Things you must accomplish to know me

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First, you must be arrested for verbally, yet sexually harassing a cop. You must plead guilty and will be sent to jail. While in jail you must have sex with... (okay, maybe not. That may be a little too freaky). You must then escape jail and, with hand cuffs on, swim to Paris where you will climb the Eiffel Tower singing "Yankee Doodle Dandee" and wearing, if you are a man, a bikini, and if you are a woman, you must wear boxers (and nothing else).

Now you must create a new internet browser program. This will take you years of hard work and non- stop labor. When (if) you meet me, you must bring the only copy of the creation on a disc where I will destroy it and laugh at you.

By the time you meet me, you must also have done all of the following:

	been president or leader of a country
	become a nation- wide known celebrity for acting, singing, playing guitar, drumming, and being an athlete.
	drunk 21 Sunkists in the span of 5 minutes, 8 times a week for 3 years.
	become a millionaire, billionaire, trillionaire, quadrillionaire, and thousand- aire, all in different periods where in between you will be a poor hobo that will live on the streets of Newark with pet rats.
	been mentioned in the Guinness Book of World Records for at least 18 different disgusting achievements.
	been able to able to swallow a light bulb, broken or whole.
	and... yeah, I know, I'm just starting to ramble, but you must do one more thing: you must have pet a baby seal.