little more inclined to serve as a form of conduction. Because you never know when that one goofy looking dude really has some great energy inside that is just waiting for the right kind of conduction to do more than let it fizzle inside of him.

You have to enjoy the people who are willing to be as source of conduction. They will always be able to help folks get that light bulb in their head to burn real bright.

And I hope you find someone to do that for you. Maybe it happens enough that you get motivated to do it for somebody else too. See that is how conduction really out to work. First you flow energy through it and before you know it you can even add it from other sources. Before long you got all kinds of energy where maybe none existed before. Hope the conduction in your life works for you. Take care and happy letting that light bulb burn!

EASY COME, EASY GO

This is sure easier to say than do. And in particular if you are constipated! Man if the old inner plumbing gets clogged up you can call it a lot of things, but easier ain’t one of them.

Well I know folks who would apply that term to some other stuff I suppose, but I couldn’t help mentioning that part because it was sort of on my mind. Maybe it shouldn’t be, but hey when you insides get all cramped up and you try sitting on the pot and nothing moves, let me tell you there isn’t much else than I can think of at the moment.

And my buddy Otis is like that too. Only with him it isn’t enough for him to deal with those clogged up moments by himself, he makes sure that I know about them too. Which sure don’t make anything easier. So going in that sense is never going to feel like it was easy if you have to work at it so darn hard!

Anyway I’m sure it would be really great in life if we had a way to treat everything as no big deal if it came or went away. I haven’t seen too many people who act that way very often though. Oh they are pretty good at being easy about the coming part. Yeah, that to them is real cool.

Well providing it is something good I suppose. If you are talking something like getting a cold, it might come easy, but we don’t stand up and shout about it do we?

On the other hand if we are talking about something like winning the lottery, man the easier it comes the better. And you can pretty much be sure that people will be shouting about it too!

Course I guess the whole idea here is that if something comes easy, it is more likely to go away easy too. So if that is true then you shouldn’t get too pissed off if it goes away since you didn’t work that hard for it in the first place.

That sounds good at least. But I don’t know too many people who view it that way. Once they got something, they expect to hold onto to it. They never just shrug and treat it as no big deal if it goes away.

I should say though I do know one dude who is able to treat stuff like that. It is STINK’s ninety-four year old janitor, Ramy Jarvis. Nothing ever seems to bother him much, even the constipation part. Amazing huh?

But I think the main reason for that is because at his age he just considers himself lucky to have another day. So he doesn’t let most stuff get too him and if it comes it comes and if it goes away, it goes away.

That’s what he says at least. But let me tell that he does get a little bent out of shape if you are talking about somebody taking away his hot chocolate. Oh he doesn’t through a fit or anything, but I wouldn’t suggest if you took his hot chocolate you turned your back on him when he was holding a broom.

Still I got to admire him for his basic lay back attitude. And maybe we can all learn from his view. Being grateful just to have another day does sort of make easy come, easy go more a thing we can accept for ourselves. (Guess when it comes to the constipation part though I’ll have to work on it a bit!)

TAKE OUT AND VOTING

Now I imagine most people wouldn’t be smart enough or think about stuff enough to ever link those two things together. But I never let something like that keep me from giving it my best shot.

And let me start by saying that I know voting isn’t something we do as much as take out since we can vote all the time and we can pretty much do take all any time. But that doesn’t mean the two aren’t related. So let me prove it to you. Well I’ll take a shot at it at least.

First of all, both at things you do by choice. No buddy is sitting there with a gun saying you have to vote or eat take out. So see they are more related than you might have expected.

But I think the main thing they both have in common is anticipation. See whenever I order something like Chinese food, pizza or chicken by telephone the drive over to the take out place is so consumed with thinking about eating. And then on the way home it is even worse because I can smell the stuff and man that really gets my mouth watering.

For me voting is a like that. On the way to the voting place I spend it thinking about whom I am going to vote for. I sit in anticipation that they will get elected and then do all the cool stuff they promised. Then afterwards on the way home I’m thinking the same thing only it is worse because I can’t wait to turn on the television to find out the returns and if they one.

Now the main thing is, with both experiences there is ultimately a bill that has to be paid. It is sort of like I’m paying for the anticipation, which is okay I guess, but I wouldn’t mind if they were free for a change.

With take out, the bill comes right away. And you do end up with having something good to eat afterwards, which is a good deal.

But with elections it is different. The bill comes later in the form of taxes. And you never know how much that is going to be upfront when you vote for someone. Gee I wonder what would happen if politicians had to use a menu with the price of taxes they were going to charge after getting elected? Just a thought I suppose, but it might be interesting huh?

As for the food part. Well with take out you pretty much know what it is going to taste like. If you buy pizza, you know it will taste like pizza and not Chinese food. So it is pretty dependable.

The problem with voting is the meal of promises they serve up while running for office may not be the same as the one they actually cook once elected. I think sometimes they may not be quite as familiar with the government “kitchen” as they like us to believe.

And then only later we get served what they really did cook up. Hopefully it will have lots of frosting to help the taste. But with politicians too often they seem more interested to serving up a lot of baloney covered in crap. (That’s my buddy Otis’ observation.) Here’s hoping at least that whatever you end up with to eat is something you can swallow!

OF CURES AND SIRS

Well I want to tell you I was sick the other day and that I was going to die. I guess I’m grateful now that I didn’t, but at the time I sure didn’t feel that way.

