Written by Czar Fruitcake
SUMMARY: Paris gets hers for that horrid college interview. Who DOES that? Parody alert.
Paris Gellar was finally ready to leave her house, but she wasn’t quite through castigating herself for the interview from Hades.
She knocked on the Gilmore front door, and Rory answered it, trying to tie one shoe at the same time.
“Paris,” she said. “How are you feeling?”
Paris shrugged. “I’m out, aren’t I? If you can call this town ‘out.’”
Lorelai grinned wryly in the kitchen, her hand tingling with the desire to smack Paris. She shook her head to clear it from thoughts of THWACKing.
“So. What are you doing?” Paris asked Rory, talking quickly and with no softness in her tone.
Rory finished putting her shoes on. “Getting ready to go out with Jess,” Rory said.
At the mention of Jess’s name, Lorelai could have sworn her hand throbbed with the desire to THWACK.
Rory noticed that Paris had a death grip on something in her hands.
“What’s that?” she asked, and recognizing the tape, she sighed. “The tape of your Harvard interview? Again?”
“I really think I pinpointed the spot where my dreams and my future went to that place where Gorbachov is still in power and college campuses are conservative,” Paris commented.
“I don’t have time to watch it,” Rory said.
“I’ll watch it,” Lorelai commented. Rory came into the kitchen and shot her mother a warning look.
Lor batted her eyelashes. “I’m just as innocent as a powder puff,” she said, her voice suddenly taking on a Southern accent.
Rory gave her mother a stern look. “Be good,” she said.
Ten minutes later, Rory was gone, and Lorelai and Paris were watching the tape. When Paris-on-the-tape started screaming at the interviewer, Lorelai let out a deep breath.
“Whoa there, skippy,” she said.
“You haven’t seen the worst part,” Paris muttered.
Lorelai turned her attention back to the screen. On screen, Paris had begun to gnaw on the admissions officer’s elbow. He looked at her a bit uncomfortably.
“Um, Miss Gellar,” he said.
A tormented look came across Paris’s face, as if she were thinking: MUST NOT GNAW ON ELBOW, but the next instant, she’d worked her way up to his upper arm.
Lorelai turned to Paris, and she couldn’t help herself. THWACK! She smacked Paris upside her head.
“Hey!” Paris yelled.
Lorelai, satisfied and yet horrified, gestured toward the television. “You gnawed on his arm,” she said.
Paris rubbed the side of her head. “Yeah,” she said finally. “I guess I did. And now I’ll never go to Harvard. Harvard. Oh Harvard, how I loved thee…”
THWACK! Before she could think about it, Lorelai’s hand smacked Paris upside the head again.
“Harvard-obsessed-bi-polar-untrusting-competitive-book-smart-told-the-world-about-your-loss-of-virginity-can’t-take-no-for-an-answer-fatalistic nitwit,” Lorelai said in one breath.
Paris looked at her. Awed. Such was the power of the THWACK.
TBC… anyone is fair game, even Paris, again… REVIEW!