Eating Disorder Poetry Page
Welcome to my eating disorder poetry page. All of these poems were written by me about my eating disorder or my feeling surrounding it. So brace yourself....this could get ugly!!
Looking in the mirror
My biggest enemy
Fat all over my body
Is all I see
I have to lose fifty pounds
I want to look like a skeleton
But I am so far from that
Cause I weigh at least a ton
Puffed wheat has forty calories
Puffed rice has fifty
That's all I'll eat
Just wait and see
I lost ten pounds
I still look the same
I started to eat
That's when the weight gain came
Worshipping the porcelain god
Reflections of me
Floating in the toilet water
A fat face is what I see
Stick my finger down my throat
To release the gulit I feel
Looking back at me
My fifty calorie meal
Looking in the mirror
I still look the same
I can't stop until I win
I have to play this game
Stepping on the scale
Praying I lost weight
The number that the scale tells me
Determines my fate
I lost five pounds
Only twenty more to go
I promise I'll stop then
But you don't think so
Do aerobics at 5:00am
Then at one and eight
Desparately trying to get rid of
This fat body that I hate
Breakfast I don't eat
Lunch a piece of bread
Dinner I'll feed the toilet monster
Tomorrow's meals I dread
I ate seven meals this week
But I didn't keep them down
Step on the scale again
I lost ten more pounds
Counting fat and calories
In everything I eat
I can't go over my limit
This goal I have to meet
Four hours of aerobics a day
Won't stop until I fall
But there is nothing to worry about
I have control over it all
I'm sick of people worrying about me
Thinking that I'll die
Because everything is under control
I wish they would not cry
I reached my goal weight
But I can lose some more
My mom is getting terrified
I don't know what for
Everything is under control
Everything is fine
But everyone I talk to
They just say I'm lying
I swear I'm okay
I really am fine
But today my doctor told me
I am slowly dying
Why doesn't he believe me
I really am okay
I really have control
At least it started out that way
Hollow eyes
Cold skin
Sunken cheeks
Paper thin
Hair all over
That just sort of grew
Shoulder blades
Poking through
Boney arms
Brittle nails
Poor little girl
Looks so frail
Count all her ribs
From front and back
All so fragile
Easy to crack
Thighs do not meet
Knobs for knees
Trying to starve
No calories
Cannot walk
So faint so weak
Cannot eat
The outlook is bleak
So close to her goal
She's almost there
Now invisible
Lighter than air
Perfect little girl
No emotions can she show
Like a puppet pulled by strings
No room to grow
Not a flaw you can see
But the inner scars are there
Behind her controlled mask
Her pain she cannot share
Just a little girl
Hidden behind a wall
She wants to cry
But no tears can fall
She must be perfect
She must be thin
Fat is failure
And she must win
Perfection will lead to death
Lost in her anorexic mind
Cannot escape
She is falling behind
Mirror mirror on the wall
Am I short or am I tall
I'm not sure anymore
What is really me
Am I fat or am I thin
Can you see the pain within
Is my mask still on all right
I can't see accurately
Am I ugly or am I fine
Is this reflection really mine
Every time I look
A different person I see
So mirror mirror please do tell
I want the truth....am I well
Or am I weak am I worn
What is truly me
You stare
And sometimes glare
At my preadolescent body
Looking deep into my soul
This blackened hole
I try to hide
Behind my disguise
All of the lies
I have been living
Some can see
The real me
Lost and confused
My broken heart
Ripped apart
Never will mend
Forgotten how to cry
Wishing to die
Peeling off layers
Of my skin
Oh it's so cold
I'm so exposed
Please don't take
This shield away
I'm not ready to give it up
It is who I am
Oh it hurts so bad
Feels like I am bleeding to death
So empty so bare
Without this I am nothing
Without it I will die
Little Katey
Turn to dust
It's not a wish
It's a must
You cannot eat
Not even crust
You must not cry
Or your mask will rust
Wasting away
With no one to trust
About to vanish
It's death you lust
A wind blows in
With a gust
And blows you away
Just a pile of dust
Stepping up to my cold metal god
Backwards is a paper gown
Look straight ahead she says
The war begins
higher - click
higher - click
or is it going lower
Straining to hear which way my fate will turn
Trying to calculate my self worth
One last click
She balances it out
and slides it back to zero
The perfect weight
This is my world
It's a lost world but it's mine
Easy for me to find
When I look in the mirror
It sucks me in
And draws me close
Holding me captive for hours
I am now unreachable
In my private hell
Frozen stare
Critical glare
I wouldn't dare
Look away
Lost in the mirror
Gasping in fear
Shedding tears
I'm gonna pay
What do I see
This couldn't be me
How could it be
That I look this way
I wish someone could see me
There is a me that they think they see
But that is not the real me
I don't know what is real
Certainately I am not
The me that was once real has died
And left this me in place
But this is not the me I want others to see
Surrounded by hunger
But cannot eat
Take a cup of air
And drink
Devouring my skin
As I waste away
THE OTHER SIDE OF THE MIRROR
Her eyes have lost their sparkle
She stares blankly at me
The person in front of me
Mimics my actions
Where I run my hand over fat
She runs her hand over bone
Little patches on her scalp are bald
From where hair has fallen out
Her skin in blue-purple-yellowish
We stare at each other for hours
Gosh she looks so ill
That poor girl needs help
She shows the truth where I show lies
I say...Look closer
Do you notice anything unusual
She stares blankly at me without reply
You don't look like yourself
Doing my personal little limbo
How low should I go
I promise only a bit lower
But when I accomplish that
I go lower
and lower
and lower
How low can I go
Before I fall and die
Thorn bushes growing
choking out what little life exists
on this path
taking out its wrath
on whomever dares to tread
this path of the dead
It all looks strangely familiar
every conversation the same lies
every person sees the same disguise
this china doll face
without a trace
of what lies inside
Welcome to my show
I'm dying
All these laws I must obey
Although impossible to follow
I'm hopelessly addicted
Oh no here we go again
To never never land
I'm falling behind
Hidden behind walls
Gotta move faster
Gotta break free
Stuck in neutral - lingering
Between heaven and hell
Everything's a blur
Focus
Focus of the mirror
Self image being destroyed
Lost in my own little world
And slipping by unnoticed
Chanting
I am not alive
I am not alive
As if chanting it will make it so
I see a girl who hopes to be thin
She strives to win when there isn't a prize
She thinks no one sees the lies
She just has to be really really thin
Convinced she will reach her goal
Until it is just her soul that remains
She knows she can die
She believes she will in a matter of time
I see a girl who will die to be thin
Whenever I look in the mirror
I've got this funny feeling
Could this be insanity
Or is this what my mind does to me
In starvation
I feel so alive so sharp
So how can I be dying
I have no fears
I have no tears
I flirt with the possible end
While I just pretend
That I'm actually enjoying life
The end
So final - no loose strings
The pain life brings
Would be gone
Only a memory
Like me
Conversations with a mirror
They happen frequently around here
As if it contains another world
Thinness my passort
Step through the looking glass dear
Are things fuzzy or are they clear
Images distorted reflecting lies
One more Eating Disorder poem/storyClick here to go back to Katey's Korner
All poems Copyright 
2002 by Katey Ratz. Must contact author to obtain permission to use.
Email: kateykat626@yahoo.com