I think what happen is I ate something that didn’t agree with me. But the good news is that I did learn one thing from the experience. Next time I will not take some waitress’s word for it when she claims the little black things that were moving in my food were dancing raisins that’s for darn sure.

Anyway about three hours later man I got so sick I was sure I was a gonner. And my buddy Otis decided to take me to the hospital to be safe. Which was a good thing I suppose. I mean I did get better eventually, but let me tell you at the time I sure didn’t like the idea.

So there we were sitting in the hospital with me holding my stomach and begging for somebody to put me out of my misery. At the time I was feeling so bad I don’t think I would have turned down any option.

Otis was sitting next to me when he had to get up and take the insurance papers he filled out over to the admittance desk. So that left me sitting there, groaning and wishing for some cure, any cure as long as it stopped my tummy from burning.

That was when this dude sat down next to me. I had no idea who we was, but he sure seemed concerned about my being so sick. And he even offered to help.

The thing is he was sort of geeky looking. So normally I would hardly be all that keen about listening to his idea. Not that I’m saying all geeky looking guys are stupid or anything, it is just one of those reactions I get from the ones I have to deal with at STINK.

At that moment though I would have gladly called him sir or whatever if he had some good way of ending my problem. And he claimed he did have a cure.

It was kind of a weird one though. Since I was feeling so bad I didn’t quite catch every word he said, but from what I gather it involved me letting him cut me open with a knife and then stuff me with a life chicken. Or something along those lines. Like I said it was just too strange for me to agree. So I just tried to be polite and not throw up on the guy for being good enough to even worry about my condition.

Not too much later, Otis came back and brought a nurse with him. She took me to a place to lay down and then a little while later a doctor came along. They gave me a few tests and some medicine and in a little while I was doing a lot better.

And what was really nice is that the nurse didn’t even get upset at me for calling her sir. I was so out of it from being sick that after talking to that one dude I was calling everyone sir.

Guess I’m really glad to be over that sickness. Not sure what kind of sickness that weird guy had, but it apparently had something to do with having some kind of body that was bent too much because I heard Otis talking to the nurse who said the guy had to be fitted with a straight jacket.

In any case, I think I learned my lesson in terms of eating out. And next time I’ll be more picky and be sure I don’t decide to eat at some place where I see an ambulance pulling away from the front entrance when I get there.

ON THE REBOUND

Rebounding is one of those basketball things as far as I know. But the other day I heard a guy talking about a friend of his that I also know being on the rebound and from the way he was talking it sure didn’t sound like he was discussing a basketball game.

Well I can’t say it for sure, but the thing is it had something to do with this guy and his girl friend or I guess somebody who used to be his girl friend and then some other girl who was now his girl friend. Anyway from what I gathered they met while he was rebounding. Which I guess is as good a time as any to meet a girl because I suppose they do like athletes.

Only the strange thing to me is the guy that he was talking about sure doesn’t impress me as an athlete, let alone a basketball player. I mean we are talking about a guy who is short and real out of shape. I always figured that basketball players were really tall.

And given he is all that out of shape frankly it does make me wonder if he could even manage to do any rebounding what kind of gal would be that impressed by his effort. I don’t mean to be unkind hear, but honestly it sure seems like one of them has got some kind of problem of some kind if dating ends up in one short overweight dude trying to impress some gal by doing something that might give him a heart attack.

The only thing I can think is that perhaps it is part of some dating service requirement. Perhaps it was even their idea. You know maybe they took a look at the guy and said, “hey buddy if you expect us to help you then you need to do this.” It was probably the guy’s luck that he picked some dating service run by a person who was a basketball addict. But then I suppose it works for him and that is what counts.

Now the only weird thing that didn’t make sense about this is why did he have to take out the trash during all of this? I say that because the first pal I mentioned that he was on the rebound after being dumped by that first girl friend. Shoot I guess it was up to him, but I would think that if that girl worked for the dump it might have been kind of tough for them to have a good time when she wasn’t working.

Heck the dump is a cool place I suppose, but it sure don’t smell that great. And what kind of nose would you have after spending all day working at a dump. Plus I do wonder you know what kind of job would you even have at some dump? It ain’t like the garbage should need much care as far as I can tell.

But heck after spending all day there would your nose really be ready to smell something good like flowers if the guy brought her some. So maybe you know what happened was that because flowers didn’t impress her that much with her smeller on the fritz then he got desperate to do something cool and took up this rebounding thing. Why he would think that was cool I have no idea, but I guess it worked for him. Well apparently not real well though since eventually she didn’t stay his girl friend.

And then I guess the dude must have let it slip out to the dating service guy how he had tried this rebounding deal. Then one thing lead to another and the next thing you know he’s stuck on some basketball court for god knows how long trying to hope to luck out and find a new girl friend.

Man all I can say is that sure is a lot of hassle just to try your hand at dating. Personally if it is that hard I think I’ll pass. And not pass like the dude on the basketball course or this other dude I heard of that was passing kidney stones. Not sure who would want you to pass them a stone shaped like a kidney, but I suppose is makes as much sense as anything else in this crazy world.

Life sure can be interesting at times I suppose. But the great thing is at least it doesn’t have to be interesting in the same way for all of us! And that is the best news I can think of.